Yosano dropped me off at Crema's to meet Junichiro 5 minutes before closing. Perfect timing. I thought about heading inside to meet up with him but figured waiting outside would be just as easy, and it was a nice night. I didn't mind waiting out front for him. The cool air felt nice and refreshing, it was just what I needed.
There are a few tables set up out front so I grab a seat for myself to wait. It feels really odd sitting like a customer at the place I work at, it's a strange change in roles. A much-appreciated change. I need to do this more often, come here as a customer. I'm so focused on work and school when I'm not on break that I never think to just relax. I need to do that more as well, just relax.
I'm so deep in my thoughts I don't even realize someone is approaching me until they sit down adjacent to me, but when I realize my breathing stops instantly.
"Hello Atsushi, nice night. I didn't expect to see you again so soon," Chuuya says with a wink and I blush furiously despite my best efforts.
"Chuuya-san, hi! Yeah uh-, just waiting for a friend," I stammer. Why am I like this, I wish I could just talk like a proper human being. I internally facepalm. Chuuya is leant back in his chair, arms crossed on his chest as he watches me, eyes a deep shade of blue in the dim lighting from the street. He doesn't say anything for some time, just watches me. I feel like I'm being scrutinized but I really have no idea what to say so I decide this is a great time to find my hands really amusing.
"You're interesting Atsushi," is all he says and my heart stops. I meet his gaze and his expression is unreadable, my jaw drops slightly. The blush that never left my cheeks only intensifies as we stare at each other and I feel my chest tighten. I've only seen Chuuya a handful of times but he has never looked so soft, his features don't look as harsh as they usually do. His eyes are gentler, his jaw slacker. Maybe it's because Dazai isn't around so Chuuya isn't so tense, but he feels different somehow. Before I can question what this means any further, he quickly stands up and begins to walk down the street. He stops a few steps away and half turns around to face me.
"I ah- have to go. Enjoy your night Atsushi-kun. I'll see you around," he says with a soft smile then turns to continue on his route. I want to stop him, call him back and have him sit with me for just a little bit longer but my throat is completely dry. My mind feels cloudy and I don't think I could form a sentence if my life depended on it, not to mention I am definitely not bold enough to call out to him. I watch as he continues down the street until he turns a corner. Once he's out of sight I actually feel sad, my chest feels almost heavy. Why am I reacting like this, I barely know him. I've interreacted with him a handful of times, I shouldn't be feeling this way. This feeling doesn't last too long though thankfully because within minutes Junichiro is exiting the front of the shop and locking up.
"Atsushi! I hope you didn't wait too long, closing was horrible," he says glumly as he slings his bag over his slim shoulders. "Have you eaten? Wanna get takeout? I'm starving."
We end up getting a ton of food from a little takeout place that's just around the corner from Junichiro's apartment, and since his apartment building doesn't have an elevator we have to hike up 5 flights of stairs. By the time we make it to his door I feel like I'm going to faint. He doesn't even have to reach to open the door because it flings open so abruptly I almost fall over from the shock.
"I missed you so much!" she screams and nearly knocks Junichiro over with the force of the hug she captures him in.
"Naomi, hello. You remember Atsushi, he's staying over," he replies quickly and they both look over to me, I give her a warm smile despite my shock at the situation. Naomi stares at me for a second then gives me a big smile and a wave.
"Of course I remember him, hello! I'm Junichiro's sister Naomi in case you don't remember me. Please come in," she says with her bubbly tone and drags Junichiro into the apartment while I follow suit.
The three of us eat as much as we can while some random movie plays in the background and I try to not think about the events of the day. We chat about everything and anything but every now and then my eyes wander to the movie. Every time a character on the screen with blue eyes shows up or someone gives a flirtatious wink I can't help but let my thoughts wander. Of course it's a romance movie that happens to be on. I haven't felt so distracted in my whole life, I feel like I'm not even in the present. I'm just an over-thinking mess of emotions, which Naomi apparently notices.
"Hey Atsushi are you okay? You look like you're dreaming while you're awake," she says from her current seat on her brother's lap. I stare at them for a second and almost laugh, they have a very interesting bond by the looks of it. I smile the best I can.
