"Shepard, I am so very sorry. I never intended on any of this when you found me in my office. Goddess, I never intended on any of this at all. And... I don't want to upset you even more by trying to better explain myself," Liara said.

"You were pretty clear the first time when you said I should be with another human," Shepard snapped, folding her arms across her chest. She winced as the action pulled multiple stitches and quickly uncrossed her arms.

"I never said you should be with another human. I said it might be a better option than staying with me. There is a difference," Liara said, almost indignant.

"Yeah, same difference," Shepard said, shaking her head.

"Shepard. I still want to be with you whether you think so or not. I'm only making sure you know what all of this entails. During the war we didn't have to think about the future when it came to us. But now we have to and rightfully should. You're fast approaching middle age for humans, and I'm still in my maiden stage. You can't just... what is it you humans say? Cross that bridge when you come to it? It won't work here," Liara said.

"Don't tell me what will and will not work, Liara. You know what happens when people tell me that," Shepard said. She sighed then closed her eyes, leaning her head back. She trailed her fingers through her own dark hair.

"I do apologize but you know I'm right. This is not something you can just ignore and hope it solves itself on its own," Liara said.

"Since when have I ever ignored a problem and hoped it went away?"

"Since it came to us. You've been ignoring the implications since we got together before we landed on Ilos."

"No, I haven't."

"Don't lie to me, Shepard. I can tell when you're lying. Maybe not as well as a Prothean can but well enough."

"I'm not lying. I haven't been ignoring them... er... technically. I just haven't put much thought into it," Shepard answered.

Liara was glad that Shepard hadn't raised her voice yet. While she knew how tender and kind the Commander could be, she could be extremely scary when she wanted to be. Not even facing a platoon of angry Krogan could match up to the fear that was conjured from being faced with an angry Shepard, or even a Shepard that was raising her voice. That had been proven a few hours previously.

"That may be but now is the time to do it. Neither of us are getting any younger and who knows if war will break out again tomorrow? Better to get our affairs in order today," Liara said. While it was a little bit annoying, Shepard had to admit she was glad that Liara had shed a good portion of her innocence and naivety to become mature and level-headed.

"I already told you how I feel, Liara. While you insist we get our affairs in order today, how you say things suggests I should think things over for longer than a day," Shepard said.

Liara realized that Shepard was right. What Liara wanted was a contradiction. She let out a breath then rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I- you're right, Shepard. Like you often are. I do apologize. I just... worry. I want what is best for you. I can't imagine it will be a happy thing for you to grow old at a relatively faster pace than I do," Liara said.

"You let me worry about that, Liara. Honestly, I don't need you to protect me," Shepard said. Liara bit on her lower lip.

"I have been doing so for quite a while now, Shepard. But I understand that isn't quite what you meant," Liara said.

"I know what I'm getting into. Trust me and trust my decisions. Please," Shepard said.

Liara's blue gaze dropped to the floor. She rubbed the back of her neck then took in a breath. She then got up from her seat to wander over to sit on the edge of Shepard's bed. She reached out to take the woman's hand, smiling.

"I trust you, Shepard. With my life. You've not let me down. I don't always agree with your decisions but when it comes to me and keeping me safe or helping me out you always deliver," Liara said.

The Commander smiled softly at the asari before gently squeezing her hand. She leaned over to lightly kiss one blue cheek, which turned a shade of purple as Liara blushed. It was then that Liara realized that only a few minutes previously she had spoken with Ashley about trust. She hesitated as she thought on whether she should ask about how long the Commander had been conscious enough to hear the discussion between Liara and Ashley. On the other hand, she had to assume the Commander had only been conscious for a short time before she spoke to them. Or else she'd have probably said something about the trust thing, or even the religious beliefs thing.

"I trust you, too, Liara. I have for quite some time. I would trust you with my life," Shepard said, smiling. She kissed Liara's cheek again then winced.

"What's wrong?" Liara asked, concern sparking in her eyes.

"Just... hurts. Not quite as bad as when I got blown up by the Reaper's beam but still," Shepard explained. She slowly lied back down on the bed then closed her eyes.

"I should let you get some more rest," Liara said.

Shepard frowned.

"I can rest with you here," she said.

"Why do you have to be so difficult? You know exactly what I mean most of the time," Liara said, shaking her head.

"In this case it's because I don't want you to leave me here. I want you to stay here, right next to my bed," Shepard said.

"Well when you put it that way, how can I say no?" Liara said, a wide smile forming on her face. Both turned their gaze to the door as they heard the sound of gauntlet against metal door.

"Come in," Shepard called. The door hissed open to allow Ashley entrance.

