A/N: Well this chapter's taken a while but here it is at last. Also, I have standardized tests next week so I'll have lots of glorious free time :-) Unforunately, track starts next week so the free time will be all eaten up :-( Oh well, I'll find some way to put up more chapters. Also, if you have any ideas for morons (sorry, I already have the two geniuses written b i'm saving em for the end) or people that you really DON'T want to get picked on (no guarantee your wish'll be granted) leave a review or a message. I'm really glad so many people seem to like this story!
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters. Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell do.
Host: Alrighty now, welcome back to everyone's favoritest talk show, "Six Morons and Two Geniuses"! (wild cheering and lots of applause) Now I know that our last guest from "The Winter Knights" wasn't too chatty but now we are joined by one of the noblest characters in the entire book, Screedius Tollinix!
Screedius: Hello, good citizens of New Jersey. (A/N: Yes, this show takes place in New Jersey. Possibly the ugliest and most boring place in the US, if not the world. I always imagined the Mire as the empty strip mall on the edge of my town. There's something strangely similar between them. Anyway...)
Host: So, Mr. Tollinix, can you tell the audience how you felt when you were chosen to go stormchasing?
Screedius: Stormchasing! Ah, tis an honor bestowed only upon the most excellent knights academic. The honor was so great I cannot explain it to those with minds inferior to my own. In addition, the speaking of the experience of stormchasing is forbidden as per the ancient rules of Sanctaphrax established by Benedictius Arnoldius, the fourth Hall Master of the Knight's Academy. Clause 438, Subsection 69, line 4. I follow the rules, sir.
Host: I see...well then can you at least tell us how you felt when you had to leave Phillius Embertinius, your teacher, best friend, and...er...never mind...
Screedius: Oh! Great was my chagrin the day that our ways were parted upon that high floating bench in the great observatory. Yet I wait in joyful anticipation for my glorious return to the magnificent floating city where we shall be reunited in splendor and bliss...
Host: You know he's dead, don't you?
Screedius: Really? Well then I wait in joyful anticipation for the coming of my death and my glorious reunion with my one true love...whoops, that came out wrong...um...next question, Host!
Host: Hah! I knew it! You really are gay. But what made you fall for that old man?
Screedius: Next question...
Host: Huh, in your dreams, I have a crowd to please! Now would you mind telling us all why the only man in the Edge Chronicles who has chest hair is gay...
Screedius: I SAID NEXT QUESTION!!!
(stunned silence for a few minutes. Then Host clears his throat)
Host: Right, dude, don't lose your cool next time. It's perfectly okay to be gay, and it gets views... (Screedius starts turning purple again) Okay, okay, next question. Can you tell us how you went from the noble knight academic that we grow to, er, love to the creepy, disgusting mire-creature that brutally murders hundreds of innocents and even tries to attack Twig!
Screedius: A quest is a quest forever.
Host: Yes? Anything else?
Screedius: Forever.
Host: Oh, so Sanctaphrax is more important than the lives of hundreds of innocent travelers?
Screedius: (sniffing delicately) The buildup of saltmist particles indicates to me that you are being sarcastic. I would be able to taste the humor but, as usual Host, it is quite tasteless. Please desist.
Host: Of course your lordship, sorry if my jokes aren't zesty enough. Alright, I think that's all the time we have right now. We'll be back with the next guest in a few minutes, right after this message from our sponsors.
(flash to hilarious commercial with the employees fighting over the promotion. If you haven't seen it, look it up on the website I can't type that has all the funny videos on it. It starts with a you and ends with a tube.)
