Not a very happy chapter ): I'm already working hard on the next chapter, haha. It'll be up tommorrow, as promised.
Enjoy!
~Jellybean.
"How can I be in a compartment with Annie?" I bicker. "I mean, not like she's bad or anything, don't get me wrong- - she's a real sweet girl, but . . . why am I her, uh, roommate?"
Coin taps her fingers on her desk. "We thought it would be a good idea. Our idea was that she could help you with your fear of swimming down in the pool area. And I went and payed her a private visit. She agreed, saying it would be nice to help you."
I smile a bit. "Oh." It seems kind of sweet that she'd do that for me. We were never really friends, as Mags always went to be a mentor so she didn't have to. But she knew that Finnick and I had each other's backs. And I guess it mattered to her. Of course it did. Even the smallest gestures matter towards her.
I slip up the stairs lightly on my feet and unlock the door to my compartment. Annie is sitting on the couch again, watching news feed. "Hello," She says. "Finnick told me to never be afraid of you. He said that you wouldn't hurt me and you only hurt people you didn't like. Or people in the Games."
I nod. "No, no. I wouldn't hurt you, Annie. Me and Finnick are best friend, you know."
"I know," She says, smiling. "He talked about you a lot back in District Four. Always had stories that made us both laugh."
I guess she's really missing him, talking about him so much. She turns back to the Capitol news feed. It's something about shortages of milk and firewood. Firewood is the key word that catches my eyes. I turn towards the screen and stare at pictures of District 7.
Broken dams. Axes stuck in trees, workers on strike. The Victor's Village is trashed. The picture has my old house in clear sight and is pointed out by the reporter. I stare at it, the smashed windows and partly torn off roof. For some odd reason, it makes me sad. I'm reminded of my life back there. I can even partly see the garden in the back. . .
The garden where two dead bodies had once laid.
Suddenly, Annie turns to me. "Do you want to go down to the pool?"
I hesitate. "I do," I say earnestly. "But I . . . I'm afraid. . . "
She nods. "I understand. I was afraid of everything after I got out of my Games. They flooded the arena, and even the sound of water terrified me for a month. It was hard. I couldn't even get myself to go in the ocean. . . I miss the ocean."
"Okay," I say, and push myself up off the couch. "Let's go down to the pool."
We take the elevator down a few levels and Annie leads me down several looping hallways. Finally, just as I thought we'd reached a dead end, Annie stickes a key in some door with no windows, just metal, and pushes it open. From there are glass doors with a long, wide pool inside.
My toes tingle at the sight of it. I'm still honestly afraid of water.
"Come on," Annie says softly. I hesitantly step into the room and walk near the edge of the pool.
You've made improvement, Johanna. You're safe here. Don't make a fool of yourself. Yes, improvement. It's just water. It's not going to hurt you. Even though it's capable of it . . . but it won't. Not here, at least. Safe. Safe. Safe. Keyword : Safe.
I sit down by the edge and peel of my sneakers and socks. I also take off my jacket since it's pretty hot in here. My foot shakily reaches down towards the surface and, with one eye closed, stick my big toe into the water.
It's cool to the touch. Nothing happens. No electric shocks come running up from the very bottom with a mission of almost killing me. I can see it under the water, and I take a deep breathe, planning on more.
"You can do it," Annie says in the background. I wriggle my toes and then plunge my entire foot down into the water. For a second, my eyes are plastered open, waiting for the shock, the torture, the long-awaited death from the Capitol people with no mercy whatsoever.
But it doesn't come. None of it is going to come. I was rescued at Katniss's demands. It probably wasn't a good idea to send me to the Capitol anyway. I think I wasn't completely sane.
My eyes land on Annie in the corner, placing some towels down on a chair. Everyone says she's as mad as it gets. And sure, she's a bit odd. Sometimes she'll cut off sentences completely and cover up her ears, as if blocking out some horrible noise that she just can't take. . . but I don't think she's mad at all. I guess she's . . . unfit for reality.
