Chapter 3
As gay as the day is long
PIPER'S POV
I leave the room reluctantly, but I don't have more reasons to stay. My mind is working poorly, slightly dull, reviewing each one of our small exchanges and trying to discern if there had been some flirting on her part…I think there was…I ponder, but immediately I force myself to remove those ideas from my head when my reckless heart flutters with excitement at the possibility. I decide to occupy my mind and morning visiting other patients, although I really don't have to, since in theory I'm not supposed to be working today, but the alternative of being at home alone with no tasks in hand, drives me nuts. The hospital is my best ally to forget the chaos that is my personal life lately, as I seem to fail in every attempt to achieve the things I want; at least, my professional life could not be better at this moment. I walk to the nurse's station to collect some patient's files and I start walking again as I read the files absentmindedly…
"Hey! Doctor Chapman…" I hear someone calling me and I snap my head up from the files in my hands. I see Detective Nichols approaching my way down the hall greeting me with a big smile that I return genuinely…
"Detective Nichols…it's nice seeing you…"
"Likewise Doc…" She stops in front of me to ask with excitement "So, is Alex awake? How is she? Can I see her already?" She delivers the questions one after another hastily, to which I laugh reassuringly and respond
"Yes, she is awake, she is perfectly fine and Mrs. Vause is in the room with her, you can go to visit her"
"Thank you so much doc!" She grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me lightly with excitement for a couple of seconds and hurries towards the hall where the room is…I shake my head and roll my eyes and continue my quest, wondering what kind of relationship the woman have with the detective. I take the stairs to go up to the intensive care floor, where I have a couple of patients I would like to see.
"Piper!" I run into my friend Polly on my way up as she is on her way down. We stop at the landing of the staircase to talk "What are you doing here? Don't you have the day off?" If someone knows my schedule better than me, that is my friend Polly…
"Yeah well…" I admit hesitantly looking for a valid excuse
"Gosh Piper…" I knew she was going to admonish me for it "You are a workaholic! You have to stop!"
"No no…that's not it…" I begin defensively and continue with seriousness "Last night an emergency came…"
"Ohhh…What happened?" She asks intrigued widening her eyes in excitement, forgetting for a moment that she was supposed to be scolding me; she is always fascinated with my stories from the ER. She is a doctor too, but she specialized in neonatology. My constant contact with emergencies and awful accidents were always of her interest. I smile at her and start telling her…
"A wounded police officer came…well, a detective…she was shot twice…"
"She?" She retorts in surprise widening her eyes. I nod and resume the story without being able to hold a silly smile while speaking…
"Turns out that the police was after a dangerous man, apparently the detective went after him and she got shot in the process, but the man got the worst part because he arrived without vital signs a few minutes after her…"
"Uhhh…she sounds like a badass woman…" Polly says playfully but immediately gets serious like aware of her impertinence "Oh my God…she is okay, isn't she?"
"Yes she is fine…she was shot in the leg..." I stop and proceed explaining further "Well, she got one shot in the back of her thigh and another one technically in her butt…"
"Ouch…" Polly winces in pain at the information
"Yeah…but her cute butt will be fine though…" I say completely unconscious of my words. Of course she catches them in midair…
"Cute butt, Piper?" It is only then that I realize what I just said "Please tell me you've not been checking her ass out…"
"What!? No! She's a patient!" I say outrageously, but at the same time I'm aware that at some level of my consciousness I came to think once or twice that the detective had a pretty nice butt…and face…and legs…and arms…shit! I notice that in fact I have been staring more than what my professional ethics allows me. Polly just watches me like she doesn't buy it…
"Is she the reason why you are here on your day off?" She wonders suspiciously as a smirk tugs the corner of her lips…God…I hate that she knows me so well…
"Nooo…" I poorly deny narrowing my eyes "FYI, I have other patients to visit" I fan her face with the folders I carry in my hand to prove my point
"I want to meet this hot badass woman" I'm taken aback by her comment, because…
"How do you know she is hot?" I didn't say she was hot, I just said she has a cute butt
"You just confirmed it…" She flashes me a knowing smile with a flick of her tongue…
"Ohhhh, you sly bitch" I hiss a little annoyed at her…
"As much as I want to keep listening to your always so entertaining stories that make me question your work ethics…" She says sarcastically, but I know deep down she truly enjoys them "I gotta go now…" She continues her way down the stairs and speaks with amusement loud enough for me to hear "But definitely, the hot detective is a topic we should discuss further over lunch…" I groan under my breath and keep going, looking for ways to keep my mind busy and away of some thoughts that involve a certain brunette…
I spend the morning monitoring a couple of patients who are in intensive care and getting rid of a big load of paperwork. Near lunchtime, my phone vibrates in the pocket of my white lab coat…
POL: Hey there! I'm going to lunch at the cafeteria, u still here?
