A/N: Another part up! My thanks go out to Alice, my dear friend and fellow Fire Emblem fan, for the long e-mail she sent me about her conspiracy theory about Prideri from Aimee's story really being Duke Oliver under an alias. Who knows, maybe she's on to something there... we'll just have to wait and see. As for now, let's return to Soren!
3. The Ones We Suffer For (in which Soren is threatened, Elincia flirts, and emotions run high)
I hate Stefan, Soren thinks to himself as he tries to listen to Ike and Titania as they recap the success of their last battle. I really, really, really hate Stefan.
Finding out that he is a filthy Branded was one thing. At least with that particular piece of information he could devise a strategy on how best to keep it hidden from those who would be most insulted by it. But this... all of these new emotions that have arisen him thanks to Stefan's low little taunt he has no idea how to handle, even with all his legendary tactical genius on his side.
Well, well, well. What to make of that? You've got a crush on the commander, don't you?
The fact is, Soren doesn't know the first thing about love. Children are supposed to learn that emotion from their parents and families, but as Soren had no one to affirm him or treat him with affection when he was a child, he isn't quite sure he has a firm grasp on the concept. He assumes that the unconditional devotion and loyalty he feels for Ike is a form of love, though perhaps not the sort most normal people experience. Of this kind of love he is not concerned, however; loyalty, unwavering friendship, and respect were not at all what Stefan was accusing him of. His real concern over these past few weeks of marching from Begnion to Daein has been the prospect of romantic love, and the chance that, if Stefan is at all to be believed, he is currently experiencing it with Ike.
At first, the idea seemed ridiculous. Love, in Soren's estimation, is no more than blinding human emotion that he is above feeling, much like hunger or nostalgia. And Ike! As if Ike, a hulking mass of muscles and unassuming charisma, would ever be interested in him, cynical, sour little Soren! To even hope for such a thing is out of the question. Soren knows better than to fight battles he knows he cannot win, so he somewhat doubts that his heart would make the tactical mistake of wanting a prize it would never be granted.
However, he does wonder. He has had all the time in the world to wonder thanks to the endless marching across dull and frigid Daein, and he has not come to a satisfactory answer in regards to Stefan's accusation. Despite the fact that he feels himself too smart to fall in love, he's beginning to notice things that he has been feeling for some time but has never before realized. Like, for example, the fact that he is ten times edgier than normal when he sees Aimee or especially Elincia speaking with Ike and quite obviously trying to flirt with him. Or that he feels calmest when Ike is nearby to temper his moods. Or that he cannot deny to himself, no matter how many times he tries, that Ike is probably the most attractive person he has ever had the pleasure of looking at, which is certainly saying something considering he is acquainted with both heron siblings and Ranulf of Gallia.
Even now as he sits in a meeting with Ike and Titania his miserable confusion and curiosity hounds him, and all he can do is stare at Ike in rapt bewilderment, wondering why he cannot look away and whether this means his new-found interest is real or just his imagination playing foul tricks on him to make him feel more upended than he already is by being a Branded. All of this turmoil he pins directly on Stefan for being hateful enough to draw his attention to it, because he sincerely doubts he would even be thinking about Ike's muscles or, goddess forbid, his extremely nice lips if not for the swordmaster's rude interference.
Damn Stefan, Soren curses to himself, resisting the urge to smack himself in the face for his lack of attention. Damn, damn, damn him!
"Soren, you've been strangely silent," Titania finally says after she and Ike run out of comments about the battle. "How do you think we should move forward?"
"Hmm? Oh! I..." He blinks for a moment, trying to remember the details of their latest skirmish. "I... I think the enemy knew we were coming. Which is not good, because it means someone in our group is leaking information to them. Someone possibly working as a double agent for Daein."
Titania frowns. "Daein? Who amongst us would have interests in Daein? Jill and Sothe are the only two that live there, and neither of them can be guilty. The stable master would have alerted us right away if Jill was slipping out at night on her wyvern, and there's no way Sothe is doing any sneaking around while sharing a tent with someone as nosy as Tormod. I can't imagine who would possibly betray us."
"All the same, we should be incredibly careful from here on out," Ike remarks. "Soren is right. The enemy definitely knew we were coming, and tried to use that information to get the upper hand over us. I don't suppose you have any theories on who the informant could be, Soren?"
