Chapter 3

The Big Bang Theory

Season 1, Episode 2

"I wonder what's going to happen next?" Ruby mused as she was sitting impatiently for the next scene to come up.

"My guess is that it's going to be super embarrassing" Weiss replied as she was feeling nervous that it was her turn to be embarrassed.

"Let's hope so!" Yang exclaimed as she was super excited to see what's going to happen next. Since it will make good laughs to see her friends humiliated.

As they wait for the screen to come, Nora's stomach rumbled.

"I'm hungry" Nora claims as that sparked off most of the students hunger.

"Nora's right. We haven't eaten since breakfast" Jaune relented as he was starving.

That is until they all received food in a flash of light and somehow it was what they were thinking off?

"What just happened?" Glynda questioned as she inspects the salad laying in front of her.

"Well…..the man did say, all we had to do was think of what we wanted and we'll get it?" Ren answered as he looks at his ramen.

"I LOVE THIS MAN!" Nora yells as she scoffs down pancakes as the screen flares.

"Finally!" Ruby exclaims as she chews her cookies.

Jaune and Ren are laying down a heavy box with extreme care.

"Watch your fingers. Watch your fingers" Ren advised as they let go of the box too early and Ren's fingers were hurt "Oh God, my fingers!"

"You okay?" Jaune asked as he knelt down in tire.

"Well looks like me and Jaune are in it this time" Ren states as he consumes his ramen.

"Wonder what's in the box?" Jaune asked as he eats his Pumpkin Pete's cereal.

"No, it hurt…" Ren stops as he views the messy apartment "Good God, look at this place?"

Ren's jaw dropped when he viewed the apartment and was just as flabbergasted as his universal counterpart.

"Uh oh" Nora whispered as the rest of team JNPR knows how Ren is with cleanliness, even Weiss wasn't as nasty when it came to organisation.

"I agree with Mr Lie, that room looks like it was hit by Wind Dust" Glynda stated, astonished by someone capable of living there.

"So Yang's a little messy" Jaune shrugged.

"Uh oh!" Yang whispered as Ren titled his head to stare at Yang, who was paralysed at the thought of hearing doing another 'cleaning' drill that Ren made team RWBY and JNP do when the rooms didn't meet his expectations.

"A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos!" Ren exclaimed as he looks at the couch and picks up the flatware resting on it "Excuse me, explain to me an organisational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale" Ren retorted as he was uncomfortable in this mess as puts back the flatware.

"Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organise and label the entire world around them?" Jaune mockingly asked his friend.

"No!" Ren creepily answers as the members of both teams were distancing themselves from the ninja, who was giving strangely blinking with one eye which made even Glynda and Ozpin uncomfortable.

"No" Ren flatly says as he still inspected the apartment.

Everyone was not surprised to hear that.

"Well they don't. Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fibre content"

"Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times!"

"Yes!" Ren screeched at Jaune who dropped his cereal "Because we need to know how much fibre is in the stuff we eat so we're not constipated, WHEN WE HAVE A MISSION TO GO TO!"

Jaune looked horrified and signalled for anyone to come and help him.

No one dared to cross Ren's path.

"Come on, let's go" Jaune says as he walks to the door.

"Hang on"

Jaune looks back to see Ren starting to clean up the apartment.

"What are you doing?" Jaune asked befuddled.

"Straightening up"

"THANK YOU!" Ren exclaimed, finally getting off Jaune's back who sighed in relief.

"Ren, this is not your home"

"That is not anyone's home!" Ren screamed at Jaune again "That is someplace where Beowolves nest!"

"Hey don't look at me, it is Yang's apartment" Jaune defended himself as Ren set his sight over to the blonde brawler, who was cowering in her seat.

"Damn you, Arc" Yang mentally cursed Jaune as well as get even after this whole thing was over.

"This is not anyone's home! This is a swirling vortex of entropy!" Ren retorts as he continues to clean up the place as Jaune walks towards him.

"See!" Ren exclaimed as he continues to stare at Yang who as now hiding in her seat.

