Chapter 3
My mother was clearly exhausted. Her pale, her shoulders slumped and her eyes had bags under them, like she hadn't slept well lately. I suspected that the lack of sleep came from her mother being in the hospital. She leaned heavily against the door frame as she took her shoes off. Then her eyes eyes rose to where I was sitting and widened, the remaining color draining from her face.
"Kouji..."
She staggered and had to grab the door frame to keep from falling altogether. Instantly Kouichi was out of his chair and at her side, supporting her. I found myself looking down at the table as a confusing jumble of emotions ran through my head. What was wrong with me? I had just found my mother, I should have been happy. Yet, what did I know about her? Nothing. She was just a stranger. Kouichi's mother, not mine...
"Kouji!" My mother had tears in her eyes as she pulled out of Kouichi's grasp and before I could react ran across the room and flung her arms around me.
I stiffened and reflexively pulled away. I wasn't used to being touched by other people, especially strangers. No, wait. This wasn't a stranger, this was my mother. This was a person, I told myself. Not just a picture, not just a ghost. Someone who was now looking at me with hurt and confusion on her face.
"S-sorry. I'm not much of a hugger...Mom." Was it just me, or was it suddenly hot?
The hurt faded from her face to be replaced by a warm smile.
"That's okay, neither was your father." Mom settled into the chair Kouichi offered her with a palpable sigh of relief.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again...Not after I heard your father was telling people I was dead." Mom looked down at the photo album Kouichi had left on the table. "How did you find us? Did my mother call you? She never liked the fact that we split you two up...She always said that twins should be together."
"I came across a box of old baby pictures and letters Dad had left in the attic. That's how I found out that you were still alive, and about Kouichi. Gr..." I could barely get the word out. "Grandma sent pictures of Kouichi growing up, and I followed the return address here."
"That sounds like something she would do." Mom paused to wipe her eyes. "I wanted you two to see each other, but I was just too hurt and angry at Kousei to even think about talking to him."
"It wasn't your fault, Mom." Kouichi spoke up for the first time since Mom had come home."
"Not entirely, but I should have told you that you had a brother, at least." Mom wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Kouichi turned his head so that Mom couldn't see it, and I saw that sadness back in his eyes again.
"It wasn't your fault," he repeated. "Would you like some juice?"
"Kouichi, you don't have to..."
"Well, you're going to be talking to Kouji, right? Besides, you need to eat after working so hard. I'll make you some rice."
"It's just work," Mom protested. "It doesn't have to be hard..."
Kouichi pulled himself out from under her arm and headed to the refrigerator before she could say anything else. I looked from his retreating back to her pale face. Something was definitely going on there. It had something to do with Mom's job. She was clearly exhausted. Was she working too much? With a growing son and hospital bills to pay for her mother-My grandmother, I reminded myself-It was entirely too likely that Mom was overworked and as a result worn out. Was that why Kouichi didn't want to talk about her job? It would also explain why he seemed so sad when he was talking about Mom earlier, and why he'd been so quick to change the subject.
"So Kouji, how's your father doing?" Mom asked.
The last time I'd seen my father was last night, before all this had started. How was I going to face my father knowing he'd lied to me about my mother being dead?
"I heard he got married again," Mom continued. "What's your stepmother like?"
I felt my shoulders stiffen. Why was she bringing Satomi into this? Satomi wasn't even family. Even though I had known her far longer than my mother or brother. I cursed my father for telling me my mother was dead. If I had known she was alive, I wouldn't have had to endure three years of being forced to call Satomi "Mom."
I looked down at my cup. "She's nice enough, I guess."
"Do you like her?" Kouichi asked suddenly.
I glared at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"I..." His eyes sank to the drink he was pouring. "It's nothing."
Why had he brought it up then? I kept my gaze on Kouichi to see if he said anything else, but he kept quiet and finished pouring the drinks.
"You really don't have to make dinner for me," Mom said. "I can do it..."
"Mom, you're exhausted. Let me take care of you for once." Kouichi's shy smile somehow seemed forced this time. "Besides, you've got some catching up to do with Kouji."
"If you insist..." Mom turned to me. "You're welcome to stay for dinner. Does your father know you're here?"
I flinched. "N-Not really."
"Well, you should probably call him and make sure he knows. He'll be worried if you stay out too late."