As a matter of fact, Soren does have a fairly good idea as to who is trying to double deal them, but all the same, he does not want to go off shouting accusations without confronting his suspect first. Ike trusts Nasir at this point, and he probably isn't going to believe Soren's claims without some solid proof. In any case, Soren has a feeling that Nasir will think twice about spilling more information across enemy lines if he is aware of the fact that he's under suspicion, especially considering the fact that he is laguz and the people he is trying to betray them to are the biggest laguz haters on the continent. Soren is trying to remain fairly optimistic about that whole situation, though he knows if something isn't done about it soon, it could quickly escalate out of control.
"Suffice it to say that I will be monitoring the situation very carefully as we progress through Daein," Soren says finally. "We can't afford to have much more of these large scale attacks launched on us here without further turning the people against us."
"I agree with you there. We've got no grief with the Daeins themselves, just their government. We should be sure to keep damages to the towns and cities here to a bare minimum."
"Hm. I guess I'll keep my eyes open, though I don't like to suspect anyone of any wrong doing," Titania murmurs thoughtfully. "Anything else to add, Soren?"
"That about covers it. I've already taken care of supplies with Muston and the others, so we should be prepared to continue our march to Nevassa."
"All right, then." Ike stands up and stretches languidly like a cat. "I'm going to get something to eat. Either of you want to join me?"
"I'll come," Titania volunteers.
Soren shrugs. "I might in a few minutes. I need to talk to someone first."
"Stefan?" Ike asks with a frown.
"What? Absolutely not!"
"Just wondering. I thought you guys might be friends or something."
"You thought very, very incorrectly."
"It's just that you don't go out of your way to speak with people you don't like, and you two were talking the other week..."
"Trust me, that wasn't by choice. Now, if there are no other concerns, by your leave I will excuse myself."
"All right," Ike says, though there is still something like suspicion lingering in his blue eyes as Soren quickly steps out of the tent.
Soren, far from even considering paying the Grann Desert swordsman a visit, instead heads over to the tent Nasir has to himself at the fringes of the camp. The laguz is sitting just outside, examining the falling snow with a look of enchantment on his usually impassive face. He looks up as Soren approaches, smiling kindly.
"You don't get to see this much snow anywhere else in Tellius, I'd imagine," he says conversationally after a few moments of silence. "It isn't like this in Crimea during the winter, is it?"
"No. The snow is usually light, and there aren't very many blizzards," Soren answers neutrally.
"Hmm. Where I come from, it feels like spring year round. This snow business is quite new to me." He pauses for a moment, brushing snowflakes from his cloak. "But I don't suppose you came here to talk about the weather. Something on your mind?"
"The enemy knew we were launching an attack today, Nasir."
"You think so? Well, there's nothing I can do or say about that. You managed quite all right, regardless."
"Nasir, I know it was you who told them," Soren states flatly. "I haven't told Ike yet, but if you stop whatever you're doing immediately, I won't have to."
Nasir's eyes narrow. "Soren, Soren, Soren. You are being even more suspicious than usual! What makes you think I have anything to do with Daein? Didn't Ike tell you I was a laguz?"
"Believe it or not, I don't go around trusting everyone in the company like the other mercenaries do. I keep my eyes and ears open, so don't think everything you've been doing has slipped my notice. I don't know why you're doing it, but it needs to stop. Ike trusts you, and he hasn't done anything to deserve you selling him to our enemies."
Nasir smiles faintly, but his eyes show an undeniable hardness. "I have the deepest respect for Ike, Soren. Never doubt that. But I have every right to keep a secret or two from him... just like you do."
Soren freezes. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, nothing. I merely wonder what General Ike would think if he knew what that quaint little symbol on your forehead meant. Fortunately for you, the beorc aren't as talented at picking out the Branded as the laguz are. He'll never even figure out on his own unless someone tells him..."
"You... wouldn't..."
"Wouldn't I? I think you know the consequences of your actions from here on out, Soren. Rest assured that I bear no ill will toward Ike and Princess Elincia, but I, much like you, have more than my own opinion weighing in the matter. Based on your heritage, I doubt you truly want to be fighting alongside laguz, but you do so anyways because Ike has asked you to. I too am motivated to do things for someone who matters more to me than myself. That is all I will say to you on the matter."
"You would betray the trust of so many, including your own kind? Don't be foolish. With Ike on our side, we will defeat anything you or Daein throws our way."
"Don't be so certain, little beorc. Ike isn't the strongest thing out there. If you have any fault, it is that you underestimate the power and usefulness of the laguz. As long as you deny their strength, there is no way you can win."
