Spliced! Chapter 3
Disclaimer: Crackhead Joss owns Buffy the Vampire (S)Layer, and MGM owns Stargate SG1.
AN: I would like to thank dogbertcarroll and JustRuss for their help bringing this bit of fiction together and here we'll finally see the beginning of the crossovers.
Xander vanished in a flash of light only to find himself naked in what appeared to be a glass tube staring at a Roswell Grey, "You've gotta be shitting me!"
Before the big headed alien could speak a group of people arrived in a burst of light.
"Freeze Loki!" A grey haired soldier ordered, his men arrayed around him and another grey standing at his side.
Xander said the only thing he could in this situation, "Thank god you got here before he could probe me."
Loki ignored the soldiers and the funny looking rayguns they had pointed at him to stare at Xander intently; his finger hovering over a set of crystals, "Did your family move from the midwest in the last couple of generations?"
"Nope! Californian for over four generations," Xander swore fervently.
"Oh," The grey moved his hands away from the controls and allowed himself to be taken into custody.
"This behavior must stop Loki," The other grey said firmly, "experimenting on less advanced races has been forbidden."
"I will not allow ethics to prevent me from saving our race even if I am imprisoned and shunned because of it!" Loki replied, thoroughly unrepentant, "A single cell sample may prove the key to saving generations yet unborn."
Xander reached up and pulled out a few strands of hair and catching Loki's eye he dropped the strands on the floor of the tube.
"Thor beam us down with the kid and please make sure the council manages to keep ahold of him this time," the older soldier ordered.
"I will do my best Jack, however Loki is known as a trickster for a reason," Thor replied.
In a flash of light Xander found himself standing naked inside a military base; the number of armed soldiers was a dead giveaway there, "Wow, this is actually worse than my naked at school nightmare," he muttered.
"Somebody get the kid some clothes!" Jack ordered.
A soldier ran off and came back a moment later with a blue one piece coverall.
"Thanks," Xander said quickly putting it on, "and the name's not kid its Xander, Xander Harris."
"So, I bet you have a thousand questions ..." Jack said.
"Nope," Xander replied, "I only have two."
"Two?" The blonde haired woman who was one of the soldiers who had rescued him asked.
Xander was suddenly very glad he was wearing something as he focused his attention on her and his libido began to purr like a Ferrari, attractive older blondes appeared to be a weakness of his and something about her smell was just so enticing.
"Are you purring?" She asked, clearly shocked.
He groaned as he realized he actually was purring, "Kinda," he admitted after clearing his throat, "the two questions are; where is the door and which way to California?"
"What did he do to you?" Jack asked, thoroughly outraged on Xander's behalf.
"Nothing!" Xander exclaimed, "I got there a half a second before you did."
"The eyes, teeth and purring don't exactly back that up."
"I was like this before I was beamed up," Xander replied flatly, really not wanting to become the military's guinea pig.
"Uh huh, sure you were," Jack replied doubtfully.
"I was!" Xander declared firmly, shifting his stance unconsciously as he saw nearby soldiers tensing up.
"What's more likely? That Loki screwed with your DNA and implanted the belief that you were always this way or that you were part cat before he grabbed you?"
"Doesn't matter either way because I'm a citizen of the United States and not a soldier under your authority," Xander growled, getting a caged in feeling from the soldiers surrounding him waiting for just a nod to jump into action.
"Sorry kid, but until we can get you back to normal you aren't going anywhere," Jack said shaking his head; he hated to be put in this position but it was obvious Loki had screwed with the kid's DNA.
"I refuse all medical attention," Xander said firmly.
"And I call quarantine," Jack announced. "You were in a foreign environment; who knows what bugs you might have picked up?"
"A foreign environment your entire team was exposed to and one that is probably cleaner and more sterile than any operating room in the United States," Xander snarled, already preparing himself for a fight, "your quarantine is bullshit!"
"Maybe, but it'll give us the legal authority to hold you until we can fix what's wrong with you," Jack replied.
"I've got a question for you Jack, I undergo an expensive and revolutionary new medical technique and get myself spliced. Suddenly just after I leave I get kidnapped and am put through some interesting scenes where they claim they need to go over me medically with a fine toothed comb; what's more likely? That I was kidnapped by aliens or that someone in power wants to reverse engineer splicing so they can use it on their troops without paying anything?"
