A/N: Why is it that, whenever I sit down to write, I keep churning out these things? I. am. writing. about. a. cow. A cow. COW. And you people are actually reading this! *sighs contently* The Voltron Universe is a wonderful place.
For you eagle-eye readers who are as nerdy as I am, yes, the Gorns are indeed stolen from Star Trek. I can't make up alien names 24/7.
Warning: Character Death!
"Please don't kill the red paladin!" Allura pleaded with the Gorns.
They had just battled a whole fleet of Galra and saved the Gorns' planet. Keith had destroyed the building where the Galra had set up as their base on the planet and consequently freed the Gorns. However, the building turned out to be a temple and the Gorns were nothing if not stubborn.
They demanded Keith as a sacrifice and were not budging no matter how many times Allura reminded them that they had saved the Gorns' butt. Not exaaactly in those words, but that was the gist of it.
He has destroyed our sacred temple. We have no choice but to sacrifice him to appease the spirit of the temple. The chief priest was like stone in his decision.
Allura bit her lip. They couldn't afford to be on the bad side of the Gorns. The Gorns weren't the most technically advanced, but they were certainly spectacular warriors.
You must give him up or there will be no peace between the Voltron Force and the Gorns.
And now they were threatening them!
"So, Allura, what are we going to do?" Shiro's voice came over the coms.
"Hey, Allura, I would really like not to be thrown in a sacrificial fire," Keith's voice sounded slightly nervous.
"Oh, don't be a wuss," Lance seemed amused about this for some reason. "Fire is your lion's element! It'll probably feel like a warm bath!"
"Actually," Coran interjected, "The Red Paladin is not immune to fire as proven by the second Red Paladin, Spekto the Flammable."
"..."
"Well, in that case, it was nice knowing you, Keith."
"We aren't going to give up Keith for a sacrifice, Lance!" Hunk sounded panicked.
Pidge decided to join then, "Well, then, what are we going to do?"
Keith's voice came back on, "Allura... if there's no other way, I'll g-"
"Shut up, Keith!" 4 other voices said in unison.
"Don't you dare ever say that again," Shiro used his "leader-dad" voice to the extreme.
"As much as I would love having you go down as Keith, Lord of the Flame, I'm not letting you go out in fire and glory like that."
"There's got to be another way!" Pidge tapped her chin.
We need the Red Paladin.
Oh. Yes. The Gorn. Allura was trying hard to keep her eye from twitching.
A pair of fingers snapped. Lance's excited voice came over the coms, "I've got a plan!"
Keith groaned, "I'd have better luck with the fire."
Lance's eyeroll was pretty much audible, "Just hear me out, it goes a bit like this..."
()()()
"I can't believe we're doing this," Keith ran his hands over his face.
"It's a brilliant plan!" Lance was practically hopping up and down in excitement.
Pidge turned and glared at Lance, "Well, it won't work if you don't shut your mouth!"
They appeared in full uniform before the Gorns, on the ashes of the temple.
The Gorns had already prepared a bonfire and the chief priest had a nasty looking knife. He looked at the paladins and princess before him. Where is the Red Paladin.
"He's right here," Allura pointed at the red helmet among her paladins, keeping a stoic face. "You may have him."
"Wait a second!" Lance's shocked voice made all the Gorns turn to him, "You can't do that!"
Pidge joined in, "You're not seriously going to sacrifice Keith are you?"
"Allura! You said that we weren't going to-"
Allura interrupted Hunk, turning away from the paladins, "Keith broke the rules. He pays the price."
Shiro blocked them, "You heard the Princess."
The rest of the paladins glared at them, but the red helmet didn't move.
The Gorn nodded his approval, True warriors, the lot of them.
Allura nodded her head curtly and Shiro brought forward the red paladin.
If Gorns had eyebrows, they would most certainly be raised right now.
I heard that the Red Paladin was part Galra. He most certainly doesn't look like it.
Allura crossed her arms, "Does it matter?" She sighed, "His other DNA seems to be more dominant, if you want to see tests, but that is the Red Paladin."
Bring him up here.
"Shiro, don't. Please," Hunk was the only one who could speak. The other two were currently fuming.
Shiro shook his head, "Sorry."
He pulled forward the red paladin.
Moooooo.
"Sorry, Kal-Keith," Shiro handed over the "red paladin".
The Gorn held out the knife and Pidge and Lance yelled as the knife came down. Hunk just cried.
Accept the offering of the destroyer of the sacred temple. The Gorn tossed the poor cow into the fire.
Then he turned to Allura, The deed is done. He jutted his chin out, We will now consider a treaty.
()()()
After a week of meetings and the real Red Paladin nearly going crazy from being kept indoors for that long, they finally left.
Keith sighed in relief as soon as he saw the planet in the background. He finally relaxed in the common room, when he heard the door slide open and the other paladins joined him.
Pidge plopped down next to Keith, "You better be grateful. I gave up my cow for you." She put a hand on her heart, "Kaltenecker gave up his life for you."
Keith groaned, "I know. I know. I'm sorry about the cow." He rubbed the back of his neck, "I'll try to be more careful in the future?"
Pidge snorted, "You better 'cause we don't have another cow to use for you."
"I still can't believe that actually worked," Hunk admitted. "They totally bought it."
Shiro chuckled, "Should I be concerned about your guys' actor's skills?"
Pidge tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. She turned to Lance, curious, "Actually... I'm a bit more concerned on how Lance managed to get Kaltenecker into Keith's uniform."
Lance shrugged, "It was a piece of cake. Just had to let out a bit at the seams." He leaned over and winked at her, "They don't call me The Tailor for nothing."
A/N: So far, this one is my favorite for what happened to Kaltenecker. I could see why Netflix never mentioned the embarrassing situation in which Kalt well- um- died. At least he went out in fire and glory.
RIP Kaltenecker, Lord of the Flame.