And by reality I mean . . .
The reality that the Capitol is cruel.
The reality that Finnick is gone.
The reality he is setting himself up for death.
The reality that she witnessed the beheading of her District partner.
The reality that the Games are real ; She won them.
The reality that this world is horrible.
It's all reality. And she's one of those people that can't accept it. That doesn't mean she's mad, she just has to try and block it out as best as she can.
And I suppose its working for her.
By now I've let the water go up to my knees.
"Okay, Johanna, you're doing good. Now all you need to be able to do is jump in. If you can jump in, you've made a great step of progress. It's the most scary and miserable at first to even think about it, I know, but if you can do it, soon enough, you'll be able to do even more . . ."
She trails off. I slip up out of the water. "Jump in?" I ask. "I guess I could try. . . But no promises I'll be able to do it today."
"That's okay," She says. "It might take a while."
You know, she's a pretty good teacher. With her knowledge of water and fear and pain and torture, she's my perfect teacher for this particular class . . .
Over the next few days, I swim and Annie coaches. One day, after I came back from lunch, she had written up a list of things she was hoping to get done in future classes. It included going underwater (which I still refused to do), learning to swim better, and even the hardest:
Getting me to say this exact phrase :
"I am not afraid of water."
The words would always get tangled up and would come out a blur. But as Annie would always say, "Only do it when you know you're really not afraid."
Annie and I create a wonderful friendship. It's odd for us two to be a pair, as I'm more fierce and straightforward than her. But we have many things in common. We both were in the Hunger Games. We both won. We both miss Finnick. We both were afraid of water. We both were tortured. We both lost at least one loved one as a forewarning from President Snow. . .
Sharing a compartment with her isn't bad. I still don't know why people treat her different. She's as sane as I've ever seen her. She laughs normal, she talks normal, but she's twice as gentle. And who said that's a bad thing?
One day, we walk back to our compartment from lunch together. We're both in a good mood, as the cafeteria was serving chicken from District 10 today. It was fresh and good and brightened everyone's day.
I have my key in my hand already, so I do the honor of unlocking the compartment and we walk in. Today was a good day. Annie's as sane as I've ever seen her.
I shut the door behind us and it automatically locks. While I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth, Annie goes and sits on the couch. "I'm going to turn on the Capitol news," She says. "I want to see if there's anything about the troop with Finnick in it."
I rinse my mouth and walk out. "Katniss and Peeta are also in that group. Plus Gale, that guy whose best friends with Katniss?"
"Yes, we've sat with him at lunch," She says thoughtfully. "I remember him well."
She reaches for the remote and clicks on the TV. The Capitol feed is already on, and a reporter is talking in a high, clear voice. She is standing out on some deserted street. "-and the body has been found. It had been confirmed that it is that of the infamous Finnick Odair. Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark are reported to still be alive and on the run. They-"
Annie shuts off the TV right there.
I slump down in my chair, eternally scarred by this news. Finnick is dead. His body was found. There's no denying it. There's no blocking it out. It's all said and done. When was the last time I talked to him?
I think it was the day I got back from the Capitol. . . We were discussing Katniss.
"The rebellion? Is she making the Capitol's life hell?" I ask.
He smirks. "Why, yes, she is."
He promised me she was and I believed him. Suddenly, I remember Annie sitting a few cushions down to me. Her fingers are paralyzed, clenched around the TV remote firmly. Her expression isn't of sorrow or shock. It's hard. You can barely see her breathe.
"Annie . . ." I say gently and calmly. "Don't panic. Everything will work out in the end, okay? I promise. Say something if you understand, okay?"
"Yes," She replies, almost robotically.
"Yes?" I ask again to confirm she isn't flipping out.
"Yes," She says softly.
I hesitate, but reach forward and give her a long hug. After about a minute I can hear her start to quietly weep. This is terrible. How could this happen? My muscles weaken and I let one, just a single tear, slip down my cheek.
Finnick! Nooooo!