"Touche kid," Jack admitted, "Occam's Razor doesn't always work, but I can't let you leave until you're back to normal – so are you going to cooperate?"
"Alexander LaVelle Harris, civilian minor 555-28-8693," Xander said accepting the fact that a fight was inevitable.
"Bring him to medical," Jack ordered with a sigh.
One of the soldiers grabbed Xander's arm and he exploded into action, using what he thought was the same amount of strength he'd use on a vampire he slammed an elbow into the soldier's chest throwing him back and bowling over a trio of other soldiers.
An alarm sounded and soldiers started bringing their weapons up as Xander began to rush through Jack and his team before they had a chance to respond.
Teal'c immediately moved forward despite being surprised at the speed Alexander Harris was exhibiting and even managed to throw up a block before Xander started to swing but the teen's strength was such that Teal'c felt his arm snap as he was knocked down.
Xander hesitated as he saw the effects of his punch, having forgotten about his increased strength in the heat of the moment. That slight hesitation allowed Teal'c to roll with the blow enough to sweep his feet out from under him.
Much like a cat Xander flipped to his feet so fast it barely slowed him as he ran but a high pitched whine seemed to drill its way through his ears into his brain making him stumble as Jack's zat energized. The two seconds it took him to adapt to the noise was a half second too long as Jack smoothly turned and fired nailing Xander in the back and putting him down for the count.
Teal'c climbed back to his feet and straightened his broken arm without flenching, "I would very much like to know more about this splicing."
"Something Loki made up," Jack said, waving it off irritably.
"I wasn't aware Asgard genetic engineering was this advanced," Daniel said with an awestruck tone.
0oOo0
"This looks to be beyond anything we've seen before from any race, at a guess I'd say you'd have to engineer a clone invitro to cause such massive changes," Janet announced as she examined a computer model of Xander's DNA.
"We'll have to contact the Asgard and find out what Loki did with the real Alexander Harris," Jack replied wearily.
Jack turned and found himself staring into a pair of furious brown eyes from a teen strapped to a hospital bed.
"So first you claim I'm brainwashed and now you claim I'm not me," Xander growled, "I suppose that'll make it easier to run tests on me and dissect me since you can now claim I'm not a US citizen or even human."
"Its not like that at all," Jack said, "Loki is known for creating clones and messing with human DNA, we had to make sure your DNA was stable and you wouldn't degrade for your own safety and I'm sorry you're upset about not being the original but the work done on you is far beyond what the human race is even remotely capable of."
"Alexander Harris, civilian minor; 555-28-8693," Xander replied stonily, closing his eyes and trying to concentrate on his new senses.
He ignored Jack's excuses though he was almost sure that Jack actually believed them himself.
After a few minutes of talking and receiving nothing more than name rank and serial number a disheartened Jack left.
"He's just trying to help," Janet spoke up soothingly once Jack was gone.
"Being kidnapped and having my rights as a US citizen denied is hardly helping me," Xander said, subtly testing the straps he was bound with.
"I hardly call being rescued from alien captivity kidnapped and all the evidence points to you being a clone and not the original so your claims of being a citizen are meaningless I'm afraid."
"I was forcibly taken from where I was and not allowed to leave; that's kidnapping no matter how you slice it, and even if I turn out to be a clone the Xander I'm cloned from is a US citizen and thus all his children are too."
"Well I'm not experimenting on you or planning anything of that nature, I am simply ensuring you're healthy and going to stay that way."
"I specifically refused ANY medical treatment," Xander growled.
"Sorry, my orders are to see to your health and figure out what's been done to you," Janet explained.
"The germans had their orders too but it didn't save them at Nuremberg."
Janet whirled around, pissed and hurt about being compared to the Nazi's but was frozen by his glare, "Regardless of orders you've broken your oaths, I'm sure you comfort yourself by thinking I'm not human and that's exactly what the Nazi's did."
Janet closed her eyes and took several deep breaths before walking out of the medbay exactly as Xander had planned. He hated hurting the doctor's feelings but for him to escape he'd do it in a heart beat.
0oOo0
"What has Loki to say about our heavily mutated friend?" Jack asked, speaking to the holographic image of Thor.
