A/N: I think I have to apologize to all the Katsuki fans out there for this chapter.

. . .


Chapter Three


Izuku.

Izuku's image was fuzzy in front of his eyes, but it seemed clearer than he had ever seen it before.

"Let go."

The boy was saying, kept repeating it like a mantra.

He felt something at the height of his chest, it ached. Was it because of the words?

"Let me go."

He gritted his teeth, feeling a scorching sensation crawling inside his veins. It was so… wrong.

"Even if you lied… it doesn't matter. But let me go now."

The image shifted and suddenly everything was plunged into darkness. The only light was coming from Izuku's figure

His eyes.

They were so cold.

He had never seen him wear that kind of expression. It was so out of place, so shocking he felt bile rise to his throat.

Izuku should never look that way.

Not in Katsuki's eyes.

"…Deku?" He asked tentatively, not knowing where the caution was coming from, but hoping to not see that gaze break into even more hatred.

Izuku remained unmoving, not uttering a word for what felt an eternity and a second, but the glare he was sending his way freezing.

Katsuki felt cold, hard clutches grip him from the inside, something akin to fear, desperation, loss.

"I hate you." Izuku spit out the syllables like venom.

Katsuki froze.

Izuku's green irises were swallowed up in anger. "I hate you for what you did to me!"

Katsuki was weak, couldn't stand on his feet anymore. He fell down, expecting the hard ground to welcome his weight, but found the floor to be of a strange consistence, almost watery. He heard a dripping sound, steady and loud in the darkness and coming from somewhere near, so he raised his head.

Izuku was crying.

"I don't want to see you ever again… disappear from my life!" The boy begged, with arms wrapped around himself as if to seek protection, as if Katsuki was the threat.

The tears streaming down his face were endless, filling up his whole world.

"…Please let me go."

Katsuki's heart drowned in pain.

He got up, tried to, a sudden and inexplicable urge to stop Izuku washed over him, to stop him from turning around, from running away. But Izuku seemed to get further and Katsuki couldn't reach him because as much as he tried it was not enough. It never was. The boy's back kept getting smaller, distorted with the sudden light breaking in, in front of him but out of reach.

It was so frustratingly scary.

"Wait!" Katsuki tried to call out, his voice echoed in the nothingness. "Deku… no… I…"

Izuku was distancing himself from him, one step at a time, until his back started disappearing in the shadows.

With every step he took Katsuki felt the loneliness grow so quickly inside of him it hurt.

"Deku-!"

.

.

.

.

.

.

"DEKU!"

Katsuki woke up with a scream.

The first thing he saw was darkness.

His eyes started to adjust to it and it took a few seconds to notice how ragged his breathing had gotten and how fast his heart was beating. So fast it made him want to throw up. He blinked, getting used to the lack of light, Suddenly, he was filled to the brim with something different, something he had not felt in a long time, and now he could see as clearly as those images that kept on replaying over and over again in front of his eyes.

Guilt.

He begrudgingly trudged in the hallway, trying not to make noise. Not because he cared about his classmates resting a few walls away - he could honestly care less about their beauty sleep - but he didn't want any of them to see him in this… way.

Once inside the bathroom he immediately went to the sink, as soon as he opened the faucet and cold water splashed in he quickly gathered it in his hands and washed his face, trying to get rid of the remaining bits and pieces of the nightmare- that felt scarily more like a memory than an actual piece of his imagination - haunting him.

Katsuki paused, trying to catch his breath that had still not slowed down. He tiredly watched the rush of water slip through his fingers, something he was not able to stop. Something he was not able to keep for himself. The little droplets clinging to his fingers fell down and what he was left with was only the cooling sensation that made his hands grow gradually colder, until the point where it started to become uncomfortable. He hung his head at the thoughts circulating freely through his brain.

It was just something else he couldn't stop, wasn't it?

"Even if you lied… it doesn't matter. But let me go now."

