The One With The Night Out


'Girl's Night Out' sounded like such a harmless phrase, and she had no idea such a simple thing could hold so much horror. If she'd had even the slightest idea of what this night would involve, she most certainly would not have gone along with it. She would have run in the opposite direction and never stopped.

Bulma had this cackle that reminded her of Vegeta's and it worsened the more she drank. "So what if he's short?"

"He's big where it counts!"

Juuhachigou tried to hide her shudder, and failed.

Chi-Chi was more relaxed than the android had ever seen her. "I shouldn't drink," she said, as she drank. "I have to watch the boys tomorrow." She motioned to the bartender for more.

"Goku, now, there's a man who knows what to do. Even when he doesn't."

The blonde woman had no idea what that meant, and hoped she never would.

Bulma nudged the other woman. It was a terrible parody of that man Yamcha. "He's the generous type, huh? Huh?"

"Oh, definitely." They clinked glasses and Juuhachigou wondered if she should drown herself in liquor or to stay sober until the others passed out. Could she crawl out of a window in the bathroom? She'd tried to in the restaurant they'd just left (or rather, been asked to leave on threat of calling security/police) after Bulma had threatened to disembowel the bartender for not asking for ID, but for some reason when she tried to go into the bathroom, the other woman had followed her. She would have thought it was a conspiracy to watch her and make sure she didn't escape, but they just gabbed in front of the mirror and added more lipstick.

"So," Bulma and the other woman exchanged glances. Disturbing glances. "How are you doing on that front?"

"What front?"

Chi-Chi's eyebrows raised and something very human spoke up in the android. 'Run' it said.

"You know. Krillin."

Bulma spoke up. "And you."

Her voice lowered dangerously; she would make this stop. "What about Krillin and me."

They gave her identical disbelieving looks. "You don't need to lie to us."

"I mean, we like Krillin. He's a good guy."

Neutrally, Chi-Chi agreed. "Good guy."

The android looked at them closely. "What?"

"Well," Bulma opened and closed her mouth. "Well, I'm a little curious."

"I mean, I can't talk since look at who I married, but..."

Chi-Chi finally stopped beating around the bush. "Why him, exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why Krillin?"

"Why Krillin what?"

"Why him?"

"What?"

"He's," the other women shared a look. Had they been planning this the whole time? To ask something nonsensical about their friend? "Sort of. Short."

"And uh. The nose situation."

"The voice, too."

"Seriously, the nose thing. What's up with that?"

"I don't know anything about the...nose situation." There was this feeling in her stomach. It was anger, indignation, but over what exactly, she didn't know. Although, a part of her was curious about his lack of a nose.

"And the bad jokes."

"It's just, we're curious. You're sort of not his type." The scientist sipped her drink. "But, then, there was Marron."

"Ah. Her." They looked at each other darkly.

"Who?" Juuhachigou could barely understand what they were talking about.

"She was, if you wanted to be nice about it-"

"A ditz?"

"Yes. But kind of, almost, pretty."

Bulma nodded reluctantly. "Sure. If you're into that kind of thing."

"What?"

"And I guess if she and Krillin were together-"

"WHAT?"

"Then I guess you and him make sense."

Chi-Chi shook her head. "I had no idea Krillin was such a ladies' man." She looked thoughtful as she played with her straw. "Maybe I shouldn't Gohan spend so much time with him.

"You just don't expect to see Krillin with someone like you."

Juuhachigou felt warm all over, from her building rage. "What does that mean?"

"You're, you know, blonde and pretty and Krillin is-"

"Not."

"Of course, he isn't. He's a pathetic shrimp of a man who lacks a nose. He's ugly and-" Her voice was too loud. She remembered going to Capsule Corp this morning, to make Krillin happy, and the complete lack of fear she'd gotten from his friends. Only Yamcha had flinched at her. Disappointing as it was relieving. Then the women cornering her, 'why don't we go out and have a Girl's Night Out'. Who the fuck was Marron?

"He's not that bad."

The blue-haired scientist nodded and sipped at her drink. "Krillin, he's a good guy. No need to be ashamed."

The voice spoke up louder. 'Run!" She understood none of this. "Of what. Ashamed of what?"

"No need to be defensive, either." Chi-Chi waved her glass in her face. "Krillin would make a good father."

"Oh, yeah! Definitely not like Vegeta, who's never around." They rolled their eyes simultaneously. "And Goku, what about him?"

And now the discussion was looping back to how crappy their husbands were. Juuhachigou would have been willing to pay for either their marriage counselor or divorce attorney at this point, if it made them shut up. The blonde android had a sinking sensation that she knew what the other women were talking about when they talked about her and Krillin. Together.

That was so much about what humans discussed, that act. The act of procreation that continued their species. Although, from the magazines she saw piled up at Roshi's house, and from what she'd seen on television, it wasn't solely to create more life. Which she could almost understand theoretically about all that, relationships and that...mutual touching for pleasure. Theoretically.

