A/N: It's only been 9 days? Wow, I think I've broken a personal record. O.o
"Kaede-san, come in."
Another forced smile. She was so sick and tired of this. Her therapist, Sorano Tori, was a beautiful and kind young woman; that was not the point. But why did she always have to force that smile, and so obviously, too?
Kakashi was already inside. When he looked at her, she quickly looked away. She didn't know why she did that.
"He's really doing his best to restrain himself. He wants more."
That's not true, retorted Kaede at the memory. And even if it were true, that doesn't mean he doesn't love me for who I am.
She sat down on her usual seat. Kakashi was sitting a little ahead to observe.
"Tori-san," started Kaede. She still found it weird to address her therapist like that, but she had insisted. "You don't expect me to… do this… right away, do you?"
Tori sat down on the chair in front of her. "Do what?" she asked.
Kaede took a quick glance at Kakashi, who was watching her without blinking. "Y-you know what I mean," she said, looking back at her therapist.
"I need you to say it out loud," said Tori.
"I'd rather not," said Kaede softly.
"By not talking about it, you're denying your problem," said Tori. "But it's there, Kaede-san. You cannot run away from it forever.
Kaede took a deep breath. "I mean bringing out the other one," she said quickly. She felt ashamed to say this out loud, especially in front of Kakashi.
"Why would you not want to bring her out yet?" asked Tori.
"I'm not ready for it," replied Kaede immediately.
"You are ready for it," said Tori calmly. "With Kakashi-san here, you will have nothing to worry about."
Kaede frowned at the part where she called Kakashi by his first name, but then again, that was their policy: only address each other by their first name.
"I know, but… I'm not even sure I can bring her out at will," said Kaede.
"It's okay if it doesn't work today," said Tori. "As long as you give it a try. We've been stuck on the same point for long enough now. Now, you told me a while back that the other personality came out whenever you were in danger or felt strong negative emotions. Maybe if you try and go back to one of those moments—"
"Excuse me," Kakashi interrupted her. Both Kaede and Tori looked at him. "What are you trying to make her do? Are you saying she'll need to feel miserable and remember something traumatizing, just to bring out her other self?"
"Kakashi-san," started Tori calmly. "Kaede-san has already made good progress here. She has almost fully accepted what has happened to her and she knows that nothing of the sort will happen to her here."
"But doing something like purposely making her feel like that…" protested Kakashi.
"Kakashi-san, with all due respect, I know what I am doing," said Tori. "Kaede-san will have to do this. Many patients before her have done this, and the vast majority of them are back with their families and living amongst other people in peace."
Kakashi bowed his head. "Forgive my rudeness," he then said quietly. He looked up, giving Kaede a worried glance.
Tori bowed her head to him with a smile, and then turned back to Kaede. "Kaede-san, do you have a memory in mind?"
Kaede looked at her and gave a slow nod.
"Good," said Tori. "Go ahead and lie down on the couch."
Kaede stood up and walked over to the couch. She carefully laid herself down.
"Now, close your eyes," said Tori. "And take a few deep breaths."
Kaede did as she was told, but did not feel less tense.
"Now, try and go back, and tell me what you see," said Tori quietly.
Kaede did not want to remember any of this. She had blocked these memories for so long that they were all very vague. The memory she had in mind was the clearest one, but thinking about it made her tremble all over again.
"Relax, you're not there now," said Tori. "You're safe here. It's just a memory."
Kaede gathered all her courage, knowing that Kakashi was in the room, and started to speak.
The first thing I remember from that time was a voice. They'd drugged me, so I was half asleep at first.
It was a young man's voice. I can't remember his name. He laid me down on an unfamiliar bed, then I heard him leave the room. It was quiet for a long time. I couldn't move, I couldn't see, I could only hear the sound of birds outside and smell a man's cologne on the sheets. By that time, I was well aware of what was going to happen to me. I was fourteen and had been kidnapped and kept for sex since about 6 months before that day.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching the room I was in. When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry. And when I heard a familiar voice, I quickly pretended I was still asleep. It was the voice of a man I had been forced to get intimate with a couple of times: Ushio.
He was in his forties, and came from a wealthy family. He was pretty buff for a businessman. He was their most regular 'customer' and I was his favourite. He appears very nice and gentle at first, but whenever I refused to do something, he'd beat me up and threaten me into not telling anyone. He claimed that he loved me and one day he'd make me his.