"What do you mean? We're fighting Ashnard, not the laguz."
Nasir smiles sadly. "You'll find out soon enough, Soren. But as for now, we are done talking. If you care at all for General Ike's opinion of you, I would avoid running off to him and telling tales you cannot prove. Goodnight."
He ducks back into the tent, and Soren remains where he is for a moment or two, thinking. The Crimean army could be in serious trouble if he does not step forward with his information, but, then again, Nasir's threat is an intelligent one. If he releases any information about the Branded to Ike or the rest of the army, Soren could very well lose his position as staff officer, and without his assistance, the Crimean army wouldn't be able to last five seconds out in the field. No matter what Soren chooses, there is a significant risk to be considered. For once, his tactical genius has skillfully been out maneuvered, and by a laguz no less! He once would have thought such a thing to be utterly impossible.
"Very well, Nasir," Soren at last sighs under his breath. "This time the victory is yours."
0o0o0o0o0o
"My lord Ike, may I take this seat beside you?"
Elincia watches nervously as he gazes up into her eyes, his mouth full of chicken and dripping with gravy. Once he's swallowed, he nods in assent, and with a sigh of relief and gratitude she drops down next to him.
"Try the chicken," he suggests, helping himself to more. "It's very good."
"Did my lord Oscar make it?"
"Mhm. If it was Mist's, there would be a lot more left over."
Elincia takes a piece and slowly chews it. "Wonderful," she declares, glad of his approving smile. "You have my thanks for having Oscar among your company."
"I agree. This marching around Daein would be much less bearable without a nice hot meal to come back to."
Ike falls silent for a moment or two, giving his full attention to his dinner as he often does during meals. As much as he wishes to respect Elincia by giving her his undivided attention, there is just something so much more commanding in the presence of chicken and gravy that unfailingly ensnares him over anything or anyone else.
"We're really getting close now, aren't we?" Elincia finally asks after waiting a few minutes for Ike to resume their dialogue. "Before we know it, we will be fighting Daein for our homeland. It's really happening."
"Yup. It'll be a struggle to make it to Nevassa, but we're going to get there no matter what it takes. Your homeland will be yours again, Elincia. I promise."
As these words, the princess flushes prettily and ducks her head in embarrassment. "Oh, my lord Ike. It is so nice to hear you call me by my name rather than my title," she says breathlessly. "You have been so very kind to me."
"Whoops. My apologies," Ike quickly amends. "I didn't mean to be rude. My manners have always been a bit lacking, so don't take it personally."
"But my lord Ike... I am not insulted. I am glad you do not think of me as a princess, but as a friend. It is good to know you care for me, at least a little."
But this remark only causes Ike to shake his head more determinedly. "I don't see how being insensitive to your standing is friendly or caring. My father taught me that the best way to express myself to our employers is through respect and dedication. As I learned from speaking to the Apostle and the senate, I can't always go around stepping on everyone's toes and offending their station."
Elincia falters. What he is saying is true enough, but she does not understand how she is supposed to flirt with someone so blunt and oblivious. She wonders to herself if Ike is even aware of the formula she has known since she was a child, the one about princesses being rescued by heroes. Perhaps if he knew, he would understand what she meant when she spoke to him, and return her feelings in kind. But as he apparently does not, she is uncertain of how to approach him; she is not adept at making her emotions clear, especially when they are yet unclear to herself.
"I don't know what I would do without you here, my lord Ike," she says finally. "I trust in you to keep us safe from whatever is ahead. With you at my side, Crimea will be reborn."
"I will do what I can," Ike replies humbly, polishing off the rest of his food. "But Soren said something very disconcerting during our meeting today. He believes that we have a spy among us, and I happen to agree with him."
"A spy?" Elincia cries. "Oh no, my lord Ike! Who would possibly do such a thing?"
"We're not sure. But it was extremely evident during our last battle that the enemy knew of our coming, and there was no way they should have known that. We're going to have to start investigating people if this continues, Princess Elincia."
"I cannot possibly suspect anyone of such a heinous crime," she insists passionately, her eyes widening. "I trust each member of this company, and I do not believe any one of them wishes to harm me!"
"I don't like to suspect anyone either, but we have to," Ike sighs. "Our success may depend on it. But I think Soren may have a guess or two as to who is behind it, and I've been developing a theory of my own just in case the situation progresses. We're both trying to be proactive so it doesn't come to you or anyone else being harmed in any way, rest assured."
