Chapter 3

They got up early and headed to Jasonville. It didn't take long to find the yo-yo and then go on. Their next stop was Peoria. As they drove, they talked about nothing. Tim wondered if he should bring up serious topics and Tony was wondering why Tim didn't bring up serious topics. Still, neither one of them broached the real reason for this trip. They just kept talking without saying anything.

...and neither of them could decide if they should say anything.

Then, as they closed in on Peoria, it was time to navigate.

They made their way to the Peoria Riverfront Museum and stopped.

"Okay, Probie, tell me what we're looking for."

"The Sun comes first," Tim said. There was a strange expression on his face as he looked around for it. "It's 36 feet high. It should stand out."

"Okay."

They found it pretty quickly.

"I have been wanting to see this since I was a kid," Tim said.

"I can't believe you never did."

Tim shrugged. "Dad thought it was a waste of time. So we never went."

"He said that?"

"Yeah. It would have been for him. My friends in college weren't interested or else I couldn't afford the trip. ...and it's not as much fun to see alone."

Tony raised his eyebrows.

"It's a model of the solar system. How much fun did you expect to have?"

"A scale model, Tony," Tim said with a grin. "The Sun's actual size is about 865,000 miles in diameter. At this scale, Mercury is about two inches in diameter and about a third of a mile away."

The significance of that suddenly hit Tony.

"Wait. Mercury is a third of a mile away? That's the closest planet to the Sun!"

Tim nodded, his grin widening.

"So...just how big is this model?"

"Pluto is about 40 miles from here."

"What?"

"Exactly. It's in a furniture store in Kewanee."

"You didn't say anything about this before. I was thinking it was just a little dinky thing."

Tim looked a little embarrassed.

"I...wasn't sure you'd actually want to come here if I told you in advance."

"Why? We saw a yo-yo and a big Dixie cup. Do you really think that a solar system is that much different?"

"Well, technically, it's not the largest anymore. There's one in Maine that's bigger. ...and no one else has cared." Tim took a breath and smiled. "I just wanted to see it."

"Okay." Tony thought it was kind of weird how much Tim wanted to see this thing, but he also thought it was kind of sad that he'd wanted to see it for this long and never had. "Then, let's see it."

They walked to Mercury, Venus, the Earth and Mars. That took about an hour to walk out and then back to their car. They took pictures at every stop, and then, when they got back to the car, they began the drive to the various other planets. They even found the dwarf planet Ceres, located in the asteroid belt. But there was something really fun about searching for all the outer planets. Jupiter was in the airport. Saturn was in the Pekin library, nearly nine miles from the model of the Sun.

"Okay. Here's Princeville. Where is it?" Tony asked.

"Troutman Park," Tim said, looking at the GPS. Then, he smiled. "Just so you know, we're nearly 1.8 billion miles from the Sun at this point."

Tony chuckled. He liked seeing Tim enjoying himself so much. It had been awhile since Tim had let himself be completely nerdy.

"I'll keep that in mind, Tim."

They found Uranus and got pictures. Then, it was back into the car to drive another 12 miles to Neptune in the Wyoming Train Depot. More pictures.

"We could stop here, you know," Tim said.

"Why would we do that?" Tony asked. "There's still Pluto."

"Technically, it's no longer defined as a planet," Tim said.

"But the model still has it?"

"Yes."

"Then, we're going to find it. Where is it?"

"In a furniture store in Kewanee," Tim said. "Another 12 miles away."

"Bring it on."

Tim laughed. "Okay."

They drove to Good's Furniture in Kewanee and found the tiny model of Pluto (with Charon, its largest moon), less than an inch in diameter. Tim crouched down by it so that Tony could take his picture, and then, they headed out of the store, feeling like they'd accomplished something really impressive.

"There are some other dwarf planets included in the model," Tim said, "but I never felt like I needed to see them. Once you start including them, there are so many that you could never be done...and Pluto is still the end of the solar system in my mind...even though I know it's not."

"Then, we'll stop here. So...tell me, Probie, how far are we from the Sun?"

"About 3.6 billion miles."

"And how do you feel now?"

