Disclaimer: My name is not Dan, I am not a dude. I'm like 13, and I'm a dancer, and I'm a girl, and yeah… I pretty much don't own iCarly, not even a little…

The next morning I woke up on my trampoline, next to Freddie. Em was at home (aka Freddie's home). Turns out Ms. Joan and Crazy came up to get us and heard me and Freddie's conversation. That was a bit awkward, to say the least! Crazy insisted that she keep the baby while me and Freddie "do things of that nature". Her words not mine.

I threw on Freddie's blue button down shirt that came to upper thighs and some panties. I woke Freddie up and he put on some boxers and his jeans. We walked into my house hand and hand where my mom was fixing bacon.

My mom I will tell you about her. She drinks and smokes, but never does anything illegal or gets to drunk.

She's not a mean drunk. I think it's pretty amusing to come home from Freddie's for a visit every now and then when she's drunk to help her find "Narnia" in our oven or get the "freaking Mooo mooo cow" out of our toilet.

My mom is really lazy and will never get a job. Melanie, my twin who Freddie still thinks doesn't exist, and my father makes tons of money, that's how we get everything. My mom is like me, but not violent. She teases, and calls names and is overall pretty chill.

She knows about the baby and loves to see her, but doesn't want to babysit her constantly like Crazy does.

"BACON!" I scream running into my house. I piled my plate high with bacon and scarfed it down. My mom had hers piled even higher and was shoving it down her throat too.

"Woah then," Freddie mumbled. When I finally finish I looked up to see Freddie was sitting down, eating two pieces of bacon with a small scrambled egg he made…and he was using a fork.

"Wow Sam-I-am," my mother said after stuffing her face, "Frederella's got some manners."

"I know, weird," I laughed. My mom still found it weird that I liked Freddie who was so prim and proper.

Freddie finished eating and we went to get ready for school. I got showered and let my curly hair dry naturally.

I put on some khaki shorts that were down to my knee and a purple and blue pinstripe long sleeve shirt with a white tee-shirt that said "Blah" in big purple letters that was underlined in blue.

I walked into the guest room to see Freddie wearing a grey short sleeved button down and baggy jean shorts. He kissed me on the cheek then caught site of my shirt.

"Charming," He laughed.

"Shut it nub! It's custom made!" I yelled.

My mom drove us to school in her teeny van and Freddie went right in. I waited a bit because I was always late, and I didn't want to look suspicious. At about 5 minutes until the bell, I walked into school, grabbed my books and went to homeroom. I plopped down in my seat next to Carly.

She looked cute in her skinny jeans with her bright purple tank top under an unbuttoned black button down.

"Hey Carls!" I said.

"Nice Shirt," Carly laughed.

"Shut it, it's my favorite!" I complained.

"Oh my god! Guess who I am going to formal with?" she screamed.

"I dunno!" I laughed.

"Shane!" she screamed.

"Shane as in I saw him first boy? From when we were 14?" I asked.

"Yeah! I hope you aren't mad or anything," she said. I shook my head.

"I am way over him! I hope you guys have fun!" I said.

"Yeah, who are you taking?" Carly asked. I shrugged, "Maybe you could take Gibby! He's taking it hard since him and Tasha Broke up."

"No, no, no… no, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO WAY IN HELL!" I screamed.

"Come on, just to be a nice friend," Carly begged, "I kinda of already told him that you would go…"

"You what!" I screamed.

"Sorry!" she squeaked.

"If anyone else did this… there body would never be found again… but since you're my best friend, I guess I have to go," I said all mad.

"Freddie got a date!" Carly changed the subject. I clenched my fists and grit my teeth. I could feel the jealousy raging.

"Oh yeah?" I said through grit teeth.

"Yeah Lily Marsh asked him… he said no… I said yes. We went with my answer! Now we all have dates!' Carly yelled all happy. Lovely, the man of my dreams, my secret boyfriend, my lover, my soulmate, the father of my child, my future husband, my Frederella, my nub was going with Lily Marsh one of the sluttiest, most popular girls in school.

It did make me feel better that Carly had to talk him into it, like she did me into Gibby.

The rest of Homeroom me and Carly talked about random stuff like how today after school she was taking me dress shopping. I told her I had until 6 when I had to come home and give my visiting great grandma a sponge bath (aka Alice in Wonderland rehearsal since it was Friday and I had no classes).

Soon we were dismissed to first period. History, ew. Then second, English, ew. Then Third, Science, gross (at least sometimes you got to dissect things). Then fourth, math, the worst. Then fifth, study hall!

I ditched, like always… I told Mr. Snuchi that I had study hall detention for the year. Freddie told his study hall teacher he had to help Principal Franklin with stuff.

Principal Franklin knew about us ditching. He gave us permission since he knew we needed the time to chill and talk about baby stuff and hang. He also knew Freddie had Pear stuff to do.

When I saw Freddie in the hall he was texting. Pear people I guess.

I pulled Freddie into the Janitor's closet and kissed him hard. He kissed back and we made out for a while. Soon, I pulled away.

"What's on your mind hun?" Freddie asked.

"Formal!" I sighed.

"Who's Carly making you take?" He asked.

"Gibby!" I whined. Freddie started laughing.

"Sorry," I said sarcastically , "We can't all take whores like Lily Marsh!"

"Ain't that the truth!" Freddie chuckled, "She is a huge whore. I'm upset Carly is making me go with her tomorrow night!"

"I ain't so happy either," I complained.

"Is my baby jealous?" Freddie smiled.

"I don't know call Emmalynn and ask her," I said. I knew I was being stubborn, but I was jealous.