"Indeed? May I hear your theory, my lord Ike? If I am in danger, I should be more careful of who I speak to."
Ike leans closer and lowers his voice. "I'm getting a bit concerned about Stefan," he admits.
"Stefan? That nice young man from the Grann Desert? But he helped you perfect your sword mastery and has always been very kind and generous to me! What makes you question his character? Has he said or done anything that I am not aware of?"
"No, nothing in particular," Ike relents. "But there is the fact that we don't know who he is and what his motives for helping us are. According to Lethe, he magically appeared out of the desert and asked to join our group for reasons unknown. Besides, he's been stalking Soren ever since he's come here. If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is."
"My lord Stefan has been stalking Soren?" Elincia asks in wonderment. "I had not noticed. What business does he have with your staff officer?"
"That's just it! I have no idea! The only thing I can conclude is that he might be getting information about our tactics from observing Soren and then passing them along to the Daein army."
"Oh, there must be another conclusion, my lord Ike. Perhaps Stefan merely wishes to befriend Soren, and that is why he has been so close to him."
"Soren doesn't befriend people easily, Princess Elincia. And I've talked to Soren about Stefan, and Soren does not seem to like him very much at all. I know there's something going on there, but I just can't figure it out!"
Elincia sighs. She had not intended for this conversation to turn into a discussion of army conflicts and the social life of his staff officer, but she has no idea how to steer the conversation back to the flirtatious banter she had been trying for before. At this point, it would seem improper and even a bit careless to engage in sweet talk considering the fact this whole business about investigating Stefan arose from his concerns for her and the army. Perhaps, as he suggested earlier, his devotion to her safety and his respect for her situation are signs of affection on their own without needing the addition of words and overtures to make them romantic.
Deciding against lightening the subject matter, Elincia rises to her feet and offers her hand to Ike. "Come, my lord Ike. There is something I have been meaning to show you. A warehouse has been found containing some funds and weapons that I think will be beneficial for our army and our cause. I would like for you to take a look at it and decide for yourself how much money you wish to take for our treasury."
"Money?" Ike thinks instantly of Volke and the report he had promised to give in exchange for an extremely large sum that had once seemed impossible to scrape together. Now at last he will be able to hear the reason why his father hired the elusive thief in the first place and receive the information that was offered with such a weighty price tag attached. Anticipation coursing through him, he accepts Elincia's hand and also comes to his feet. "Lead the way, princess."
0o0o0o0o0o
Soren can't sleep. The wind is whipping against his tent and howling like an angry cat, and the cold is biting as it slips through the crack in his flaps and envelopes him in a tight embrace. He's not a sentimental person by any stretch of the imagination, but as he sits there shivering in his thin cocoon of blankets, he cannot help but think with longing of the home in Crimea they had left behind. The mercenary fort may not have been the most comfortable or homey place in the world, but it was safe and warm and familiar and far, far away from Daein. And Daein, Soren has decided, is the most horrible land in Tellius. Not because of its coldness, but because it does something to people. It's like a poison, and just being there has tainted many of them with a darkness they had never before felt.
Soren knows he is not alone in feeling the bleakness surrounding them. He can hear Jill crying sometimes a few tents over and Titania mourning and sighing even more than she had back in Crimea or Gallia. Even Aimee, who has been little more than an obnoxious bundle of pointless chatter and energy from the moment they first met her, is given to long spells of silence now that she is within Daein's borders. She still devotes herself entirely to throwing herself upon Ike, but now she does so with a haunted look in her eyes, as if her actions are being driven by a force outside of her control.
And then there is Ike. Ike had entered into this land in faith of their success, but now something has been lost within him. Soren can't put a finger on what has bothered his friend so greatly, but he senses that something of incredible importance is troubling his heart. It's as if he is mourning Greil all over again, but this time with a sense of hopelessness and confusion that hadn't been there before. As general of the army, he does his best to keep his emotions in check, but it is painfully clear to Soren that he hasn't been sleeping well at night, especially not since Mist's medallion disappeared under mysterious and suspicious circumstances.
