AN: I wasn't quite aware that I left the second chapter on such a cliffhanger. Sorry to those I left hanging. I'll try to post the next chapter a little earlier tomorrow.
Chapter 3
"I have a girlfriend," he said.
Elizabeth wasn't sure why, but she felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Oh?" she said, a little too quickly. She tried desperately to recover. "Cool. What's her name?" She shifted back a little further into the corner of the couch, putting as much space as possible between them.
"Rochana Anand. She's a senior philosophy major," he said. Elizabeth studied him.
"And, that's all you've got? She has no other redeeming qualities? How long have you been dating? Come on McCord spill it." She grinned at him, pushing past the awkward moment.
"She has plenty of redeeming qualities, thank you and we've been dating almost two years." He laundry listed the things that were obvious. Rochana was smart and passionate about her causes, particularly regarding issues with the politics in Thailand, her home country. He prattled on, mostly about things that everyone who knew her would see. He skipped the things that bothered him-her lack of forethought for the consequences of her actions, how she spun things to make the situation benefit her, how he felt that she sometimes took advantage of him.
"Rochana seems like a great person," Elizabeth said. "Is that a forever thing or just a right now thing?"
Henry opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly it wasn't that easy, so he said, "At my age, everything has to do with the future."
Elizabeth laughed, "Yes, at the ripe old age of 23."
"I'm almost 24," he corrected. She held her hands up in concession. "Are you seeing anyone?" he asked.
"I see people daily," she deadpanned. He shook his head in defeat making her laugh. "That's not something I'm looking for now," she said. And thought "or ever."
They pulled out the Sorry! game and played a couple times, laughing at each other each time they sent the other back to start. It was after 10pm when she mentioned leaving and Henry insisted on walking her back to her room. They walked quietly most of the way and finally Henry asked, "What do you want for lunch tomorrow?"
She dropped her head. "I'm not sure this is a good idea. Listen, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, especially Rochana. I'm not the kind of person that wants to be seen as a that girl." Henry gave her a confused look. "I just don't want to be the cause of any problems between you and your girlfriend."
Henry nodded his understanding. "Elizabeth, Rochana and I are honest with one another. She has guy friends and I have friends who are women and that's just what they are. I trust her and she trusts me. The two of us being friends isn't a problem." He grinned at her. "Unless you just can't keep your hands off me." He quirked his eyebrows at her and she gave him a shove.
"I'm telling you, the struggle is real."
And so the weekend went by much the same as the first two days. Elizabeth met Rochana on Sunday evening when she came back from her friend's home, where she spent Thanksgiving. Other than the undeniable pang of jealousy that swept over her when she stepped into Henry's arms and he kissed her, the two women got along fine. Elizabeth saw what Henry saw in Rochana. She was gorgeous and smart and focused, but there was something about her that needled at Elizabeth, although Elizabeth couldn't pinpoint what that something was.
Elizabeth was pleasantly surprised when Henry called her out of the blue the following week and asked if she wanted to grab a coffee with him. They met in the Student Union and had a nice conversation which led to the two studying together at the library several times before finals. Then it was finals week. She called him Sunday night to wish him luck, especially on one paper he'd been struggling with, but he didn't answer, so she left a message. He never called her back.
The first day, Elizabeth blew it off. Henry had a lot going on. She'd been at the library a lot. Maybe he'd called and just didn't leave a message. By Wednesday, she wondered if she'd made him mad and when Friday rolled around, she was furious with herself. She'd let herself feel something for someone, and damned if she didn't get screwed. Henry was just her friend, but the only friend she'd had since Joey in high school, the friendship that couldn't really be because of who he was. Evidently being a Bahraini prince with a western friend who was a girl was a no-no. She'd felt the same devastation when that friendship went nowhere and she swore she wouldn't do it again, and now look at her. Would she ever learn?
For Henry, it began that night on the couch, and it started innocently enough, he'd see something and he would wonder what Elizabeth would have to say about it or there was the night that he tried a new Chinese dish and his first thought was "Elizabeth would like this" even though he was sitting across from Rochana. By the time finals week rolled around, Elizabeth consumed all of his thoughts. She called him to wish him well, but he couldn't bring himself to call her back. He was conflicted.
Henry withdrew from everyone. He needed to focus on finishing his work instead dealing with the Rochana/Elizabeth situation. He turned in his last paper Thursday morning of finals week and he went back to his apartment with the intention of sleeping, but he couldn't. Instead he paced.
He loved Rochana, or he'd told her that, a long time ago. Henry thought back to when Elizabeth asked him if Rochana was a forever thing. He'd purposely evaded the question even then.
