Hey there! This is Billy, Muse of submission, fluff and research. I know Rhi implied that there would be smut in this chap, but based on my research I've decided Adam's not ready yet. So I got David and Kip to distract her while I hijacked this chap. You know, for a guy that claims to be straight, David is the best deep-throater I've ever seen. Besides me, of course. So, Rhi does review acknowledgments here, right? Okay... ah. Terrah. Sweetie. I'm sure Rhi loves the fact that you're looking forward to the updates, but it's turning her into a slave driver. We're actually having to work for a living! Oh, and good catch on Adam's response to Dr. Nora's speech. Kinda important. Um, JoMoFan-spot. Oh, Kip has such a crush on JoMo, wants to beat that bubbly ass till it glows! Anyway, Rhi will be thrilled that you find her irresistible. *wink* But seriously, she's glad people are taking to this shade of Jeff. She was a bit worried, but we knew it needed to be done. Takers dark lover, glad you're liking it so far! Rhi loves every bit of feedback she can get. She's a whore that way. Anyway, you peeps didn't come for me, so let's get on with the story. :)

Title: Take My Life
Rating: M
Warnings: Language, angst, gratuitous cuddling
Pairing: Jeff/Edge

Jeff rolled over in bed and squinted at the clock. He'd only dozed most of the night, tossing and turning and waiting for Adam to disturb him. He never had. Jeff thought he'd heard him cry out a few times and snapped out of his doze, but after listening hard for a few minutes and hearing nothing else he'd tried to get back to sleep. Now it was seven in the morning, and he groaned and got out of bed. Might as well start his day, check on his Adam.

He got in the shower and berated himself. Not his Adam. Not yet. Right now he was just his friend. He had to wait until Adam decided - until he could decide - to become his. Of course, that wouldn't stop Jeff from doing everything he could to make sure Adam decided his way.

After his shower Jeff threw on a wife beater and flannel pants. Today would probably be a comfy pants kind of day. He knocked on Adam's door and went inside when he got no answer.

The bed was rumpled and empty. The light was on under the bathroom door.

"Adam?" A groan was the only reply. He swallowed the rising panic he felt at the thought of Adam hitting his head on the side of the tub, lying for God knows how long in a puddle of blood. "Adam? Talk to me, Adds, or I'm coming in."

"You don't wanna do that," Adam moaned.

"You need anything?"

"Yeah. More fucking Imodium."

Jeff smirked. Stomach cramps must have hit. Poor guy. He surveyed the room a little more closely and wrinkled his nose. He opened the windows to let in the fresh early fall breeze. The sheets were damp with sweat, so he stripped the bed and grabbed the empty pill plate to take downstairs and refill.

By the time Adam emerged from the bathroom Jeff had stocked the room with meds, drinks, snacks and DVDs. He was reclining on the new linen, back against the headboard. Adam flopped face first on the bed.

"This. Fucking. Sucks." He crawled up the bed and laid next to Jeff in a fetal position, head on the pillow. Jeff handed him the pill plate and a bottle of Gatorade. Adam sat up just long enough to gulp the pills down, not even asking what they were.

"Did you get any sleep?" Jeff asked.

"Not much. I hurt everywhere," he pouted. It was impossible for Jeff not to stroke his sweaty hair back.

"Aw, poor Adds. Well, today you don't have to leave this room if you don't want to. We'll lie in bed, watch stupid movies you don't have to think about, and just let you wallow in misery."

"That sounds fantastic."

"Do you want me to draw you a hot bath first?"

Adam thought about that for a minute. "This is gonna sound weird, but would you come with me? Not like in the tub, but just sit in the room with me? I'm tired of being alone. And I don't want to fall if I have to scramble out." He bit his thumbnail, not looking at Jeff, and... good lord, was he blushing? Jeff could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Adam blush.