With misery catching like disease in the camp, morale is at an all time low. Even Soren, whose conscience rarely troubles him in regards to being overtly honest, can admit to releasing his negative emotions a bit unfairly, having given Princess Elincia a long lecture about how her people were probably being tortured and oppressed by Daein occupational forces while she was off spouting her optimistic nonsense, which had then led to Elincia becoming waspish, depressed, and extremely argumentative. The two of them both had gotten excessively catty with their verbal low blows, and Ike, troubled enough by his own inner demons, had yelled at both of them, sending Elincia into a gale of tears and causing Soren to for once feel incredibly ashamed of his rude and disrespectful attitude.
He wishes they could just leave. If only they were not so noble and deeply committed, they could just roll up their tents and wander off, leaving Elincia and Tellius to their respective fates. It would be a selfish, cowardly thing to do, but anything is worth doing if it means leaving Daein and all of its terrible associations. All the pain, all the confusion, all the needless grief they are suffering could vanish if only they gave into their fears and turned their backs on everything that hounds at their footsteps.
Soren sighs and untangles himself from his blankets. There's no point in trying to sleep anymore; it's much too cold and his mind absolutely refuses to be shut off. Forsaking his tent, he pulls his robes back on and steps out into the silent and sleepy camp, his feet crunching lightly on the snow beneath him. To his surprise, he sees there is a fire still burning somewhere over on the far side of the camp, one that he thought he had asked Boyd and Mist to put out after they had finished eating. With an annoyed sigh, he plods over to douse it before it can burn through more of their firewood and waste even more of their supplies.
When he reaches the fire, he is alarmed to see Ike awake and hunched over it, gnawing morosely on a cut of jerky with all the grace of a half-starved wolf. The commander looks up as Soren approaches and smiles sheepishly. "I didn't wake you, did I?" he asks.
"No. I was already awake." Soren sits down on the ground beside Ike, brushing the snow away with his hands. "I see you're up robbing the supply tent of all the food we've been stockpiling."
"Sorry. Eating helps me think."
"Don't worry about it. I won't hold it against you this time if you promise to alert me next time you feel the urge to indulge your midnight cravings."
"Thanks." Ike polishes off the rest of the jerky with relish, and then smacks his lips. "Having trouble sleeping, Soren? Is something wrong."
"I find it hard to sleep when it's this cold. That's it. How about you? You rarely have trouble sleeping, I thought."
"I have a lot on my mind. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can do is think."
Soren's forehead creases in concern. "Are you all right, Ike? You haven't been yourself lately."
"Well, neither have you. It seems to be a common problem these days." Ike stares moodily into the fire, his mouth drawn into a tight frown. "Look, I can't talk about it. It's something very personal about my family, and if I share it with anyone, it should be Mist. But I... I just can't wrap my head around it. I just can't make sense of any of it, and I don't want to face it because... talking about it will make it more real. And I don't want it to be real."
"I see."
"You understand, don't you, Soren? I can tell you've been suffering the same thing, and now I understand your reason for hesitating to speak about it."
"Indeed."
Ike face softens slightly, and he at last turns it away from the fire. "But... just so you know... if you're ever afraid of it or anything else, I will do my best to make it better for you. You know that, right?"
"...yes." Soren absently kicks a stone with the toe of his boot. "Although even you cannot be so good as to be accepting of what I have to say."
"But you'll never know unless you try me, will you?"
"Hmph."
Ike sighs and throws a handful of snow at the fire to put it out. "If we don't get to bed soon, we'll be half-dead in the morning," he says in a heavy and exhausted voice. "We'll both have plenty of time to think and brood in the morning."
"Very well." Soren allows Ike to help him to his feet, and he brushes the snow from his robes before it can melt and make them damp. "Goodnight, Ike."
Ike pauses before he turns to walk back. "Soren?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember when you first came to the fort when you were younger and how my father used to find you curled up asleep next to my door in the mornings?"
"Yes..."
"Why did you do that? I always wondered."
Soren folds his arms protectively across his chest. "I couldn't sleep."
"And how did setting up in the hallway help you sleep?"
"I could hear you breathing from there, I suppose. You always used to breathe heavily and mutter in your sleep. It always made me feel better to hear it."
"Why?"
"Well..." Soren has never really considered his reasons before; his actions had been instinctive, and he had not known to question them or discover his motives for doing them. "I guess because it reminded me you were alive... and if you were alive, I was... safe."
"Soren?"
"Yes, Ike?"
"If you ever can't sleep again, you can... you know."
Soren smiles in spite of himself, his heart pounding happily for the first time since coming to Daein. "Thank you, Ike," he says simply, before turning to head back to his tent to sleep the rest of the night in restful peace.
