To Lauren and Liz: WOOOOOOOOO! SCHOOL'S OUT, EXAMS ARE OVER! LOOK OUT HIGH SCHOOL – HERE WE COME!
Today was our last day of school! I'm so so so happy and hyper! I don't have to worry about math or history or English or science or Spanish for 2 ½ months! Eek! My summer resolutions:
.Wake up earlier than 11:00 am like I usually do in the summer. Not that it's not great, but then so much of the day gets wasted and when school starts again, I have the hardest time dragging my lazy butt out of bed to get there on time.
.Spend more time with friends. Especially one, who's moving to D.C. :( I'm actually going to a farewell party for said friend later today. If I can get there, that is. My mom just called and told me that she wouldn't be ble to drop me off. Gr...
.Work out more. I'm not fat, but I'm short and I love to eat. Not the best combo, so I figure I'll work a little harder to stay in shape.
.UPDATE MORE OFTEN! I'm aiming for three updates a week. (Don't expect too much. I'm trying to juggle real life as well as four stories. Plus I'm a perfectionist and go over each chapter at least five times.)
Some other things:
One: I am writing two parallel stories. This one will be EPOV and KSF will be BPOV.
Two: I made some changes to chapter 1. Bella now has a little sister named Adriana.
Okay, that's it. Enjoy!
I looked down at her wide brown eyes as they swam with an unidentifiable emotion. Her face took on a faint pink once again.
I saw her take a deep breath before letting it out in a whoosh. "Hi," she said, her melodic voice quiet.
"Hi," I returned, berating myself for being so unoriginal.
A silence fell between us, and I cursed it for being so awkward. Only a half hour ago we had been chatting like we had known each other all our lives! What had changed?
You kissed her, idiot. That's what changed.
I scanned my mind for something to say, but I drew up a blank. I wished I had thought about this beforehand so I could apologize correctly. Even if I had, though, it probably wouldn't have helped – I would have forgotten anything and everything in my head when I looked at Bella. I wondered if her beauty did that to all guys, or if I was just a hopeless pushover.
I finally got myself together and started to say something, but she spoke at the same time.
"Bella, I –"
"I'm –"
We both stopped, and then let out awkward laughs when we saw the other had done the same.
"You first," she told me.
"No, go ahead," I replied, curious as to what she was going to say as well as grateful for an excuse to delay my apology. Not that I thought apologizing was beneath me or anything – I was just scared as to what she would say.
"It's fine," she persisted.
I gulped. Looked like I wouldn't get my out after all. I ran my fingers through my hair, a nervous habit, but it didn't help at all. If anything, it made things worse because I remembered her fingers doing the same only fifteen minutes ago. The way her little fingers -
Focus! Apology apology apology.
"Bella, I'm so sorry about what happened in there. I shouldn't have asked you to kiss me. It was immensely rude and not very gentlemanly of me. I don't know what came over me." Lie. I did know what came over me – desire. But telling her that wouldn't help my case.
"Please forgive me. I know it sounds cliché, but I really hope we can still be friends." I felt strange at the thought that we might not be friends after today. I didn't know why, but it made me feel – sad. More than that. The idea physically hurt me. True, I wanted more than just friendship, but if that was all she was willing to give, I'd take it.
To my surprise, she let out a laugh. I felt my brow furrow in confusion at the reason for her laugh. Not that I didn't like the sound - far from it - but why was she laughing? I didn't know exactly what I had been expecting – a slap and rejection, perhaps, at worst, or a declaration that we could only have a platonic relationship, at best. But I wasn't expecting her to laugh. Was she laughing at me?
"Why are you apologizing, Edward?" Amusement colored her tone, but there was another emotion in her voice as well – guilt? Or something else?
I was confused, and I'm sure it showed on my face. Why would she be feeling guilty? And why was she even asking me this? I would have thought it was pretty clear.
"Because – I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong." The strange, unknown feeling tugged at me again at the word "wrong", and my voice almost broke. I didn't want to think of it as wrong. Not when it had felt so right.
She looked sadder, her shoulders slumping down minutely. Her face fell by the slightest degree. I wouldn't have noticed the change if I hadn't been watching her so closely, completely smitten as I was.
"Do you regret it?" she asked, her voice strong and bold.
I was taken aback by her question. I wavered in indecision as I considered my answers. I wanted to give the right answer. But what was the right answer? Did she want me to say I did regret it, or did she want me to say I didn't? If I went with the first, she might think I didn't think she was a good kisser or good enough to kiss. And that was the furthest thing from the truth. If I went with the second, she might get mad at me for being an apparent pervert who kissed girls he'd just met and then didn't even say he regretted it.
So - which was it? Did I regret it?