The fact was that he while was comfortable with Rochana, he wasn't necessarily in love with her. But, the flip side was that he had spent so long with her, perhaps the new had worn off. Maybe he just needed to put some effort into their relationship. Admittedly, he had been coasting the past few months. It was no wonder that Elizabeth had taken up residence in his thoughts. He just needed to focus on what he already had.
Rochana was headed back to Thailand to spend time with family over the break, but she didn't leave until the following Tuesday. Henry had the perfect opportunity to get his head on straight. He would spend several days just focused on Rochana and confirm that he was in the right place.
When they were together, Henry was all in and had almost convinced himself that he was, indeed, in love with Rochana. It was only when things turned physical that he couldn't get his mind on board. He finally rolled out of the bed, leaving Rochana wondering what had happened. She followed him to the living room. "What's going on with you Henry?"
"I don't know." He sank down on the couch. "I'm questioning us."
She narrowed her eyes. "Questioning what exactly?"
"Whether or not we will last. Do I love you in a forever love kind of way or has that just somehow morphed into some kind of friendship love?" She shifted her weight to one foot and folded her arms across her chest. Henry had seen her do this several times. Rochana was about to tear him to shreds.
"Is that all I've become?" she asked, her tone more hurt than angry, which surprised Henry. "Did you find someone else? Someone better than me? A gorgeous blonde maybe?"
"I wasn't, I mean I'm not looking for anyone else. I swear. I haven't done anything with anyone. I'm with you, but I don't know that I want to continue to be with you. I don't think it will work long-term. When I go into the military, you aren't going to want to follow me around nor are you going to be happy with being alone while I'm serving."
"Well, I could tell you that your mind has been elsewhere the last six months and I was hoping that it was just the stress of school and work, but now that you've voiced your reservations, I agree. It's time we end it." She wiped the tears from her eyes and disappeared into the bedroom. Moments later she emerged fully clothed with a duffle bag. "I grabbed what I knew was mine. If you find anything else, toss it in a box and I'll pick it up when I get back from my trip."
Henry stood and walked her to the door. "I'm really sorry. I tried. I wish you every happiness Rochana. I'm just sorry I couldn't give it to you." He kissed her cheek and she left.
Henry sat back down in the chair. Two years of his life was spent with Rochana and he was sure he loved her, but in that moment, knowing that he was no longer tied to her, he felt such relief and for that he felt incredibly guilty. What was he doing? Was he going to show up on Elizabeth's doorstep and profess his what, infatuation, with her? She'd already said she wasn't in the market. Even if she was, it wasn't smart to jump out of one relationship into another.
Going against everything he told himself, he picked up the phone and called Elizabeth. She would be rational. She would set him straight and then he could move on.
Elizabeth was curled up in bed with a book when the phone rang. She looked at it in disbelief and finally deciding that it was probably a wrong number, leaned over to pick it up. "Hello," she said.
"Hi."
"Henry. I'm surprised to hear from you." Her tone was clipped.
"I know you're probably irritated with me and rightly so. Do you think I could come over so we could talk?"
"I wasn't aware that we were still talking." Elizabeth's tone didn't change. Henry sighed.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I just had stuff that I had to deal with."
"You could've told me that or maybe since I thought we were friends, you could've talked to me about it. Maybe I could've helped you work through it. It's obvious that you were more important to me than I was you. I can't do this Henry. No, I won't do this." He heard the click followed by the buzzing of a phone off the hook. He held the receiver in his hand for a long time.
This was something he hadn't considered. It was only a week. Sure they were friends, and if his thoughts were any indication, he hoped that someday they would be more. He didn't think she would really notice his absence. Other than Thanksgiving, they only saw each other a few times.
Henry buried his head in his hands. Of course she would notice his absence. Her family was dead. It was something that was never mentioned after that first night, She said to forget it and so he had, but now that it was staring him in the face, he realized how hurt Elizabeth would have been by being put off like that. Most people might have been a little unsettled or maybe even not thought twice about it, but most people weren't Elizabeth.
He jumped from his spot and ran out the door. Henry ran the whole way to Elizabeth's dorm. Standing outside in the snow, he banged on the door. When he waited and Elizabeth didn't come to the door, Henry stood quietly for a moment, punched a sequence of numbers on the keypad and turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. He grinned and gave thanks that security hadn't bothered to change the door codes since he had lived in this building three years ago.
Henry was pretty sure he knew where he could find Elizabeth based on which room light was on. He headed to the third floor and walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the fourth door. He knocked softly. There was some shuffling from the other side of the door, and the lock clicked. "Elizabeth, it's Henry. Can I please talk to you?" The lock clicked again and the door opened.
