"Papa, can I have ice cream?" Everyone in Granny's Diner smiled as Pinocchio and Geppetto entered, holding hands.
"Of course, my boy. Now let's see how much of the menu you can read yourself." Pinocchio started sounding out the words.
"Van...vanilla!" he shouted triumphantly. Geppetto gave him a high five and they resumed their reading. With Storybrooke Elementary on summer vacation, Geppetto was helping Pinocchio catch up to the rest of his second grade class.
Belle and Ruby exchanged smiles as they sat in their favorite booth, sipping iced tea. Pinocchio had become a favorite at Granny's, and the town was bending over backwards to look out for him. Both Ruby and Belle gave the young boy a thumb's up sign, and he smiled at their reaction. Belle turned away from the happy scene, and sighed. She had been quieter than usual that afternoon, and Ruby noticed how little of her usual sparkle she had, as she twirled her straw aimlessly, barely answering Ruby when she tried to draw her out.
"Usually you're a little more talkative..." Ruby teased, looking at Belle to discern her reaction. When Belle didn't answer or look up, Ruby walked around the table and sat next to Belle. "Belle, what's wrong?"
"Nothing really," Belle replied. "I just don't feel like talking right now." But Ruby refused to back down.
"Is it Rumplestiltskin? Did something happen to Henry?"
"No, I would tell you if it had. He's been so busy in Neverland that our communication has been...well, it's been...I mean...I know he has a lot on his mind right now. He's been really busy in Neverland." Wait, didn't I just say that? Belle thought. Maybe I need more caffeine.
Ruby's eyes narrowed. It wasn't like Belle to be so obtuse. "What did he say to you?"
"Nothing, really. I guess that's the problem. He's busy and so am I. And he's not here, but I am."
Squeezing Belle's hand, Ruby reassured her friend. "I'm sure it's nothing, Belle. He's in a dangerous place, from what you've told me, and none of them are getting along very well. That's got to be difficult. You're both doing important jobs. I know we couldn't get along without you here in Storybrooke."
"I know. I hate being like this. I guess I just miss him."
"Belle, I think this goes beyond just missing Rumplestiltskin. Why don't you talk to Archie? Maybe he could help you sort out some of your feelings."
Belle wrinkled her nose. "I don't know, Ruby. I know I can get through this without involving anyone else. I just need to try harder."
Ruby shook Belle lightly; now she was getting worried. "Listen to yourself! You're practically carrying the responsibility of this entire town, and you think you need to try harder? You don't need to try harder and you don't need to be strong all the time. Give yourself a day off and talk to Archie. Do it for the town, do it for me...or..."
"I know...do it for myself." Belle rolled her eyes and nodded. "It's a deal."
"Great, now you're starting to talk like him," Ruby said with a smile. "Okay, two can play at that game..." After a long pause, she retorted, "The deal is struck!"
Ruby had agreed to "watch" the mayor's office on the following day in order that Belle could have the day off. So when Ashley came through the door, with Alexandra in her stroller, Belle was surprised.
"Where's Ruby?" she asked. Ashley was a really nice girl, but she was kind of flighty, and Belle wasn't sure what she would say to people who came in looking for information or help.
"She had to work. Granny has the flu." Ashley smiled with delight and settled herself behind Belle's desk. "Alexandra and I offered to fill in for her. I hope that's okay..." she said with a worried expression.
"Of course it is." Belle didn't want to appear ungracious, so she smiled at Ashley and admired Alexandra, who was playing with a set of plastic keys. "Ashley, she's getting so big!"
"I know, right? She loves to eat and she's growing like a weed. I can't keep up with her."
"Well, if you're sure it's no trouble..." Belle was halfway hoping that Ashley would reconsider her offer, but Ashley just opened up her laptop, gave Alexandra a cup of juice and waved goodbye to Belle. She had no choice but to step through the door onto Storybrooke's Main Street.
"Good Morning, Mayor French!" Archie greeted her as she made her way down the street. He was pretty much a fixture on Main Street, along with Pongo, so she wasn't surprised to see him.
