Scent of Sorrow

Chapter 2

D.

Grievance

R

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M

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Grievance- (n.) 1. Something believed to cause distress

2. A complaint or resentment, as against an unjust or unfair act

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

no one knows

no one cares

so we don't know

There is somebody

we know everything

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

For a moment I stood there… half wanting to believe I was hallucinating… half because I was shocked.

...then… I ran.

"Well if you don't want him why don't I seduce him?"

What he said kept repeating in my head over and over. Why didn't I take it seriously when I heard that? Was I stupid? Did I really believe Lavi wasn't going to touch Allen because he was naive? Didn't I know who exactly Lavi was and what he did?

"KANDA!" Linali stood up from her chair as she saw me running, "Where-? KANDA!"

I ran passed her not really caring for the moment. I just needed to be by myself… I needed to think.

Lavi always was nice to Allen in a sense he was always looking out for him. Was it all an act? or…

no… it can't be… a bookman can't love.

I kept running and didn't stop until I was back at the town I met that Noah. Yes, it was a bad idea to be here by myself when I know that bastard could still be here… but… well, there was no where else to run to.

'run to'…?

What was I running away from? From him? What I saw?

Did I really love him? I never looked at it that way… but then again I never thought I ran away from anything.

Exorcist's job is to destroy the Akuma and the Noah family… they can't choose who their companion is and personal feelings are pushed aside. If I did love him and was running away from the fact that he might be in love with someone else… am I running away from my duty as an exorcist?

I stopped running. I looked around and realized that it was starting to get dark… maybe because it seemed like it was about to rain. My knee was starting to feel pain and my heartbeat was unnaturally fast.

'It seems like I'm the idiot…' I leaned against the near by wall as there was barely any people in the road now. 'I can barely stand… I should have thought about this before wasting all my energy in something that wasn't necessary.'

I took a deep breath… yes there was no reason to be upset… I was an exorcist… nothing more… nothing less…

I closed my eyes and slowing trail of thought led me to smirk, 'che, where is that damn Noah now? This would have been the perfect time… I don't mind dieing.'


(Normal POV)

Allen pushed him away… finally he managed to. He looked up but after meeting the other's eyes he turned away. As the silence filled the room a memory came back to him…

(Flashback)

They were on a mission not to long ago at Paris. They successfully managed to retrieve the innocent and were planning to start heading back to the tower the following day.

It was night and they decided to stay at a hotel near the train station and as usual Kanda got the single room. Of course it wasn't like Lavi didn't try to convince him otherwise. Allen didn't know weather he was joking or not when he said things like "Come on Yuu-chan! I never got a chance to share a bed with you yet!" and "It's not like I'm going to do anything to you… that you would remember… cough It would help if you were drunk though." Which would often lead to Kanda trying to chop Lavi's head off with his sword and Allen standing away from them blushing.

So once again Lavi's failed attempt led him and Allen in sharing a room while Kanda got one to himself far… far away from them.

It was about 1 o'clock when Allen decided to get a drink of water and found Lavi was no where in the room. He ran to the window and from there he could see the bookman's apprentice quickly walking toward the busy road. He grabbed his coat and quickly ran down the stairs towards the main entrance and it was there he bumped into Kanda.

"Kanda!"

"Where do you think you're going bean sprout?"

"I saw Lavi walking out of the hotel!... did you see him when you were coming up?"

Kanda's expression didn't change… maybe this was the reason it was so hard to know what he is thinking, "I saw him…"

"Wait… you did?"

"Go back to sleep. I told him to check on something."

"I'll go with him!" As Allen tried to go past him Kanda grabbed his wrist dragging him back up the stairs.

"No, you would only drag him down."

"What?! What did you say? Hey! Don't ignore me!"

(End of Flashback)

"That time… in Paris, I saw you sneaking out. I was about to follow you but I met Kanda along the way."

Lavi grinned as he backed up slightly and leaned against the opposite wall, "Yeah I remember that… actually he expected something like that to happen so he was watching our room the whole time. He saw me right away when I tried to leave."

"If the finder caught you or if the order found out…"

"Well Komui almost did… but Yuu-chan covered for me that time too. He said he had a feeling something went wrong so he asked me to check on it but he didn't report it since he wasn't sure and didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Why…?" he began, "Why do you insist on giving him a hard time when you know he likes you?"

Lavi sighed and ran his finger threw his hair, "Allen, what if I told you I had interest in you?"

He turned towards him, eyes wide.

Lavi started to walk towards the door… as he passed the younger exorcist he ruffled his hair, "Let's continue this conversation some other time."

"LAVI!" Allen couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to hit him… He always believed that he liked Kanda… ever since he came to the order… but of course he was still human… and couldn't betray the human instinct… to take what you can get. Part of him knew that Kanda didn't like him and whatever he did he might never return any of his feelings. To truly love someone is to love them no matter what but there was loneliness that he couldn't get over and he wasn't sure he could be that loyal.