I heard the door open, followed by a delighted gasp from that man. Then I heard the younger man say: "She's all yours for the rest of the day. You deserve a good day off."
And Ushio said: "When will she wake up?" … "I want to see the faces she makes."
…
Then I heard the door close and the voices and footsteps die away – he was probably leading the younger man out.
My vision had become better and I regained some strength to move. I crawled off the bed and looked for the nearest window. It was so exhausting to walk, even though I was leaning on everything within my grasp. I climbed on top of the desk in front of his bedroom window, and opened the window. But just as soon as I managed to stick my leg through, Ushio was already back.
And he laughed and said: "Hey, where do you think you're going?"
He grabbed me from my armpits and dragged me back inside. I panicked. I tried to scream, but I was still weak from the drug.
"You could've fallen and hurt yourself," he said before he threw me back onto his bed. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down. Even though he was smiling at me, I knew he was already running out of patience with me. Then he continued: "Today is my one free day of the year. You'd better behave."
I was too scared to move. He let go of one of my wrists and started rubbing my thigh. Then he kissed my neck and whispered to me that he was going to arrange right after today that I'd stay at his house forever. He said he was tired of sharing me with other men and seeing other guys' marks on me… and… that I was never, ever going to leave that house again. He said he'd have a room prepared for me, and that he'd lock me up when he was out.
He didn't stop. He kept telling me what future he had planned out for me while he kept touching me, biting me, penetrating me, over and over again, it went on forever—
"Kaede!"
Kakashi couldn't help but scream her name. He had sat down on the floor next to her and held her hand while she was talking. She probably hadn't even noticed it. But when she started to squeeze his hand, tighter and tighter, her breathing sped up and she started to transpire heavily, he could no longer hold it back. It was too awful to see her like this.
Kaede whimpered and gasped for air without opening her eyes.
"She's hyperventilating!" he exclaimed towards Tori. The therapist had already grabbed a paper bag, and she covered Kaede's mouth with it.
"Kaede, it's me," said Kakashi to his beloved. "You need to calm down. You're not with that man anymore. You won't see him ever again. You'll never be hurt like that again. I swear, Kaede."
Kaede's breathing stabilized and she slowly blinked her eyes open, dropping some tears as she did.
"I'm sorry," she spoke softly. "For a moment, I was…" She bit her bottom lip.
"Kaede-san, are you okay?" asked Tori.
Kakashi shot her a sharp look. "Was this supposed to happen?" he asked.
"It should have worked to get the other personality out," said Tori. "But clearly it didn't work. I'm sorry, Kaede-san."
Kaede shook her head.
"I'll be taking her back to her room," said Kakashi.
"Kakashi-san, the session is not over yet," said Tori.
"Does she look like she can continue this session?" asked Kakashi, gesturing at Kaede. "You may be the therapist, but I know Kaede, and she will not continue this session in her current state."
"Kakashi—" Kaede started to protest, but Kakashi picked her up and carried her in his arms.
"No buts," he said strictly before he looked back at the woman. "You understand why I'm doing this?"
"Yes," said Tori, looking somewhat defeated. "And you're probably right. Please take care of her."
"I will," said Kakashi with a nod. He carried the startled Kaede outside the office and down the hallways. He felt so much rage building up inside his chest that he found himself striding forward faster and faster.
He walked in silence until Kaede spoke up: "K-Kakashi? I'm okay now, really…"
He looked down at her face. She gave him a worried frown. Was it worry? Or was it fear? Did he really look that mad?
He did his best to soften his look. "That's good to hear," he said as calmly as he could, but his voice was shaking.
He opened the door to her room with some effort without dropping her, and laid her down on the bed.
Kaede sat up immediately. "Kakashi…" She sounded anxious. "They're still trying to find the right way to—"
"They should have thought this through!" said Kakashi, louder than he meant to. Kaede flinched, and he immediately regretted saying that. "I'm sorry," he said a lot more calmly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Kaede was trembling. She wasn't okay. She was still in shock.
"I'm not angry with you," continued Kakashi. "I'm angry with them. I'm angry with that therapist. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," said Kaede carefully. "I'm just… being silly."
"You're in shock," retorted Kakashi, keeping in mind to keep his voice down. "It must have been awful, going through all that…"
"It was," said Kaede. "I felt so miserable back then. Every day, I prayed to the spirits that my life wouldn't go on like that forever."
"You're not there anymore," whispered Kakashi.
