Previously
"There's something else you need to know," he finally said, bringing up a subject he'd been keeping quiet on all day.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Mayfair left us something, before she…" he said, "a USB drive that had informtion about your case… Jane, we know abot Orion, about who you are- who you were before all this."
"You… you do?"
"Yes, we do," he admitted, "do you want to know? Do you want to know your real name?"
We're All Saints, We're All Sinners. All Losers, Never Winners | Part 3 of 8
Two Weeks Earlier
"Kurt? What's going on?" Patterson almost ran after him as he took long determined strides towards the office.
The office was practically empty, thankfully, because the last thing he needed were the eyes of every single agent and staff member watching as he brought Jane in. He hadn't called anyone, not the team or anyone else. In fact, he hadn't said a word since those fateful five, ignoring her every plea, ignoring the tears in her eyes and her unrelenting gaze.
And now she sat in holding, cuffed and shackled - bruised and battered, and he had Patterson on his tail asking the million question he would expect her to ask. And when he reached his office, Reade and Zapata were already there, and the looks they had on their faces told him they had a whole other conversation they'd come here to start.
"What is it?" he asked as he walked in.
"Why's Jane in holding?" came Patterson's voice right behind him.
"Jane's in holding?" Zapata quickly asked.
"What happened?" Reade chimed in.
"I don't want to talk about it right now," Weller sighed, "I want to talk about why the three of you are here at one in the morning."
"I think that's a bit less important than you arresting Jane," Patterson said.
"Exactly, and that's why I'd rather talk about you guys being here than that," Weller replied, dropping his forehead into his palms, "please guys, it's been a long day."
"It isn't anything good, Kurt," Reade said calmly.
"When is it ever?" Kurt sighed.
"It's about Mayfair," Zapata said.
"What about Mayfair?" he asked.
"Kurt… she left us a USB drive with a lot of very sensitive information… information about Orion… about something called Daylight and M7G677, all top secret, all very very dangerous," Patterson said.
"She… she left us a USB drive? What do you mean left?" Kurt said, lifting his head up.
"Kurt, we have reason to believe Mayfair's dead."
Present Time
Cabin in the middle of nowhere
"You… you know who I am? Who I was before all this?" Jane asked, her eyes blinking rapidly, ignoring the pain as she sat up straight in bed.
"Yes," Kurt replied simply, "do you want to…"
She sat in silence for a moment, staring at her hands where they rested on the blanket on top of her. Her knuckles still hadn't healed properly, and her wrists were still sore from the handcuffs. The silent moment stretched into minutes, and she finally looked up, her eyes finding his as he watched her carefully.
"No, I don't," she finally said, and his eyes widened in shock at her reply. That was literally the one thing she has been after since she woke up in that bag all those months ago, and yet, when they finally had it for her, she said no.
"I… I don't understand," Kurt said.
"Trying to find out who I was, trying to be her, hanging on to her is what got me here," she explained, "It's that pitiful attachment I had to that past that ruined everything. I am done with her. Done with who I was."
Kurt watched her silently, watched as she tries to put it all into words, still surprised at her decision, but slowly understanding.
"Dr. Borden said that even if I didn't remember anything I could still find myself. And the person I choose to be is not her. I want the freedom to choose who I am and it's not her," she explained, "maybe it's too late, maybe it's not… but it's what I choose."
Kurt nodded slowly and she has to turn away for a moment, unable to look at him because even as he nodded in understanding, she could still only see the pain that she'd caused him in that naive quest she'd sent herself on.
"Well, the one thing I want to do is bury her, bury her with everything that I ever was and everything that I ever did and wanted," she said, "I want this chance to start new, and I understand if you cannot give me that, Kurt, I understand if I don't deserve it… but I want to try, the only relationship I want to have with her is atoning her sins, atoning the sins I made trying to bring her back to life."
She took a deep breath and turned back to him, "I want to bury her, and her name with her. I only want to be me from now on. I only want to be Jane. I am Jane."
"She wasn't a monster," Kurt said, and her head snaps up, staring at him in shock, "she wasn't all that bad. Actually, she was a good person… she was a good person who just lost her way at some point. It happens to all of us."