"When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place!"

"Because it was immaculate!" Ren sharply replied "I mean you open that man's closet, it was left to right: evening gowns, cocktail dresses and his police uniforms!"

Everyone was taken aback by the fact that Ren knew what was in the transvestite's closet.

"What were you doing in his closet?" Jaune asked concerned.

"I helped him run some cable for a webcam" Ren replied as he was folding Yang's shirts.

"Hey guys"

Yang walks in with a yellow tank top and mini shorts as the boys turn to face her.

"Looks like I still got in whatever universe!" Yang exclaims as the others did admit she looked great.

"Oh, hey Yang…" Jaune greeted back as he was becoming nervous "This just arrived, we just brought this up; just now!"

"Great. Was it hard getting up the stairs?" Yang asked when she saw the box.

"No" Jaune replied which made Ren shocked.

"No"

"Nooo"

"Noooo"

"Judging from the collection of 'no's', I'm willing to bet that it was difficult" Ozpin voiced as everyone else agreed.

After the exchange of awkward no's, Jaune and Ren start to leave.

"We'll get out of your hair" Jaune states as he walks to the door.

"Okay, great, thank you again" Yang thanked them as she throws her bag on her couch which irritates Ren.

Yang turned to look back to see if Ren was staring at her but he was no longer in his seat….but behind Yang staring at her manically.

"Eeep!" Yang screams as she jumps.

"Yang" Ren calls out which makes Jaune come rushing in "I just want you to know, you don't have to live like this…I'm here for you"

"Well at least that Ren is nice about it, instead of acting like a psychopath…." Nora mutters which retracts Ren back in his seat in a flash.

"What'd you say?" Ren asked as that made Nora jump and drop her pancakes.

"No…..Nothing" Nora stuttered out as she smiles which still didn't calm an irritated Ren.

Yang was confused and Jaune was nervous and worried.

"What's talking about?" Yang asks Jaune as he grabs Ren's arm.

"It's a joke" Jaune replied.

"I don't get it?"

"He didn't tell it right"

Jaune pulls Ren with him as they both leave the apartment.

All the students sighed as what they assumed that Ren's counterpart was going to do something insane but then they noticed that the screen was still on.

Jaune is seen sleeping on his bed with a Pumpkin Pete shirt on and was in his drawers until a sound wakes him up.

"Ren?" Jaune calls for his roommate as he gets out of bed.

The next we see him holding a glowing light sword that looks like a prop from a sci-fi movie. Jaune continues to slowly approach the living room.

"OH MY GOD!" Ruby happily exclaims as she jumps out of her seat and leaves behind rose petals, as she lands on the screen with stars in her eyes "ISTHATTHEPROPFROMTHEDUSTDUELSFILMTRILOGY,EEEPPP!"

Glynda had to use her Semblance, to place a still ecstatic Ruby in her seat.

"Ren!" Jaune shouts as he cautiously walks to the centre of the room only to see his door and Yang's door open as he deactivates his toy and puts on a frown.

We see Yang sleep peacefully as Ren is playing housekeeper and cleaning up her apartment before Jaune comes up.

Everyone was disturbed by the fact, Ren, the most logical and sensible person they knew had broken into a woman's apartment because he wanted to clean it.

All the students stare at their Ren who doesn't look fazed at the course of action being taken.

"No matter the costs!" Ren exclaims as he was proud of his alternate self.

"Ren!" Jaune hissed as he walks through the door.

"Shhhhhh! Yang is sleeping"

"Are you insane, you can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean!"

"I had no choice. I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and immediately adjacent to that hallway was… this!"

"Do you realise that if Yang wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here?"

"He just gave you a reasonable explanation!" Ren strictly stated as he was now glaring at Jaune.

"I just gave you a reasonable explanation!"

No one was surprised by that answer.

"No, no! You gave me an explanation, it's reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers"

"Don't be ridiculous. I have no peers"

After their argument, Ren goes back to cleaning and Jaune is at his last legs.

"Ren, we have to get out of here!" Jaune quietly demands which leads to Yang snoring.