Katsuki scrunched his eyes shut. He thought he could do it. He thought he could have ignored what was going on inside him. Ignore what went through his head everytime he saw the other boy.

And just let a few years water down how he was feeling about him.

But it had not worked. Nothing ever had.

He was stuck in his head.

.

.

.

.

.

.

As he was getting back to his room he thought about getting a glass of water first, his throat was dry and he felt the beginning of a headache pulsing on his temples already. He passed through the common room to get to the kitchen where he would just drink a glass of water and leave. No one would be awake at this point anyway and no one would see him-

Someone was already there.

It seemed like this wasn't Katsuki's lucky night.

He grumbled something to himself, even more irritated than before if it was even possible. But when he got closer the person's face started becoming clearer from the moonlight shining through the windows.

Until he recognized him.

He didn't even notice he stopped in his tracks.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Katsuki's voice was much quieter than he would have liked for it to be, but he couldn't help it, the surprise was too much.

Izuku was there.

"K-Kacchan!" He startled, looking up from the ground at the new presence in the room. It seemed he had not even heard him enter, sitting in one of the common room's couches and lost in his own world. "You-…you're here too?"

Katsuki's eyes narrowed as the guilt came crashing down on him, so intense he felt like the ground was missing from beneath his feet.

But he couldn't let him see it.

"Answer the fucking question!"

This time his voice was louder, angrier.

Because anger made everything feel better, right?

Izuku flinched and Katsuki felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

"I… was training. I did it for a little while because I couldn't really sleep, so I thought that instead of simply staying up maybe I could do something more… useful? And I figured I could spend my time that way. Then I started feeling a little tired and I thought that I shouldn't overwork myself because that would be bad, working hard is okay but overworking is never the answer, I didn't want to actually tear something and end up hurting myself or I wouldn't be able to come to class or be with everyone and that would be even worse and it would make me feel sad and…"

Izuku seemed to suddenly be aware that he had started mumbling words that were coming up more than a little fast and slightly jumbled. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head and his lips curved up in a small smile. It wasn't as wobbly as usual, instead it was a little steadier than what Katsuki had probably ever seen on him, a little more… confident?

"Oops, sorry about that, it's an old habit… I was training. I finished a while ago and decided to stay here for a little." The boy looked down at his lap, where his hands were gripping at his knees, be it from nervousness… or something else.

Katsuki was a little speechless. He was looking at Izuku with wide eyes and the breath caught a little in his throat because he looked so, so–

No.

Katsuki stopped that train of thought before it derailed from the rails.

He scoffed quietly, pretended he was looking away in annoyance, when in truth his heart was beating so furiously he could feel it pounding in his head and his palms were sweating for no apparent reason. He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at the window on his line of sight.

"Kacchan…"

That stupid, stupid nickname and the stupid, stupid things it did to him.

The pounding in his heart turned to hammering now and unseen he closed his hands into fists inside his pockets, trying not to think – but then Izuku completed his sentence and Katsuki froze on the spot.

"…what are you doing here?"

Thoughts of the nightmare assaulted his brain and all he could see was Izuku, his sad expression, his angry eyes, his tears, his-

"Let me go now."

Katsuki's breath caught in his throat.

No.

He couldn't deal with this. Not right now.

The blond breathed in slowly, quietly so the other boy wouldn't notice… but he didn't even know what he wanted to hide from Izuku's sight at this point.

He grunted something unintelligible, not wanting to acknowledge the other boy's presence anymore, not wanting to acknowledge the way it made him feel.

Katsuki forgot the glass of water and just walked to his room, resisting the urge to turn back and look at Izuku.


. . .

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter had some angst (yes, there are people who can write about incredibly sad things out there but this is already considered angst for me because I've never liked sad things). But rest assured, this story is mostly going to be fluffy and sweet! … and a little stupid… maybe more than just a little.

And the next chapter is going to explain what happened to Katsuki too, there's a reason for his behavior.