"Kurt…" Jane said, feeling tears well up her eyes, "Please, I don't want to know. I am so scared of becoming her… what I saw of her… the things I remember… I have my own mistakes to make up for, my own sins to redeem. I just want to do the right thing. I want to clean up her mess and my mess but I want nothing else to do with her."
Kurt studied her for a long moment, taking in her sudden admission and eventually nodded, "Ok… if that's what you really want."
She gave him a small smile, "It is… I just want to be Jane now."
Two Weeks Earlier
"She has been asking to talk to you," Dr. Borden told him, in his ever gentle way.
It wasn't the first time that Kurt has been told that, or had heard it first hand from her as he watched the interrogation from an adjacent room to where she was being held. But yet, he stood firm, stubborn.
"Too bad," Kurt replied, sounding more like his ten year old nephew than the assistant director of the FBI.
"Assistant Director Weller," Borden said, leaning forward in his seat, watching as the other man dropped his head, chin to his chest, "Kurt… Agent Patterson found something… while she was going through Jane's phone… she found a voice message, it was from you… sent a few hours before you had arrested her."
Kurt closed his eyes, the memory coming too quickly to him.
"In the message you said-"
"I know what I said in that message," Kurt cut him off.
"She's still that same person," Borden then said, "nothing's changed."
"Everything's changed!" Kurt said, "how can you say that?"
"No, just because new information has come to light does not mean she has changed or has become someone else," Borden said, "you will just need to learn how to fit the new found information into that puzzle and still see her for who she is."
"How can I ever trust her?" Kurt confessed.
"I am not saying it will be easy. But I think the more important question right now is, do you trust yourself?"
"I'm not sure I do," Kurt admitted.
"Then let's take it one step at a time, shall we? Let's start with everything outside and work our way in," Borden said, "you're angry, betrayed and hurt. Is it all Jane?"
Kurt sat silently for a moment. He wanted to say yes to that. It would make everything easier. Put all the blame on her, focus his anger and hatred on her. that would be so much easier.
"No," he said.
"Good, then let's start where you think it will be easiest to start forgiving," Borden said, "where would that be?"
"Mayfair.
Present Time
Cabin in the middle of nowhere
Kurt shifted in the small chair, sleep never coming easily, or at all, these last few weeks. He turned towards her, watching her sleep for a moment, mesmerized by how small and innocent, how gentle she still looked even after all this time, after all that had happened.
She pulled the blanket closer, tucking it under her chin with fisted hands. A moment later, he got up, turning up the heat and took his sweater off as he walked back, laying it on top of her and going back to his chair with only a T-shirt on.
One Week Earlier
"Ok, let's go back to a few weeks ago, shall we?" Borden said.
He sat across from Weller, in another one of what had become their daily sessions, something, to the doctor's surprise, the assistant director had requested himself.
"If Jane would have been in trouble then, what would you have done to save her? To protect her?" Borden asked.
"Anything," Kurt almost whispered, "you know I would have done anything."
"Who would you have fought?"
"Anyone. Everyone," Kurt said. And often he had.
"Well that Jane… the Jane from a few weeks ago was fighting a battle, a battle she is still fighting now. She was in trouble and still is, and she needs your help," Borden said, "only the person she needs help fighting is herself. She needs someone to save her from herself. Can you do that?"
Kurt didn't reply.
"She needs your help to fight herself, to fight her own demons," Borden said, "Help her, Agent Weller… She can't do it on her own, Kurt."
Present Time
New York City
A soft knock on the front door woke Sarah out of her daydream, still holding the peanut butter covered knife in her hand, she went to the door.
"Edgar? What… what are you doing here?" she asked once she opened her door to find her ex-boyfriend standing there at six in the morning.
"I'm sorry, I know it's early… and I at least should've called first… Can I come in?" he said, panic evident in his voice.
"What's going on? Where's Kurt? Did something happ-"
"Kurt's fine, he's perfectly fine," Reade assured her as she let him in and closed the door.
