I woke with a gasp, covered in sweat. I choked out a sob and the tears streamed down my face.

Not real, not real, not real. I repeated to myself, trying to slow my erratic heartbeat.

Except that it was. Real. I mean, not happening right this moment, but it definitely happened.

I broke down and let myself sob for a few minutes, but the tears ran dry sooner than I expected.

They said this would happen. They said to just give it time. I didn't believe them, because every time I thought of her my heart felt like it was broken into a million pieces, but evidence supporting them was in my short breakdown this night. While my heart still felt shattered, the tears were running out. The thought both relieved and depressed me.

Not that I could go back to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes the image of her on fire burned through my conscience.

I peeled back the covers and walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of milk.

I was walking back towards my room when I heard it. Shrieking. Coming from the guest bedroom, the one where Peeta was staying tonight.

Things had been strained between us since the return from the capitol. I think we both yearned for the way things were, but we were both so different, we had no idea how to get there.

Peeta usually stayed in his own house, but we had shared a meal last night and I told him to just crash in the guest bedroom. I felt more comfortable when he was close.

The shrieking came again, and I made my way to the doorway of the guestroom, watching the boy I had come to care for so deeply thrash in his sleep, fighting unseen terrors and demons. I watched as he bolted upright, screaming before opening his eyes and scanning the room.

His eyes locked on mine, standing in the doorway. We regarded each other seriously for a few moments, taking in each other's red-rimmed eyes, his shortness of breath, and the dusky bags under my eyes.

Finally I dropped my eyes to stare at the ground.

"Sorry, I heard you screaming," I said, turning to return to my room.

"Katniss," he called, stopping me.

I turned to face him and I saw the ghost of a smile cross his face. If I had blinked I would have missed it.

"Stay with me?" he asked, and a ghost of a smile crossed my face also.

I hurried over to the bed and crawled in beside him, and he wrapped his arms around me as I snuggled into him. I closed my eyes and sighed. For the first time, I felt like some of my heart might have escaped annihilation.

"Always," I whispered. He squeezed me tight against him in response.


I opened my eyes to the bright light of midmorning. There was a warmth at my side. A glance down told my I hadn't been dreaming, that Katniss really did come to me in the night. She was currently curled into my side, one arm circling my waist. My arm is wrapped securely around her, holding her against me. The first glimmer of happiness that I have felt since the capitol sparks in my heart, and blooms when she opens her eyes and squints up at me.

"Good morning," my voice is low and gravelly – probably due to the screaming last night.

"Good morning," she replies, leaning up on one elbow.

No further words are passed between us as we simply enjoy the nearness of each other.

Eventually though, Katniss stretches and mentions breakfast.

Well now that she's gone and mentioned food, my stomach is grumbling.

Thanks to Greasy Sae, Katniss has a full pantry, and we are sitting at the breakfast table in a matter of minutes.

"Peeta," Katniss begins, once we have almost finished our meal, "your nightmares are different now aren't they?"

I nod, my throat tightening up remembering the one from last night. Needles, electric shocks, the agonized, wordless screams of an avox, and worst of all, reaching out to kill Katniss again and again. I shuddered. She reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, but you never used to thrash like you were last night." She mentioned.

I nodded, my gaze on the ground.

"Every night, I dream of the capitol." I say, "I struggle to escape, but I never can." Tears have built up in my eyes, and I can see them in hers as well.

"I can do nothing to escape what they did to me, I can do nothing when I reach out and kill you again and again,"

My voice breaks on this admission, and Katniss is around the table, her arms around me, comforting me.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to speak of it," she says.

But I somehow feel better having spoken of it, like I have taken control of it and clarified it as just a dream. A terrible dream of a horrifying time in my past to be sure, but nothing more than that.

"It's ok," I say, my voice again strong and sure, "it was better when you were there though, I didn't have another nightmare after that."

She smiled a small smile. "Me either."

I reach out and grab her hand.

"Stay with me again tonight?"

She nods, blushing and looking at the ground, and I think she is not going to say anything, but then she looks up at me and whispers.

"Always."


KC

please review :)