I read the message and sigh. All morning trying not to think about the detective, and now Polly sure would make the task harder with hundreds of questions. Nevertheless, I decide to join her…
Piper: See u there in 5 min
As expected, Polly bombards me with questions about the detective as soon as we sit down at the table with our trays…
"So…How old is she?" It's the first thing she asks
"I'm not supposed to share personal information with you…" I declare adamantly
"Ohhh please…" She scoffs at me "Don't act all upright with me, besides, her age is not more personal than knowing how nice her ass is…Come on! Give me something!" She demands playfully making me sigh
"Polly…I really don't know what you want me to say. There's actually nothing to tell" Because nothing actually had happened, but I give her something in the end "Yes, I'll admit that she caught my eye because she's quite good-looking, and maybe I'm slightly attracted to her badassery…but that's all there is…it's not like I'm going to act on it…"
"Why not?" She wonders casually as she shrugs
"For starters…she is a patient…" I emphasize the word
"That's a lame reason…she'll stop being a patient in a couple of days, try to give me something better than that…" She disarms my starting point
"What about…she might not like me back…" I state, being that the most important reason of all
"Well…definitely her heterosexuality would be a problem…" Polly retorts ironically but I think that there is no way the detective is straight. After internally reviewing our morning encounter, I had definitely sensed a little flirting vibe coming from her…
"No, I don't think that would be a problem…" I reveal without thinking and regret doing so instantly, as Polly gasps with eyes wide in shock at the new piece of information
"Oh my God…she is gay?"
"I don't know Polly…how the hell am I supposed to know that?" I don't not want to give importance to that specific information...
"I thought all gay people had a special radar to detect others like them…" She says nonchalantly and I am somewhat shocked by her words…
"First of all…that is unbelievably offensive…" I reproach her sternly but she just smiles unrepentantly as she takes a bite of her salad with her fork "Second of all…it is not a special radar…it is called a gaydar…" I instruct her which makes her scoff and mutter with her mouth full of food...
"You would know, you are the gay one"
"And finally…I'm not gay…" I finish with tenacity ignoring her last coment as she finishes chewing and swallows before speaking again…
"Yeah…you keep telling yourself that…" She speaks sneeringly "Maybe one day you'll get to convince yourself, just like you convinced Carol by marrying an asshole…"
"I can't believe you are throwing that in my face" Actually, I do believe it because Polly is not a person who minces her words, ever!…which is probably the reason why she's my best friend
"Honey…I always knew that your marriage would go to hell because deep down, you are a hopeless lesbian…"
"My marriage went to hell because he cheated on me…" I retort truly incensed
"And how hurt you were when you finally had the perfect excuse to end your relationship with David and stop the farce…" She says with mockery and I want to slap her face because I hate so much that she is right "There is no point in lying to me Pipes…" Polly ends by saying with a smugly smile as she brings the straw to her lips to take a sip from her cold tea…
"I'm not gay…" I deny again and explain "I like hot girls and I like hot boys…I like hot people! What can I say? I'm shallow"
"And you like the hot policewoman, so you should not be afraid to follow your instincts and ask her out once she is no longer your patient" She tells me and I think…Should I do it?...But hell! How terrifying it is only thinking about asking her out; I haven't dated in years…
"I don't know Polly…I don't know if she would be the one for me…" The beautiful detective is definitely someone I would love to get to meet and go out with, but she is a little too young for my liking; surely, she would not be ready for the level of commitment that I was looking for…
"The one for you?" She replies releasing a sound of disgust "Piper…you have to stop thinking about the long term, fuck that! You just got out of a terrible marriage…you need to go out, date hot girls or boys, fuck around…do whatever the hell you want, but for a teeny tiny moment just forget about building the perfect life and live the moment" And maybe she has a point, but I don't see myself living my life so carefree…
"You know I have plans Polly…and I have no intentions to postpone them anymore" I look at her with a serious gesture as she softens hers
"Pipes…" She tries to dialogue "I really think you should take some time to think about it thoroughly…"
"And what the hell do you think? That I have not thought about it enough?" I snort irritated "That I'm some kind of idiot who does not know what I'm doing…? That I have not thought about the consequences and that my life will change forever?" I'm sick of everyone questioning my decisions "I'm a grown and independent woman, with a stable job and a well-off life…and I fucking know what I want…!" I end up raising my tone more than intended and some prying eyes turn to see in our direction. I clench my jaw extremely pissed off and stare at the salad in front of me, not feeling hungry anymore…
