\AN: Thank you everyone for the review :) sorry for the long wait. But I have made this chapter really long for you guys. So here you all go another chapter. I hope you would enjoy!
A special thanks to my beta Vaena for making this story better :)
Disclaimers I don't own Vampire Academy or the characters, Richelle Mead does.
Chapter 2
We were taking our private jet and Dimitri won't tell me where we are going. I am so mad at him right now for not telling me where we are going. We just got married today and here we are on the plane, not talking and glaring at each other.
I can't believe I am being such a bitch about all this. He just wants to give me a surprise but I can't be happy about it. What can I do? I hate surprises and he knows that. I wanted to sit next to him and snuggle but I told him not to touch me or come near me. Now I regret that.
He had his headphones in listening to music, full blast and won't talk to me now. Aren't we just the best couple ever? We fight for stupid reasons and I am the one that always starts a fight. I thought this was going to be fun and romantic but I had to ruin our fun.
Dimitri sat across from me and was just staring at me, giving me death glares. I ruined his mood to. He was so romantic giving me kisses and playing with me and I just had to be a spoil brat and ruin everything. I was feeling bad and so sick too. I wanted him to hold me. The same feelings about Nikolia returned, except now they were getting so strong.
I wanted to tell Dimitri to lets go back and be with our boys but I know he will get angrier. I know I have to just put these feelings aside because both Nikolia and Ivan are in good hands. The gang will be able to look after them, they are the best.
I didn't know I was crying until Dimitri wiped my tears off.
"Roza what's wrong?" he asked me. I couldn't say anything so I just buried my face in to his hard chest and wrapped my arms around him.
"Roza I am so sorry." He said. What was he sorry for? I was the one being a bitch.
"Roza it's breaking my heart to see you like this; what's wrong, baby?" he asked me again but I just sat there and cried. I couldn't come up with the words so I just opened the bond to let him know. After knowing everything I was feeling and what was going on he said,
"Oh Roza, what am I going to do with you?" I looked up and smiled.
"I can think of a lot of things you can do with me." I said. He smiled and shook his head. He pressed his lips against mine. The kiss started out as an innocent one but soon turned in to a hot passionate kiss.
He pulled me to his lap. I pulled away to breath but his lips never left my skin. He kissed along my jaw line and moved down to my neck. I knew where this was going, we both haven't fed and it's been so long. He sucked on my neck and gave me open-mouthed kisses. My hands were roaming his chest.
He looked up at me asking for permission and I nodded. Soon I felt his fangs break the skin on my neck. It doesn't hurt anymore because I am so use to it. The pleasure of endorphins took hold of me and I moaned in pleasure. Giving blood to Dimitri or taking it from him felt like sex. Amazing.
When he was done he swiped his tongue on the two punctured marks and brought up his hand to heal them. My head felt light and I felt really nauseous. Dimitri exposed his neck to me so I could feed and feel better. I was about to bite his neck when nausea rolled over and I ran to the small toilet that was on the jet.
I threw my guts up. I wasn't feeling good, my stomach wasn't feeling good. Dimitri held my hair back and rubbed soothing circles on my back, calming me down. I don't know how long I threw up for but when I was done I felt like shit.
Dimitri got my toiletry bag for me and I brushed my teeth. I was feeling so bad and wanted to sleep.
"Roza are you ok?" Dimitri asked and I nodded. I was not feeling better but I didn't want to worry him.
"You know you should block the bond when you are lying to me," he said. Did I forget to block the bond?
"Yes you did." Dimitri said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I buried my face in his chest. He picked me up bridal style and sat me on his lap.
"You need to feed so go ahead." He said and exposed his neck again for me. The smell of his blood was delicious enticing me to bite his neck. I moved my mouth near his neck and when I was about to sink my teeth in his delicious neck the nausea rolled over me again and I got up and ran to the toilet again.
I threw up again, my stomach was in knots and doing flips. I was feeling really sick and I don't know what's wrong. Dimitri was again by my side, holding my hair. I was in the toilet for about half an hour. I brushed my teeth and went to sit on my chair, which was really comfortable – thank god, that made me happy.
"Roza are you ok?" Dimitri asked really concerned.
"No I don't feel good." I said and leaned on Dimitri's shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and I fell asleep.