"Yeah, sure," Jeff said, trying to sound nonchalant. "As long as you don't mind me drawing." Adam shrugged and Jeff went into the bathroom to start the water. He filled the tub with bubbles and turned on the stereo. Adam's stomach cramps hit him again and he pushed Jeff out of the bathroom while the water ran. Jeff sighed and went to retrieve pillows, a sketch pad, and candles. Lots of scented candles.

Half an hour later Jeff sat in the pillow nest he'd assembled, sketching Adam's relaxed profile. He was sunk to his neck in bubbles, some sticking to the scruff on his chin. He looked pale and wan, turning his rugged good looks into tragic beauty. Jeff was entranced.

"So how does Version Bum feel about me staying here?" Adam asked, snapping Jeff out of his reverie.

"Matt doesn't know. And I think he prefers to be called The Angelic Dipshit now," Jeff said with a smirk. Matt hated that nickname, and he could imagine the sparks that would fly if Adam ever let it slip. Adam sat up and turned his head to look at him.

"He doesn't know I'm here? You guys tell each other everything."

Jeff shrugged. "Not so much anymore. Now lie back, I'm drawing here."

Adam's brow furrowed and he twitched. "Wait, you're drawing me? I thought you did all that abstract-y shit."

"I do," Jeff said, rolling his eyes. "I try my hand at realism a few times a month to keep my skill set sharp, though, and drawing you is better than drawing the toilet. Now lie back."

Adam leaned back, giving him a side-long glance, then relaxed into his former position. "So did you and Matt have a falling out or something?"

"No," Jeff said, shading an eyelid, "not really. I'm just a bit more private now. He's still my best friend, but I realized he's also my older brother. If I told him you were here right now he'd be here, trying to take charge. And I love Matt, he helped me a lot, but he doesn't really know what you're going through. Maybe that's where this disconnect began, you know? He didn't really understand what I needed." Jeff suddenly realized he was rambling. He'd gotten lost in his work again and his mouth kept moving while Adam kept listening. It was kind of weird. He didn't remember Adam being much of a listener. "Anyway, Matt probably wouldn't be happy with the whole situation. He wanted me to mind my own business."

Adam huffed. "He was probably right. I've just been a huge burden on you. I mean, no one's taken care of me like this since my mom when I had mono in high school. Why are you being so nice to me, anyway?"

Because you're mine, a part of Jeff screamed. He shook his head. "That's what friends do."

"Not like this. I mean, we were barely friends at all."

Jeff set his sketch aside with a sigh and sat on the edge of the tub. "Honestly?" he asked, pouring shampoo into his hand and massaging it into Adam's hair. "You scared me. I meant it when I said I missed being your friend. I didn't want to lose you like that, not when we were finally getting over all that shit." Adam was practically purring under his fingers and Jeff was just trying not to think about how naked Adam was under that water. He tried to focus on the soapy locks in his hands and not on the thinning bubbles. "Right now you need someone who can have some empathy and not judge. I can do that, so here I am. People helped me through this and it's my turn to help you."

"I guess all I can say is thank you. Doesn't seem enough, though."

Jeff didn't answer. Just rinsed Adam's hair.

o~o~o

"You've got to be kidding me," Adam groused.

"Seriously," Jeff said, "just give it three episodes. If you don't like it after that, I'll put something else in."

"Fine. But really? Desperate Housewives?"

Jeff smiled. "That's what I said to Dr. Nora. But it was the only thing I liked about detox. Wysteria Lane can make anyone feel better about their lives."

"We'll see about that," Adam mumbled.

By the end of the first episode Adam was hooked. They watched intently for a while, Jeff handing Adam Gatorade and meal replacement drinks to sip on since he didn't want to eat. After his fourth trip to the bathroom Adam dropped back onto the bed, exhausted.

"You okay?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah," Adam said. "Just turn it back on. Wanna forget about how shitty I feel." He looked about three shades whiter than he had that morning and his eyes were bloodshot. Jeff turned the show back on, but stopped it again when he felt Adam shaking beside him. He looked down to see him curled in a tight ball, pressing his face against the pillow. He touched his shoulder.