"Piper…" Polly says after a while, but I refuse to look at her, not yet "You know that I love you and that I support you more than anyone…I just want you to be one hundred percent sure of what you are about to do…"
"But I am, Pol…" Only then I lock my eyes with hers, so that she can see the certainty in me. She smiles at me fondly, getting ready to apologize
"If you are one hundred percent sure, then you know I got your back completely…" She doesn't say sorry…but her actual words are so much better
"That's all I'm asking…" I say feeling infinite relief. It's all I need, my best friend's support "I don't even care about Carol's approval as much as yours…" I joke, despite being true and we both laugh shortly…
"So…when are you planning to do it?" She asks with tender interest
"Around the third week of June…" I reply vaguely, since I don't have a specific day scheduled "I still have two whole months to think about it thoroughly…" I mock her previous words
"I will do my best to be with you…" She reaches my hand across the table reassuringly
"Thank you, Pol…" I smile at her supporting gesture. I only hope she won't ask me again stupid questions about whether I was sure…
After our small misunderstanding, we resume a light conversation while we finish our lunch, leaving behind the issues related to my life. At the end of lunch, I continue occupying my time immersed in the pile of paperwork but my mind does not seem to give me respite as it continues evoking images of the detective and other traits, like her raspy yet so velvety chuckle, or her full rosy lips that drawn into a smile are enough to make you forget how to breathe, or her alabaster skin that seemed so smooth to the touch…I have to stop!...I keep reminding myself that the things that go through my mind are not very professional. At some point, I can't help myself anymore and I decide to go and see her...What's wrong with that? She's my patient and it is my duty to check her on…besides I told her that I would come by later…And it is later already; paperwork fulfilled the mission of helping me to kill the hours to get me closer to the moment when I would see her again.
I try to walk the path to her room with a casual speed, but my feet feel so light with every step that I have the sensation of being floating all the way to her room. In the hall, I hear the bustle that seems to come from there. I walk by a nurse that glances at me with a look of indignation as she approaches me…
"They are the first to break the most basic rules…" She says really pissed off "Tell them something Doctor Chapman…I already warned them that they can't be here…"
"It's okay Gloria…I'll take care of it…" I give her a smile full with empathy, trying to calm her anger. The last thing I want, are pissed off nurses. Their work is essential for the proper functioning of the hospital, so I always like to keep them happy. I resume my steps towards the source of the noise…
The detective's room is packed with the most diverse people. Most of them are men, but I glimpse a few women; some are wearing uniforms and I can see some weapons hanging from belts…
"Pardon me…" I say shyly at the entrance but no one notices me "Hellooo?" I repeat a little more loudly, daring to walk into the room a little more; still, they don't seem to be aware of my presence "Excuse me!" This time I voice out loud enough for all of them to turn their attention towards me. I feel my cheeks heating up by the ire that their behavior causes in me and because I have at least a dozen policemen suddenly gawking at me with curiosity, but I won't let myself be intimidated "This is a hospital..." I begin with indignant tone "Patients need silence to get some rest…so I must ask you to leave immediately…no more than three visitors are allowed in the room at the same time…and visiting hours are over anyway..." I manage to talk steadily to my big surprise as I explain the rules. There is an awkward silence as they are looking at me like I'm crazy…
"Looks like our little Vause is in trouble…" A man says from somewhere in the room with mockery and a round of laughter thunders around the room simultaneously. I clench my jaw hazardously…
"Don't be such idiots, guys…!" I hear the distinct voice saying and I think there is real annoyance in it. Everyone's attention suddenly turns to the source of the voice and I am freed from their questioning looks "The Doctor is right…I've been telling you that you should not be in here…" Among the gathering of bodies, I can't see her face through them…
"Okay Vause…we are leaving" A sturdy woman with brown skin that stands close to me says in conciliatory tone…
"Jeez…you sure you still don't have the bullet up your ass?" Someone else adds, but the laughs this time are a little subdued as they say goodbye and start walking out of the room.