Tim smiled. It wasn't the mischievous grin he'd had before. It was a contented smile. A simple childhood dream fulfilled.

"Great."

"Good. Are you ready to head to Collinsville?"

"Sure. If we stop there, we could see the ketchup bottle and the pencil and then go to Cahokia in the morning before we go to Cawker City. That's going to be a long, boring drive."

"All right."

They headed for the car and suddenly, Tim stopped.

"What?"

"Thanks, Tony."

"What for?"

"For doing this with me...and not making fun of me for still wanting to see this."

"No way, man. This trip is for both of us. You get to have fun, too. Neither of us had a lot of fun last time."

"No. That's for sure."

Another opening for a serious conversation.

And it passed unacknowledged.

They got in the car and drove to Collinsville. The ketchup bottle was outside and up on a tower, but the pencil was in the St. Louis City Museum which contained a number of strange and wonderful things beyond the pencil...which they saw first and took pictures of. They also saw the world's largest tennis racket and pair of tighty whities. Strange, but they still took pictures. They both went down the 10-story slide and gazed in awe at the fiberglass ceiling. All in all, the pencil had led them to an extremely fun playground. Definitely worth the stop.

Then, they got dinner and found a hotel for the night. Tim settled down and called Delilah from the small balcony. Tony couldn't help but listen a little bit while Tim told her what they'd been doing.

"No, I'm having a blast," Tim said, sounding genuinely happy. "It's a lot of driving, but we're splitting it up and that makes it easier. I'll have to bring you to St. Louis sometime. The museum was totally amazing."

Tony listened while Tim had a nice, long, unangsty, enjoyable conversation with his normal girlfriend. It sounded like he really liked her, like it was a fun relationship they had. In fact, while he thought he was alone, Tim sounded a lot more playful than he ever was in public.

And what do I have? Nothing.

At this point, Tony wondered what in the world he had really expected by spending all that time tracking Ziva down. If she had really wanted to be with them, with them, she would have said so. She would have been in contact. She wouldn't have left in the first place. It almost felt like he hadn't been himself during that time in Israel. Instead, he had become a stranger and then been thrust out of that world back into himself too quickly to adjust. Ziva was still in Israel...or wherever, and he was back in his life, but feeling out of place in it.

"I love you, too," Tim said. "Bye."

Tony sat up on the bed, expecting Tim to come inside, but he didn't. He stayed out on the balcony, looking out over the city. Tony got up and walked out.

"Have a nice chat?" he asked.

"Yeah," Tim said. "Delilah thinks I'm weird for being so into this stuff, but she's still getting to know me."

"And?"

"And what?" Tim asked.

"She's okay with everything so far?"

"Obviously," Tim said. "Delilah knows what she wants and she's not going to hang around out of pity. Thank goodness."

Another wide opening for a serious conversation.

...and that passed them by.

Tim got to his feet and stretched.

"I'm going to shower tonight. You can have it in the morning."

"Sounds good."

Tim walked into the bathroom and Tony stayed out on the balcony. He was envious. He could admit that to himself. ...and he was a little flabbergasted that he was jealous of Tim of all people. Tony and Tim were complete opposites. They would never have given each other the time of day had they not been on the same team. Generally, that was fine. Tony had his thing and Tim had his. This was possibly the first time that Tony wished he could trade places. Tim didn't seem thrown by anything at all. Even his breakdown last year was nothing more than a memory. He had a job, a girlfriend...a good life.

And, in spite of his best efforts, Tony couldn't keep his mind away from the painful topic he wanted to avoid. Even though Tim hadn't brought it up, his brain stubbornly kept returning to it.

I'll ignore it, he thought. There's no reason to even acknowledge it. This is just a fun trip, and even if we both know that there's more to it, I'm going to ignore it.

He got ready for bed and was nearly asleep before Tim came out.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim woke up suddenly and stared at the ceiling. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was, but then, he heard Tony snoring and he smiled. It had been more than a year since his breakdown, and he still had nightmares sometimes. When he had them, it was rare that he went back to sleep, but most of the time, they came at the end of the night, not the middle; so it wasn't a big deal. He could easily function on six or seven hours instead of eight. Right now, it was just after five. As long as he stayed quiet, he wouldn't disturb Tony and he wouldn't let Tony know that he had a couple of lingering problems.