Actually, my father wouldn't be as worried as Satomi would. Mom was right though, I had to call home and tell them I'd miss dinner.
"Just give me a minute," I said heading for the door.
"That's fine. Dinner needs to cook before we can eat it, you know." I nodded, then opened the door and stepped outside.
Satomi was the one who picked up the phone at home. The phone barely got through one ring before she picked it up, and I suspected she had been hovering over the phone waiting for me to call.
"Hey," I said. "I'm at a friend's place, so I'll miss dinner tonight."
"A friend?" I could hear the concern in Satomi's voice. "Anyone I know?
I mentally cursed my stepmother for her curiosity.
"No, someone I...met on the train yesterday." That was plausible enough. I had been out the day before.
"Oh." There was an awkward pause. "Is your new friend a boy or a girl?"
I resisted the temptation to hang up. "What kind of question is that?"
"Nothing, just curious." I stifled a groan. Satomi was so nosy sometimes. "When are you coming home?"
"His mom invited me to dinner, and the train takes about twenty minutes. I'll probably be home in about another hour."
"Okay, just remember to take Raiko out for a walk when you get home."
"Yeah, I got it." I hung up the phone and turned to see Kouichi staring at me through the open door. How long had he been listening?
"What do you want?"
"Nothing," he mumbled softly. "It's nothing."
I snorted. "So you just happened to stick your head out the door the moment I stepped out to make a phone call."
Kouichi turned and started to go back inside, but I wasn't letting him go so easily.
"And then you're just going to pretend it's 'nothing' and sneak back inside like it didn't happen."
His shoulders tensed up, and he froze.
"If you have anything to say to me, say it! Don't just sneak around like you're some kind of stalker!"
Kouichi turned to face me, his eyes now flashing dangerously.
"Just leave me alone, Kouji."
"Then, leave me alone! I don't appreciate being spied on!"
Kouichi's eyes widened. He turned and stormed off around the corner of the building, and was gone.
"Is something wrong?" Mom asked as I came back in. "It sounded like you and Kouichi were yelling at each other."
"I think we set each other off." I sat down at the table again. "He went around the building...I don't know where he was going."
"He has a place around the back of the building where he goes when he's had a bad day. I think Kouichi probably just needs some time to cool down. This is all a big shock to him...I can't blame him for going there, I'm surprised he lasted this long without going there." Mom leaned back in her chair a little.
"I always meant to tell him. Every day I told myself 'you're going to tell him this someday when he's old enough...' But, that 'someday' was always tomorrow, or next week, or his next birthday. I never found the courage to actually tell him. Your grandmother always said I kept things inside too much."
"I heard she was in the hospital. How's she doing?"
"She's doing all right. The coughing is clearing up, and the doctor say that if there are no further complications she'll be out in a week or two."
"Which hospital is she in? I'll have to go visit her."
"Jikei. It's about a half-hour from here by train. I haven't been able to visit her too often because I'm usually working during visitor hours, but Kouichi goes there every day."
"I'll go visit her first thing tomorrow." Luckily today was a Friday, so I would have plenty of time to visit my grandmother. Maybe I could even pick up some flowers for her.
"She'd like that. I'll call her tonight and tell her you're coming to see her." Mom smiled. "She'll be so happy to see you. Oh, that reminds me..."
Mom got up and left the room for the bedroom. I craned my neck to see her pull a chair from a nearby desk and step on it to reach the top shelf in the closet. She came down with a large box.
"These are all the pictures of you and Kouichi from when you two were babies," she said returning. "I couldn't just throw them away, but I didn't want Kouichi to stumble across them. So I put them up in the closet."
"Dad had his on top of a bookshelf in the attic," I said as she opened the box and pulled out a lot of baby pictures. "Wow, were we really that small?"
"Twins are often born premature. You two were three weeks early, which really freaked out your father. Every time I felt something, he was ready to take me to the hospital!"
I snorted at the thought of my usually unflappable father panicking, then picked up another picture of me and Kouichi crawling on the floor with a large orange cat looking down at us from the table.
"You owned a cat?"
"Yeah, that's Momo. He died not long before the divorce...He didn't like you two too much, since you kept going for his fur."
"Dad has this picture at home." I held up the one of the four of us at the zoo.