"Princess! You know I love you and Lily means nothing to me right?" he asked. I looked away, "Samantha Joy Puckett, don't you for one second doubt my love for you!"

"What if you fall in love with her more and ride into the sunset with Lily or any other chick and leave me alone at sixteen with a teeny baby, no friends, a ruined dance career, and a broken heart!" I said.

Honestly, I was scared. I have been fearing this for the longest time. Freddie wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead and for a long time his lips just lingered there.

"Sam, I won't do that. It scared me that you think that! What happened to my tough girl? There is a formal, I love you, both of our parents are divorced, I'm allergic to cats, you love me, we have a baby, you're a girl, I'm a guy, Carly is a girl, we do a web show called iCarly-" I cut him off.

"What are you doing?" I asked giggling a little bit.

"Stating facts! I'm not done! Our baby is the most beautiful little girl in the world, we are perfect for each other, and I will never leave you, ever!" Freddie said.

I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I wiped them quickly. Sam Puckett crying? No one is allowed to see me cry but Carly and Freddie.

Freddie kissed my cheek and checked his watch.

"It's almost lunch time," he said. Then a soft, "I love you with all my everything."

"Back attcha," I whispered. He pecked me on the lips then led me by the hand out of the janitor's closet to our lockers. Soon the classes were dismissed. Carly and the other crazy high schoolers raced to their lockers to put away books and get lunches and money.

Freddie grabbed his brown lunch bag filled with organic, healthy food his mom packed for him to put in the fridge at my house over night. I pulled out mine filed with bacon, ham, and fried chicken. Carly pulled out hers which was probably a normal lunch with a sandwich or something.

You see at the beginning of the year, we all made a vowel not to buy school lunch since there was a nasty rumor going around that the lunch ladies brought the food from Dirty Dan's, an old fast food place that went out of business from there being a bunch of food poisonings and the food coming from an unclean, unauthorized factory. Just by looking at the school food, you have to believe that…

I, myself, would have no problem eating it. My mom used to take me to Dirty Dan's all the time since it was cheap and it never once, bothered me, heck I thought it was pretty good. But my scaredy-cat friends were to afraid to get "food poisoning" and get "severely ill" and "die". Pfft! Like that happens to real people!

"Guys, I sat by Shane in study hall! We passed notes! He told me I looked pretty and that he really liked me!" Carly said happily, "What did you do Sam?"

Psh! Made out with Freddie in the janitor's closet, talked about our little girl, had Freddie tell me how much he loved me and that he would never leave me, and talked about how you are making us take stupid dates to the stupid formal you are making us go to.

"Threw spitballs at the teacher!" I lied. Carly rolled her eyes.

"Of course!" She smiled, "How about you Freddie?"

"uh… I did homework," Freddie lied, well unless making out with your secret girlfriend in the janitor's closet was his homework…

"Fun!" Carly said sarcastically.

"Thanks for the sarcasm," Freddie said rolling his eyes.

"Shut it nub!" I yelled. Freddie stuck his tongue out. I reached over and yanked it, hard.

"Sam! Sam! Let go! It hurts! Stop! Knock it off babe!" Freddie screamed, you are probably thinking 'oh no! he called you babe there goes your secret!' but I was yanking his tongue so it sounded like "Sem! Sem! bet bo! It hers! Top! Lock it hoff bleb!"

I let go and smirked.

"What does bleb mean?" Carly asked, "I translated It all but that."

"I said uh, fat head," Freddie said. Wow nice lie! Anyway we got to lunch and ate. I was right about Carly having a normal lunch. It was potato chips, a PB&J sandwich, and a bottle of water.

Just then Lily Marsh walked over and sat by MY Freddie. She made me sick in her pink ruffly tube top and jean mini-skirt. Her stilettos! Seriously though, who wears heels to school? Oh yeah Lily
"the Whore" Marsh.

She had bleached blonde hair (which went perfect with dark brown roots… not!) which was straightened to the max. She had a spray tan, sure I used to get those when I did pageants, but for PAGEANTS not SCHOOL! Her face was caked with makeup.

Her foundation that was a slightly lighter shade then her face, she had orangey colored bronzer and bright pink blush. Her lips were caked with bright red lipstick and red lip gloss. Her eyes lids were covered in white eye shadow.

And she had sparkles on her face. She was wearing plastic fake eyelashes. You could see the brown of her eyes from under her bright blue colored contacts.

Her face made my powder, blush, and mascara look like the least amount of makeup ever. It made Carly's lip gloss, blush, and mascara look like nothing. I kind of wondered how Lily could fit that much makeup on her face.

"Hey baby!" she said to Freddie smiling. I clenched my fists. Let me at her!

Awww! Freddie being all sweet! He was cute in the janitor's closet. Do you think they are staying in character because I am seriously trying my best. Sam is her normal self I think, but she can have moments. And Freddie, I think he's pretty in character, I can see him saying that.

And I love Sam's mom with her weird nicknames. And NArina, and the moo moo cow… hah. Made my life.

If your name is Lily, sorry, I'm not saying you're a whore… because I have a best friend named Lily… but it was the first name I could think of and it's short.

Sam's all jealous, fun stuff… and you know Lily is gonna get it right?

Okay so I the last chapter, I realized I made a boo boo… Joan told Freddie when his mom got preggo with him… it should say his sisters. Because I am making Freddie have two older Twin sisters and maybe a brother. I think it will be fun. I'll update tomorrow.. maybe later today if I prewrite enough chapters.

And I put the flash backs in like chapter five I think.

Oh and I love all of your reviews, I like really do I wanna reply to them, but for some reason they don't send to my e-mail…so I can't but know that they mean a lot to me!

Btw I do like the named Bentley too, I've never heard of it before.

So yeah, please review.