Elizabeth gave Henry a hard stare before shoving him backwards. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she yelled. "You scared the crap out of me. Do you not understand that I'm here by myself? How did you get in here anyway?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I was knocking on the outside door and you didn't hear it or you wouldn't answer or whatever, but I had to talk to you. I had to tell you how sorry I am. I want to fix this."
"I already told you, I'm not doing this Henry. I can't be your friend Henry. I said I wasn't going to and then I did and I got hurt. I put too much of myself on the line and I just get let down. Please, just leave me alone," Elizabeth begged.
"I broke up with Rochana," Henry said.
Elizabeth's eyes doubled in size. "You did what?" She shook her head, like doing that might make the situation make more sense. "Why?"
"Because she wasn't my forever. I do love her, but not like that, and it was wrong to string her along. She said she saw it coming." Henry leaned back against the wall in the hallway and slid down it.
"This past week, I was trying to focus on my finals instead of my mixed feelings and this weekend, I wanted to get back what I thought I had with Rochana, but it didn't work. I was trying to force something that wasn't there."
Elizabeth watched Henry shrink down and she was so confused in that moment. She was angry and scared (he couldn't possibly get how knocking on her door when she was the only one in the building was the dumbest thing he could ever do), but at the same time, she only wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him that it would be alright.
Henry continued, "It wasn't until I talked to you tonight that I realized exactly how stupid I am. Please let me in. Let me try to explain, to apologize, something. I have to make you understand."
Elizabeth leaned against her doorframe, staring at her bare feet wondering if there would ever be a time when her heart would be willing to move forward like her feet did. She liked Henry and she craved his friendship, but was she able to put that hurt aside and let him in again? She found herself stepping back and gesturing him inside. He scrambled to his feet and stepped inside and she closed the door behind him.
Henry's eyes swept the room. It was neat and tidy. He could tell she'd been bored. He was ready to make a joke about her needing to come spend some time with him when he saw the open dictionary laying in the middle of her bed. Every emotion that Henry had been holding at bay since meeting Elizabeth bubbled out in a geyser. He sat on her desk chair and buried his head in his hands and sobbed.
Elizabeth's trepidation about the situation dissolved as she watched Henry completely fall apart in front of her. She pulled up a chair next to him and put a hand on his arm and waited it out. Henry finally pulled himself together enough to speak. "I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I failed to see what it would do to you. You told me and I ignored it and I hurt you deeply, and I am so sorry. If I were you I wouldn't forgive me, but I'm selfish and I want your friendship now and someday I want to be your forever. Do you think that you could let me try again?"
Elizabeth was confused by so many things Henry said, she wasn't sure where to start. "How could you know Henry? I told you nothing."
"No. You told me everything and I was just too self involved to pay attention. On Thanksgiving, you knocked on my door and were ready to leave, expecting to be turned away. Your family is dead, and you stay alone. You study words to keep your mind from focusing on the hurt. You were worried that appearing too close would bother Rochana. You were shocked that I called and asked you for coffee, and when you reached out to me, I didn't respond. I should've seen and I should've called you back just to let you know that I was working on some things. I never meant to hurt you like I did."
Elizabeth pulled away. "It wasn't a big deal."
"Don't minimize your feelings with me." She looked up, thinking she would provide some sort of explanation on the fly, but he stood and picked up the dictionary, glancing over the page. "You just have trouble with the meaning of parade?"
"Don't," she said, her voice sharp, full of warning, and Henry slumped back into the chair. She continued. "I was mostly just mad at myself for thinking that I could have a friend. I've been burned before and I swore it wouldn't happen again, and I let it. What happened with Rochana?"
"I don't love her, and I haven't for a long time. I let it go on because I was comfortable and didn't want to rock the boat, and then the boat got rocked and I wouldn't consider cheating on her, so I dropped the distraction and I tried hard to get back what Rochana and I had, but it just wasn't there."
"You dropped the distraction?" Elizabeth studied him and he waited to see if she would understand.
"You were the distraction. You are all I've been able to think about since I met you. And I did drop you on purpose, but I didn't understand how much it would hurt you. In my mind, it wasn't permanent, just a few days until I fixed things with Rochana and I knew she and I were okay, then I would explain to you and we would be fine."
"That was presumptuous."
"It was," Henry agreed. "But I apologized because I'm sorry."
"I'm your forever?" she asked, going back to his first statement.
"I think so, but not right now. Now I'd just like us to be friends."
"I don't know that I want that. Ever. It's been a long road to get to where I am. I have no desire to ever travel down it again."
"I know. I'm still hopeful."
