One thousand, two hundred and fifty seven. One thousand two hundred and fifty eight. One thousand two hundred and fifty nine. Kinch had been traversing the prisoner's compound trying to work out a personal problem. The barracks were usually occupied and noisy. His radio room in the tunnel was too confining and besides, he was always distracted by work. So, he decided to get some fresh air and go for a walk. Instead of thinking and working out his problem, all he ended up doing was counting the steps between the north guard tower and the mess hall.
"Whatcha up to Kinch?" Carter had been watching the Sergeant pace. This was not normal behavior for Kinch and Carter was concerned.
"I needed to work something out. I thought maybe a walk would help me think, but all I can do is count the steps between buildings." Kinch looked over at Carter. He wasn't angry at the interruption. After all, Carter was just being a friend. "I give up."
"It's none of my business, Kinch. I mean about your problem and all." The two men started walking back to the barracks. Carter continued. "But, I've found if you have a real problem, you can do two things. You can either talk to someone about it or if you're not quite ready for that step, you can do what my parents always told me." Kinch turned and looked at Carter.
"What's that?"
"Sleep on it. My mother always told me things would look better in the morning."
The two men entered Barracks two. It was getting close to evening roll call and in a few hours it would be lights out.
"You know what Carter? I'm going to take your advice and sleep on it. Thanks." Kinch shook Carter's hand.
Surprised, Carter said "You're welcome. I hope it works out for you."
Kinch took a deep breath. Twelve pairs of eyes followed him as he slowly walked towards Hogan's closed door. Pausing, he looked behind him. The other men offered silent support as he gathered the courage to knock.
"Come in, Kinch. Sit." Hogan offered him a seat at the table. "I've been expecting you."
"Thank you, sir." Kinch took a seat and looked at Hogan.
"Something you want to discuss?"
I might as well get this over with. "Um, well I'm thinking of reconsidering."
"Go on."
"Everything."
Hogan stood up and poured himself a cup of coffee. He offered some to Kinch, who shook his head.
"Look, Kinch." Hogan sat back down. "I know this is a big decision. Sometimes orders are easier to take when they're just orders. No questions. No philosophical arguments. Just do what you're told. Obey the brass. But," He took a sip of his coffee and made a face. "This is disgusting. Oh, where was I? The harder thing is when you're given an option. Now you have a responsibility. To yourself, to the men, to the operation. And you have to live with whatever choice you make. And only you can make that choice."
"I think I realize that." Kinch was relieved he refused the cup of coffee. "It's just that I feel that if I go, I'll be letting everyone down. Carter, LeBeau, Newkirk. And what about Baker? Leaving him with all that responsibility."
"Baker can handle it. He's had a great instructor."
Kinch sat quietly, wishing he had something to do with his hands. "That's not all, Colonel. I…" He began to feel the formation of a lump in his throat.
"It's okay, Kinch. You don't have to say anything else" Hogan knew what Kinch was trying to say. His second in command had also been his best friend in camp. Kinch acted as his sounding board. He supported Hogan when difficult command decisions took a toll. He would miss him but, he would not let his personal feelings prevent the Sergeant from taking advantage of the tremendous opportunity offered to him. "Look, have you thought this out? Examined the pros and cons?"
"Yeah, well on one hand." There was a knock on the door.
"That's LeBeau with lunch." Hogan got up and opened the door. "Oh, Louis that smells delicious. What is it?
"A crepe, light as a feather, filled with fresh asparagus in a succulent cream sauce."
"I'm sure you've outdone yourself, this time. What are the rest of the men eating?"
LeBeau beamed. "Merci, mon colonel. It's what I do. The rest? I think they went over to the mess hall for potato soup!" LeBeau looked at Kinch before leaving.
Between mouthfuls, Hogan motioned for Kinch to continue.
"Like you said, I've thought about the pros and cons. The prospect of directing my own operation, well it's something that's hard to turn down. And it would make me feel like I'm really contributing something, you know?"
"You contribute a tremendous amount here Kinch. I really want to make sure you understand how important you are to this operation. I hope that's not why you're leaving."Hogan cleaned his plate and stood up from the table. "You know, no one does a better Klink impersonation."
Kinch managed to let loose a small smile. He looked up at Hogan.
"Sometimes, I feel like I'm just here to parrot back your plans when the guys don't understand what you're saying. And then, I wait."
"Go on." Hogan knew where this was heading.
"I wait for you, all of you to get back. I sit at the radio, knowing that I can't go out on most of these missions. And I know the reason. But it doesn't make it any easier. I feel…" Kinch tried to find the right words. "Underutilized."
"Like I said Kinch, you are and always will be vital to this operation. Remember that. But the brass also knows your talents and they feel that you can contribute elsewhere by tapping you for bigger and better things. I won't stand in your way." Hogan stood up. "I asked you about looking at the pros and cons. Are there any reasons not to go?"
Kinch got up from the table and leaned against the bunk. "You know, Sir, sometimes when you overanalyze things it makes it harder to come to a decision." Hogan nodded. "But, yeah. I've looked at the cons. Besides leaving all of the guys. God, you're like family. It's been so long. You know, Colonel, I know I'll miss Schultz … and this is scary, I think I'll even miss Klink."
Hogan stared. "You're joking."
Kinch laughed. "Well, maybe just a little. The other thing is. I don't know how to put it, but I just have this nagging feeling that the war will be over soon. I'll bet it doesn't last much longer than six or nine months."
"There's no way of knowing that," Hogan replied.
"But if that's true, it would seem silly to leave now, wouldn't it?"
"No one knows the future, Kinch." Hogan walked over to his friend. "This is hard, but I trust you to come to the right decision. You'll do what's best for you. And we'll all support you, no matter what. Just remember that."
Kinch headed for the door. "Thank you, Sir. I'll let you know what I decide by this evening." He left Hogan's office. The twelve pairs of eyes followed him as he headed for his bunk. I thought Louis said they were all at the mess hall. Weird.
He lay down and stared at the bottom of the top bunk. Time to make a decision, James. You can't put this off any longer.
"Ivan, Ivan wake up." Berlie shook her husband. His tossing and turning had kept her awake. "You were dreaming about leaving the show again, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I was. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
"Don't worry, it's all right. Ivan, you know you made the right decision to leave. You could have been stuck there manning that radio for another three or four years." Berlie kissed her husband and rolled over.
"I hope you're right. I just have this nagging feeling…."
A/N Ivan Dixon left Hogan's Heroes after the fifth season to pursue a directing career. He was still married to Berlie Ray Dixon, his wife of 54 years, when he passed away in March of 2008.