"I'm glad you're doing better, Skipper. I don't think I'm really needed here at the hospital though, am I?" Ashley said.

"I don't think we have to worry about someone trying to assassinate me, LC. And if they do, well... I'll applaud them for their effort but they aren't going to take me down after everything I've been through," Shepard said.

"Oh, good. Permission to return to the Normandy then, Commander?" Ashley asked.

"Permission granted, LC. But get some shore leave, too. We don't know yet if Hackett will want our help with anything once things cool down and we've got a better grip over who's alive and who's not. And who still wants us dead," Shepard said.

"Aye, aye, sir," Ashley said. She saluted crisply then turned once her commanding officer had returned it. She paused before glancing over her shoulder.

"Oh and Shepard?"

"Yes?"

"Do me a favor and get better a little quicker this time, would you?"

"Heh. Will do, LC."

With that said, the younger Spectre headed out. The door hissed shut behind her.

"I was right before... the Lieutenant Commander has become very capable," Liara mused to herself.

"How so?" Shepard asked, since she hadn't the first time Liara had said it.

"She's thinking more logically rather than emotionally," Liara explained the best she could without giving away the conversation she had had with Ashley earlier.

"Ahhh," Shepard said before giving a nod which caused her to yelp in pain. "Ow, shit. Note to self: don't do that ."

"Do you need any pain medication?" Liara asked, concerned.

"Aw hell, Li. I've been in worse pain," Shepard said, waving her hand a little.

"Yes, in positions where you couldn't relax and get some pain medicine in you. This time is different. If you're in pain, let me get you something for it," Liara insisted.

"You know how I feel about things like that. The stuff they have will fuck with my mind," Shepard said, almost dejectedly as she picked idly at the blanket that covered her.

"You will likely feel high, yes. But I don't see how that- oh..." Liara said when it dawned on her. When they'd last melded she'd gotten a pretty detailed flash of when Shepard had been younger, on Earth, and in the gang known as the Tenth Street Reds. Shepard was not at all proud of the things she had done while in the gang up until she had enlisted in the Alliance.

"Yeah, 'oh'. Not exactly thrilled at the idea of dealing with being high again. Not after the shit I dealt with back on Earth when I was a kid," Shepard said, continuing to pick at the blanket, not meeting her lover's eyes.

"Still... I will be right here in case you have any bad reaction to it. I won't let anything happen to you. I don't want you in pain, Shepard. Even if I have to deal with a high Shepard, I will do it if you aren't in pain," Liara said firmly.

"I... fine. Just a small dose to start," Shepard said.

"Of course," Liara said. She rose to her feet then disappeared through the door to get a nurse.

While Liara was gone, Shepard lapsed into memories. She was not proud of her younger days... of getting so fucked up on various drugs she barely knew who she was, where she was, hell even what she was. But, that was gang life. While they did peddle it, they also indulged in it. It was practically a required thing to be in the Reds.

Ironically, the Reds did not indulge in Red Sand, for which she was grateful since she was a biotic.

She didn't have long to muse before Liara returned with one of the nurses, another asari.

"Miss T'soni tells me you're in pain. How much would you say that is?" the nurse asked. Shepard was amused at the fact that loads of nurses back on Earth would often ask the same question. It seemed to be a universal thing. Either that, or that was just how her implant translated it.

"Uh... like I got hit by a massive bus. What's the scale number for that?" Shepard asked.

"So pretty severe. All right, well... I have a little something to take the edge off. Miss T'Soni informed me you only wanted a small dose to start regardless of pain level, so here we are," the nurse said. She produced a needle from her pocket before advancing on the Commander.

Shepard felt her pulse quicken a little at the sight of the needle, which held an odd blue liquid that was almost glowing. She tensed before she realized she wasn't going to feel a stab- she already had an IV line for it to go into. She relaxed considerably, though she kept her eyes on the nurse. Her light paranoia caused her to look for any sign of treachery in the nurse's movements. She detected none, just a desire to help her patient.

In seconds she felt the cold liquid - why is it always cold?- enter the vein the IV was hooked into. The cold faded away rather quickly to be replaced by a searing heat just under her skin. She squirmed a little, tugging at the hospital pajamas she wore. Panic was starting to grip her stomach before she felt a calming hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard, please calm down. You're all right. I promise," Liara said. Her voice sounded oddly far away. Shepard fixed her with a stare as she tried to figure out why she sounded like she was so very far away.

"What did you give me?" she asked and heard her voice slur a little like she was drunk.

"Morlak. It's opium based, much like your morphine back on Earth. From what I can tell, your reaction is completely normal for someone recently injected with it. Don't worry, Commander," the nurse replied promptly.