But before Allen decided on what he was actually feeling or what to even do Linali's voice was heard from downstairs.


"Allen! Lavi!"

"KANDA-CHAN!"

The red haired boy jumped and landed himself on the other boy still hanging on to his neck.

The other boy, who was no older then the other just looked at him… surprised? yes… but no annoyance or anger even with the fact he landed himself on the hard floor by the other's childishness.

" 'chan'?" he repeated.

"Isn't that Japanese?" smiled Lavi as he still didn't made any effort to get off of the other boy.

" 'chan' is said directed to a girl."

"I know but it suits you."

"Why do you suddenly speak that way? This isn't Japanese nor do you come from there."

"Well I have to start learning all sorts of language now as a training to become a bookman and I thought I should start by Japanese since my favorite friend is from there!" he said happily, "besides I thought since you said you didn't have a family to speak your native language to I thought this would make you feel more happy."

"I don't mind…" he said slowly, "besides Japanese isn't really all that easy to learn..."

"Well Kanda-chan is here to help me, right?" he hugged on to him harder… nearly choking the other exorcist.

"Lavi… you're… can't… breath…"

He let go quickly but was still holding on to his shoulder, "oops… gomen nasai"

Kanda continued to just stare at him.

"See I know few other words too!" he continued happily, "Aishiteru!"

There was a silence where Kanda just stared at him slightly blushing, "Do… do you know what that means?"

"Of course! It means 'I love you', right?"

Kanda slowly opened his eyes… he must have fallen asleep… somewhere… somehow…

He just stared at the ceiling… wait ceiling? wtf? How did he get himself in a… room…? He tried to get up and realized the sharp pain in his knees and the spinning in his head.

"Where the fuck am I?" he said out loud.

"tsk tsk, such a foul mouth," came a voice behind him.

The Japanese exorcist jumped off from the bed to face the one person he really didn't want to see at the moment. He looked around and finally realized that his sword was no where in sight… 'dammit!' he thought as his eyes narrowed.

Tyki seemed to be amused by this behavior and held back a chuckle.

"Where… am I?"

The Noah seemed as if he was smirking as he calmly walked towards the only window in the room. He leaned against it looking outside. "We are at one of the Earl's hideout but not to worry… we are still near where you're friends are hiding."

If Kanda wanted to scream it would probably have been now… "Why didn't you kill me?"

"hm?" he turned to look at him in bored expression, "Do you actually seek death, exorcist?"

"Let's just put it this way… I don't have my weapon, I'm apparently inside one of Earl's base, oh and not to mention there is a Noah right in front of me." Yes, it was starting to frustrate him.

The Noah just watched as Kanda slowly started to lose his temper.

He got out a lighter and a cigar from his pocket and put it to his mouth slowly almost lazily… as if the exorcist wasn't even in the room.

"Well, Earl has been lying low for a while… there haven't been any new exorcist to get rid of and I was starting to get bored with my daily routine." He smirked, "Then there was the yesterday where I ended up following you back to the place where you exorcists were resting… and let's just say I saw something pretty interesting."

Kanda's eyes widened… he couldn't have meant…

He walked towards him and Kanda began to take a step back… it wasn't like he was afraid but he didn't have his innocence and this Noah was more unpredictable then a women.

"I know the reason why you ran… quite a stupid move… you should have known I was still around here." Tyki leaned closer to him and they were merely inches apart.

"Haven't you heard of personal space?" he replied coldly.

"I thought that bookman wasn't supposed to love… but then again aren't you supposed to put your job before your personal feelings?"

"shut up…"

"Ooh, looks like I touched a nerve…" he smirked, "You know that Allen kid. He is very naïve… I realized it the first encounter I had with him… isn't that the quality that is such a turn on in bed?"

-smack-

The cigar fell to the floor as Tyki's face was snapped to the side. His eyes were wide for a moment but he calmly put his hand on the place where Kanda had punched him… it was red… he knew he could have used his ability to dodge the punch but this was much more interesting.

"You got some nerves to throw a punch at me when you know all the odds." His eyes narrowed and in a quick motion his fingers were gripping Kanda's long hair. He pulled them back making the exorcist's head to snap back forcefully.

Kanda threw another punch at him but this time the Noah blocked it and once more twisted behind his back. "You are fairly strong even without your weapon… I'll give you that, but never ever underestimate me."

There was a moment of silence where he just glared at him. He knew the other man had the upper hand but he was much too proud to just stand still. This was the problem Kanda always had… he couldn't let go of this pride.

Then he did one thing the other never expected him to do... he spat at his face.

Tiki blinked… ok he was expecting a kick or something but this… now he was going to teach this brat a lesson.

He let go of the wrist he was holding back but moments later he punched Kanda's stomach then kicked him at his side... for once he was holding nothing back.