But even as I was going through the possibilites in my hand, I knew I didn't. I could never regret it. It was probably the only time I would ever get to kiss her, and I was glad I had taken the chance. I decided honesty was the best policy.
"No," I responded, my voice sure even as I worried about her response to the word.
A smile spread across her face. She looked almost…relieved?
"Then don't apologize."
I started to protest. I may not regret it, but I knew an apology was owed. "But –"
She pressed a cool finger to my lips, shaking her head and causing the few loose strands of her hair to blow back. I wanted to kiss her finger or tuck her hair behind her ear, but I restrained myself with Herculean effort, doing neither.
"No, Edward. There's nothing to apologize for. It's not like you forced yourself on me. I let you do it."
I scanned her expression for the truth, and it shone back at me from her features. I felt my muscles relax. I was relieved that she wasn't angry at me, but also angry at the thought of anyone forcing themselves on Bella. Soon, I turned puzzled. If that was true and she wasn't mad at me –
"Then why did you run away from me?"
She sighed and reclaimed her finger, letting it drop to the ground. I missed the warmth immediately, my lips feeling much too cold without it.
"Now it's my turn to apologize. Edward, I'm so sorry about that. I really didn't mean to kiss you and then leave you standing there."
Why was she apologizing? It was my fault, not hers. "But –"
"I left you there because kissing you scared me."
My jaw went slack at the words. "Scared – you?" I said the words slowly, trying to make sense of them.
She had been afraid? Of me? The now-familiar tug at my heart came again. I didn't want to scare her. I wanted to comfort her, and relax her.
She nodded. "It was so…un-me. I don't do things like that. It's not my personality. I don't just dive into relationships, and I definitely don't kiss guys I've just met.
I broke out into a grin at the words. She wasn't afraid of me – she was afraid of kissing me. Not even that - she was afraid of kissing me becasue she'd just met me.
Well, we would change that soon enough.
For now though, it was enough.
"I should hope not."
She let out a little laugh. "I really am sorry, you know. I just had to get out of there and sort everything through in my head. I wasn't thinking straight."
I couldn't wipe the grin off my face, just as I couldn't restrain from joking around. "Must have been my kissing expertise."
She gave a small smile. "So am I forgiven?" she pressed, not letting the subject go.
"Of course!" I laughed. There was nothing to forgive. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you."
Annoyance covered her face as she put her hands on her hips. "Don't be ridiculous," she said, her tone implying that I was being just that.
"Well, let's not stand here arguing about who was to blame. We'll just split it equally, okay?" I said to soothe her. I really didn't want to stand around arguing about whose fault it was. If I knew one thing about Bella, it was that she was stubborn.
She shook her head and grinned at me, looking amused. "Okay."
I opened my mouth, starting to take a chance and ask her out some time. Just before I could, though, the bus pulled up, the screech of its tires drowning out what I was about to say. Bella jumped up, grabbing her things. "Oh, this is me. I'll see you later, Edward."
She started to walk away, but I was faster this time. No way I was letting her walk away again. Not without her number, at the very least. My arm snake out and I grabbed her wrist gently.
"Bella, wait!"
She turned, one eyebrow half-raised quizzically. "Yes?" she asked, obviously wondering what I wanted.
I licked my suddenly dry lips nervously. "Do you – Can I have your number?"
Hope filled me as I looked at her, wishing she would say yes. She smiled to herself as if she was sharing an inside joke. And, for some reason, I found myself wanting to know what it was. I was to be in on all of her inside jokes.
She seemed to hesitate, though, and my smile wavered. I knew the bus behind her was about to pull away. I could see the driver looking out at us impatiently, obviously wondering if it was worth his time to wait or not. He was middle-aged, in his forties, with a pot belly and small, beady eyes that were surrounded by folds of fat. The overall effect was that of a pig. As he glanced out at us, I saw him do a double take, his eyes resting on Bella's backside as he looked her up and down. Anger flared up in me at the hungry look in his eyes, as if hse were something to eat. No one would look at her like that. I glared at him over her head, a black death look that made him shrink back. Satisfied, I looked back at Bella.
"Give me your phone," she told me. I fumbled for it, pulling it out of my pocket and handing it to her as fast as I could. I was half afraid she would change her mind. She gave me hers as well, and I punched in my number and name.
She gave it back to me with a smile.
"Thanks," I said, truly thankful. I could almost see Emmett in my head.
Dude, it's just her number. Why do you feel so blessed that you have it? Are you really that desperate? You, my brother, need to get laid.
"No problem. Now, I really have to go." She smiled, and I decided that yes, I really was that desperate. For this girl, anyway.
"Until next time," I said softly. I wanted to give her a proper goodbye kiss, but I was afraid to push my luck. I picked up her hand instead, kissing it gently. This time, it was Esme's voice that echoed in my head.