I was having a dream, which I didn't enjoy. Ivan was playing in the back yard of our mansion at court, with Dimitri. Mason was playing with his little girl, Eddie was playing with Lissa and Christian's boy and Jesse was playing with his little girl.
Lissa, Natalie, Mia, Sydney and I were sitting on the table drinking tea. I had a little girl in my arms, who looked like me with Dimitri's eyes and hair. I wasn't happy but had a forced smile on my face exactly like the one on Dimitri's face. The gang didn't look the same anymore either, no one had the same smile anymore.
Nikolia was nowhere and that's what broke my heart. I was smiling down at the little girl in my hands. She made me happy. I don't know why everyone was sad and put up with the fake smiles but something wasn't right. Where was Nikolia?
I woke up with tears in my eyes. I looked up at Dimitri who was looking at me with concerned eyes. I just buried my face in the crook of his neck and the tears just wouldn't stop coming.
"Roza, that was only a dream." Dimitri said. I looked up at him and said,
"No Dimitri it wasn't just a dream. You and I both been having these feelings for Nikolia that he will not be with us for much longer and will be taken away and now this dream; where he isn't even there." I looked away not wanting to look at him and cried.
"Roza I know about these feeling and nothing will happen to Nikolia. These feelings are just there because he is our son and we are just scared for him." He said.
"Really Dimitri? These are just parent's intuitions? So why don't we have the same feelings about Ivan? Oh maybe Ivan is not our son because I definitely don't have these feelings for him." I spat him. How can he be just so relaxed about this? Doesn't he love his own son?
"How can you think like that Roza? I love Nikolia – my sons- more than my own life." Dimitri yelled.
"Oh really, you do? Because it doesn't look like it." I yelled back.
"How can you Roza? He is my son and I love both him and Ivan a lot."
"I don't think so; all you care about is yourself and no one else."
"What the fuck Roza? How dare you say this or even fucking think it?"
"How dare I? If you cared about your sons you would have this plane turned around and we would have been with our boys."
"What do you fucking want me to do? For once I wanted us to be happy without fighting and since we have been on this jet, you have only been the bitch and brat that you are, fighting with me for fucking no reason. I can say all this stuff about you to because that's what you always do. You don't care about anyone's feelings; all YOU do care about is yourself." That was like a stab to my heart.
"Oh yeah I am the bitch and brat but you never thought about that when bringing me back to life and give me this fucking stupid bond, or when you were fucking me, or when I got pregnant, or when you came and saved me from Janine, or when fighting for me with Stepan, or when marrying me."
"Yeah maybe I was stupid, or stupid in love. Have you ever thought about how I feel about everything? How I felt when I saw you after the attack lying there still, pale, with no heartbeat? How I felt that I should not be with you because I am not worth it? How I felt that you were called a blood whore because of me? How I felt when you jumped to the conclusion that I would just leave you if I knew you were pregnant, pregnant with my baby? How I felt that your evil mother was taking everything that I was breathing away from me?
"How I felt that I had to help give birth to my boys on a forest floor while there was a battle going on? How I felt to ignore you because of that fucking Stepan? How I felt when you kissed him in the dream knowing what you were doing? Or when he came to get you? Have you ever thought I also have feelings and how I go on everyday knowing that maybe I have fucked up your life? How people look at you as a blood whore because of me? Or how about all these feelings I have been having for Nikolia? Oh I forgot, I don't even fucking give a damn about my own sons.
"I was willing to leave everything for you, everything maybe I am just so fucked up in the head, because I should have just thought about you like the other girls in my life. Maybe I should have just fucked you and forgot you the next morning. Oh that would have been so much better for you."
He had tears in his eyes and I just sat there staring at him. He got up and left. I felt bad for everything I just did and I meant everything. It wasn't his fault and I should have not said anything like that or even think. I shouldn't have ever said that he didn't love our sons. How could I have said that? He came back and sat across from me looking out the window as tears were rolling down his cheek.
"Dimitri I – he cut me off
"Save it Rose, I am just so tired. You are going to say sorry and I will say it was not your fault, don't apologize and then you would do same thing again and I would say the same thing. I am tired of all this bullshit. Everyone have a breaking point and mines here, I break. I can't deal with this shit anymore. You will be home back to your sons in couple of hours." He said still looking out of the window. He said your sons as if they are only my sons and not his.
"Well you made that clear didn't you? That they are your sons and I don't give fucking damn about them because I am not a good father, so let it be your way." He spat and got up and left to sit somewhere else.