"I somehow managed to escape," said Kaede. "I don't know how I did it. I escaped, only to end up in the hands of the next pervert…"
"Stop," said Kakashi. "You're not leading that life anymore, Kaede. You're with me now. And I won't lay a finger on you until you're ready. Even if it takes years, or even if maybe you'll never be ready, I'll always be with you. You understand?"
Kaede suddenly pulled at Kakashi's shoulders, bringing him down to her eye level. Then she pulled down his mask and started a burning hot, passionate kiss. It took a moment for Kakashi to realize what was going on, but now, finally feeling her lips against his again, he could no longer hold back. He leaned his arms next to either side of her for support, deepening the kiss.
He soon came back to reality when he felt her hands traveling down his sides and her fingers closing around the hem of his shirt. Kakashi reacted instantly. He broke the kiss and grabbed her hands, taking them in his own between them.
He gave her a cheeky smirk and said: "Like I said: when you're ready. And don't say you are," he added when Kaede opened her mouth to protest. "You're not. Besides…" He let go of her hands, stood up straight and pulled his mask back up. "I promised not to touch you for the time being. Let's bring that promise back in, shall we?"
"Don't think that I'm not ready, Kakashi!" said Kaede quickly. "I'm more than ready. I—" She stopped, her face flushed. "I mean… Don't laugh at me…"
"I'm not laughing," said Kakashi, though he did find her sudden change of attitude kind of funny.
"I'm serious," said Kaede, a lot more quietly. "Ever since that night by the lake, when you saved my life…"
Kakashi remembered that night all too well. Kaede's alter ego had tried to kill herself and take Kaede with her by drowning herself in a lake on their way here. But he had saved her. And maybe what Kaede also meant was what happened after she realized she was naked. Her alter ego had taken off all her clothing before she entered the lake. Kakashi had taken off his shirt before he went in after her to save her. And after he told the real Kaede this, she had stood with her naked body against his back and asked him if he was physically attracted to her.
This memory had played in his mind over and over again, and every time he remembered the last part of it, he felt that tension again in his manhood. He cut off the memory for now before he would do something stupid and let Kaede finish what she was trying to tell him.
"Since that night," she continued, "I've been dreaming. About us being… intimate." She sighed. "It's embarrassing to talk about it. But the point is, I can only feel good when I'm with you. You've not once given me a reason to question your feelings for me. I really think you can show me that sex can be a good thing, too."
Kakashi blinked. He had not seen this coming.
Kaede stood up. Kakashi reached out to help her, but she shook her head. She stood up and stayed very close in front of him. "Of course I find it scary," she then continued. "But seeing you again after all this time, I find it hard not to touch you."
Just like me?
Kakashi slowly reached for the zipper of Kaede's vest and started to pull it down. Kaede's chest rose with a soft gasp, but she remained unmoved. Kakashi opened the vest and slid it down her arms. Kaede shrugged it off and threw it on the bed beside them, then continued to look at Kakashi without moving.
Kakashi looked at the seal on her left shoulder. That must be the seal that was preventing her chakra from leaving her body. He hovered his hand above it. Kaede closed her eyes, her breathing speeding up a bit. But Kakashi didn't go any further than this.
"I'm not going to touch you," he said, and Kaede opened her eyes again. "You just made me promise not to touch you, and I'm still going to keep that promise. You said yourself it's the best for you to avoid distractions."
He bent over to grab her vest. Being very close to her ear by doing so, he whispered: "Don't worry. We'll have plenty of time together after you've finished here." He laid the vest on top of her head with a smirk. "Get some rest. I'll go have a word with Ueno-sensei."
Kaede blushed again – he loved it when she did that – and nodded. "Th-thank you," she then said.
"Hm?" asked Kakashi.
"For not touching me," replied Kaede softly with a faint smile.
Kakashi smiled at her again before he walked out the door. "Later," he said.
"Yeah," replied Kaede, giving him a little wave before Kakashi shut the door behind him.
He took a moment to lean his back against the door, and sighed. That was close, he thought. Had he given in, he probably wouldn't have gone easy on her. Which left him with a new thing to worry about: when they would finally do it, would he be able to be gentle with her?
But he shouldn't think about that. Kaede's recovery was what was most important, and these people's methods needed to change. He started striding towards Ueno's office. There were a few things he needed to tell him.
A/N: That last part came up overnight. Basically I wrote it because I just love these *kyun* moments between Kakashi and Kaede, but for the plot, let's just say Kaede was proving a point here. :P
Thank you so much for reading and for the sweet reviews so far!