"Wow, what a coincidence..." Belle began. Then she stopped and stared at Archie, who was turning red and looking uncomfortable. "...unless it's not really a coincidence at all. So, Archie, what did Ruby say to you?"
Archie looked like he was caught in a trap, but he spoke in a conciliatory tone. "First of all, Belle, she didn't betray any confidences. She merely said that you had the day off today, and might be wanting to talk. I took it from there and decided to try to catch you at the office." That was a long speech for Archie and he said it all in one breath.
Belle put her hand on his arm. "It's fine, Archie. I really do need to talk, if you have time today. I seem to have the day off," she said, looking back at the town hall wistfully.
"How about right now?" Archie suggested. "I don't have any other patients until later." Belle nodded and they walked the short block to his office.
After they climbed the short flight of stairs, Archie unlocked his office door. Pongo curled up on his bed in the corner, and Archie indicated that Belle should sit on the sofa.
Belle looked around the room, fighting within herself for the right words, reluctant to begin. "I'm not sure what to do, Archie," she said quietly. "I've never talked to a therapist before."
Archie laughed. "Well, you've talked to me many times, Belle. I'm still the same person. I'm your friend and I want to help you if I can. Can you tell me what's on your mind?"
Belle relaxed a little. "I'm concerned about my relationship with Rumplestiltskin."
Archie leaned forward. "What makes you think there is anything wrong?" he asked gently.
Belle thought for a moment and spoke haltingly. "We're communicating through a magic mirror...but it's kind of tricky...we have to time it exactly or it doesn't work...and then half the time we get interrupted by some kind of crisis or we can't think of anything to talk about."
"Wait, back up," Archie spoke up in wonder. "You've been talking to Rumplestiltskin through a mirror?"
After Belle explained how the mirror worked, Archie began to ask more questions. "How was your communication with Rumplestiltskin before he left for Neverland?"
Belle looked at him incredulously. "You've got to be kidding! Well, before that I was Lacey, a completely different person, so we communicated about sex, drinking, shooting pool and beating people up. Prior to that, I was in the hospital for, oh about four months, with no memory of my relationship with Rumple or my life as Belle in Storybrooke or the Enchanted Forest. Before that..."
Archie held up his hand. "Okay, I get your point." He took a deep breath. "Belle, since the curse broke, you've had a lot of changes in your life, not even considering your relationship with Rumplestiltskin. Just thinking about yourself, you, Belle French, the amount of changes with which you have had to deal has been astronomical. Have you considered the possibility that this might not have anything to do with Rumplestiltskin, but may have everything to do with you?"
"I really haven't, Archie." Belle twisted her hands nervously. "I just think I should be able to handle everything. It's a lot less than many people have had to handle here in Storybrooke. Rumple gave me the spell for cloaking the town, and he trusted me to do a good job. I can't let him down."
Archie took another breath. "Belle, when you and Rumplestiltskin get ready to talk, using the mirror, what are you feeling?" Belle looked puzzled so he tried to rephrase. "Can you identify an emotion or a feeling that first comes to mind?"
"Pressure." Belle gasped as she spoke without thinking. "Wow, where did that come from?"
"Let's stay with that, Belle. Why do you feel pressure?" Archie spoke so quietly and with no urgency, so Belle was able to take her time and think about what she wanted to say.
Tears came to her eyes seemingly from nowhere. Archie calmly passed her a tissue as if this was a common occurrence. Pongo walked over to her and nuzzled her hand, and she smiled through her tears. "Pongo, good dog," she said. Satisfied that Belle was all right, Pongo curled up on the floor again, but this time he stayed right next to Belle, as if guarding her.
"I'm scared."
Good, Archie thought. "Scared of what?"
"I'm afraid of losing him again. I've always been a hopeful, trusting person, but now, I find myself dwelling on all the bad things that could happen. This isn't me, Archie. Why am I doing this?"
Archie cleared his throat as if to speak, but Belle wasn't finished. "I've become very confused and withdrawn. I hate that he left me here in Storybrooke, even though I understand why he did it. I get it, Archie, I really do, but I'm so frustrated and sad about it. It's colored practically every conversation we've had since they left. I tell myself to snap out of it, and I don't understand why I can't do that."