"He claims not to have done anything to him," Thor replied, "is there something wrong? You seem unusually agitated."
"This whole situation sucks," Jack said, "I mean it was bad enough having to break the news to my own clone. He at least had the memory of my experiences to help him get through everything, but what's Alexander got? I'll tell you what! Nothing! He's a clone of a kid from California whose biggest problem was probably getting a zit before a big date."
"He's got you Jack," Thor replied firmly, "I'm sure you'll do your best to help him."
"As far as he's concerned I'm the enemy," Jack said bitterly, "and I'm not so sure he's wrong."
Thor tilted his head slightly and Jack was adept enough at reading Asgard body language to know that Thor would like to know more but didn't want to pressure him.
"He's a clone so his legal status is questionable," Jack explained with a sigh, "the abilities he's shown so far in the open where no doubt some mole has already reported on them would make any combat instructor drool. I can easily see orders coming down from on high to treat him like a test animal to get every scrap of medical data possible ... and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it."
"You would comply with such orders?" Thor asked.
"Hell no!" Jack exploded angrily, "but even helping him escape would just delay the inevitable. I need some way to keep him safe but I'm coming up blank here. I hate having to admit it but he was probably safer with Loki, I don't suppose you would consider adopting him?"
"He is a child of Asgard science," Thor allowed, "and Loki is related to me ... very well I will do so. Inform your people he is my fosterling and under the protection of the Asgard."
"Intruder on base, all personnel be aware that there is an intruder on base!"
"What is that?"
"I believe your son just did a runner."
A high pitched alarm went off.
"And set fire to the infirmary."
"He gets that from Loki," Thor decided after a moment's thought.
Jack laughed, Thor's acceptance having taken a load off his mind.
"I have Loki in stasis at the moment; I have reversed course and should be within teleporter range in a little under two hours."
"I should get Jon in here," Jack decided, "if anyone can empathize and help Xander deal with being a clone he can."
0oOo0
Jon looked at the two young airmen in the front of the jeep, "Can you tell me anything?"
"Sorry, our orders are to bring you to base to help with an emergency; we've got nothing more than that," the driver called back.
"Thanks," Jon drawled sarcastically.
The rest of the ride was in silence and he was rushed through security before he could actually ask anyone any questions.
As the elevator doors closed, Jon sighed impatiently "I hope this is important."
"No idea, we were both on our days off and were paged because we were closest to you," one of the airmen escorting him said.
"And I hope it turns out to be nothing," The other soldier escorting him said, "because I have a date tonight that I have been planning for months."
"Really?" his friend asked curiously.
"Yeah, tonight's the night I'm going to propose so I want everything to be perfect!"
Jon and the other airman hugged the walls away from him as if he was going to explode as the elevator jerked to a stop.
"Why'd the elevator stop and why'd you guys throw yourselves to the side?"
"Have you never been to the movies in your life?" Jon demanded.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"In the movies the guy who's about to propose or retire always gets it," the other airman explained.
"Life isn't a movie," he snorted just before the roof hatch popped open and a loop of rope dropped around him and jerked him out of the elevator.
"I called that," the remaining airman said, hugging the wall as the hatch slammed shut.
"Yeah," Jon agreed, "now you just have to sacrifice yourself to get me to my destination."
"What? Why do I have to sacrifice myself? How do we know you aren't going to be the next one gone so I can deliver a report to the general?"
"Because unnamed airman," Jon said smugly, "I'm a main character, as was demonstrated when they sent you to get me and when they verified my name before letting me in."
"Shit! You're right."
The two huddled in opposite corners of the elevator, staring at the roof hatch for several minutes.
"I have a name you know?" The airman said.
"Sure you do," Jon said comfortingly as they looked at one another.
"No, I really do!" The airman insisted anxiously, "its ..." a loud roar drowned out what he'd been about to say and drew their eyes to the now open hatch.
"That hatch opens far too quietly," Jon said.
"It knows the rules!" The soldier hissed nervously.
"What? No!" Jon shook his head, "it was just a coincidence."
"My name is," the airman tried again but another roar drowned him out.
"Okay, maybe not," Jon admitted.
The soldier pulled out his wallet and his ID card when the elevator was plunged into darkness. "Shit!"