"Oh you guys are going to get caught" Yang states as she was sure her alternate self will catch them in the act.

"Doubt it" Ruby explained "You are a heavy sleeper"

Blake and Weiss vouched for that.

"You might want to speak in a lower register" Ren quietly suggested.

"What?"

"Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitched noises while they sleep, so that they'll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register"

"That does seem to make sense" Glynda concurred as she was thinking it over.

"That's ridiculous" Jaune replies in disbelief which makes Yang snore again.

"No" Ren begins to lower his voice "THAT'S RIDICULOUS!"

"No….THATS RIDICULOUS!" Nora mimicked her friend as a means to mock him.

"FINE" Jaune caves and follows Ren's logic "I ACCEPT YOUR PREMIS, NOW PLEASE LET'S GO!"

"I AM NOT LEAVING, UNTIL I'M DONE!" Ren retorts as Jaune leans on the doorframe "IF YOU HAVE TIME TO LEAN, YOU HAVE TIME TO CLEAN"

"Couldn't have said it better myself" Ren says as he bows his head to his alternate self as a sign of respect.

Jaune continues to lean on the doorframe until he picks up pieces of clothing.

"OH, WHAT THE HELL!"

"Oh you two are gonna get it" Ruby claims as she was scared what Yang would do.

"You don't know that…" Jaune stuttered out as he also feared of Yang would do "She can reasoned with, right?"

"Jaune" Pyrrah whispered to her partner "Yang gets angry when a strand of her hair is cut off"

Jaune takes that comment in.

"We're dead!"

Ren enters the kitchen with a chipper attitude as Jaune looks tired.

"Morning"

"Morning"

"I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well" Ren shared as he takes out a bowl.

"How is he so casual about this?" Jaune asked as he was reminded that it was Ren.

"I'm not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbour's apartment and clean" Jaune sarcastically replied as he rubbed his eyes.

"Sarcasm?"

"You think?" Jaune answers condescendingly.

"Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Yang's quality of life"

"You know what, you've convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet" Jaune sarcastically suggests as he walks to the couch.

"You don't think that crosses a line?" Ren asks, completely missing the sarcasm which agitates Jaune.

"Looks like you can't recognise sarcasm?" Pyrrah voiced aloud which made some of them confused but were reminded that it was a different universe.

"Yes! For God's sake, Ren, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth"

"You have a sarcasm sign?"

Jaune looks at Ren and was too tired to continue explaining.

"No, I do not have a sarcasm sign" Jaune replies as he sits down.

"Do you want some cereal. I'm feeling so good today I'm going to choose from the low fibre end of the shelf. Hello, Sap Sally"

"Glad to know that you're feeling good, considering that I'm going to wake up and…" Yang was saying until something interrupted her.

As Ren was preparing his breakfast, a certain blonde woke up.

"Son of a Bitch!"

"Right on time" Yang happily states as she can't wait to see what will transpire next.

"Oh no!" Jaune quietly exclaims.

"Yang's up" Jaune comments as he sips his coffee.

"You sick, geeky bastards!" Yang shouts which makes Jaune and Ren look at each other.

"How did she know it was us?" Jaune asked flabbergasted.

"I may have left a suggested organisational schematic for her bedroom closet" Ren replied as he fidgeted with the bowl.

"Why would you do that?" Jaune screams at Ren.

"Because it's helpful and IT'S ANOTHER ME!" Ren shouts back which deflates Jaune.

"Jaune!"

"God, this is going to be bad" Jaune puts down his coffee in a frantic manner and gets up.

"Nope it's going to hilarious!" Yang happily states as she munches down on some popcorn she summoned.

"Goodbye, Sap Sally, hello Bran Brian" Ren calmly returns the cereal and reaches for the other as Yang barges into the apartment.

"You came into my apartment last night when I was sleeping?" Yang exclaims as that sent Jaune into panic.

"Yes, but, only to clean" Jaune frantically explained.

"Really more to organise, you're not actually dirty, per se" Ren unnecessarily corrected.