"Can you really not imagine why this is happening, Belle?"
Belle paused for a long while, then looked directly into Archie's eyes. "It's Lacey, isn't it?"
"Yes, I think that's a big part of what you are feeling. But it's not just Lacey. Belle, we all had our cursed personalities for twenty-eight years, and we didn't know we were cursed! You've had to remember who you were as Belle in FairyTale Land, then develop a new identity as Belle in Storybrooke, then adapt to Lacey, someone who was the very opposite of who you were as Belle, and now, you are back to being Belle, with memories of Lacey. I'm frankly surprised that you're not in worse shape than you are."
"Well, when you put it that way..." Belle tried to smile, but the enormity of her emotional state overwhelmed her and she put her head in her hands, her body shaking with all the built up tension.
"I'm just saying that your mind has had to do a lot of work, very important work, but hard work nonetheless. And instead of having the man you love by your side to help you through this, you've had to say goodbye to him again, even though it was against your will in some respects. It's no wonder that you're having trouble communicating. I'm concerned that you may be shutting down emotionally in order to protect yourself. Does this make any sense to you, Belle?"
Belle looked up and Archie noticed how tired she looked. She nodded weakly.
"How are you sleeping?" he asked suddenly.
"Not very well," she admitted. "I seem to be tired all the time, but when I try to sleep, I just lay awake and worry. It probably doesn't help that Ruby tries to cheer me up by planning my social life, as in something to do every night of the week."
"Well, I'm putting a stop to that..." Archie stated emphatically. Concerned that he might have overstepped, he backed off. "...with your permission, of course."
Belle was suddenly so exhausted that she felt like curling up on Archie's soft sofa and taking a nap right there. She blinked a couple of times, hoping that Archie wouldn't notice. All Archie did was excuse himself for a moment, saying he would be right back. When the door closed, Pongo jumped onto the sofa, and instinctively put his head in Belle's lap. She sat there quietly, stroking Pongo's head, then leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She told herself to stay awake, to open her eyes, but she gave into sleep immediately. Archie came in a few minutes later, whistled softly for Pongo, turned out the light, covered Belle with a blanket and left for Granny's. He could work just as well over there. Belle didn't stir, as if the revelations of the day had finally allowed her body to relax and let sleep take over. Her face looked peaceful, Archie noticed. That's enough for one day, he thought.
Belle startled awake in Archie's office, her mind fuzzy with fatigue and her body aching from sleeping curled up on the sofa. She looked around in a panic, embarrassed to have fallen asleep in the middle of the morning and wondering where Archie was. She rubbed her eyes, smoothed her hair, and stood up unsteadily. Still disoriented, she remembered her discussion with Archie and walked over to the window. To her surprise, it was mid afternoon. The clock on the library tower showed 3:15. She leaned her head against the cool glass and tried to breathe. It was a lot to take in. As she walked down the stairs to the street, she had no idea of where to go or what to do. This is so not like me, she said to herself. She glanced over at Granny's but turned the opposite direction, walking instead toward the Cannery and the docks. Meandering about aimlessly was not Belle's style, but she knew she needed to spend some time alone.
Sitting on the rocks, looking over the bay, Belle thought carefully about her life and her choices. I've always decided my own fate, but somehow I've allowed circumstances to control me, instead of the other way around... I need to figure this out quickly so I can get back to work. No, Belle, she thought with newfound clarity, you need to discover who you really are. Not Rumple's girlfriend, not the mayor, not Moe's daughter. Belle. If I don't know myself, then how can I expect to connect emotionally with anyone? She had no answers, only questions. She wanted to be brave, and to meet this new adventure without fear. But she was scared. Scared for Rumple, and scared for herself. Being scared was bad. She stood up quickly and started walking briskly along the shoreline. She wasn't ready to admit these fears to anyone. It was too risky. She had a job to do and she was determined to do it.
