Favourite Mistake

Chapter 3

On The Edge

Can we survive the heart that's lost control? A question that had been popular before my kind came here to Earth but one no soul had ever really been confronted with. I'd learnt a lot about heart ache since being a part of this race but no matter how much I knew, it was never enough to prepare myself for the onslaught of pain.

Even just walking down the tunnels memories tried to blockade me here. My own mind was trying to trap me to the confines of the caves. Throwing memories at me at every turn. As I found my way to the meeting point of the eight dorm tunnels I could see myself with Ian. The evenings where he'd whisk me away before anyone could notice and we'd just stay hidden in a lowly populated tunnel in each other's arms until we were caught. I could see the way someone else would see us; a pair of school children. He'd lead me, my hand gripping tightly to his as he raced us to togetherness with me almost running to keep up and giggling to myself the whole way, lost in the sapphire eyes that bore into my soul every time he looked back to check on me.

Approaching the mirrored room light grew bright under the reign of the moon. It was eerie as figures came in from every way, meeting in small groups of two and three, and then coming from the eastern tunnel it was Jamie along with Ian and Jared. In his hand Jared was spinning a football which was badly battered. Even from the other side of the communal it was evident that small bits of the game rooms wall were embedded into the skin of the ball. Each of the three men were grinning and breathing heavily as chokes of laughter came between punches. It had taken me a while but I could remember how accepting I was of this brotherly exchange by this time but it was then when Ian had noticed me standing there. Seeing the way his features changed, the way they warmed with love each time he saw me, melted my heart every time. It was a look that would never grow old. Picking up speed I remembered the way Ian ran towards me that day, ran to scoop me into his embrace. I could remember the way his heart beat felt against me. It had felt surreal that what was happening was real but I'd loved each beat as the moment drew to close, but now as Ian raced to me, his figured faded with the light, leaving me standing in the middle of the communal. Standing there alone, cold and hurt.

Though there was an advancing voice that didn't fit with the memory. As much as I'd been lost in the love I was sure Jeb hadn't been a part of it, but I could hear his words echoing. I wasn't sure but it sounded as like he was cursing someone. He didn't sound pleased at all which is when it struck me that this wasn't a part of the memory. Jeb was advancing from where I'd just come from. I had to hide, Jeb couldn't see me; he wouldn't accept me leaving. Rushing quickly, worrying that with every stone I kicked I would be heard, I clambered into a small crevice in the wall. It was big enough that I could press my back to wall and still be shielded by the shadows. It made more sense to hide there than run down a tunnel because if Jeb was headed where I was running I knew it'd be plans over. The only way he'd stumble upon me here is if he planned to walk smack into a wall.

The voices were growing stronger and it sounded like Doc was hissing profanities back at Jeb. Trying to zero in on what was being said I could hear Kyle's name being mentioned as well as Jared's. From what I could tell of their short tempered tones, it seemed like Kyle was, for once, in the right. It was when I heard Ian's name coincide with Graces that my blood ran cold and my every muscle tensed.

"The boy must've been born yesterday." Jeb's voice was displeased to say the least. He was tensing himself from raising his voice to the decibel he'd like. "What he did could've gotten us caught. Ian should know better by now. He's acting more like Kyle!"

"Cut him some slack. You know the effect Grace has on him as well as I do." Doc seemed to be defending Ian but his words were no comfort to me. It took a lot of strength not to sink to the floor where I stood and wallow but something in me held me strong to my feet. Much like when Mel would take over in my weaker moments.

"I don't bleeding care. He almost got us caught but now thanks to the idiot the raid will be cut short. We needed this haul now God only knows when we'll get a chance to go again." Jeb seemed to be getting more frustrated with each word.

Next thing both men came to a halt a mere three feet from where I stood holding my breath for all I was worth. One of the men let out a deep sigh of frustration. I could see their silhouettes if I strained my eyes. From what I could tell it was Doc who sighed. My assumption was that he knew Jeb was right.

"I'll go pull the guys off watch out. We'll meet you in the games room in ten to figure out what to do. I'm sure they'll be back before dawn." Doc was calmer now, almost resigned to what was happening. But what was happening?

"A'right son, I'll go get a lamp now." Rational old poker faced Jeb was back now. His voice was hushed and almost disheartened but he kept up his facade.

Jeb headed back the way he'd came, at no greater speed than he though necessary mumbling what I could only assume was gross profanities under his breath, and Doc headed out the communal at the opposite side, heading to pull who I assumed to be Aaron and Brandt off guard duty. I hadn't seen them during the day anywhere so it made sense that they'd be on night guard duty during the raiding times.

It was puzzling me as to what Ian had done but the only thing I could think of was that Ian had been carelessly distracted by Grace the way he'd once been with me.

I had to guide myself by clawing at the wall with my hands. I couldn't support myself alone and it was hard to find any fluidity in my motions but instinct was pulling me towards where we kept the food. I couldn't bear the idea of eating now. I'd just have to carry what I could because right now I was feeling sick to the core. It made no sense to me how heart ache could affect your appetite, I just knew it did.

My mind had reeled over Ian the whole way but soon I found myself clambering to my hole. My first hideaway. Fighting back yet more memories of Ian I finally allowed myself to sink to the ground. I couldn't be long; I had merely a few hours to get far enough away that the guys returning from the raid wouldn't find me. It wouldn't be easy now they were coming home, but I couldn't be here when Ian got back. The idea of being caught out there by him was even more heartbreaking. He would never let me leave because somewhere I knew he still loved me, and Kyle would sooner kill me than let me go. He'd been more accepting of me sure, but when it came to me he took every precaution, still worried I'd turn and sell them out. I could never sell these people out. They were my family, I loved them wholly. Even those who didn't feel the same. No one down here would trust me if I got dragged back by though. To me it would be a fate worse than death to be caught.