She felt impossibly warm, but also rather pain free. Heh... so the drugs worked after all...

"I will leave you to it, then. Please get some rest, Commander," the nurse said before heading off. Her voice sounded just as odd as Liara's.

"How do you feel?" Liara asked, concern wrapped around every syllable she spoke. She had, after all, convinced the Commander to submit to the pain medication.

"Pretty damn good," Shepard replied, a rather goofy smile forming on her face. Liara cracked a smile of her own at the sight. It was nice to see Shepard smile, even if it was induced by pain meds. She'd prefer if it was thanks to her but... can't always get what you want, she remembered Shepard quoting on more than one occasion. During their melding she had found the source of the quote- a song that had been rather popular on Earth a century and a half previously.

"Please, get some rest," Liara insisted. She blinked as the Spectre reached out and seemed to have not a single grasp on depth perception as she groped unsuccessfully for Liara's hand. With another smile, she decided to help her lover and reached out to take her hand.

"I will, Li-Li. Keep yer pants on," Shepard quipped, making Liara stare blankly.

"Another human idiom?" Liara inquired.

"Yeeeeep," Shepard drawled out before closing her eyes.

"Get some rest, Shepard," Liara urged.

"Hmmm," Shepard murmured, slowly drifting off to sleep as the pain medication finally took a firmer hold and knocked her ass out.

If Shepard thought that drug-induced sleep meant she wouldn't have to deal with the nightmares... she was dead wrong.

She was back on Earth... she could almost feel the Reapers descending upon her home planet, upon Vancouver. That damn bone-deep strumming sound was all around her. She watched, again, as the Reapers destroyed the Board that had until then been grilling her over the threat. The threat that had finally come down and proven itself to be true.

She remembered running from the explosion but she was too slow... always too slow. She had blacked out for a time after hitting the wall. Anderson had helped her to her feet and brushed her off then handed her a weapon.

The scene faded away. She almost felt relieved until she realized she had melted into the same nightmares that had haunted her time on the Normandy.

Her physical body shifted as she tried to wake herself prematurely. She knew what was coming and didn't want to see it.

The area was dark, filled with trees and bushes and even a few park benches. She didn't quite remember park benches. When was the last time she saw one? Either way...

Wispy, black figures dotted the landscape- representations of those she had lost.

She cringed as she heard her name spoken by dozens of different disembodied voices.

Shepard ...

She spun around in place but there was absolutely no sight of the little boy she'd seen. But then she remembered... he was probably a hallucination. After all, he'd manifested as being the Catalyst, right? He'd seemed pretty damn real to her when she'd first met him in that vent. But why would the child hallucination suddenly stop after she destroyed the Reapers?

She stopped thinking too hard on it as she wandered along. The area didn't look nearly as dark as last time. Perhaps this was a good sign?

Shepard...

"What do you want?" Shepard finally found her voice. Why hadn't she been able to all those times before?

I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what! It's done, Commander! Go get Williams and get the hell out of here!

" Kaidan?" Shepard called out. She shot off in the direction she thought she heard his voice. There was nobody there. Nothing but the wispy shadows and with no way of telling who was supposed to represent who.

It's the right decision, Commander.

"Kaidan!" Shepard shouted, searching helplessly for her Lieutenant she had lost on Virmire because she'd been forced to make a choice she had hoped she'd never have to make.

It's been an honor serving you, Commander. Tell my parents I love them. Williams, you're a good soldier. Now get out of here! Go! I'll hold them off!

Shepard clenched her eyes shut then dropped to her knees, her hands grappling at the helmet on her head. She removed it from her head then threw it as hard as she could into the distance. It smacked into something solid yet soft at the same time and she brought her head up. The scene had changed.

She swallowed thickly at the sight of her Commanding Officer back before she was Savior of the Galaxy.

"Look at you," she said, almost scoffing.

"I... You... I'm so sorry, Lieutenant," Shepard said, guilt gnawing at her gut.

"You're a street rat, Shepard. You may have passed through basic with high marks but you were always that stupid child I ran into on the streets. It's because of you everyone is dead!" the unnamed Lieutenant said.

"Some would have died anyways. It was a trap! Not all of us would've gotten out alive!" Shepard said.

"Just a stupid biotic. That was you, Shepard. You were on patrol that night. You should've warned everyone!"

"No! Fuck you! How could I have known what was under our feet?"

"Because of you good people died. And they have continued to die based on your stupid decisions! Who even thought you could handle being a Commander? You aren't worthy of even shining a Commander's boots!"

Shepard felt tears prick her eyes.

"I couldn't save them both... I had to pick one," Shepard said, choking on a sob.

"Wrong! You could've doubled back and picked up Alenko!"