It hurt. Hurt a lot. I have screwed up a lot and ruined everything with Dimitri. Yes you have. He said in my head. More tears came out. He is right I am a bitch. I didn't even think about his feelings at all. I didn't think about how much it would hurt him. He was only doing this to make me feel better and just I screwed up everything.
Dimitri? I said in my head. He didn't say anything. Dimitri? I said it again. What do you want now? Maybe want to tell me that I am not a good son, brother, friend or other stuff. He said back. Please I am so sorry. I don't want to go back. I want to go on our honeymoon. I said.
You do have some nerves, don't you? You want to go now but I don't want to and I don't think you should go on a honeymoon with someone like me because it will lower your standards. So do yourself a favour and me, just block the bond, it will make your life fucking easier and never unblock it. He said.
I just sat there and cried. I didn't block the bond because I just couldn't. My emotions were all over the place so it made it hard for me to block it. Dimitri had me blocked; I can't blame him for that. I can't believe what I have done. We just got married and Dimitri was so happy and I just made him cry.
I cried and the nausea rolled over me again. I got up and ran to the toilet and threw up again. I was tired of this. This time Dimitri was not here with me, holding my hair and soothing me. I was in the toilet for an hour and then I just sat there and cried. How have I fucked this up so badly?
He would never be the same with me and would never trust me again. I don't know if he would even stay with me? What will I do? I curled in to a ball on the floor and cried till sleep took me.
DPOV
I can't believe it. How could Rose say all those words? And since the bond was open I knew she meant everything. She was not saying all this because she was sad or sick, she meant each and every fucking word.
She knows what she means to me and what the boys mean to me. But she thinks I don't give a shit but I fucking do. It hurts me especially all the feelings about Nikolia but I have to put them aside for her sake. I make myself believe that nothing will happen to Nikolia but I know something is going to happen and I won't be able to do anything.
I have assigned the best guardians for him. I assigned Mason and four more only for Nikolia. They that I don't give shit that I don't love my boys?
She just does this all the time, hurts my feelings and then apologizes but I am tired and I can't take this shit anymore. Maybe I should have never showed her my feelings and probably should have let her go on with Adrian. Her fucking life would have been better and things would have not been like this.
It would have been better to see her with someone else than hearing from her that I am not a good person. Not a good father or a lover. I would have been better just fucking girls and forgetting about them. All this love stuff is just so fucked up. I never believed in it, but I started to. But now I wish I never did. And I don't.
She is in the toilet throwing up again and it hurts me to not go and help her but I don't want to hear anything that will just break me down and I know she will say something that would make me regret it for life.
What, does she think I was dying to go on our honeymoon leaving the boys alone? I wasn't. I wanted to stay there more than anything because of the feelings but I was being strong for her and wanted to make her happy, but no, I am the bad guy who doesn't give a shit. Yeah well I should have never.
She had been thinking about this for a long time that I don't give a shit, she should have never said, I do and married me. I just can't believe her. Everyone knows that I never gave shit to a girl before they were just a quick fuck to get away from the darkness, but for the first time I did and now I think I should have never.
What is worth it? I got two sons, but maybe soon she will take them away. I would have hurt her but for her own good by not telling her about the bond and believe me it would have been a better decision because her life would have been better. She wouldn't been a mother at the age of seventeen.
I never regretted that she got pregnant but she makes me regret it. She's making me feel like shit right now. Has she ever thought about how I felt? No she never has and I always think about what she would feel. I was taking her to Maldives Islands where she has wanted to go for so long. So who cares if I just wanted to surprise her? I didn't commit a crime. Well yes I did, in her eyes anyway.
If all those words had come out of someone else's mouth it wouldn't have mattered but coming out of her mouth and her meaning everything just hurt me so much. It was like a slap on my face that all I have done is for nothing and whatever I would do; would be for nothing. I was trying to change and I did, only for her but it feels like I was better before than what I have become. At least no one ever said that I was a bad person.
She was still in the toilet. I told her to block the bond but she didn't and I'm glad she didn't because I didn't wanted her to block me and not know what's going on with her. I went in to her head but there was only darkness, she was sleeping on the toilet room.
I got up and went to the toilet. I opened the door and my heart just broke seeing her curled up on the floor and cheeks stained with tears with more coming out of her eyes. I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be ok and that I love her.