I stand awkwardly against the back wall to clear the way out, and as they pass by me, much to my surprise, I receive words of thanks and smiles of respect…after a long display of small tilts of their heads as they greet me as ma'am…or thank you doc…Sorry for the trouble…the room is soon emptied and I get to see her in bed without any obstacle standing between us. She is watching me intently and her face is one of distress and shame. I also notice that she has something clearly different on her face…she is wearing glasses with thick black frames which imbue her with an air of mystery and sexiness, to make matters worse
"Sorry for that…" She mutters as I approach the bottom of the bed to retrieve the metal binder, but my eyes are enduringly fixed on her "Sometimes my coworkers can be a little intense and rude…and sometimes they behave like…jerks…but they are not bad people…" She finishes apologetically
"I don't think they are…" I say after having changed my opinion about them when they at least showed some regret for their inappropriate behavior on their way out...
"I told them they had to leave but, they didn't listen..." She continues talking repentantly as I approach her side and look around the room quickly. It is full of flowers, balloons and baskets with huge ties
"They really appreciate you, don't they?" I ask her casually
"Nope...They mostly like to piss me off…" She ponders narrowing her eyes "You see affection in these gifts…I see a twisted way of embarrassing me…"
"That's…dark…" I utter around a smile of delight, entertained by her statement
"Take a look at that basket…" She points one basket behind me like she is about to prove her point. I squint dubiously at her "Go on…" She encourages me and I walk to the basket to investigate its contents…
"Oh my God…" I exclaim as I can't contain the laughter that escapes my lips as I reach the box with a picture of what's inside. It's an inflatable round cushion with hollow center, shaped like a donut, special for people with hemorrhoids… "Okay, see…I think it is a nice gesture of them, regardless" I say turning towards her after leaving the box again in the basket "They don't know exactly where the bullet hit you…" She stares at me with a dead pan look; however, her lips are slightly stretched in a subtle smile that seeks the way to break free…
"What about the balloons?" She inquires inviting me to take a look. I have not paid attention to the balloons; only then I realize that they are ridiculously childish and girlish, of all shapes and sizes, most of them bright pink, with silver stars and princess crowns, and all of them read phrases like…It's a girl!...Little princess…Our big girl…
"Ok...I see your point…" I agree with a wide smile amused with her momentarily sullen face "But if you think about it, taking the trouble even to make fun of you, is a sign of true affection"
"Oh yeah…All this love…it is so overwhelming…" She smirks sarcastically and I'm transfixed by the sight of the right corner of her mouth twitching upwards. It gets me completely out of guard how much I would like to kiss the little tug at the edge of her lips in this precise moment…
ALEX'S POV
She is suddenly watching me with a gesture of marvel that paralyzes me and numbs my senses. Our eyes are locked into each other's and so they remain I can't know for how long, but I do know that it won't be me the first one to look away; I couldn't if I wanted to, my eyes are irresponsive just like the rest of my body. Unfortunately, in the end she breaks the spell and looks away, a little ashamed by the intimate moment that you don't usually share with complete strangers. At least it had never happened to me…feeling such a tangible and strong attraction for someone you just met, although every time our eyes meet, I have the feeling of having known her all my life. She clears her throat and looks down before speaking…
"How have you felt today, Detective Vause?" She asks me completely alienated from her recent joyful and friendly attitude and I would swear that she is imposing on herself an overactive stance of professionalism…
"I've felt great, Doctor…" I tell her as she reads something on my binder. I take advantage of every moment she is not looking at me to study her in detail now that I'm wearing my glasses. I normally wear contact lenses, but I had the good sense to take them off last night in the ambulance. I remembered that I was wearing them because they began to scratch my eyes in between so much crying. Until now, I had not had the opportunity to see the woman with proper clarity…and oh my…she is even more beautiful than the slightly blurred image I had of her…