"Give me back my key!" Yang ordered.

"I'm very, very sorry" Jaune apologised without looking at a fuming Yang.

"Do you understand how creepy this is"

"Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night"

"In my apartment, while I was sleeping!"

"And snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist" Ren suggested as he walked over to a still angry but confused Yang "It's a throat doctor"

"Mr Lie, you're not helping your case" Glynda informed Ren who shows no sign of remorse and disbelief of his alternate twin's actions.

"And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?" Yang faced Ren which caused Jaune to write something on a piece of paper.

"If it's my shoes, a miracle worker" Yang says after swallowing a handful of popcorn.

"Depending on the depth, that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon" Ren answered and was confused by the question he was asked until Jaune holds up a sign reading 'Sarcasm' "Oh!"

Everyone snickered at this despite the situation.

"God!" Yang exclaimed and was ready to walk out.

"Okay, look, no Yang, I think what you're feeling is perfectly valid, and maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little bit less, for lack of a better word… violated, maybe we could talk about this some more" Jaune reasoned but Yang wasn't having it.

"Stay away from me!"

"Sure, that's another way to go"

"Hahahaha!" Yang was laughing hard "This is the best clip yet!"

Yang was heading to the door but Ren stops her.

"Yang, Yang, just to clarify because there will be a discussion when you leave, is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping, or do you also object to the imposition of a new organisational paradigm" Ren walks up to Yang who stares at him in disbelief and proceeds to leave the two roommates.

Everyone gave a look to Ren in total disbelief but once again Ren did not see what the problem was.

"Well that was a little non-responsive" Ren states as he closes the door.

"You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologise!" Jaune demanded which makes Ren laugh making him confused "What's funny?"

"That wasn't sarcasm?" Ren asked behind the counter.

"No!"

"Guess he really can't understand sarcasm" Weiss ponders as she continues to watch.

"Wooh, boy, you are all over the place this morning" Ren claims as he leaves his apartment and walks to Yang's door and knocks.

"I have a masters and two PhD's, I should not have to do this" Ren exclaims to himself as Yang opens the door.

"What?"

Everyone in the room perked at the mention of the alternate Ren's credentials.

"Wow. This Ren must be a super genius" Nora exclaims.

"Wait does that mean Jaune is smart too?" Ruby ponders aloud.

"Doubt it" Jaune intercepts Ruby claim as he honestly doesn't see himself as smart.

"What?"

"I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won't colour your opinion of Jaune…" Ren apologised which worked as Yang's rage was lessening but he ends up making it worse for his blonde friend.

"Yes we're out of the woods" Jaune smiles but the others don't really think it's over.

"Who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover" Ren admits which makes Jaune, who was listening, face palm and sit down with embarrassment and Yang staring at him with disbelief and closes the door.

Everyone lets that sink in and some of them laugh out loud, blush and if your name is Jaune; it made their faces go redder than Ruby's cloak.

Pyrrah was blushing the hardest as she was thinking over what the alternate Ren has said about her crush and was visualizing a captivating and arousing scenario.

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" Jaune was shaking Ren like a rag doll who was in turn finding the situation amusing.

"Jaune I am sorry for what happened but since it's a different reality, I take no responsibility" Ren states as Jaune just sinks in his chair.

Ren goes back to the apartment and looks at an embarrassed Jaune.

"I did what I could"

The screen turns black.

"I know this isn't the best time, but…?" Yang was snickering so much "But are you really gentle in the sack?"

"THAT'S IT!" Jaune yells in frustration and embarrassment as he throws his empty bowl at the screen only to have it be caught by the cloaked figure.

"I would advise that you don't damage the screen, it's quite expensive to replace it" the cloaked figure advised as he vanished once again.

Jaune sits back down as Yang is still snickering as the screen flares up again.


So sorry for the delay. But since this was three scenes instead of the preferred one, there were complications with how the character will react to it (I personally think I wrote Ren's reaction poorly but good enough for the scene). This is the longest chapter but I don't think it's the best written but that's for you to decide.