Belle turned the handle of the door to her office. Ashley had left a small lamp burning, as if she knew that Belle was likely to return. As she glanced over the items in her inbox, she noticed a crayon drawing sticking out. Belle held it up. It was a drawing of a flower, colored in magenta, with a bright blue center. Ashley had clearly drawn the outline, but the coloring, Belle decided, was all Alexandra. She wondered absently if Alexandra had a nickname. Alex? Ali? The colors blended into one another as Belle's eyes filled with tears. The innocence of the child's drawing touched her deeply. How she wanted to reclaim that childlike part of herself...but she didn't know where to look for it.
As Belle walked back to her car, she impulsively stopped at the arts and crafts store and bought a package of sixty-four crayons, along with a pad of drawing paper. Somehow buying those two items gave her a sense of purpose and she drove home quickly, eager to start her drawing. After a meal of chicken and vegetable soup, bread and fruit, Belle changed into her nightgown, and sat up in bed, thinking about what she wanted to draw. Suddenly she had a flash of inspiration. Don't think...just put the crayon on the paper and draw what comes to mind.
She was so caught up in her drawing that she was blissfully unaware of time passing. When her clock chimed eight o'clock, she gasped and ran over to the magic mirror. She was an hour late for her arranged meeting with Rumple.
"Show me Rumplestiltskin," she cried, hoping that he hadn't given up on her.
To her surprise, she could see Rumple clearly, but he wasn't holding the mirror as he usually was. He was in a boat, rowing toward an island. He was alone. The mirror was nowhere in sight. She knew he couldn't hear her, but she called out to him anyway.
"Rumple! I'm here! Is everything all right?" But he just kept rowing. He had a resolute expression on his face, an expression she had seen many times before. He was clearly determined to do something. She watched for awhile, seeing him pull on the oars time after time. Finally Belle put the mirror down gently and touched the glass with her finger. There was nothing she could do, so she resumed drawing. Maybe it was better if they waited to talk anyway. She just hoped she wouldn't have to wait too long.
Belle picked up her notepad and studied her drawing. The scene was the ocean, with waves breaking fiercely against the rocky shore. It wasn't the calm, peaceful sea that she had played in as a girl in her father's kingdom. This ocean seemed determined to crush anyone who got in its path. The water, instead of blue and green, was dark purple with darker hints of smoky grey. There were no fish in the ocean, nor any human beings. But there was a small boat. Belle had drawn the tiniest of vessels, just on the horizon. The small craft did not appear to be in danger from the turbulent waves, and seemed to be confident of its course through the ocean. Belle focused on that boat. Why a boat, she wondered? As she embellished the tiny boat with a small sail and colored it yellow, she knew the name it must have. Hope, she wrote with a fine point pen on the bow of the boat. She smiled at the drawing and placed it on the dresser next to the mirror.
Belle went to bed early and slept soundly, dreamlessly, waking before the dawn. She bathed and dressed quickly in comfortable sweats, ate a light breakfast, and sat on the bed, drawing, waiting for seven o'clock. Finally the hour arrived. She whispered the magical phrase, held up the mirror and saw Rumple smiling back at her.
"Hello, my beauty," he said. "You're looking very put together for seven a.m."
Belle swallowed. "Rumple, I need to talk to you. Do you have time to listen today?"
"Sweetheart, I have all the time in the world for you. Whenever you're ready..."
Despite the fact that Belle had rehearsed what she wanted to say over and over again, she found it very difficult to begin. The words caught in her throat and she swallowed again. Her eyes fell on the picture of the little boat in the tumultuous ocean. She smiled and took a deep breath.
"I just want to tell you that I'm not as strong as you think I am." Rumple started to speak, but Belle held up her hand. "My turn," she admonished. "I just need you to listen for awhile." Rumple twisted his mouth into a slight grin, and gave her a small bow.
