Thank Chiisano Minako / Chizuru Chibi for the update as she dropped a subtle hint that I should update this and her review gave me a lot to think about. This chapter is dedicated to you!

Apologies for the lateness! This is quite sad until the end.

Thank you to all my reviewers who make me so happy and give me lots of pointers on how to improve I love you all for it!

Thank you to all those who put it on story alert over the last few weeks I love getting those emails!

There will be two more chapters after this cause this story just really doesn't want to go.

A year passed since the night we overheard that conversation with the higher-ups. That night I found Teresa sitting on the grass beside our trailer, I watched her first, noticing how she let go of all of her hidden emotions in one sudden go. I'd watched her for the whole day, she'd pretended to be happy, smiling but those smiles never met her eyes. I had wondered how she could have the strength to hide all of her emotions until she found that one moment, now I know she had to do that with her brothers. After watching her cry for as much as I could take I came to sit beside her, I remember the wet grass beneath me, soaking through my clothes, I remember taking her hand and silently praying to a god I didn't believe in. I prayed that soon, one day things would change and she would be treated as the princess she is. That she wouldn't have to hide or pretend, that she could be real. That night the "God" if there really is one must have mentally abused me, punching my mind and shouting until I realised at exactly 3:04 that praying for her was worthless and that I was that one person who could help her.

Back to the passing of the year, the next day the folks of the circus were told of the new changes and we started training immediately. Working with Angela was hard, I was almost twenty as was she and the closest I'd ever been to a girl was a kiss on the cheek to Madame Losaline and sweet, kisses on the lips to Teresa, I'm more than ashamed to admit that I fell for Angela, hard. But I was knowledgeable enough to know I loved Teresa and what I felt for Angela was purely Lust. But what I hate more was I lost my mind when I was with Angela and one night we were practising our act, which was slowly becoming the best in the Carnival I kissed her, and not the sweet, soft, tender ones like those I'd given to Teresa many times before but one of those lip crushing, brain disappearing, tongues meeting and more kisses.

"Pat!" She moaned, bringing her hands to the back of my head.

I stayed quiet, my brain wasn't even registering what was happening, in fact I'm sure I left it in the trailer because I couldn't form a word, or the will power to break it off and remember.

She went further and it was only when my suit jacket fell to the sawdust covered floor that I noticed what was happening, I pulled back forcefully, wiping my mouth to rid the taste of raspberries from my mouth. I hated raspberries. I liked Strawberries. And when I looked up at Angela's face and saw the very attractive woman before me I also saw the very beautiful and pretty and kind girl in the curtains, stare at me with her eyes and mouth wide, before she ran off into the mess of the thick velvet, a draft of raven hair following her.

Get gun. Shoot Head. Die.

Nope, I don't even think I deserved to die fast.

Eat Poison. Chop off toe. Shoot Shoulder. Jump off cliff. Get eaten by shark. Spat out. Float to surface. Picked up by Pirates. Tortured. Sold to the Highest Bidder. Starve. Trampled on by horses. Die.

Or.

Apologise.

I am dreadfully glad Mini-me picked the third one.

I ran after her, we were at another beach site: something I'd been excited about when we first got here so I pattered down the hill wishing Ellie and Billy had had the patience to teach me balance when my father demanded they teach me gymnastics when I was four. I saw her walking through the waves, head down and covered in dark wisps, she was up to her knees in the icy cold winter water but it didn't seem to affect her at all.

I ran over to her. Cursing my actions. Didn't they say you got smarter with age? Phf. I was smarter as a twelve year old.

"Teresa?" I called, walking straight into the water, not caring if I got anything wet.

She kept on walking, ignoring me as she waded through the choppy waves.

"Tess?" I ask again, un-gracefully tripping over a rock and landing in the water face first.

She turned to see me and despite how angry she was with me she rushed over to help me, lifting my arm so I was standing up and checking me over.

"Are you okay?" She asks, examining a cut in my arm.

"Are you?" I ask, reaching my hand up and cupping her freezing cheek in my soggy hand.

"No." She replied. Knocking my hand off her cheek and staring up at me. Over the last year she had stayed a similar height while I shot up so now there was a considerable difference between us.

"Can I fix it?" I plead.

"No." She answers defiantly, turning away from me but not getting very far as I grab her arm.

"Please." I beg, tears threatening to escape as I hold onto her hoping that I can fix my mistake, hoping that I can get my best friend back, hoping that I can get the only girl I love back.

"No." She shakes her head, I can see the warm tears glazing her eyes but not falling.

"Please." I choke out, closing my eyes to let the tears fall. I prided myself in appearances, I never let my emotions come through this much but standing in front of her and realising what I did to her just made me forget all that. Sobs racked my body and the waterfall of tears cascaded over my cheeks and into the salt water circling our knees.