"So the nurse cleaned the wounds and Dr. Diaz has also visited you…" She reads from the file
"Aha…" I barely confirm mesmerized, while she turns the page to continue reading. She does not wear any makeup, and she doesn't need it either; her blonde hair is messily collected into a low bun as some golden strands are tugged carelessly behind her ears. Her prettiness is so simple and yet so breathtakingly; she is simply beautiful without even trying "Actually, another Doctor came after lunch…" I say out of the blue wanting to hear her voice again and draw her attention so that I can see her in the eyes. The information makes her turn her attention back at me successfully and I'm briefly stunned by her cerulean gaze that contrast beautifully with her navy blue uniform that she wears under her pristine white coat...
"Which Doctor?" She inquires curious; her eyebrows knitted together "Doctor Washington?"
"No, not Doctor Washington…I really don't remember her name…" She thinks about it for a moment while I go on "Honestly, I don't know what the fuss is about my condition…I don't think my injuries deserve so much attention…" I say nonchalantly because I came to think after the third visit that all those cares were a little excessive…Are there no patients in a more perilous situation than me? I wonder…
"Uh…That's weird…" She mulls about it checking again the file in her hands "There are no more signatures on the sheet…"
"Harper!" I snap, suddenly remembering the name "Doctor Harper…"
"Doctor Harper?" She repeats slowly like confirming that she has listened well; I nod and she makes a weird face, showing something between alarm and surprise, and busies herself scribbling something on the binder
"Something wrong?" I ask her hesitantly, sensing some nervousness coming from her
"No…I just…" She shakes her head quickly in denial and wrinkles her nose as she makes a sniffing sound that resembles a short scoff "I forgot that it was me who sent Doctor Harper to check on you" She faces me again and I'm not imagining things, she is utterly uncomfortable "I'll have to reprimand her for not signing, that's all…" She shrugs it off changing the subject immediately "So ammm…" She begins hesitantly "How's your mother?" Her interest in knowing about my mother surprises me…
"She's great" I find it odd to ask to a patient about their relatives "She went home with Nicky for more clothes…she insists on staying with me 24 hours a day…" I roll my eyes markedly in annoyance making her laugh softly
"It's completely normal…she was really worried about you…and so was your girlfriend…" She says very casually, but I register the subtle way in which she emphasizes that last specific word…Is it possible that the woman is trying to get personal information out of me? I'm enthralled at the prospect…
"Girlfriend?" I retort raising an eyebrow in amusement
"Oh…she is not…?" She asks just a little too innocent…
"No…" I deny around a wide smile and she blushes dangerously as she gapes
"Oh my God…I'm sorry, that was…that was totally inappropriate" She is wonderfully discomfited "I mean, I should not assumed…I should not…" She puts a hand on her forehead and closes her eyes as if regretting being such an idiot as she says "I'm so sorry…" I can only laugh delighted; firstly, because her sudden flush is charming, and secondly, because I come to understand that she is truly interested in knowing about my sentimental situation. As much as I'm enjoying her embarrassment, I come to her rescue
"That's okay…" I chuckled softly and wait for her to recompose herself from the faux pas. After a few seconds, she dares to open her eyes to see me, however, her face still shows traces of the feral blush. I think carefully about the words I want to say next as I feel the need to clarify that I'm gay as the day is long "Actually, Nicky is definitely not my type of woman..." I say blatantly, feeling very confident...These painkillers are amazing...I think, sure that they are responsible for my sudden impudence
"Oh..." She simply utters but I swear her eyes widen ever so slightly like in pleasant surprise...