Taking the full blow, Kanda fell to the ground and coughed violently… even with his fast healing ability he could still feel the sharp pains.

Before the exorcist could get back on his feet Tiki already got a grip on his hair again. He forced his head up to face him, "Brat, let me tell you something you don't know… That red-haired kid can never return your childish feelings and more over he isn't and never will be even a supporter to the order." His voice was dangerously low, "He is to be the next bookman and maybe some of you don't realize it but he doesn't carry human feelings. He can't favor one side of this war and defiantly can't love."

Tiki threw him back down and started to straighten himself. He looked down at the exorcist that was still lying on the floor...

Kanda was still having a hard time getting to his feet but more so he seemed to be in a state of shock… trying to, for the first time, realize what Lavi actually was… he was

… a bookman.


"Linali, you should get some sleep. We've been looking for Kanda since last night…"

"No, we should continue to look for him," she tried to stand up again but lost her balance…

"Linali!" Lavi caught her before she hit the ground, "…Me and Allen will look for Yuu, you should go back to the motel and rest for a bit."

Yes, they have been looking for Kanda since the day before when Kanda ran out the door without so much as a explanation. Linali told both of them right away however Lavi reassured her that he would probably get back by that night… but of course that wasn't the case. As the rain started to pour and Kanda was no where in sight they decided to look for him.

"No No! I'm fine!" she tried to smile but failed.

Allen turned to the finder, "Can you help Linali get back?"

"Allen, no! I want to look for Kanda too! Something might have gone wrong!"

Lavi stepped forward, "Linali you can hardly stand. We promise we'll bring Yuu-chan back… wait for us."

There was a silence then Linali lowered her head, "Ok."


Kanda sat there for at least an hour since the Noah left. He was lost in his own thoughts… memories returning to him… new information that he was trying to soak up… ignored truth that was finally sinking in. He never felt so pathetic in his life… he always thought he was strong and his pride would never let him believe how much Lavi actually effected him.

His bruises were already healed though, as well as the bleedings… there was still blood marks on his face but other then that he looked better then before.

"I thought you would have left by now," Tiki had a bored expression as he entered the darkened room. "You really are a fool."

silence.

The Noah lighted his cigarette and leaned on the door frame, "You're friends are looking for you."

He felt weak… his body seemed unnaturally heavy.

A small smirk formed on his lips, "but then again you might not want to see 'his' face."

He wanted just to be alone…

Tiki started to walk towards the exorcist putting out the cigarette along the way. He knelt down in front of him to be in the same eye level and lightly lifted the other man's chin up. "And it was just yesterday when these eyes of yours held so much emotion… even though they were mostly hatred." Slowly he leaned down and placed a kiss on the other's lips.

Kanda didn't react… it seemed like he didn't care. In few seconds Tiki broke the kiss… smirking, he only said one thing before standing up and walking away…

"Because I pity you."


It didn't take long for Kanda to find his way back to the town. It was kind of simple actually… he just kept walking until he got there. He wondered weather he should tell Komui about Earl's hideout but it would require him of explaining what exactly happened… he didn't want to relive the incident just yet.

The daily noise of the town sounded distant because of the rain and there were only few people in the street, mostly running to get to a near shelter.

He didn't care about getting wet nor was in a hurry to find the others… in truth he wanted to delay the meeting of the other exorcist. He just kept walking down the street fist clenched to hide the fact he was actually cold.

There was the sound of distant footsteps then it stopped. He came to a stop as well and looked up to see the person who was standing in front of him few feet away.

They stared at each other for a while… those light blue eyes meeting his dark ones.

Allen took a step forward almost awkwardly. "Kanda…" there was a pause then without a warning he ran towards the black haired exorcist and punched him in the face.

Kanda didn't try to block it and his head snapped sharply to the side.

"YOU IDIOT!" he yelled, "Don't you think we were worried? Are you that stupid! Why didn't you say where you were going! Why did you take so long! Why couldn't you be more open!" then his voice became softer to say what he had to next…

"Why him?"

Kanda turned his head and looked at the younger boy in front of him.

"You knew…" Allen turned his head; he couldn't meet at the other's eyes. "You know how Lavi was toying with you… how he still is! Why can't you understand that you are only an entertainment to him! How can you still like him!"

There was a silence where both of them didn't move. After a while realizing that he was probably going to get nothing out of Kanda, Allen turned around to leave.

"Let's hurry back… Linali was worried too," he said softly as he started to walk.

"Because…"

Allen stopped.

"It takes only a second to know a person… 1 minute to like them… but it would take a life time to forget them…"

Silver haired boy looked at him once more… a forced simile that didn't match the emotion in his eyes even the slightest.

"Kanda, you really are stupid…"

Lavi watched the two in silence. They probably didn't know he was there and he would rather keep it that way for now.


To Be Continued...