Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Here's chappie #3!

Sasuke: I HATE YOU!

Naruto: aww c'mon you don't mean that...

Sasuke: YES I DO! I'VE NEVER MEANT ANYTHING MORE IN MY FUCKIN LIFE!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I do not own Naruto or Jerry Springer or George W. Bush

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Chapter 3: WTF?

After Naruto stuffed his face, the two sat in front of the TV, watching 'Jerry Springer'.

TV SHOW:

Donna: "Bitch! No way would my man sleep with a fucking slut like you!"

Julie: "Well he did. Not only that but I'm pregnant with his kid!"

Donna: "How do you know it's his!"

Julie: "What the fuck! OMG! Danny! How the fuck did you get here!"

guy walks up

audience gasps

Danny: "Julie! What the fuck! You've been fucking around on me with a damn breeder! How could you!"

Julie: "I swear I didn't do it!"

Danny: "Well, I need to come out of the closet!"

Julie: "You're gay?"

Danny: "No. I'm a chiuaua! A very well-hung chiuaua! bark And I'm pregnant with George W. Bush's human puppy half-breed! It happened when I got abducted and raped by aliens from Delta III!"

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Sasuke muted the show.

"Damn! American shows are some crazy shit, huh?" Naruto commented.

"Stuff like that happens all the time in Otogakure (village of sound)" she said flatly. (voice disguised as a guy's)

Naruto looked at Sasuke, shocked.

"OO You're KIDDING!"

"Nope. I've also seen weirder in Sound."

"My god! That's not possible!"

"Trust me on this. Once you've seen Orochimaru in a bikini, at a picnic, in the middle of January, holding onto a bald monkey, drinking a keg of beer, poledancing, popping pills, smoking pot, on crack, lecturing on history, talking about condoms and birth control, and french-kissing his OWN ASS...nothing tends to surprise you anymore..."

After a void of severe mental meltdown and blindness, Naruto regained his composure (somewhat).

"My god! My eyes! They burn!"

"That's not even mentioning the 'Mozeltov incident'. shudder But I prefer not to ever mention or even think of that again, upon pain of death or life-long mental psychopathic therapy."

Naruto grabbed the remote and turned the sound back on to ease his nerves.

TV SHOW:

Jerry Springer: "So you had an affiar with your plastic surgeon!"

Debbie: "Yes, because he made me beautiful!"

Bob (husband): Beautiful! You look terrible!"

Debbie: "Why you bastard! Get the fuck out of my life!"

Bob: "Gladly!"

Springer: "So where's the plastic surgeon in all this?"

Bob: "He died when she tried to be on top!"

Springer: "Is this true Debbie?"

Debbie: "I swear, an elephant escaped from the zoo and stepped on him!"

Springer: "The Zoo!"

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A slight amount of weight was added to Naruto's shoulder. He looked, and a head of raven-black hair was the object of mass.

"Lighter than I thought he'd be." Naruto thought.

The Uchiha's breathing was slow and regular.

Asleep...

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Sasuke's DREAM

She was in a hot place. Sasuke looked around, surrounded by other kunoichi from the villages. There was Ino, and Sakura, and Temari, Hinata, Kin, Ten-ten, and herself.

Looking down at herslef, she noted that she was in strange clothing, along with the other girls.

Her legs were encased in this, see-through harem pants, her arms adorned wtih gold jewelry, and the small cloth that was wrapped around her chest was a TINY, sleeveless, bra-like, strapless, piece of LACE, showing an impressive amount of cleavage. Blushing madly, she approached the only other girl to have known of the secret. Ino.

"Ino, what's going on?" she asked.

The blonde kunoichi looked at her as if no recognition sparked at all. A bell rang and all the girls ran to the door. The door opened and a tall, dark man with long raven-colored hair, pulled into a ponytail, red eyes, and strange markings on his face entered.

"Master Itachi!" All the girls said at once. Sasuke said it as a hateful hiss, without the 'master' part. She finally noticed where she was. She was in a HAREM that belonged to 'him'! (Itachi)

The eldest Uchiha looked at the younger. He smirked.

"I see the new blossom has arrived." he said smoothly. "Unlike most, her skin is pale and fair. Looks like we've got a desert lily on our hands eh?" he said as he ran his thumb along Sasuke's cheek.

"...grr...bite me, dumbass..." she growled.

Itachi looked a bit shocked.

"What was that!"

"Read my fuckin lips, I said BITE ME!"

"Very well, Lily..."

"Lily? What the FUCK! My name is Uchiha Sasuke, you stupid-ass mother-fucker!"

"Hmm...quite a mouth on you. Also, a liar. Uchiha Sasuke is my brother. And you don't look like a man, it seems to me you look like a petite, young, busty FEMALE! Besides, you shall be what I call you, young one!"

"BITE ME, ASSHOLE!" she screamed.

Immediately, his sharp teeth ran into her neck, drawing blood.

"OW!" she yelled, pushing him away, using her hair comb as a make-shift kunai, slicing his cheek. "You BASTARD!"

Examining his cheek, he smiled evilly.

"A bucking bronco, eh?"

"Damn straight." she snapped.

"Kisame, bring her to my chambers. And don't forget my 'toys'."

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Naruto blinked. Was Sasuke actually TALKING in his sleep? The voice didn't sound like the low, manly bastard who attracts girls like a fucking magnet.

It sounded like a whimper...

"Hmm...I wonder..."

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Back to Sasuke's dream

She was now chained onto Itachi's bed.

"rrrgh...you bastard..." she growled.

"You brought this upon yourself. I wasn't going to 'break you in' until tomorrow night, but your wild mouth got me lusty enough to take you tonight." he said as he brought out a whip.

She eyed it as he attempted to disrobe her. On instinct, she kicked him hard!

"So FIESTY! Every move you make will only arouse me more." he said while moving his jaw back and forth to take in that he had actually been kicked.

"Oh god no! Not that! Please god! When will I wake up from this nightmare!"

---------------------------------

"Sasuke, dude, wake up!"

-poof-

"Huh?" Sasuke said groggily.

"Dude, you had a bad dream...you were crying and everything!" Naruto said.

So it WAS a dream! She was happy that it wasn't real, but something else hit her at the moment of joy. She grabbed her head. A migraine.

Great...Just Great...

"Shit! I got a fuckin' headache from here to the land of Mist!" she groaned.

"Dude, you want an aspirin?"

"Ungh...sure, why not?" she said, concentrating on the pain.

"Y'know, I care about you. Just so you know." Naruto said softly.

"Naruto, I..."

A pang at her heart helped her decide that NOT telling him her secret would be MORE painful, and WRONG considering how much he cared.

"Naruto..." she bit her lip. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, what?"

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Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Well that's the 3rd chappie! hope y'all like it!

Sasuke: No they won't like it, cause i'm a fuckin' GIRL!

Naruto: But people love SasuNaru fics...

Sasuke: Shut up...

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: well enough bickering...let's get down to business! PLZ REVIEW!

Sasuke: I hate you...