/Stop that now,
'Cause you and I were never meant to be.
I think you'd better leave.
It's not safe in here.
That's where this ends.
No mistakes no misbehaving.
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?

It's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.


Oh now don't make it harder
Than it already is. . . ./-Imogen Heap, "The Walk"

#73 I Can't

It was hard for him, to get used to things. The changes, the differences. Kabuto was top notch when it came to reading other people, and that had not changed. However, it did not mean that he could always explain why people did things. Kakashi was a shining example of this.

The older man was infuriatingly confusing. By all accounts, he should hate the silver-haired traitor. Kabuto had done so much so be hated for... He had killed Konoha's ninja, shared their secrets with his Sannin master, and aided in Sauske's kidnapping. Rather, his escape. He'd only asked once before, and even Kakashi's answer wasn't very clear.

"I grew up in war time," He'd said, with his lazy, post-sex drawl. "People killed one another for every reason under the sun and moon. They took the chance to kill their own rivals, in war... And families and friends were dying all of the time." Only a trained eye could see his sadness, though his steady voice. He'd held Kabuto close in his arms, breath tickling the top of his head. "We now live in a time of peace... war, which you barely remember, is done with. On the outside..." A sigh. "Kabuto... you did what a good ninja does. You served your master.." Fingers twirled in the medic's long silver hair. "And yet... you're here again and again... It's your fault."

His fault?!

He couldn't even be upset, he was so horrified at the prospect. It was his fault, that he was treated with such... such... care? He had done nothing but horrible things to Kakashi's home, and even his students. How could it be his fault that the Jounin didn't hate him? What, spreading his legs for the occasional fuck was enough? Preposterous! He had done nothing! He'd bitten his lip that night, so hard that it almost bled.

Those gentle, calloused hands on his smooth, soft skin... Caressing every inch of him every time that they were together long enough for it, as if he were just discovering anew him each time. He knew each and every place that made him shudder and groan, each one that made him arch and cry out in his clear, higher voice. His lower back, the nape of his neck, the corner of his jaw, and he even knew that being kissed behind his left ear caused his entire body to tingle, from his head to his toes. It was a spot not even his master knew about. Careful searching, no, determined searching had found it.

And Kabuto would clench the sheets tightly in his fists as the Copynin repeated his exploring with his lips, teeth, and tongue. He would kiss, nip, lick, and suck at the sensitive areas mentioned before, as if his every world was pleasing the enemy medic. He'd refuse to touch the Jounin in return. He wouldn't want to encourage him anymore than he apparently already was.

But Kakashi didn't mind. He would trace those rough fingertips up along the sensitive skin of Kabuto's inner thighs, resulting in causing them to spread before he'd even realized that he was complying. By this time, he already wanted it so badly that he was panting, but he wouldn't beg. No, never. That was too much. Silver hair splayed out as shamelessly on the pillow, Kakashi's pillow, as his body was on the bed. Kabuto would arch his back, pressing his head back into said pillow, as he felt the Jounin's long, slender digits enter him, at the same time that his tongue explored his already aching arousal. Heels dug into the mattress, knees slightly bent, he would give louder, more honest groans of approval.

The Copynin treated his cock as if it was a completely separate part of his body. He'd taken his time here, too, to find his every weakness. Oh, this man was completely perverted... His tongue pressing, rubbing the right places, under the head, at the very base, nothing left untouched. His free hand, the one that was not filling him, teasing him as he thrust it slowly back and forth, spreading those dexterous fingers, held one thigh to keep it from closing as Kabuto writhed under him on the bed, fingers indenting the supple flesh. And when he sucked...

Lips closed in a tight, smooth ring, and tongue pressing along the sides, he would lift his head slowly turning it as he did, so that his tongue rubbed differently each time. Fingers finding—finding? he'd known where it was all along—his prostate, he would brush it hard, and Kabuto would cry out, tearing at the sheets until he gave up at it, fingers curling into the wild thatch of the Jounin's own silvery hair. Tugging at it, his voice nearly shook as he cried out, now. And just as he felt his climax coming on...

Of course, Kakashi would stop. Heavenly mouth gone, Kakashi would lick his now full lips, smiling his cocky, perverted grin as he removed his fingers. And Kabuto would glare, though he would be panting quite shamelessly, his face a vermilion blush all over, accenting and contrasting his splayed mane of silver, which was by now astray. Arms around the Jounin's neck, he would demand to be fucked. No begging, no, of course not. Even if his voice shook, just a little, and his lips were desperate and soft against the older man's.

And Kakashi would give him just what he asked for. He would enter the medic carefully, though he didn't need to use such caution. Honestly. At the sensation of the considerable—No, really, Kakashi's was rather large—member that now took the place of those deft fingers, Kabuto would arch, his breath stolen temporarily with a gasp. Nails would bite into thin skin, feeling every shift of his lover's shoulders underneath his trained and sensitive fingertips. Kakashi never complained. Even as he gave in to Kabuto's pleas—demands to move faster, and harder, and the resulting actions caused the medic to scratch his back enough to put any adamant woman to shame. His entire body moved with each thrust, with his own rolling into the thrusts, and the pure passion that Kakashi put into them, jerking the very bed with their fervor.

The Jounin's mouth would leave forbidden marks on the medic's tender throat and white shoulders. Bites, and deep purple-red bruises from his sucking lips, the light sting of pain only adding to the twisted medic's pleasure. His still-slick hand would find the medic's arousal, just when he couldn't take it anymore. He would stroke him as he aimed his thrusts more precisely, striking his prostate now with that afore mentioned impressive size of his, much harder than his fingers had. And Kabuto would come, hard, and loudly. If the Copynin was lucky, he might even cry out Kakashi's name, if he was feeling generous enough.

So, it was sex. What else had they truly shared? And yet... it was good enough for Kabuto to come back for, each time... Risking his safety at his home, and a long, slow death in the hands of Konoha's torture masters. And worst of all...

Sometimes, as they lay together afterwards, Kakashi would speak to him. Soft words, gentle words... "You're beautiful." "I missed you, I was worried." And worst of all, "Mmm... Stay with me."

It ruined everything. So Kakashi did not hate him, that was fine. But Kabuto was not about to let sex make him ruin his own life. Everything he had built up, the things he had done to get here... He could not turn his back on them. All of these years, getting his master to trust him... He could not let them fade into nothing. It was just sex. It always had been... What else was there!? If he thought about it, his body would tremble and shake.

He needed a master. He was a servant, after all. While he might be rebelling in this small way... betraying Orochimaru was out of the question. He could not change, this was his path! He had not directly chosen it, but he was going to see it through.

And so he would scoff at the Copynin, calling him stupid, and weak.

"It's just sex, Kakashi. That was the agreement ever since you jumped me, remember? All of you Konohanin are the same! Foolish, idealistic idiots! This is why you're weak! You know very well I can't leave everything I know. We're enemies. I could have killed your precious Hokage. My master would find a way to kill me. You can't..." Can't protect me. No. "I'm not..." Not that strong. No. "I can't."

And he would leave.

Until the next time, when he had his emotions under control. It could be a week... it could be a month. But there would be a next time.

- - - - - -

ps. love you eithy!