"...just awful, he'd never around. Sometimes, I just need someone to talk to, you know." Bulma pressed her hand against Juuhachigou's. "But Krillin, he's a man you can depend on."

The dark-haired woman nodded. "You don't have to worry about him running off to fight in every fight."

"He'll be a good husband."

The voice shrieked, 'Run, run now and never return.'

But she remained sitting. Too shocked to run, she guessed. And a horrible human part of her was curious. She...she'd certainly never talked about anything like this with someone before. This was really not a subject she could bring up with her brother, who covered his ears and began yelling threats everytime she brought Krillin up, even if it was only to say "Krillin wanted to know if you wanted help setting up the rain gutters."

And she definitely couldn't talk to Krillin. He was sensitive, yes, and could be very emotion and beyond effeminate sometimes. Krillin would cry over sad parts in books or movies, would pick flowers to brighten the kitchen, and then throw on a ridiculous apron and cook them dinner. Did that make him the weaker, more romantically aware of the pair?

But then, he was the one who would fix anything that broke, and she was the one who actually cared about what she wore and looked like, opposed to him rolling out of bed and throwing whatever he could find on. She would comb her hair while he would barely run his hand through it. Juuhachigou actually tried to decorate the rooms, while he had decided that a futon was enough. Krillin had more muscles, but on the other hand, she could rip his arm out of his socket with no more effort than it took to uproot a dandelion.

She wondered if he knew more about this sex and relationship stuff than she did. Juuhachigou thought on that, and knew immediately that he did not. "What do you mean, 'a good husband'?"

"He'll be there for you."

"He won't disappear and die for no reason, leaving you with two children and no father!"

Bulma patted Chi-Chi's shoulder, comfortingly. "And I bet he'll do his husbandly duty, too." They both cackled.

Juuhachigou drained her glass and waved it over her head. "Going to need another round over here!"

It took another long drag before she could speak. "'Duty'?"

They cackled again.

Lately she no longer really noticed, really, the 'nose situation' and didn't mind the shortness. There was something about his wide eyes and face that made her want to slam him into a wall, yet not really want to hurt him. She wanted to pull at his hair and kick him and the run away and have him chase her. She wanted to poison his food and then make him better. She wanted to sleep next to him, watch him dreaming about her and smiling drowsily, and then suffocate him with a pillow.

She swallowed. "Have you, have either of you wanted to beat a guy up, but not really hurt him?"

"Oh yeah, all the time. If I had a nickel for every time I took a swing at him..."

"Sure. That's my entire relationship with Vegeta. Except for the part about not really hurting him."


Hours later, they stumbled out into the cold, cold air. Behind them the bartender was still screaming and threatening to call the cops. Juuhachigou nearly shivered, especially when the world shifted under her feet. Her vest and t-shirt provided little comfort and while normally she felt little difference between the cold and heat, the vodka had turned her insides to ice. "Maybe we should call someone?"

"Who, Krillin?" The other woman laughed while she glowered at them. It was the alcohol to blame. That was why she'd said some unfortunate things and asked too many questions.

Her cheeks and ears were warm for some reason. "Well, yes, he'd come get us."

"You, maybe." Bulma waved drunkenly in front of a taxi and nearly fell into the street. It honked and kept going, if faster than before. Chi-Chi was stumbling around and laughing. Juuhachigou had to cling to the light post to keep from falling over.

She had more questions. "But really, why does he like me?"

"Why did he want to help me?"

"I barely know him. I never asked for him to care about me!

"Oh, honey, he thinks you're pretty."

"Is that it? Is that all it is? What makes him think I'm pretty? Is it all because he's attracted to me?" She understood a little better now about attraction and what it could mean to her. And the sex thing. Not just solely for continuing the species, sometimes it could be used for general pleasure. She could almost understand that, remembering that kissing Krillin had been nice. Although that had mostly been just because of the expression on his face. She replayed the scene over and over in her head. She'd teased him for being attracted to her, and now it was coming back to bite her in the ass.

"Well. Krillin's a nice guy. Just in general."

"Yeah. And he doesn't have a lot of luck with women. Combine that with you having blonde hair and a nice figure, and that's about it."

Juuhachigou felt relief and terror. She had the answer to some things, and that was a relief, but then the terror would come barreling in because those answer might explain why she felt the way she did towards Krillin. Were they sharing the same emotions, that attraction and that like thing, that Bulma summed up by saying 'you're willing to spend five minutes alone with him, and occasionally a few of those minutes, you're clothed and just talking. Possible, you're willing to do this in the future. That's what makes a real relationship.' "That's it? That's all it is?"

"Well, I guess. What else did he do beside be nice to you?"

"He used a wish from the dragonballs for me and my brother to be human. And when that didn't work, to have the bombs removed. But then he said that he didn't even care about...dating me, and just wanted me to happy. Or something."