I love her and loved her a lot more than my own life, as much if not more than Nikolia and Ivan but she doesn't believe that. I picked her up and sat her down on her chair and got out a blanket for her and tucked her under it. I kissed her on the forehead and went to sit away from her.
I just couldn't hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be ok and that I am not angry with her because that would be a lie, like always I lie to her and tell her that it was not her fault. Everything is not going to be okay now, I can feel it, and I know nothing is ever going to be the same.
The feeling about Nikolia is so strong right now and I can tell when we reach home he isn't going to be there because he has already been taken. I can tell he is not near Ivan or with the gang. He has been taken far away, somewhere really far and I don't know if we will ever see him again.
I can feel that he is fine, that he isn't hurt, just taken away. Maybe Rose is right; maybe I'm not a good father. We should have just stayed there and I shouldn't have cared about Rose. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I felt more shitter then before. I wanted to scream and yell and haunt the person that has taken Nikolia; but I can't.
I'm just not a good person. Rose is right; I was just being mean to her. I got my wallet from the pocket of my pant and took the picture of Rose, Nikolia, and Ivan out. I was the one that took that picture of them. Rose, in the middle, Nikolia on her right side and Ivan on her left side. All three of them were sleeping when I took it. I stared at the picture and just cursed myself for making this entire thing happen.
If I had stuck to my plan Rose wouldn't have gone through all this and Nikolia and Ivan would have never been in the world. I know I am so sick for wanting this but its all my fault, Nikolia is gone.
Never coming back to us. Rose would have never gone through all this pain. Everything was my fault, because of me. I was happy that I didn't stick to my plan because I have Nikolia and Ivan and Rose. But it's not going to stay like that.
The moment Rose finds out that Nikolia is gone she will take Ivan from me, and our unborn child. Yes our unborn child. She's pregnant. I can see it in her aura and the way she is glowing and all this sickness. She doesn't know it yet but soon she will and soon she will hate me for all the bad stuff that has happened. So she should.
I always forget to use a condom with her; I don't do it on purpose it's just when I see her naked all I think is about her and nothing else. She already hates me but I can't stop loving her and I feel so bad for yelling at her and then I called her a bitch and a brat. I am not a good person and I was right I'm not good for her.
I can't love anyone and I just don't fucking have feelings for anyone. I can only hurt everyone not love anyone. I was mad at Roza for what she said, but that was all true, she was and is right about me. I am not a good father if I was I would have stayed there. I am not a good husband because I just yelled at my wife on the day we got married.
Tears were streaming down and all I wanted to do was lock myself in a room and never come out. I wanted to be someone better but all I have done is cause pain to Roza - no she is Rose. I don't deserve her and I don't deserve to call her that.
The jet landed back at the airport. I wiped my tears away and saw Rose was already up. I put my wallet back before kissing the picture. I got up and went to take our bags. By the look Rose was giving me I know she knows that we won't find Nikolia at home. I couldn't look her in the eye and I held my head low.
"Dimitri?" She whispered but I couldn't say anything. Just grabbed our bags and walked out. Rose was walking behind me yelling my name but I just couldn't talk to her. I don't have anything to say. I would just give up and breakdown if she said something and make me realize how horrible of a person I am.
I just walked and sat in my car that was parked here. I got in the driver's seat and Rose sat beside me in the shotgun. She was looking at me but I just kept looking ahead, not wanting to meet her gaze. She had the bond blocked and I hated it. I don't know what was going on in her head.
I started the car and started to drive. Tears were rolling down my cheek and I didn't even want to step in the house and see Nikolia missing and see the gang harmed. I know Ivan is ok because I am not having any weird feelings. What if that doesn't happen with Ivan? What if we can only sense Nikolia and we can't sense Ivan?
I started to panic and drove faster. It took us ten minutes to arrive at the court and the scene was not good at all. The front looked like a big mess, there were guardians cleaning the place up. Bodies of strigoi lay on the ground and blood was everywhere. The guards saw Rose and me and opened the gates for us to go in.
"Dimitri no," Rose was shaking her head. I looked up at her and she had tears in her eyes. I wiped them off and she brought her tiny hand and wiped my tears too. I drove to our mansion and it looked horrible, windows were broken, the front had strigoi bodies, the front door was broken. I got out of the car and so did Roza.
