Formulating strategy had never been so tense. A static anxiety filled the air of the shepherds' war room. A table was set out with a map, dotted with various flags and markers to indicate enemy and ally positions. At the head of the table sat Chrom the exalt, his teeth clenched in a panicked and worrisome silence; it was he who spoke first.
" This is hopeless! We've gone over the fight a hundred times now and we're no closer to some sort of plan, never mind an assured victory. With Kellam gone the army's in shambles; we lack any solid offense or defense and without kellam the troops have nothing to NOTICE for support, putting morale at an all time low."
As an attempt at counsel, Frederick replied "milord, our army consists of more than one man. Surely there is something we've overlooked, some tactic or strategy we merely didn't NOTICE...
As he continued in his futile, kellam-less plot their tactician, the smoking hot robin who's TOTALLY CANON HUSBAND IS VAIKE GUIS,was simply sitting in deep thought, her ridiculously attractive eyes closed. Suddenly she too interjected, although the roar of grima himself wouldn't have been enough to fill the NOTICEABLE void left by Kellam.
"NO" she screamed across the room, a single tear welling up in her eye as all her strategies fell apart: "Until now, i'd never noticed that kellam was carrying this entire army. Before now, i could send him out and all the risen just seemed to die. With him gone every battle puts our lives at risk. In the past week both yarne and ricken were killed... brutally. And there was no time for a funeral. And none of us mourned their passing. But that's beside the point, it shows how vulnerable we are."
Frederick looked down in both shame and fear, not meaning to upset robin.
"she's right" said lucina, somberly from the corner of the room" when we heard that kellam had left, i prayed to the gods it wasn't true"
"What do you mean, lucina? Have you NOTICED something we haven't. We've explored every possibility..."
" BUT DON'T YOU SEE" interrupted lucina, as she often did. " in the future, there really was one thing which stopped us all from dying. Although most of you were dead, we all noticed that one member of the old shepherds always remained: KELLAM. He single-handedly fought off hordes of risen with one arm, because he sacrificed his other one to feed a village of starving children. In truth, it was his presence that gave any of us any fighting chance. Without him, we have no noticeable chance of victory... or survival."
"well then" mumbled chrom grimly" i suppose kellam is just better than all of us in every single way.
MILES AWAY
Kellam had now been flying for a solid day on his Pegasus to reach his destination, sustaining himself on thoughts of his beloved and birds that he snatched out of the air and cooked with the intensity of his stare. However, he NOTICED that the strength of his beast was beginning to waver, and made an emergency landing right into a desert. The Pegasus was worn out from kellam's awesome presence, and once they found ground on the endless sand flats it collapsed, unable to take another step. Although the sun beat down with NOTICEABLE intensity kellam felt no heat, and so he hoisted the Pegasus on to his shoulder, intent on carrying it through miles of desert until they could find a ring for his lady. As he remembered his woman, he fashioned a fedora out of sand so he could tip it in tharja's honour.
After a week of walking, kellam reached the gates of plegia: the non-stop walking was so arduous, that he nearly broke a sweat. Kellam dropped off the Pegasus at a noble's home, demanding it be treated like his own son and proceeded to castle plegia.
"OPEN THIS DOOR I NEED UR RING" yelled kellam righteously to the castle gate guards; although normally reserved in his manner of speaking he could afford to waste no time. The guards ignored the hero because they were jealous of him and also because all plegians are douches except tharja who is top tier waifu. Kellam was having none of their ignorance rubbish, picking up a stone he deftly targeted the winch for the castle gates, opening the drawbridge as well as being skilful enough that the stone ricocheted onto both the guards' helmets, insta-killing them.
Using his experience in not being noticed kellam was able to make his way into validar's private study, where he was drinking tea with aversa.
" i don't know why i adopted you" validar told aversa, while kellam waited in the shadows
"well, i guess i'm just a dream come true.. heh he heh" replied aversa in that annoying, seductive tone she always uses.
"no, of my two daughters you are the worst, and FOR GRIMA'S SAKE AVERSA, COVER UP. YOU CAN'T LEAD CONQUESTS DRESSED LIKE THAT"
"I'LL DO WHAT I WANT DAD, YOU DON'T OWN ME!"
"SOON THE FELL DRAGON WILL RISE AGAIN, THEN NOONE'S GUNNA CARE ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SHOW OFF YOUR MASSIVE-"
"come on, notice meee" said kellam, who had been in full view for their whole tirade.
Validar's face twisted in disgust, but turned to fear when he realised that this was no mere ylissean, or the so-called champions and heroes of ages past. Nay, this was... kellam, which he had already noticed was the only thing stopping him from victory.
" now, now kellam, there's no need to be hasty... bloodshed can be avoided"
" I herd u hav a pretty sweet ring somewhere in this palace of yours. I need it to seal my vows with the only not-a-skank plegian, the pale Aphrodite, love of my life-Tharja"
Validar was weirded out that such a NOTICEABLY supreme warrior would obsess over a ring, but he nonetheless saw it as his chance to evade kellam's wrath, "As king of plegia, i have thousands of ring which i could immediately and graciously dispense to you.."
Kellam had his back turned as he took notes on the plegian architecture, but upon hearing validar say this he turned around a la hotel Mario ( watch?v=bp55goEW82c ) to give him the ultimate denial.
"NO" kellam said to validar as he turned to him, and began to seethe with noticeable rage, as ole valdy's words suggested that Tharja was worth anything less.
Suddenly, the guards arrived, as if they contained the physical prowess to haul kellam anywhere. He knew he could obliterate them with a wave of his left eyebrow, but decided it would be easier to find the ring's location from his cell and then break out in triumphant fashion. He allowed himself to be dragged away by these inferior human beings. Using his total mastery of zen and feng shui he was able to drift off to sleep by his own volition, awaiting the next day when he could claim his prize.
THE NEXT DAY
away from our hero, the rest of the shepherds were still having a hard time against the risen, in fact miriel died and no one cared.
BACK TO KELLAM
Snapping himself out of a dream Kellam awoke in a dank cell, and NOTICED his cell mate, a man crouched over in the corner, mumbling to himself.
As his righteousness sense tingled, kellam shuffled (sexily) over to the man to see if he could ease his suffering; "who are you?" he queried, being gentle as his voice could be enough to shatter a fragile man. However, the hunched figure stood up to a champion's height, and he was like totally ripped and stuff, as he boomed, " I am... JOHN CENA"
kellam smirked in approval of his new mate, "well, john, do you know where this secret ring is?"
" it's in the lower holds of the castle, under miles of concrete and guarded by a thousand men. Why?"
Kellam looked out of his cell window, and his latent magic abilities conjured a gust of wind which made his hair blow gracefully as he uttered " i must have it.. for my tharja."
At this, the champ looked shocked, "Tharja?" he asked , his eyes widening in curiosity " I know her, i NOTICEDthe guards yesterday were saying that she's in a coma cus her boyfriend ran away or sumfin, and she could only be healed by a symbolic confirmation of her man's love. And she put a curse on herself out of grief; if he doesn't return with an item to profess their bonds by midnight tomorrow, her self-inflicted curse will turn her to stone... forever."
For a nanosecond Kellam was truly afraid, but knew that tharja deserved no less than absolute masculinity. Although his armour had been removed by the prison guards he punched a hole in the wall and turned to John, "whaddya say?" with a fiery determination that made the ground around him sizzle, "you wanna bust outta here?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: John cena is my oc and i worked rly hard on him so please do not steal