Chi-Chi collapsed near an overflowing dumpster in an alley besides the bar. "I guess he really, really likes you."

"Really? And he's attracted to me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm drunk."

"Yeah. Yeah, you are." And she was asking for her advice. Juuhachigou realized she'd hit a new low point.

Lower than spending her days stuck in a cabin with her brother and no cable.

Lower than spending all day staring at a wall all day or watching Juunanagou clean a rifle and then something in her would burst and she'd end up screaming at him because he'd left a deer trap in the middle of the living room.

Lower than wandering up to Krillin's house like some hungry cat and responding to his large liquid eyes by staying for breakfast.

Lower than when this night had started off, even when she was wondering if she could sneak out of a window in a toilet.

She turned to Bulma, who was lowering herself carefully into the gutter. "Could you ask him? Ask him if he likes me? In that way?"

"Damn heels." The genius threw her shoes into the road where they nearly hit a car's windshield. "Couldn't you just ask him?"

"But what if he doesn't? And then he knows that I wondered about him liking me." She clung tighter to the pole as things spun around even more. "This could worsen things."

Bulma voice was slurry. "Why don't you just sleep with him?"

"What?"

Chi-Chi sounded sick and was coughing. "Or kiss him?"

"I did that."

The dark-haired woman snorted. "Then it's too late for you. You two are going to get married and have a couple of kids you can't afford and then he'll die on you." She fell backwards and hit her head on the side of the dumpster.

"Really?" Juuhachigou asked hopefully. "You mean it?"

That was when the police car pulled up.

Vegeta looked at them with disgust, but not surprise. "I warned you this would happen, woman."

"Shut it." Bulma fell against him as he tried to help her up.

"Now who's going to watch the child tomorrow?"

"Stop nagging."

Vegeta took her by the arm and shook her lightly. "And where are your shoes?"

"Where are your shoes, woman?"

Krillin turned away and shook his head. Juuhachigou was sitting on the sidewalk, leaning against a pole and grinning at him. It was a disturbing, if gorgeous sight. Even with a dirty bar as a backdrop, the light shining down on her illuminated her and made her look like an angel. A very drunk angel.

He sat next to her and looked at her looking at him. "At least you still have your footwear on."

"Come here." She smelled so strongly of alcohol that Krillin was a little shocked. Vegeta had warned them as they played poker that Bulma would get the other woman liquored up and lost somewhere. When the police had called, the Saiyan had been smug. Still, warned or not, the results were surprising. "Come here, Krillin." Her eyes blazed in the yellow light from overhead.

He was helpless to do anything but comply. The woman wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. Vodka, that was what she'd been drinking.

Yamcha was trying to explain the situation to the police. Tien was trying to help Chi-Chi up and failing.

He squeezed her shoulders. "Why did you throw that bottle through the window, Juuhachigou? Why?" His own night was looking much more boring. All they'd had was a couple of beers and discovering that every time Vegeta had a good hand, the veins on his right temple bulged more than the ones on the left.

She giggled against his neck. "And we're still clothed too."

"What exactly did you guys talk about?"

"A lot of things." She looked deeply and seriously into his eyes. Her lips touched his ear and a stick of dynamite went off in his chest. It was very pleasant. "I know all about you and your attraction, Krillin."

She was grinning and it was amazing and frightening. "I know everything now."

Her head felt so right resting against his shoulder. "You think I'm pretty." A drunken giggle. "And I want to poison your grape soda and then be your nurse."

"...I can't wait until you sober up to explain that one. But until then, I think I'll avoid any soda you hand me."

Juuhachigou nuzzled him. "And then have a kid or something and be like the other couples."

It should have been the better, this moment he'd been waiting for his entire life.

"Yeah." He looked at Vegeta, supporting Bulma while trying to look for her shoes, and her complaining about the roughness of the sidewalk as they tried to make their way over to the car, "Well, then, don't throw away your shoes, damnit!"

And Chi-Chi, yelling, snarling at Tien and Yamcha and "That bastard Goku, where is he?", because he has a lot to answer for, and "Where are my sweet babies? Where did you take them, you three-eyed bastard?"

His arm loosened around her. "Yeah. Just like them."

"Now, come on." She grabbed his arm and tried pulling him while trying to maintain her own balance. "Come on, Krillin."

"There's this sex thing that I want to try." Everyone heard and turned towards them. Even Vegeta gave them a disturbed look as he tried to push Bulma into the car.

"Find my shoooes, Veggie."

His fist smashed into the roof of the car. "Goddamnit, I told you not to lose them! Did you throw them off an overpass again?"

Bulma giggled.

"Goddamnit, every time."

And just like that no one was paying attention to them.

She tugged at his shirt. "It's supposed to be good."

"Feel nice, like when I kissed you."

"Have you heard about it?"

It was safer to not answer.

She continued pulling him along into the car. "Come on, let's go get married. Then we can have some kids, and you can go die."