I lied to you.
You might not like face it, but I did.
Last chapter, I said Kakashi knew 221 chick-flick jutsus.
But he only knows 201.
HA HA!
Can't believe you fell for it. It must have been the big numbers.
Well, welcome to chapter three. I hope you have a relaxing experience here at Kakashi's proctology.
Oh wait, this isn't a proctology. This is a fanfic. Heh heh, sorry about that.
Anyway, in this chapter we learn about Kakashi's 100 specific gender-changing jutsus.
This might be a bit confusing to some readers. What's the use of creating a jutsu that changes your gender when you can use genjutsu? Why is there so many?
To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no idea.
Actually, I have one idea, but it involves bunny-shaped grenades, a piece of black string, and a fluffy kid's watch.
HA HA! I lied to you again!
You're so gullible...
Back to the story. When it says "specific gender-changing", it means certains things have to (or not) happen. For example, boy-changing jutsu #67. In order to become a red-haired blue-eyed 12 year old boy, you have to preform the ninja centerfold, while screaming "SUKI NA MONO WA SUKI DAKARA SHOUGANAI," and picking your left nostril with your pinky on a Tuesday in January, at 5:23 am.
Strangely specific, ne?
And it doesn't stop there.
Whoever said there was only two genders?
There's the traditional male and female. Then there's girly-boy, girly-girl, boyly-boy, boyly-girl, he-she, she-he, Haku (who is a gender all by himself), Sohma (the Sohma's from Fruits Basket), preppy...thing, jock-ish...thing, emo...thing, blob, calculator, candy worm, and finally lamp.
Yes, lamp is a gender.
ooOOoo
What?
Moving on. Some of you might be the curious type and would like to know about these jutsus. Since I'm nice, I'll list three of them and include an example of a person so you'll understand it easier.
But I warn you curious types.
Curiosity killed the nin-cat with ninety-four scented markers because it stole his copy of Icha Icha Paradise.
Or was that Kakashi?
Never mind.
Jutsu 1; Deceased Haku no Jutsu: This jutsu turns you into a dead Haku with a couple of bruises. To do this, you must be soaking wet with lamp-flavored ramen, hopping on your right foot, while flapping your arms like a chicken. But you can't do this in the summer of 2032, or it won't work. This jutsu has been preformed by only one person besides Kakashi (who did this when he was bored).
Haku.
Don't believe me? Fine. Read it yourself.
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Haku: Naruto. Kill me. You are obviously stronger. I am a broken tool. Blah blah blah blah blah..."
Naruto: (Eating lamp-flavored ramen) What was that? (Starts walking towards Haku) Did you say something? (Slips on a...nin-cat) Whoops! (Ramen falls on Haku)
Haku: Oh my Akito! You ruined my new battle costume! I spent all of my bounty payment on this! I'm soaking wet! (Turns to Zabuza's and Kakashi's fight) But this isn't important right now! I have to save my master!
Zabuza: (Losing) Argh... it seems I'm on the verge of death...
Haku: (Appears) Zabuza-san!
Kakashi: Chindori!
Somewhere out there...
Panic at the Disco! fangirl: (Sudden urge to giggle) Hee hee...
Back to the fight
Kakashi: Ow my zit! Oh well. At least I my attack is rapidly heading towards him.
Haku: Oh no! Zabuza-san, the chindori attack is rapidly heading towards you! But don't worry, I just so happen to be immune to lightning-based jutsus! (Jumps in front of Zabuza)
Zabuza: Just in case you accidently die, could you please hop on your right foot and wave your arms like a chicken while you're at it? I've always wanted top see you do that.
Haku: Sure, why not. But I'll only do it for a brief second, which would be impossible to see with the human eye. (Starts hopping on one foot and waving his/her/it's arms like a chicken)
0000000000000000000000000000000000000
You know the rest.
Jutsu 2; "Fox whiskers on a boy that will last for the rest of his life" no jutsu. This turns you into a fox-whiskered ninja boy. The whiskers will last until you die. In order to do this jutsu, you must be a person, be born in Konoha, have a tragic past of ridiculement and abandonment, adore ramen, have a demon sealed inside of you, and finally have a desire to be Hokage.
Yes, Kakashi knows this jutsu. He does have whiskers on his cheeks.
But not the face kind.
You know...
the other kind.
Uh huh. That kind.
Jutsu 3; Green lava lamp no jutsu: This jutsu turns you into a green lava lamp. To preform it, you must chant "Nin-nin" 342 times while playing the an extremely difficult piano piece with a nose flute. Kakashi himself invented it. He's never told anyone about this, though. I can't imagine why.
Well? Read and review!