"He kept that? I'm not surprised, it was a good picture." Mom took it from me. "You loved the elephants...Kouichi liked the birds better. Here..." She pulled out another picture of an older woman, I guessed her to be my grandmother, holding a dark-haired toddler in one arm and a macaw on the other.
"Is that me or Kouichi?"
"It's you. I wouldn't have had it in the box if it was Kouichi.
"Oh, yeah."
The door opened and Kouichi came in. He took one look at me and Mom, and for a moment his eyes blazed with anger. Then they quickly darted down to the floor.
"Kouichi, are you feeling better?" Mom asked.
"Yeah..." A soft, barely audible mumble.
"I saved some pictures from when you and Kouji were babies. Would you like to look at them?"
"No thanks." Kouichi paused long enough to check the boiling rice, then went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Mom looked at me.
"I guess he's still angry at me for not telling him."
I thought he looked more like he was angry at me, rather than at his mother. Was he jealous? Probably. After all, I seemed to have everything he didn't. Money, a set of parents who were both healthy...Speaking of family, I decided to ask about the one member I hadn't met yet.
"What's my grandmother like?"
"Mom? She's one of the sweetest people I know...She likes cooking, and she never could understand how after all these years I never picked up anything more complicated than boiling rice!"
Mom's eyes flicked to the cooking rice on the stove as if to make sure it hadn't burned while she'd been talking.
"She was teaching Kouichi to cook before she got sick...They made me muffins for my birthday last year. She also likes birds. She would always take Kouichi out to feed the ducks at the park. I wanted to go with them, but I had to work...She raised him more than I did. She was the one who watched him while I was at work, and helped him with his homework...She's a better mother than I'll ever be."
"You're a good mother," I told her. "Kouichi knows that. He told me before you came that you did everything you can to make him and his..." No, that wasn't right. "...Our grandmother happy."
"Really?" Even though she was clearly exhausted, Mom's smile was bright.
A few minutes later, Kouichi emerged from the bedroom to check the rice. This time he pulled out three bowls and some chopsticks out of a nearby drawer and scooped the rice into them before bringing two of them to Mom and I. He barely glanced at me when he gently slipped a bowl in front of me.
"You're really improving," Mom remarked as she popped some rice into her mouth. "I tend to overcook it. I set off the smoke alarm last week because I forgot I had it on."
Kouichi blushed. "That wasn't your fault. You fell asleep waiting for dinner to cook and I was too busy reading to notice."
I looked at Mom who was suddenly intently studying her rice.
"You fell asleep waiting for dinner to cook. And you're exhausted now. How many hours do you work?"
Mom said nothing. Kouichi was the one who answered me.
"Forty hours a week, plus any overtime she can get."
I frowned. "That can't be right...Dad works forty hours, and he's not falling over on his feet like that."
"I have to pay for your grandmother's stay in the hospital," Mom answered me, confirming my earlier thoughts. "The bills have been piling up lately, so I can't take a break to get some rest...I have no choice but to work any hours I can get."
"Oh."
We were all quiet for a few minutes while eating. I couldn't help thinking that all this was probably the reason why Kouichi seemed to be so sad. Was there anything I could do for either of them? At least anything that was possible...I couldn't just poof away their bills. I could try asking my grandmother when I saw her.
"I should be getting home soon," I finally said after the rice had been reduced to a few grains. "It's starting to get dark, and my stepmother will be expecting me soon."
"You're welcome to come back any time," Mom said. Kouichi didn't say anything, but I saw his hand clench around his chopsticks.
"I will. Actually, would it be okay if I came by tomorrow after I visit Grandma?"
"Of course. I won't get out of work until six, but Kouichi will still be around." She looked at him. "Maybe you can meet him at the hospital before you come here."
"...Sure." Kouichi sounded reluctant to say the least.
"Then I'll see you both tomorrow." I got to my feet and headed for the door. I caught one last glimpse of them before I closed the door. Mom's face was radiant, in spite of her tiredness. Kouichi...He was looking down at his chopsticks, the sadness and anger clear in his eyes. Grief over an overworked mother, a sick grandmother, and now jealousy over a brother who seemed to have everything he didn't. I somehow knew that he was hurting inside, even if I didn't know how I knew. What could I do? Could I even do anything?
Maybe my grandmother would have the answers I needed.
