A/N: You know, why not leave what other people might SAY on the answering machine? WHY NOT! Oh and I don't own Naruto. Seriously.

Akatsuki's Answering Machine - Ch. 3

Tuesday, December 31st

Deidara: Yo, you know who you reached, Deidara, pyrotechnics and demolitions expert, if you need it down then I'm up! Please leave a message after the boom and I'll return your call as soon as I can.

Sasori: After the boom? You mean after the beep...

Deidara: Nope...

(exploding noise)

(beep)

Ino: Actually that was both a boom and a beep! Hello Sasori, I'm returning your call, and this is for you too, Deidara. I need an extra 100 shooting rockets and 50 smoke bombs for tonight's festival, and please don't make the smoke bombs actually explode this year. They're for little kids, Deidara!

End of message. Next message.

Pein: Deidara, you know who this is, and for the last time, stop blowing up things in the living room. I don't care if it makes a more interesting answering machine message. Stop doing it.

End of messages.

Monday, May 6th

Zetsu: Hello you have reached Zetsu, landscaping, topography and human remains disposal unit. If you would, please leave a message after the tone as well as the name and number of any nearby dead bodies and we will get back to you as soon as possible. If you are looking for corpse reanimation specialties, please dial extension 369 to reach the Akatsuki Leader's personal line.

(beep)

Tobi: Hello Zetsu-san! Tobi learned how to use the phone today, Tobi is very good at it!

Deidara: Give me that! (sounds of a struggle) Sorry Zetsu-danna, the idiot doesn't really need anything. DO YOU??

Tobi: N-No, Deidara-senpai!

End of message. Next message.

Kisame: Hey Zetsu, it's just me, wanting to see if you feel like having lunch. I found you a nice fresh one, too! Hope you don't mind if I don't have any.

End of messages.

Sunday, May 29th

Itachi: You have reached Uchiha Itachi, supervisor of armaments and martial craft. If you are looking for weapons crafting or poison imbibing, please dial extension 380 to reach Sasori. If you need an expert in demonic possession of weapons, please dial extension 550 to reach my partner, Hoshigake Kisame. If you believe that your weapon is possessed by a spirit, please contact Hidan at extension 666. For anything else, please leave your name, number and a brief message and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thank you. Also, if your name is Tobi, the answer is yes, it will work. That is all.

(beep)

Sasuke: I don't know where you live yet, but I got your phone number! I will find you someday! I swear I will! I'll make you pay!

End of message. Next message.

Orochimaru: Why hello there, Itachi-kun, guess what I found in Sasuke's pocket, kukuku... That's right, it's your number! I still think about you, you know... but more importantly about your Sharingan... yes... that's right... the Sharingan... it's definitely not about you. No... Er... Yes, yes, I have Sasuke now so... right...

End of message. Next message.

Kisame: Morning, Itachi-san! So uh... are we still on for tonight? Call me back and let me know...

End of messages.

Monday, May 30th

Pein: Hello you have reached the voice mail for Uchiha Itachi. Due to recent events, his personal line is temporarily closed. If you have any matters concerning him, please leave your name, number and message after the beep and I will relay it to him directly. Thank you for your patience.

(beep)

Kisame: Hey Itachi-san, just me again, I heard that creepy message that Orochimaru sent you. Anyway, are you up for another round tonight? Let me know.

End of message. Next message.

Orochimaru: Kukuku... I won't be put off so easily, Itachi-kun... no... I will find you again, oh yes I will...

End of message. Next message.

Sasori: This message is for both you and Itachi, Leader-sama. Orochimaru has been sending me more messages, but I now have his number on caller ID. One of my agents has traced this number back to his hideout. I am ready and awaiting orders.

End of messages.

Monday, May 30th

Kisame: Hey, you got the desk of Hoshigake Kisame, demon possessed weapons and other items specialist as well as irrigation services! I'm not around right now so just pop a message to me after the beep and don't die before I can get back to you! Thanks!

(beep)

Itachi: Kisame, I would be willing for another round tonight. However, you must be a little more cautious when leaving a message on my new redirected line, Leader-sama was giving me strange looks. Whatever the case, I intend to overcome you this time, I will not submit to you again like I did last night. I have been practicing all day, I'm certain you will be pleased with the results. We will meet again at the same pool hall, but this time I will be the one to break first, I can't help but wonder if you cheated last time...

End of message. Next message.

Konan: You were talking about PLAYING POOL?! Thanks for throwing my hopes out the window! Damn it!

End of messages.