"Hey," he said. Adam let out a strangled groan. His skin was clammy, but when Jeff felt his forehead it was burning. Adam reached out and clawed at Jeff's shirt. Jeff gathered him into his arms, head on his stomach, and Adam clung to him. All Jeff could do was hold Adam's trembling, sweating body and rub his back. If it didn't pass soon he'd call Dr. Nora, but there wasn't much she could do for him, either. They just had to ride it out.

"I'm here," he said quietly. He was pretty sure Adam couldn't even hear him. "I don't plan on letting you go."

After what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes, Adam's shaking began to subside. He laid there for a while, just feeling the warm body breathing softly under his cheek, the strong arms around his shoulders. It felt good. His mind was spinning, wondering what he was doing here, why he was putting himself through this. He shook his head, nuzzling into Jeff's stomach. "Jeff?"

"I'm here, Adds." Jeff's voice sent a pang of hurt through him and his breath hitched. Jeff had given him that nickname, and the only people that called him that were the Hardys and their little clan. He didn't talk to any of them anymore, hadn't even spoken with Amy in months. He missed them. He didn't want to think about it anymore. Didn't want to remember the friends he'd had, the reason he'd pushed them all away.

"Turn it on again? Please?" He hated the weakness in his voice. Hated what he'd become.

"Sure. You thirsty?" He nodded and sat up to drink from the bottle of Gatorade Jeff handed him. When he was done he rested his head back on Jeff's stomach and lost himself in the absurd problems of people who didn't exist, feeling long fingers running softly through his hair.

o~o~o

Adam had a few more bad moments during the day, but he seemed to be getting over the worst. He completely embarrassed himself by crying openly at the drama on the screen, but Jeff just stroked his hair and gave him tissues. No matter how his emotions fluctuated or how sore he was, his head rarely left its spot on Jeff's belly.

That evening they decided to abandon Wysteria Lane and watch RAW. It was strange seeing his colleagues out performing, living their normal lives, while he was just languishing in bed. He realized Jeff was in the same boat. He hadn't left him to train or work out at all. He tried to apologize for that, but Jeff shushed him and told him to watch Randy kick some ass. It was good to see Randy again, even just on the screen. The whole show was like catching up with old friends and he even found himself smiling and cheering them on.

After RAW Jeff had to get up and walk around for a minute. "I'm gonna go grab some real food. You wanna try any?"

"God, no," Adam said, sitting up. "Just the thought makes me feel all queasy. But you go, you've been stuck with me all day. Take a walk, leave the fucking house and get take-out or something."

Jeff shook his head. "I'm not leaving you in the house alone. What if you have another case of the shakes or something?"

"That hasn't happened for hours. I'll be fine. I'll just watch my show while you're gone."

Jeff had stood up and was in mid-stretch, but the comment made him double over laughing. "So, it's your show now? I knew it, you're obsessed." Adam flipped him off. "I'll be down in the kitchen or at the computer if you need me. Just gonna check my emails while I eat."

He must not have gotten much mail, because he was back before the episode was even over. He sat next to Adam on the bed and grabbed a handful of Skittles. Adam was holding his sketch pad, examining the bathtub portrait.

"You actually made me look hot."

"Just drawing what was in front of me," Jeff said, looking over his shoulder at the picture.

"That's not what I saw last time I was in front of a mirror. And I've been in the bathroom a lot today. Christ, I look so sad."

"Well, you are quite the miserable fuck lately," Jeff said.

"I know." He traced his fingers over the picture, careful not to smudge it. "I used to be so fucking strong. Took what I wanted when I wanted and no one could put me down. Now I just play that guy on TV. The real me is a pathetic burden that weeps at chick shows. How the fuck does that happen?"

Jeff was almost afraid to respond. Adam almost seemed to be talking to himself, and Jeff didn't want him to stop. Adam just kept staring at the drawing, though, so he said, "You tell me." Adam snorted.