He rolled over and picked up his tablet. Shielding the glow from disturbing Tony, Tim opened it up and went into his pictures. He wasn't sure why he'd transferred all these pictures. At first, his intention had been to delete them. They were depressing like he'd thought they would be. ...but then, he hadn't been able to do it.

Now, as he looked at the photos, they depressed him anew. It was painfully clear that he had been in a bad way. Even in the photos where he'd managed to smile, he looked two seconds away from a meltdown. What Tim hoped for himself on this trip was to remove the stain of what had happened before...but given the situation, he wasn't telling Tony about that. It was just a matter of replacing these rather unpleasant memories with much better ones, and that didn't require any discussion or effort.

Tim closed his tablet and then, went back to staring at the ceiling for a while. It was nice and quiet in the room. There was no rush. They had a schedule, but not a strict one. Today, they'd go and see Cahokia, a little bit of genuine history amidst the goofy tourist traps.

Besides, if he told Tony about his nightmares, Tony would start worrying about him, and Tim didn't want that. If he wanted to talk about what had happened in Israel, Tim would listen, but he wasn't going to force it. Tim would be the first to admit that he wasn't really the best at this kind of thing. So he would let Tony decide if that was what they should do.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Cahokia didn't open until nine, but they decided not to stay as long as they might have otherwise. Instead, they went to the visitor's center and then to Monk Mound. They looked around a little bit, but after that, they decided it would be best to get on their way to Cawker City. It would be more than eight hours to get there and that meant a long drive. Maybe another time, they could come back.

They started the long drive to Cawker City. When they got to Kansas City, they were both tired of driving and they started looking for something to break up the monotony. Tony was the one with the GPS. Tim was driving...so it was obvious where his attention would be.

"The College Basketball Experience," Tony said. "Perfect! We're going there, Tim."

Tim groaned good-naturedly.

"Oh, no."

"This place is only one museum. It's not spread out over 40 miles. So there."

"Okay, okay. Tell me how to get there."

They navigated to the museum and went inside. It seemed to be more geared towards kids, but Tony zeroed in on the interactive exhibits. ...and then, he proceeded to demonstrate that he was the athlete and Tim was not. Still, Tim could admit that he had fun there and it was a really nice break from the driving.

Then, it was back on the road to drive the next 200 miles to Cawker City. They were both tired and a little dazed by the time they got to their destination...and found a place to sleep called the Ball of Twine Inn. Then, it was time to find the ball of twine. They'd be stopping in Darwin, Minnesota to see the other big ball of twine and it was fun to have the chance to compare. They posed, of course. Some very friendly locals took their picture together with the twine and the caretakers actually let them add their own twine to the mass...although they were very particular about how it was done.

They got something to eat and then went to the inn. They had lucked out, given that the "inn" was only one unit and there had been a last-minute cancellation.

Tim had done most of the driving that day and he was tired. So he got ready for bed and was asleep in minutes. Tony felt more awake. He was thinking. Today had been really fun. Lots of driving, talking about nothing, spontaneous stops and something goofy to end the day. He looked at Tim. He was surprised that this road trip was as fun as he had hoped.

If only the nights weren't so empty. Tony felt it was unfair that he had so much space in his head and he was filling it with brooding thoughts. Wanting to distract himself, he quietly crept to Tim's bag and found his tablet. He knew Tim had at least a few games on his tablet that he didn't have on his phone. He turned it on and was surprised to see photos of the last road trip. Why was Tim looking at them? While Tony had insisted on taking pictures, he hadn't really looked at them since. They were mostly depressing because Tim was so obviously not well. So...why would he be looking at them?

Tony smiled a little. It looked like there were two different topics of conversation they could bring up. ...and neither of them were doing it.

Should he? Tony knew that Tim wanted to forget that period, that he was still a little embarrassed about how he had faltered after the bombing of NCIS, but was it serious that this was still something he was thinking about?

Tony sighed. Probably, it wasn't. He was just wanting something serious to not involve him.

In the end, he shut down the tablet without playing any games and went to bed.