"I'm sorry, this is… it's out of the ordinary I know," he tried to explain, "the FBI has been compromised, we don't know who to trust."
"I don't understand… what's going on? Where's Kurt?" Sarah asked, starting to panic herself, "where is he? What happened to him? Please Edgar, just tell me."
"Sarah," Reade spoke gently, reaching for her hand, "he's fine. Nothing happened to him, I swear. Someone tried to kill Jane, so we had to come up with something to protect her. But for all you know. Jane Doe died in FBI custody and your brother has taken some time off. Doctor ordered…"
"Edgar, don't lie to me," Sarah urged him.
"I'm not. He's fine, they both are I promise… I promise!… They both need to just lay low for a while as we figure out what to do next," he said, and after a solemn moment, she finally nodded. "How are you?" he asked.
"Fine… coping… really hoped I'd have my brother here through this…" she admitted.
"Oh, Sarah…"
"I'm sorry… I'm ok, really, you don't need to worry about me," she smiled.
"But I do," he said, "And I'm here for you. If you need me, I'm right here. I'll always be here."
"I know."
"I have to go back now, but I'll keep you posted, ok?" he said.
"Please."
Present Time
Cabin in the middle of nowhere
Jane woke up early, the sun barely peaking out of the horizon. She'd slept for a good ten hours. She'd never done that before. She opened her eyes slowly and the first thing she noticed was his sweater draped over her. She turned to him, pulling the sweater just a few inches up towards her and watched him as he slept, squished uncomfortably in that chair and wondered if that's where he'd been sleeping the whole time or if there was another bedroom in this cabin.
She smiled as she watched him sleep, one of the very rare times when h looked relaxed, unburdened, and yet, that little knot in his brow never seemed to leave him alone. She knew she had a lot to do with that.
He woke up a few minutes after her, squirming uncomfortably in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position and eventually giving up when he could sense she was awake.
"Morning," she whispered as she watched his eyes slowly open.
He smiled as he stood up, stretching the kinks out of his back, "morning."
"Have you been sleeping in this chair all this time?" she asked as she sat up.
He turned to look at that awful chair and nodded, "yeah, this cabin isn't exactly spacious."
"I'll take the chair tonight. You can have the bed. I'm sure I can fit in it more comfortably," she said.
"No, it's fine. It's not that bad," he argued.
"Please, I want to," she said.
"Really, Jane, it's fine," he said.
"No, it's not, Kurt," she said, "let me do this."
"Jane, I'm fine, I promise," he said, "please can we not argue about this?"
She nodded, "ok, we won't."
"I'm gonna go make us some breakfast," he said.
"Can I come?" she whispered, "I think I'm ok to get up… and it may not be so spacious but it's gotta be more than this room," she said.
He looked at her for a moment, and realized she had gone from being locked up in a cell to holed up in this room. He wondered if she thought she was still locked up here too. He walked over towards the bed, helping her remove the covers. He waited as she swung her legs slowly over the side then took her hand to help her up.
"Of course, I can use the company," he said, wrapping one arm around her waist, allowing her to put her weight on him.
"Even mine?" she whispered, and he stopped walking, shifting slightly to look down at her, he said nothing, just tightened his hold on her and continued out of the bedroom.
Present Time
New York City
It was just the four of them who knew about this and so it meant being extra careful. And that meant turning Patterson's apartment into a lab. Tasha and Reade spent two night making copies of everything they had back at the bureau while Patterson and Borden transformed Patterson's apartment into a lab, a replica almost of what she had at the NYO.
They were gathered there then, early evening, after finishing their normal jobs at the office and was each crouched over some file or piece of evidence trying to find that one break that will give them that lead they need to go after Shephard.
"Are you gonna eat that?" Reade asked but Tasha ignored him. So he said it again, pointing to the last piece of pizza in front of her. But still she ignored him.
"Tasha? Hey, Tash! What's going on?"
She finally looked up, her eyes wide, almost disbelieving whatever was on the screen in front of her.
"Are you ok?" Patterson asked.
"I think I got something," she said.
"What? What did you find?"
"I think we have a fingerprint… Shepherd's fingerprint."