I made my way in and it was horrible, things were shattered around, the living room was burned down. The gang was not here. We made our way in the house and heard sounds coming from our room. The door was cracked open and I opened the door hesitantly not wanting to know what happened?
Everyone was here; all our families and all of them looked up at us with a look of horror and confusion on what were we doing here because they didn't call us. All the girls were crying including mom, Grams, and my aunties. We both knew what was coming. Jesse was lying on the bed unconscious and Mason was hurt, really bad and Adrian was trying to heal him. Eddie also looked really bad.
The room looked horrible too, things were shattered around, the mirror was broken, and things were smashed around. I felt my knees go weak for the first time in my life because I was not ready for this. I had hope that maybe our feelings were wrong and we could come home and we would find Nikolia and Ivan safe here.
I looked around to see where the boys were and my eyes landed on Sydney who was at back of room holding one of the boys and I knew it was Ivan not Nikolia. I walked to her and took Ivan from her and looked back at Roza who had a pure look of horror on her face. Tears were coming out of both of our eyes and I knew if she held Ivan she would feel a little better. Who was I kidding, she would never feel better or nor would I.
I went and gave her Ivan and she held him to her chest with a tight grip.
"Rose I am so sorry." I said to her. She looked up at me and I thought she would slap me but I was shocked when she buried her face in my chest and cried. I held her but not too tight because Ivan was still in her arms.
"Christian attacked the court with a lot of strigoi. He knew everything so it was easier for him to break in. Pavel and the girls were with the boys but he brought ten strigoi in the room who killed Pavel but didn't harm the girls and by the time we came in he already had Nikolia in his hands and ran out too fast to catch him. We're really sorry; he knew everything, about the guards and how to get in the house." Eddie said; his voice weak.
"He said that he would come back and kill my baby. He thinks that it's your baby Dimitri. He said that he would come back for revenge and make your life hell. I tried to tell him that it wasn't yours but he would not believe me." Lissa said and broke down and cried.
What the hell? Oh god! How I wish that I could bring Stepan back to life and kill him all over again just because he fucked up with our lives. Roza was crying, crying a lot and tears were coming out of my eyes too. Nikolia was really gone and we're never going to see him again.
I just hope Christian doesn't do anything to our baby boy. I don't know but the feeling is not that bad anymore. It's like he is in good hands and no harm will come to him. Rose looked up into my eyes because she too felt the change of the feeling all of a sudden.
"Did you feel that?" She asked with a shaky voice.
"Yes I did." I said to her.
"So he is alive, and nothing bad will happen right." She asked me. I didn't know what to say to her. The feeling was nice as if he was with someone safe who would look after him.
"I don't know Rose, I don't know. The feeling is so strong but I feel that he is in good hands right now." I said to her and she nodded. Ivan started to cry again and she kissed him all over his face to try and stop him from crying. He went to sleep right after.
"Will we ever see him again?" Roza asked, looking at me.
"Rose as much I want to tell you yes and make myself believe that we will, I have made a mistake for ignoring all this and I won't make another one by telling you that we will see him again. All you have left of him is this connection or this bond that we have with him." I said and tears just wouldn't stop. I had to be strong for her but I just can't.
"Why are you calling me Rose? Why not Roza?" she asked.
"Because I don't deserve to call you that anymore." I said and walked out of the room and I opened the bond to let her know how sorry I am about all the pain that I have caused her.
I walked down the hall and went in the bar, which looked untouched by the attack. I needed to drink because all of this was way too much. The darkness was building up in me and I didn't want Rose to pull it out of me because she is pregnant and I always hate when she pulls darkness away from me.
I got the Russian vodka and started to drink. I was so horrible. I couldn't even protect my own son. If we were here Christian might have not taken Nikolia. But I still don't have a bad feeling about this. It's a good feeling and it's so strong that it feels Nikolia is safer then he would have been here. I don't know why but somewhere down deep I am happy that Christian took him.
Christian would never harm Nikolia. But he is a strigoi and I shouldn't trust him. But the feeling is just way to damn strong and its making me feel happy almost, that Nikolia is safe and in much stronger hands. I just wish one day Christian would return him or let us meet him at least. I am going to look for Christian. If he wants me he can have me and return Nikolia back to Rose. I would do anything to have him back. I am going to hunt Christian down and give myself to him. This will work. I'll get him back.
AN: I was only going to have Nikolia taken as a surprise but since it took longer to update I made Rose pregnant. Yes they will have another baby :)
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