"No, I couldn't!"

"There's always a way. What the fuck did I teach you while you were under my command? There is always a way! You were just too stupid to realize it!"

"Shepard!" another voice called out, startling the Commander.

She got to her feet, running her fingers through her hair. The Lieutenant faded away as the scene changed again.

She was with Anderson's group during a training exercise.

"Are you ready, Lieutenant Commander?" Anderson asked. She had received a promotion for her actions just before being stationed on the Normandy to Commander, as she was now known. Anderson had recommended her for it.

"Yes, sir!" she said automatically, throwing up a salute.

"No, you aren't. You never were. Admiral Hackett and I had to push you and force you to move. You were always too scared. You put on a tough air but you were always a scared little girl," Anderson said. That wasn't like Anderson at all. Doubt crept into Shepard's stomach.

"Shut up!" Shepard shouted before raising a pistol she didn't even know she had. Before she could stop herself she shot him, right in the gut. She watched as he collapsed, bleeding out quickly.

"Stupid... kid," Anderson murmured before dying.

"ANDERSON NO!" Shepard shouted as she finally woke from the nightmare.

Her shout startled Liara and she was at Shepard's side almost instantly.

"Shepard? Are you okay?" Liara asked in concern.

"Anderson..." Shepard murmured before putting her face in her hands. "I... I shot him..."

"You didn't. The Illusive Man did," Liara said.

"No... he was able to control me in the Citadel but I still pulled the trigger because I wasn't strong enough to resist," Shepard said.

"You were fighting Indoctrination. Anderson could have lived but he bled out too fast. He was proud of you, you know that. You were fighting it and he knew it," Liara said.

"He should've gone in with proper armor! He should've... I should've... why didn't I put a barrier over him?"

"You were so weak, Shepard. I felt it, I saw it," Liara said.

"You... sorry?" Shepard asked, confusion scrawled across her face.

"We're bondmates, Shepard. Did you think I couldn't feel your emotions, your fatigue during that battle? And just after we had melded again, too. The connection was fresh," Liara explained, chewing on her lower lip.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Shepard asked.

"I didn't find it pertinent information at the time. And you know me, I'm very careful about the information I give out," Liara said, crossing one leg over the other as she leaned back in her seat.

"I think it was pertinent. I would have tried a little harder not to get shot by those fucking Marauders or thrown back by the damn Brutes," Shepard said.

"So you didn't try very hard?" Liara asked.

"You know I didn't mean it like that. I tried as hard as I could. It just would've been a good idea if I knew you could feel it all. Every hit... How did you escape feeling the Indoctrination creep in?"

"The connection wasn't strong enough for me to feel it other than how you were reacting to it."

Shepard sighed a little then chewed on her lower lip which caused her to wince. Every part of her body was still sore.

"You fought and won against it, Shepard. That is something few have ever done. Anderson would be proud of you. He was always your mentor to the very end and wanted to see you succeed," Liara said.

"He was like the father I never had," Shepard admitted, swallowing thickly as she felt tears fill her eyes. She froze when she felt a hand along her scalp then looked over. She relaxed when she realized whose hand it was. Lithe blue fingers gently trailed through her dark hair.

"It wasn't your fault, Shepard. You tried so hard and I'm sure Anderson knew it in his final moments. Remember what he said to you?" Liara asked.

"'You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you,'" Shepard quoted.

"Exactly. He was proud of you, the woman he had trained to fight the war and win it. He fought so hard to get everything you needed to win. To teach you what war was all about. And he succeeded. It's all he could ever ask for," Liara said, rubbing Shepard's back softly.

"Yeah but now I lost two dads," Shepard said dejectedly.
"Well... you can have mine," Liara said, a smirk quirking at her features. Shepard looked up and over at the asari. She realized that she had never even bothered to ask if Aethyta had made it off of the Citadel in time.

"Do I get asari commandos too?" Shepard asked like an excited child might.

"Shepard," Liara said, laughing almost too hard to even get the other's name out. "You probably would if you asked."

"Yeah, that was a really weird birthday present," Shepard remarked, chuckling softly.

"She said she was making up for lost time... I do wonder what the natural progression would have been, however," Liara said, musing on the point a moment. "How do you feel?"

"Drained. Completely drained. But... better than I was feeling before. No pain. I guess the initial high has worn off, thankfully," Shepard replied.

"See? Aren't you glad I talked you into the pain medicine?" Liara said, smiling gently.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," Shepard said, chuckling softly.

"You should get a bit more rest. You were only out for about an hour," Liara said.

"Right," Shepard said with a nod. She settled back into the pillows then closed her eyes. She gently squeezed Liara's hand before drifting off to sleep.