I watch her as she bites back the tears.

"Please, Teresa. I'm an idiot, I screwed up so bad. There are not words to describe how much I messed up but you have to understand dying would be a better punishment than losing you because I couldn't do that Teresa, I couldn't be me without you. I'm so sorry." I say, wishing there was better words to use.

I watch her watch me, our eyes not meeting.

"Please." I beg.

She turns her head away, blinking rapidly to cut the tears. She still had to hide, she still didn't let anyone see.

"Cry." I say, sliding my hand down her arm till we're holding hands. I give it a light squeeze and nod once. "It's okay to cry."

And then there was that moment, the one where you see your mum cry for the first time, the first time you see her so sad you wish you could help but there's nothing you can do. The moment when you see that one person who's always been so strong break in front of your very eyes. I saw Teresa let the tears fall so freely, agreed I had seen her cry on the grass before but this was so incredibly different. She looked at me as she cried, so vulnerable almost as if she was asking me what she should do. I could have sworn that was the exact moment my heart shattered into a thousand pieces of glass and cut everything. I wrapped my hands around her, protecting her from everything outside, I'd done this to her, I was the one I should have been protecting her from.

"I don't want to lose you." I whispered against her hair, my own tears still falling. I squeezed my arms tighter and tighter around her hoping I could just stick her to me and let the waves wash us away.

"I want to tell you I hate you. That you should leave me alone but I can't. I'm not strong enough. I love you too much to say stop." She whispers. I can barely hear her over the heavy wash of vicious waves but I know exactly what she's saying.

"Please, Please don't say stop." I plead.

She pulled away and looked up.

"Pause." She says softly, standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on my lips which I eagerly respond to.

I can feel her tongue run over the edge of my mouth, we've never ever gone that far before but the kiss is sending the words we can't say to each other so I oblige and open my mouth to let her enter. She doesn't attack me forcefully as Angela did she plays with my bottom lip, biting it softly and moves slowly. She's cautiously dancing around me, not sure at all.

She reels back, stepping back as far as she can while still in my grasp.

"Play." She states. The pause-play is something that she didn't realise then but would become a tradition in our family if we had a fight and we just needed that one hug from the other person or one kiss to help.

"I love you." I nod, scrunching my face up as the feeling of tears overcomes me again.

She nods timidly but doesn't answer, I watch her open her mouth as if to speak before a wave crashes over our heads. And I remember falling, going under. Watching grey water dance before my eyes, I remember seeing pictures. Our first meeting, the beach, in the town, breakfast the morning after everything happened, the girl behind the curtains, the kiss and then I saw snapshots of her lying in the water, her hair splashed out around her face, floating in the greyness. I saw a woman in a white gown and a veil, I saw two rings, I saw a party, a round tummy, a baby in a cot, a toddler and a smiley face in red biro that my mum would draw, on my little chart if I did something good.

I force myself to the lighter part of the grey and find myself breathing in fresh air, the waves floats back into the deeper sea and I'm left on my knees in water up to my waist.

"Teresa!" I shout, looking all around through my stinging eyes.

"Teresa!"

I scramble to my feet, rubbing my eyes in effort to clear them. I walk out of the water onto the sand, my clothes are heavy and sore against my skin but I walk further along the sand, picking up the pace as I see a flash of Barbie-Pink.

"Teresa!" I call, crashing in the sand before her. I roll her over and beg her to wake up. I can feel her pulse under my hand which is wrapped around her wrist.

She chokes and splutters, lazily opening her eyes.

I smile, happy for just a moment and I pick her up in my arms. I revel in just being able to hold her.

"I love you." I repeat. "I love you so much."

"You too." She croaks.

-CarnieLife-

"Let's hold the walks on the beach for a little while." I whisper, holding her in my arms as we lie under the covers of the tiny couch bed.

She chuckles sleepily against me, she's still so cold. I mean she was always cold, especially her feet but now even after being under the covers amongst three hot water bottles she had still been cold so he had jumped in with her and after laying like that for four hours she was only slightly warmer.

"As much as I love them, you're too much of a float risk."

"Shuddup." She mumbles.

"Okay, well you go to sleep." I nod.

"Done." She yawns. Fitting more tightly into the crook in my neck.

After a minute of being alone with my thoughts I turned my attention back to her, I could feel her breathing against my chest and I knew she wasn't asleep so I decided to say what I'd been thinking.

"Marry me?"

Review if you have the time, I will accept all "Finally!'s and At last!'s"

Sorry 'bout the cliff-hanger, the next chapter will be up soon!