"Besides...she is something like my boss, she is the sergeant of the brigade…and in my personal life, she is like a sister to me..." I explain further, to downplay a little my recent declaration, beasides, it feels nice sharing bits of my personal life with the beautiful woman "I think she feels responsible for what happened. They all feel responsible…I guess" I finish saying thoughtful
"Why is that?" She wonders really intrigued, as if needing more information. I notice that she is standing closer to me
"I am the youngest detective of the brigade…they always try to keep me out of dangerous situations, as if I were unqualified, but I think last night I finally earned the right to be taken seriously…" I say a little conceited. She narrows her eyes comically and says…
"If I were you…I would not dare saying that while surrounded by these ridiculous balloons" Her eyes flicker to the ceiling full of the floating globes
"These…are just a proof of their respect…" Yes, maybe my colleagues would keep messing with me, but during the visit, I noticed that they were really proud of me…
"I thought you said it was all a twisted way of embarrassing you…" She points out humorously
"Oh yeah…definitely that too…" I agree immediately without objection and explain her a little more "Our ways of displaying respect are rather complicated…" She laughs animatedly and I find the little snorting sounds that come with the chortle tremendously charming. I set a goal to make her laugh as many times as possible
"I have two older brothers so, I think I understand the dynamics better than you think" Interesting…I reflect, highly appreciating that she offers some personal information without me having to ask her. We share another intense look until she talks again resuming a serious demeanor "What happened then?" I raise my eyebrows in wonder "Last night…they obviously failed at keeping you out of danger…" She doesn't ask inquisitive or like she is prying; she sounds more like she is trying to keep the conversation alive. She probably notices my reticence to speak about it because after some seconds she adds "I mean…if you want to talk about it…if you feel like talking about it" She corrects a bit anxious…
"That's okay…I don't mind talking about it…" I guarantee her and she pays attention as I prepare to tell her the story "We were on a raid…after a member of an organized crime gang" Her eyes widen a little in surprise "I was supposed to watch the fire escape behind the building, in case the man managed to escape. It was technically impossible for him to escape from the raid, but obviously, he did…probably some neighbors helped him" I have no idea how the scumbag did it; someone must have warned him "I heard someone running downstairs so I ran after him...it was on the last stretch of the ladders, the one that slides down to reach the ground, when I heard the gunfire…he had already a good lead so he shot me from a fair distance while I was descending the last stretch, that's why the bullets impacted on such a…peculiar part of my body..." She was following every one of my words with deep consideration "Nonetheless, I reached the ground and kept running after him, completely ignoring that I had been shot, but the pain came soon and…I couldn't keep running…" I remember the moment vividly, the latent pain that my conscience had not yet assimilated like real "As he kept moving away, I shouted an order that he did not abide, so I…I shot him…" I say the last part in a sigh "The shot was like waking up from a dream and reality hit me square in the face, because only then I noticed the blood on my leg and that I had been shot…after that, I fainted" I try to end the story with a hint of humor; she was watching me transfixed with a sympathetic smile
"I'm sorry you went through that…" Instead of congratulating me for my achievement as everyone has done so far, she regrets my bad experience. It is like she understands me like nobody; I am not proud for what happened like everyone wants me to be, rather, I'm mostly disturbed…
"I was just doing my job…" I simply say with a shrug and a sad smile
"Well…I'm glad that nothing bad happened to you, having in mind the dangerous circumstances in which you found yourself" She tells me sweetly and I become mellow under her warm gaze
"I guess…" I barely handle to whisper as my lucidity is completely annihilated for the seconds she watches me so intently. She clears her throat suddenly, signaling the end of our significant exchange and adopts her doctorish stance one more time…
"Well…I see that you are perfectly fine, surely the nurse found your wounds under control, so I will leave you alone for today and won't make you turn around again to check them" She jokes lightly, and for once I'm grateful I don't have to show her my ass "Tomorrow if you feel like doing so, you can try to stand up, with the help of crutches that they will bring you tomorrow morning…of course, you must avoid supporting your weight on the injured leg as much as possible…" She says and I'm fascinated by her professional mind-set "Do you have any questions?" Only a thousand questions…I snort internally. However, there is one thing I want to ask her more than anything and that's been nagging me all day…
"Why did you lie to me?" Obviously, it is not the kind of question she is expecting.