I was a high school junior, Emmett a senior. He had wanted to impress a girl, and, when she wouldn't so much as glance at him, he had turned to Esme as a last resort .
"Well, it's obvious," Esme had scoffed. "She's obviously not interested in your usual antics, which, I have to admit, is refreshing. I'm sick and tired of the girls you usually date. They're all so shallow. But, based on what you've told me, this girl is different. You have to be sweet. Sweep her off her feet."
"Um, Mom, if you haven't noticed, sweet isn't really my thing. That's more Edward's forte."
She had placed her hands on her hips. "Fine, then. But you'll never get the girl."
He sighed heavily. "Okay. How am supposed to 'sweep her off her feet'?"
She smiled. "Bring her flowers. And say she's beautiful, not 'hot' or 'sexy'. Pay attention to what she says. Compliment her. Hold her hand. Don't be embarassed to be seen with her in front of your friends. Kiss the back of her hand. Bring her presents that reflect her personality and her interests. You do all of those things, and this girl will swoon. Guaranteed."
"Ugh, that makes me want to puke. It sounds so - boring! I'm not even allowed to kiss her? Just the back of her hand?"
"Of course you kiss her. All the romance in the world is nothing without passion. Just don't dive right in and kiss her mindlessly all the time, like you are prone to doing.
"Hey, I enjoy mindless kissing!"
She rolled her eyes. "Kiss her all you want, Emmett, but the kisses have to mean something. They can't just be empty and lust-filled. Get to know her first."
"That sounds - ugh." He let out a huff of air. "But I'll do it."
"Whoa, Em really likes this girl if he's willing to go that far to impress her!" I crowed.
"Edward, leave your brother alone," Esme scolded him. "You'll be in his position one day too. But, Emmett, make sure your personality shows too. Don't be someone you're not."
"AKA, she's saying that you're not romantic," I informed him. I was having way to much fun with this.
"I am not! Edward Cullen, do not pout words in my mouth. You can be sweet, Emmett, but sometimes you lean more toward being vulgar. Refrain from cursing all the time, and you'll be fine. You can charm a girl if you put your mind to it." She smiled. "Both my boys can."
And, skeptical as Emmett was, Esme's advice did work. Two weeks later, he had brought home a leggy blonde named Rosalie. And they had been going steady for almost six years now. He always denied actually using the tips Esme gave him, claiming that he had impressed Rose all on his own. I didn't know how true that was, but I did know that the advice didn't sound half-bad.
Esme's words rang in my ears.
Bring her flowers. And say she's beautiful, not 'hot' or 'sexy'. Pay attention to what she says. Compliment her. Hold her hand. Don't be embarassed to be seen with her in front of your friends. Kiss the back of her hand. Bring her presents that reflect her personality and her interests. You do all of those things, and this girl will swoon. Guaranteed.
I vowed that, eventually, I would do everything on the list and more. I would sweep Bella off of her feet.
Kiss the back of her hand - check.
"Bye." Her voice was as soft as mine. I watched her turn and quickly board the bus. I noticed with satisfaction that the bus driver looked too frightened to even glance at her. I watched her take a seat by the window. I grinned and gave her a wave, watching her wave back.
I looked down at the cell phone that I was still clutching tightly in my fist. I flipped it open and scrolled thorugh the contacts. And there she was. Bella Swan, the small letters read.
I let out a loud whoop, punching my fist in the air triumphantly. Those seven numbers would be ingrained in my memory forever.
Please review (flames welcome).
Guys, I have some questions, and I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to answer them in your review:
.How do you figure out if a story is awesome? What makes you go, "This story is amazing!" (I get this tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach if a particular line or part is great. If an author can make me feel that frequently in their story, they are officially amazing. But for some reason, when I read over my own work, I don't get that. I'm trying to figure out if it's because it doesn't work on something I've written or if my writing is just suckish.)
.How do you eat your pancakes? (Mine are Pillsbury Original and I eat them three at a time – the first with butter, the second with whipped cream, and the third varies between the two depending on my mood.)
.Favorite flavor of ice cream? (That's a hard one. Mm – Bluebell Homemade Vanilla. Or Oreo. Possibly mint. Ooh, my friend's mom makes awesome homemade pistachio ice cream!)
.What are you planning to do over the summer? And what grade will you go to in the fall? (Two week vacation to Ohio, Washington D.C., Philly and NYC to both sightsee and visit relatives. Rest of my summer will be at home, updating for you guys. :) Going to 9th grade in the fall - eek! High school! If any of you have been there, done that, I'd love some advice!)
Thanks for humoring me and my weirdness. :)
Quote of the day: The best gift a man can give a woman is his undivided attention.
Luv2read