"I want you to know that I'm having a hard time putting everything together and keeping it together. Basically it's been crazy to figure out who I really am in the face of the captivity, my amnesia, then my time as Lacey." Rumple nodded, realizing that Belle was very serious. "And it's hard trying to get through all this on my own, without you. We keep getting separated and I'm frankly getting very tired of it!" Her eyes filled with tears and Rumple looked away, as if he couldn't bear to see her break down. "I'm sorry I haven't been more honest with you, but I wanted to make you proud of me. I wanted to help, to be strong. But the truth is, Rumple, I'm kind of falling apart here."
"Belle, darling, I'm the one who should apologize. I've put too much pressure on you." At that word, Belle smiled to herself. "You don't have to take care of everything in Storybrooke. Is that what's bothering you?"
"Partly," Belle answered. "I talked to Archie yesterday."
Rumple swallowed back his obvious distrust of Archie, and of therapy in general and gave Belle what he hoped was a supportive look. Belle laughed out loud, seeing him try so hard to be nice. "That's okay, Rumple," she said. "You don't have to lie; I know therapy isn't your thing."
"Indeed not," Rumple replied. "But I want you to know that I'll support you in whatever you need to do. May I make a suggestion?"
Belle was thrilled. "Of course."
"First of all, take some time off." Belle started to object but it was now Rumple's turn to hold up his hand. "I know you want to do a good job, but you're no good to anyone if you can't function. Take a few days, or better yet, a week. Plant a garden, do some things that you want to do. Eat ice cream for breakfast. I don't know...think outside the box?"
"Well, I did that yesterday and I ended up sleeping on Archie's sofa for the better part of the day."
Rumple caught his breath at the thought of her sleeping there, so alone and defenseless. She must have desperately needed the sleep, he realized. "How I wish I was there with you, Belle."
"I know. It's really all right now. I miss you so much and it helps to be able to talk to you about what I'm going through. I guess what I'm trying to say is I need you, Rumple."
"And I need you, too, Belle. We'll be together soon."
"Really?" Belle had heard this before. "Or are you just trying to placate me?"
Rumple smiled sadly. "Right now, it's just wishful thinking on my part. We're getting close to a confrontation, but, Belle, you know how dangerous this is. I want to be positive for your sake, but it's been very tough going over here."
"Tell me. Is it Regina?"
"Of course. How did you guess? She's never been to Neverland but refuses to listen to anything Hook and I have to say. Gods, Belle, we've dealt with Pan before. We know what he wants and how he operates. But you know how impulsive Regina is. If it weren't for Hook distracting her from her foolishness, I'm sure half of us would be captured by now. Snow, Charming and Emma barely escaped with their lives on their last outing."
"I saw you in a boat. What were you doing all alone in a boat, Rumple?"
"Oh, you saw that, did you?" He chuckled softly. "I was doing a little scouting, partially out of need, and partially to get myself away from Regina. Nothing came of it, unfortunately. Hook, Charming and I will go back out tonight."
"I guess telling you to be careful is ridiculous..." Belle smiled wryly.
"I'll make you a deal."
"Rumple! You don't make deals with me!"
"Just. Listen. I will let Hook and Charming go out tonight, and I will stay with the ladies, a huge sacrifice on my part, I assure you. In return, you will take today and tomorrow off."
Belle nodded her assent. "Very well, the deal is struck," she said playfully.
Rumple wagged his finger at her. "Struck," he said. He looked at her thoughtfully. "Are you sure you're all right...physically? You look tired, my dear."
"Well, I slept all night and I feel fine." Rumple threw her a doubting look. "I know I need to catch up on my sleep and I promise to do that today and tomorrow."
'Very well. I'll talk with you tonight, then. Rest well, sweetheart."
"I will. Stay out of trouble, Rumple. Remember that I love you."
"I love you too, my darling Belle."
Belle put the mirror on the dresser and called Ashley. She was more than happy to work a couple more days in the mayor's office. Belle requested some more drawings, which Ashley was delighted to complete for her, with Alexandra's help of course. She then called Ruby, gave her a quick update and agreed to meet her for dinner later.
"Now, what do I do?" Belle asked herself. She propped all the pillows against the headboard and rested against them, picking up her drawing pad and a new crayon. She began to draw an island, an island called Neverland.