"I'm fine, just lost in thought. Sorry."
"I don't mean to pry but, you just look so down I can't help but to worry. Are you really okay? If you want you can tell me, I'd love to help if I can," she says eagerly but she's so genuine I feel like I could tell her anything. Though, if she's anything like her brother that wouldn't be surprising.
"Yeah, you do seem out of it. Did something happen today? Oh, have you heard from Dazai?" Junichiro asks with a worried expression, I do not need this boy to worry more than he does. Naomi wraps he arms around his shoulders and cuddles into him for support.
"Ah no, I haven't. I did talk to Chuuya like we mentioned earlier though," I say quietly and the whole mood in the room shifts. Junichiro's eyes go wide and Naomi squeals and jumps forward in excitement, causing me to almost fall over.
"You like him! Don't you? I can tell, look at you. It's written all over your face! Who is he, what does he look like?!" she practically screams and I feel like I'm going to die from embarrassment, I am now a blushing mess. Junichiro looks at me, eyes even wider than I thought possible and looks about as shocked as I feel embarrassed.
"You what? Woah, slow down. What happened today?" he asks and I know I'm cornered at this point so I tell the both of them everything that happened today; about running into him after work then the incident that happened most recently. Once I've concluded my ramblings the siblings both sit there quietly, wide eyed and open mouthed. The silence doesn't last long though.
"Ohhh that's so romantic! He totally likes you Atsushi, you should go for him," Naomi bubbles and I blush so furiously I feel like I'm on fire. I can't even process anything she just said, I feel like my brain is turning to mush.
"So, wait, Atsushi-kun… you're gay? I had no idea," Junichiro says with a soft smile and I literally facepalm.
"No! I'm not- I don't know! I have no idea how I feel," I say abruptly and I realize I'm lying. I don't know what label I am for sure, that part is true, but I know how I feel. I realize it in that moment. I do like Chuuya, a lot. I haven't felt how I feel right now ever and it's as clear as day. Talking about everything that happened and hearing it out loud made me realize just how head over heels I am, and I groan. "What am I going to do?"
We all sit there in silence pondering my question for what feels like forever then I realize what Naomi said. He likes me? How could she even think that when she doesn't even know him. The thought troubles me and my mind goes into a frenzy of scenarios that could never happen. I need to stop thinking like this.
"Naomi, how do you know he likes me?" I ask hesitantly and she smiles as she curls up in Junichiro's lap. I still can't figure them out.
"All day he's been giving you winks and smiles for one. And you said he was staring at you when you sat down together, I don't think that was in a bad way by the way you described it. I think he's curious. And if he just up and left so abruptly, I think he was thinking about you and got flustered. He totally likes you," she replies with a smile then giggles as my blush reappears.
"Okay, but even if he does like him. How is that going to go down with Dazai-san? I feel like he won't be too happy about this…" Junichiro points out and my heart races. Right, Dazai, how could I have forgotten him within this whole dynamic? Even if this turned into something, which it won't because that's dreaming way too big and this is just me we're talking about, it could never work because of Dazai and Chuuya's history. Dazai is not only my best friend but also my roommate, this would cause a world war and I do not want to be in the middle of it. I groan again.
"It's not going to go down at all, it can't. How the hell could I forget about Dazai? He would lose his mind over this whole thing. Ughh, I can't do this, he's my best friend. I'm going to go crazy," I say and I fall backwards to lay on the ground. I am exhausted. "Hey what time is it?"
"Umm, 2am. Wow you guys should go to bed don't you work early?" Naomi answers my question and Junichiro and myself both groan in unison.
"We are not going to survive the morning shift," Junichiro replies and I agree. Even if I do sleep I'm still not going to survive it with everything that's going on in my head. I want to curl up and never leave my apartment again at this point, the real world is far too stressful. Then I realize everything we just discussed and almost have a heart attack.
"Don't you dare say anything about this to or anywhere near Ranpo-san," I say as I sit bolt upright. Junichiro stares at me and his eyes go wide again as he thinks about what I just said, clearly realizing the horror that could ensue if Ranpo knew anything about this.
"I won't breathe a single word."