"I thought I was so fucking smart, giving her attention, telling her how beautiful she was. She totally fell for me. I weaseled my way into her panties just for a shot at that gold. Stupid fucking gold. I wanted to be on top so bad I never saw the signs. And then when she started..." He sighed and rubbed at his mouth. "She drove Randy and Chris away. She was so jealous of how I was still close with Amy, she wouldn't even let me talk to her. Or anyone else, either. She sold my fucking house, man. Auctioned half my shit and she controls all the money. She made sure I had nothing."

Jeff stared. "What the fuck?" he said. "She can't just do that. Not without... is she blackmailing you or something? What does she have on you?"

Adam put the sketch pad aside. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore. She's just evil, okay?"

"Adds, if you want my help with this, I have to know what's going on."

"I know, I just... can we wait until after we talk to Dr. Nora? I'd like to at least pretend to have some dignity left by the end of this week. I know I've been asking a lot from you lately, but please, just be patient with me a little longer."

Jeff touched his shoulder. "If you recall, you haven't asked for anything." He gave him a small smile and rubbed his back a little. Adam sighed and curled up with his head on Jeff's tummy again, never seeing the angry frown on Jeff's face as he started the DVD player.

Two hours later Adam heard a soft snoring above his head. He glanced up to see Jeff with his head back against the headboard, fast asleep. He chewed on his cheek for a second, then slid his arms around Jeff's waist. He snuggled closer, listening to Jeff's heartbeat as he tried to feel sleepy.

o~o~o

Jeff awoke unable to breathe. Adam was squeezing him and drenching them both with sweat.

"Ad-" Jeff gasped, grabbing Adam's arm to loosen his hold, "Adam. Adds, you okay?" Shit, was he seizing? He swept his hair back to see his face. No. His eyes were squinched shut and his brow furrowed. Not the slackened look of a seizure. Jeff let out a relieved whoosh of breath. Just another case of the shakes. Adam pressed his face into Jeff and whimpered. Maybe a nightmare? "Adam," he said again, rubbing his back. "I'm here, Adam."

"No," he mumbled. "I'll do it. No more." Jeff was about to shake his arm but froze when Adam spoke his name. "Stop, Jeff, please... no... NO!" Adam bolted out of Jeff's arms, screaming. Jeff reached for him.

"Shh, Adam. You were dreaming, it's okay." Adam twitched away from him, panic in his eyes.

"Jeff?" He finally woke up and looked at Jeff, who was by now on his knees, hands on Adam's shoulders. Adam pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, sobbed once, then burst into tears. Jeff wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"Hey, hey, now. It's all over, I'm here. It was just a dream."

"Fuck," he wailed, breath hitching. "She wouldn't... you were... she was gonna... hurk... guk..." Adam launched off the bed and fled to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Jeff heard the sound of retching. He tried to follow, but the door was locked.

"Adam! Lemme in!" He didn't like a locked door between them. He could choke, or hurt himself.

"I'm okay. I just..." Adam retched again and Jeff jiggled the doorknob, as if that would magically unlock the door.

"I'm breaking the door down," Jeff said.

"No! No, I'm.. I'll be okay. I just... need a few minutes."

Jeff pressed his forehead against the door, listening to him cough and spit. "A few minutes. But if I can't hear you, this door is coming down." He turned and slid down the door, running his hands over his face and into his hair. He was going to fix this when Adam chose to stay with him. And he would. Jeff would make certain of that.

Rhi: Dammit, Billy, you added another chapter, didn't you? Billy: You caught me. But they cuddle so cute! Poor Adam just wanted to be held. He's not himself right now. Rhi: *sigh* Okay, okay. I see your point. I'm still gonna make Kip punish you for hijacking, though. Well, as soon as he recovers from what David did to him. Stop cheering! Ugh, Muses, right? Sorry guys, I'll have some teaser smut for you next chap, which is half-written already, so you'll see it soon. Loves!