"Pardon?" She blinks repeatedly, obviously clueless
"Yesterday…" I clarify "When I asked you about the man who came to the hospital after me…" She now understands the question and inhales deeply to release the air after some seconds…
"I'm sorry for that…" There is true repentance in her voice "I thought it was not a good idea to worry you before going into the OR. I hope you understand that I was only thinking about what I thought was best for you at the moment…" She explains gently and after a silent instant she simply adds "You seemed quite troubled…"
"I was…" I admit "I mean, I had never…" I leave the words in the air incapable of finishing the sentence…I had never killed someone… and she doesn't seem to need me saying it, since she grasps the weightiness in my voice…
"I can only imagine how hard the whole experience was for you…and I'm sorry I lied to you…" She apologizes wholeheartedly
"It's okay…I guess I understand why you did it…" I tell her with a smile that shows her that I don't harbor any hard feelings over it and once again, we are tempted to stare into each other's eyes
"I gotta go…" She blurts out of the blue, washing away the magic of the moment
"Oh…" I release in a puff of air, maybe too disheartened
"Yeah…I, ammmm…" She doubts as she moves away from me "I must go see other patients before going home…" She resumes hanging the binder in its usual place at the bottom of the bed
"Uh! And I thought you lived in the hospital…" I deliver playfully with a mock of shock, wanting to prolong her stay so badly
"Ha ha…very funny…" She retorts with fun but her intentions to leave are clear as she keeps walking towards the door, however she does it slowly, never turning her back to me; I want to believe so badly that she is reluctant to leave, as much as I am reluctant to watch her go. She stops at the entrance and tells me "Have a good night Detective Vause…" I don't enjoy the formal farewell, but I return the goodbye in the same manner, yet unwillingly; it is not like I have another choice…
"Good night, Dr. Chapman"
She is out of the room and once I'm left alone, it is inevitable thinking about whether she is as friendly and chatty with her other patients, feeling a little envious towards them, as they are about to be rewarded with her company…But what the hell do you think? That the hot doctor has time only for you? That you are special? I debate internally. But I do think I am special; our last conversation revolved mostly around personal topics, and that's not the kind of exchange you normally have with a doctor, unless it's a psychologist or something like that or maybe…mayyybeee…
I think of another quite feasible option looking back on what the other doctors, Dr. Washington and Dr. Diaz, told me about her the previous day…she is an incredible person…they said. Perhaps she is an extremely nice woman that treats her patients in such a thoughtfully way, and maybe I am just a moron for mixing her extreme sympathy and kindness with she having real interest in me. My heart deflates as it wakes up to the reality, feeling somewhat stupid because, how could I think for a split second that the doctor was into me? I mean, the woman is utterly and painfully out of my reach, to be honest. My disenchantment does not let me sleep at night. Diane is not helping me either, with her constant questions about whether I feel okay. I can't hide my face of discontent, so of course she knows something is wrong with me. I simply tell her that my leg hurts a bit, because it's true and because I'm not going to discuss the real problem with her.