"It was worth a shot," Jon said soothingly, "I don't suppose you'd turn the lights back on if we promised not to communicate his name?"
The lights came back on and they both breathed a sigh of relief until they noticed a handgun lying in the center of the floor with a noose around it.
"Oh come on!" Jon groaned, "nobody is THAT stupid."
The unnamed airman dove forward but the moment his hand entered the circle the noose tightened and he was yanked out of the elevator.
"Okay, I stand corrected," Jon muttered.
The rope dropped back down to circle the gun once more.
"Now that's just insulting," Jon said, "I can see from here that the magazine isn't in it."
The emergency phone rang and Jon quickly answered it, "Hello? Yeah? What? For cryin' out loud!"
Jon turned back around and wasn't surprised to find that the gun was gone, but he was surprised to see Jack's gameboy lying there.
"I've been told to tell you that if you let the elevator and me go that Jack will put an entire box of duct tape in your cell with his promise of no guards to get in your way of retrieving it.
The elevator started moving again.
"I don't suppose I can have the gameboy? It'd really drive Jack nuts if I walked out playing it like nothing was going on," Jon suggested.
The rope vanished and the hatch closed before he could blink.
Keeping an eye on the hatch Jon carefully retrieved the gameboy and quickly started a game. "Sweet! Tetris."
0oOo0
Jack and the rest of SG1 were waiting when the elevator arrived and the door opened to show Jon looking completely unconcerned and playing a gameboy.
"Where are your escorts?" Jack asked, looking in the elevator.
"They left," Jon said, "one was telling us he was going to propose and I didn't catch the other one's name."
Jack groaned, "They're probably duct taped to the walls of the elevator shaft."
Jon shrugged, "Care to tell me what the emergency is?"
"Loki was caught red handed once more but the kid we saved from him claimed he was just beamed up a second before we got there and refused medical treatment saying he was always part cat," Jack summed things up quickly.
"Part cat?" Jon asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, took down Teal'c with one blow and is quicker than greased lightning; has a quirky sense of humor and avoids causing any permanent injuries to anyone so its not nearly as bad as it could be. Thor should be here within an hour or so to pick him up so the NID won't try and dissect him to make super soldiers."
"And where do I come into all of this?"
"He's a clone who refuses to believe it," Jack said, "he needs someone he can talk with who can empathize with his unique situation; in short he needs a friend."
Jon nodded, "And being a clone myself I'm probably the only person on Earth who qualifies."
0oOo0
Xander dropped out of the small vent in the ceiling into the middle of the cell, startling Jon who'd been sitting there playing tetris.
"What the hell?" Jon stared at the vent which looked barely big enough to fit his head and a shoulder, and then back at Xander who was checking to make sure the box of duct tape was a full one. "You're the kid causing all the trouble?"
"Who you calling kid? You don't look that old to me," Xander fired back.
"I'm Jack O'neill's clone Jon, I got decades worth of memories even if physically I'm only 16," he explained.
"I noticed the similarities in scent and heard you guys talking," Xander admitted, "but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm not a clone. You'd think someone would be smart enough to look up DNA splicing on the net but no..." Xander drawled irritably, "everything's gotta be aliens or alien technology with you guys."
"Human technology just isn't advanced enough to create a super soldier like you," Jon said shaking his head, "being a clone sucks but you either deal with it or spend all your time moping over a life that isn't yours."
Xander sighed, "Refusal to consider anything but aliens when they've already admitted that no race they know of has the tech to create me."
Before Jon could reply an alarm went off and the speakers blared, "We have a foothold situation!"
"Foothold?" Xander asked.
"Shit!" Jon pounded on the door to let them know to let him out, "it means aliens have managed to get through the Stargate and get control of it."
Xander leapt up and started squeezing himself back into the vent in the ceiling.
0oOo0
Xander had overheard quite a bit while crawling through the vents, so he had a vague idea of what the Stargate was and even where the Gate room was.
Sure he could probably escape without too much effort but that would just lead to the military coming to his home town and he really didn't want to have to face masses of vamped military units, he had planned on just driving everyone nuts until someone grew a brain and looked up splicing on the net or they decided that making more of him was not something that any sane person would want but despite it running contrary to his plans he couldn't allow the base to be overrun by aliens with snakes in their heads.
