You guys have been SO supportive. And this has been so much fun to write. Thank you so very much!
This chapter coincides with 15x08 "Blowin' in the Wind." Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 3
CeCe really knew how to punch him in the gut. First, she had raved on and on…and on about how wonderful Dr. Lincoln was and how Meredith would be a fool not to date him. She was so convincing, he wanted to date Link.
What really killed him, though, was that she was right. For any woman in Meredith Grey's position, how could Andrew DeLuca compete with Atticus Lincoln?
Link was not only farther along in his career, he was an "Ortho God." Andrew was just a senior resident who hadn't even chosen a specialty yet.
Link looked like a walking Ken doll.
He was Jo's person. Jo—the woman married to Meredith's person. They would be two beautiful couples doing beautiful, coupley things together while DeLuca sat in his quiet apartment alone.
She had called Link "perfection" for God's sake. How do you counter perfection? What could DeLuca possibly give a woman like Meredith Grey?
Then the second gut punch of the day happened. CeCe had asked him why he was making a face and he was overly honest with her about her chances of survival. Too honest. He expected Meredith would have to reprimand him for it.
But her response was what had shaken him.
If you don't fight, if you don't try, if you don't do your part and squeeze all the light and love and joy out of this one life you've been given…
CeCe had knocked the wind out of him. She might as well have called him a coward. He couldn't help but look at Meredith when she said it. Because when he heard, light and love and joy, he thought of her. And he hadn't done anything about it.
The last gut punch happened directly after. He had left CeCe's room with directions from Grey. He had walked away from her, but CeCe's words had made him stop and he turned around to call out to Meredith. But as he stood by the nurse's station, he saw Meredith already talking to Link. She had apparently been affected by CeCe's words too. She was asking him out on a date. He watched Link walk away, surprised and happy. DeLuca, though, no longer felt jealous. It was more than that. It felt like pain and defeat.
He was pacing back and forth in a locked On Call room, CeCe's words swirling around his thoughts like the windstorm outside. If you don't fight, if you don't try…
He had thought he had been in love before. He had been grieving Sam when he kissed Meredith. That kiss was like a bright light in a dark room. It had instantly knocked him out of his grief. In the next four months, that kiss was all he could think of and as he took the time to really get to know her, he realized that he hadn't truly understood his capacity to love someone else.
He stopped pacing. He loved her. It was the first time he had admitted it to himself. She was amazing, way beyond him. But he needed to fight, to try. She lit him up and if he didn't at least try, he knew he would be potentially losing the brightest light in his life.
Carina was right. He was about to make a great, big fool of himself in front of his lady boss.
He unlocked the door and ran out of the room. He needed to find Meredith.
...
It had been a week. There was a storm raging outside. Katherine had blindsided her with her cancer diagnosis. And CeCe was finally getting her transplants.
She had liked patients before, but CeCe was different. She had grown as attached to her as CeCe had to Meredith. The woman was so full of life and love and passion. She reminded her that she still had time and capacity to find companionship.
Meredith really had no intention or expectation of finding love again. But it would be nice to feel affection again. It was CeCe's words that reminded her of that.
If you don't fight, if you don't try, if you don't do your part and squeeze all the light and love and joy out of this one life you've been given, I'm going to haunt you from beyond the grave.
This woman was about to have a potentially traumatic surgery. But she was ready to fight. She wanted to live. It made Meredith want to live again too, which is why she asked out Link.
As she stared at CeCe's scans in the X Ray room, she wondered if she had made the right decision. He was handsome. Successful. But he was so damn cheerful. They really didn't seem to have anything in common. Maybe CeCe was right, though. Maybe commonality didn't matter. He could be fun. And she was ready to have a little fun in her life again.
She was deep in all of these thoughts when DeLuca charged through the door, apologizing about how he had talked to CeCe. She had told him that he had impressed her, which was true. He had really stepped up in the last year and was starting to prove what kind of doctor he would be.
He was brave and kind and warm. She selfishly hoped he would choose to go into general surgery because those traits made him great with patients. On the days that he was on her service, she was relieved. He was strong support. His presence was comforting. It surprised her to admit that. She barely knew him a year ago and now she found herself looking for his face in a crowded room, waiting for his smile.
So she told him. He was brave and she was impressed. And then it all came out.
You amaze me, Dr. Grey. And while I'm feeling brave, I'm not sorry I kissed you at the wedding, because it's all I've been able to think about ever since. And I know you have options, but I want you to know that I'm one of them.
He had overwhelmed her. Those deep, brown eyes bore a hole into her and she felt like she was melting to the floor. All of these feelings poured out of him like a flood and she stood there taking it all in, amazed to hear what he really thought of her.
The more he stared at her, the more she panicked. She gave him reasons why they shouldn't. As she did, his voice dropped to a soft rasp and he moved closer.
DeLuca.
Meredith.
Andrew.
Her hands came up between them. She was afraid she might reach out and touch him, so she balled them into a fist and then clasped her chest. She found herself gasping for air. His cologne was warm and masculine, enticing. He approached her with a familiarity that surprised her. There was barely any space between them now.
Look, I think there's something here, and we can keep going through all the excuses of why not but I think you feel it too.
He touched her arms and she wanted to fall against his chest. She wanted him to bury his face in the curve of her neck. He made her feel like a woman. In this room, inly inches apart from him, they weren't doctors. She wasn't a widow. He made her feel like a girl with butterflies again. She hadn't felt that way since…
She couldn't keep looking into his eyes. This room was dark and quiet and it was just the two of them. She needed to get the hell out of there before she let him kiss her.
Because as soon as he did, she knew everything would change.
She was ready for fun-allowing everything to change was a daunting task.
So she told him she had to think about it and she walked out. Meredith took a deep breath for the first time and leaned against the door in the hallway. She could still envision him in the room behind her. It felt like a rope was tied between them, pulling her back in.
CeCe. She had a job to do. She needed to focus on CeCe. Closing her eyes, she gathered herself and propelled herself away from the door. The world came crashing back. The girl was gone again. Dr. Meredith Grey had to get ready for a surgery.
TBC