The let down only grows bigger the next morning, when Dr. Washington and Dr. Diaz are the ones who come to see me; I was hoping fervently for Doctor Chapman's visit instead…
"Good morning Detective…" Dr. Washington greets me with buoyancy, flashing at me a big smile; she seems so happy all the time, while Dr. Diaz wears a more reserved smile, still equally friendly
"Hello, Dr. Washington, Dr. Diaz…" I can't help but grinning in response…
"We bring you your crutches…" The smaller Dr. announces cheerfully swinging the metal sticks slightly in the air
"Hurray…" I exclaim sarcastically raising my arms in the air
"Hey! At least you can now go to the toilet" She smirks mockingly. She has a point; at least I won't have to ask for help to pee in the bedpan, which is maybe the most embarrassing situation I have ever been in my life. Not to mention that I have been refusing doing number two in that thing…
"Okay…I'll give you that…" I finally laugh a little cheerful
"We will help you with them…" Dr. Diaz explains as they come to my side to help me out of bed, first helping me to a sitting position, raising the top of the bed with the controls. The sitting position is already making my butt hurt. I tilt my body to my right as not to put all my weight on my left…
"Oh fuck…" I complain as they help me to turn around to dangle my legs over the side of the bed, each doctor taking me by an arm…
"It's alright, it's going to hurt when you move…" Dr. Dias says reassuringly. I get a little dizzy when I feel my thigh throbbing and I clutch their arms tightly
"Maybe, you could loosen the grip on our arms a little bit" Dr. Washington makes me know that I'm hurting her
"Sorry…" I smile at her ruefully and relax my clutch
Once I'm fully sitting on the edge and my feet are touching the cold floor, they handle me the crutches. They are the type of crutches with the cuffs around your forearm; I have never used crutches so I have no idea what to expect. I'm already holding them by the hand grip and the two young women propose me to stand up, obviously with their help…
"You ready?" Dr. Diaz asks and I nod "Remember not to support your weight on the injured leg…" She says at last and they hoist me on my feet, always standing close to me with their arms extended as if to catch me in case I fall.
I take a deep breath, while the pain runs through my entire leg due to the blood flow, and keep my weight with my right leg as they position the crutches correctly, so that the cuffs are around my forearm and I give them the first try supporting my weight mostly in them. I find them a little uncomfortable, but I guess is a matter of getting used to them…
"How are you feeling?" Dr. Washington asks with concern "You are a little greenish…"
"I'm feeling a little wobbly, but it's okay, the bad feeling is already fading away…" I assure them, and after a couple of minutes, they encourage me to walk, standing to my sides and circling my torso with their arms. I can't help thinking about Dr. Chapman and about how much I would have liked her to be the one helping me this morning, and get to feel her so close to me with her arm around my waist…
I start taking the first steps, a little clumsy, but soon I adapt to the crutches, and little by little, the pain in my leg becomes more bearable. As Dr. Diaz told me, it is normal for the pain to intensify when standing after having been in bed for so many hours. After a few more minutes of walking and questions from me, they announce me that I will probably be discharged the next day…
"Will Dr. Chapman come today?" I ask nonchalantly, but they exchange a funny look that does not go unnoticed by me…
"She has the day off…" My heart sinks to my feet when Dr. Washington explains to me
"Oh…okay…" I utter
"Is there something specific that you want to discuss with her?" Dr. Diaz asks with a knowing smile. I sense like I'm missing some insight joke
"No…I was just…asking…" I try to sound indifferent "I'd like to thank her before I leave…" But I don't think I succeed at it
"Don't worry Detective…tomorrow you will have your chance" Dr. Washington tells me winking at me with a conspiratorial air…My chance? I wonder what the hell does that mean while she keeps saying "Only she can authorize the discharge after checking your state one last time…"
I wanted to delve into the subject and ask them more questions, suddenly feeling an air of complicity with the two young doctors, but that's the moment Diane comes back from the cafeteria. I'm coming to think that spending so many hours with Nicky has sharpened her timing to interrupt me at the most inopportune moments…
"Ohhh Alex!" She exclaims ecstatic when she sees me standing and comes to hug me. I try to hug her back but is a little awkward with the crutches and the tubes that come from my arm that are hooked to a bag that hangs from a metal pole that I have to drag with me…
"I don't need the potty anymore mom! Now I can go to the toilet…" I announce her joyfully making her laugh. She helped me only once in the middle of last night to pee into the bedpan, and she reminded me truly offended that she is the one who taught me through the potty training before my reluctance to let her help me out of shame…
The two doctors leave the room after talking with my mother, who keeps asking questions all the time to everyone. There is no way to reassure her; she is still pretty upset about the whole incident. While they leave, I'm left left thinking that tomorrow sounds too far away to see Piper again, but at the same time, I wish tomorrow never comes since it will bring the moment when I'll have to say goodbye to her for good.