Squeezing out of a vent into a supply closet he quickly armed himself and put on some BDUs, his hair was a bit long but his hat helped disguise that. Ignoring the soldier who was duct taped to the back of the door in his underwear he slipped out of the closet and joined the soldiers rushing to the gate room.
0oOo0
"Hold the line!" Jack called out as he fired his zat, its bolt glancing off the goa'uld's personal shield.
Despite their best efforts they were being pushed back by the black clad jaffa whose Darth Vader style armor shrugged off nearly everything they could throw at it.
Two soldiers refused to be pushed back, actually moving forward and relying on their complete lack of armor to give them the agility to dodge any staff blasts sent their way and Jack had a sinking feeling he knew who they were.
"Lay down some covering fire!" Jack ordered, trying to make it easier for the two kids he was going to have sent to the nut house when this was all over if they didn't drive him to it first.
Jon had all of Jack's memories; decades of black ops experience in dirty fighting in a body that hadn't even hit its prime yet and he was still struggling to keep up with Xander who he was almost sure was hanging back to help him out.
The two hit the front line of jaffa with Xander leading the way by the simple expedient of using a falling jaffa in his nearly impervious armor as a shield/battering ram.
"I call challenge!" Xander roared as he and Jon took down jaffa left and right by tripping them and letting their cumbersome armor keep them down as they were unable to get back to their feet without at least two other jaffa helping.
"Agreed!" The Goa'uld replied and everyone's weapons fell silent, waiting to see how things would play out.
"You face a god! You cannot prevail," the first prime said proudly.
Xander grinned and the goa'uld's eyes narrowed as he saw his eyes, "What manner of creature are you?"
"I am Xander; a trickster," he said tossing his hat aside and revealing his feline features.
"Have at thee!" The goa'uld called, starting up the festivities by sending an energy whip at Xander courtesy of his hand device.
Xander was already in motion before the whip reached him.
The goa'uld slashed at him again and again, getting angrier and angrier as he missed repeatedly and Xander closed in on him.
Xander was pleasantly surprised to find that whatever energy field the goa'uld had he'd apparently shut it off as Xander's first strike which he'd put a lot of power into to break through the shield instead struck the goa'uld solidly, sending him flying like a rag doll.
The goa'uld struggled to his feet, barely hanging on to consciousness.
"This is your god?" Xander asked the jaffa derisively, hoping to make them see that it had lied to them, "do you really think something that weak could be considered a god?"
The jaffa watched in shock as Xander slapped their god in the face several times to try and get his attention, "Wakey wakey little snakey!"
Xander snorted as the goa'uld stumbled back to lean against the wall, "Do you really consider this a god?"
Jon approached Xander, a little nervous about the anger the jaffa were showing towards the young man, apparently this snake had been charismatic enough to inspire loyalty.
Seeing that Xander's back was towards him and his current host was almost useless the goa'uld decided to take the warrior who'd bested him as a host.
Jon opened his mouth to call out a warning to Xander as the "god" opened his mouth and the goa'uld leapt out but before he could say anything Xander spun around with his mouth open to say something and the goa'uld slid right in.
"Shit!" Jon cursed.
The jaffa straightened up, sure that their god had just taken the feline warrior as a host but a second later Xander spit out the head of the goa'uld and burped.
Seeing the confused angry looks on the jaffa's faces Jon quickly nudged Xander, "Say something to calm them down!"
"Your god tasted like chicken," Xander announced in a pitch perfect Darth Vader voice.
Jon groaned, "We're so screwed."
The rumblings from the jaffa increased and they were just working themselves up toward avenging their god when Xander's stomach growled loudly.
"I'm still hungry," Xander announced, a flicker of primal energy making his eyes glow gold as he looked at the jaffa around him like they were food.
The jaffa dropped to their knees as one and pressed their foreheads to the floor, fear of being eaten alive like their god overriding any anger they might have felt a moment before.
Jon blinked and looked around at the sudden change in fortunes, "I think we can let everyone else handle this while we go get you some food."
"Okay," Xander nodded agreeably, a rumbling purr coming from him at the idea as Jon quickly lead him toward the dining hall.
