Chapter Three
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, the character, or anything else… blah, blah, blah.
It was very early when I woke up; my sub-conscious wouldn't let me rest. Today was the day I sent Edward away. I wondered, would he leave? As much as it would hurt me, I had to be convincing enough for Edward. No, I couldn't lie well at all; I would never be convincing, which only left me one option. I had to hit every one of Edward's fears, so he would be so distracted by what I was saying, he wouldn't notice my lies.
It made me sick, I only had a few hours with him, and I knew the second he was gone, the hole would be back. I shuddered. I couldn't live with that hole forever. Eventually, I would find a way to see the Cullens again; but for now, it had to be done.
"What are you thinking about?" Edward's voice whispered in my ear. I didn't know how he knew I was awake, and I didn't care. I opened my eyes, leaned forward and kissed him passionately, for the last time. Before he could protest, I pulled away. I was crying again.
"Bella..." he really sounded worried. Here came the questioning.
"What is it?" He continued. I shook my head. Not yet. I had a few more hours.
"Not now, please. Ask me later." I looked at him; he looked upset, but obliged. I took a deep breath, "What are we doing today?" I asked him. It took him a long time to answer.
"Let's just drive."
"Let me guess, your driving?"
"Naturally." He smiled. "I'll get the car and meet you out front." And he was gone. I got ready and headed outside; I was too sick with myself to feel hungry.
He was waiting in the drive way for me. I got in the passenger side, and pulled my seatbelt on.
"What do you want to listen to?" he asked.
"Silence." I answered, closing my eyes. We drove quietly for a long time before we started talking. We talked about nothing, and everything. I memorized every word he told me. He knew there was something wrong with me. I could tell by the way he spoke. Finally, around 4:30, I couldn't delay anymore. Jake's pack wouldn't be too patient.
"E—Edward? We need to talk about something." My voice shook. He looked at me, guarded. "What?" he asked. I was quiet, he waited. I took a deep breath and began.
"Well, Edward, I'm scared."
"Of what?" he could sense something horrible was coming.
"You. You're a vampire. I never realized it before, but so many things about you could kill me." I looked at him; he looked like I hit him.
"Bella, I would never—"
"It's not just that." I cut him off, "There are other things. You don't interest me anymore, Edward. I guess you were just a phase. And now that the initial attraction is gone, I've been scared out of my wits. When I think about it, you put me in so much danger..." I was crying now, and my voice was still shaking. Nice effects, he thought they were out of fear. "I'm even scared now; afraid this might take away your reason to keep me alive. That's what's been wrong Edward. I've been trying to make myself brave enough to tell you this. I've been terrified you would kill me if I rejected you. All this time, I've been saying there is nothing about me that could hold you, and now I find, there is nothing about you that could hold me." I absolutely hated myself as I continued, "In fact, there are many things about you that push me away. We don't belong together. And I know in time, you'll see I'm right."
"Bella, please…" I looked at him, I had never seen him so hurt, he gave me a pleading look, and I quickly turned away. I shook my head and broke into sobs.
"Edward please! This fear is driving me crazy! And after all that's happened, and all I know, I can't go back to living the way I did, with you here! Please! It's tearing me up inside! I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you to leave. Please, leave Forks so me and the people I care about can live safely." A long silence.
"Is that really what you want?" he asked quietly. He wasn't looking at me; he was staring, his eyes unfocused, out the window.
NO! I screamed in my head. No! No! No!
"Yes," I heard myself say.
"What about you? You get into life threatening accidents every other week. What will you do?" His voice betrayed his horrible pain.
"With you gone, I'm sure that won't be a problem." I wanted to hit myself.
"I can't leave you. You'll die from some sort of accident. And I'll die from being away from you."
"No, I won't die. And neither will you, once you're free of me, you'll see how much happier you are, and how much happier I am, and you'll know I'm right." How could I say that? "And if you even think about going to Italy, I'll kill myself. I may not want to be near you, but don't want you dead. Besides how could I live with myself knowing I caused your death?"
He nodded.
"I'll take you home, it's about twenty minutes away… well forty," he said, letting the speed drop. "And, my family and I will be gone in the morning." So soon? I thought.
It was quiet for about twelve minutes, until he said "You're wrong. I'll never be happy away from you. I'm only leaving so you'll be happy."
"Thank-you." was all I could say.
"And please, if you ever change your mind, call me." He added. I was quiet. I would some day.
When we finally arrived at Charlie's house He looked deep into my eyes; I could see his pain, sadness, and concern.
"Are you sure?" This was my last chance to tell him every thing, before he left. I shook my head to say 'No, I'm not sure', then realized what I was doing and said
"Yes, I'm sure." I got out of the car and said my final words to him "Good bye Edward." And closed to door.
He looked like he would be crying if that were possible. I saw his lips move 'I love you' he mouthed. I turned and walked inside before I could say 'I love you too'.
Charlie was still out when I walked through the door. Gratefully, I climbed the stairs to my room, where I was greeted by Edward's Kindergarten painting. My sobs started up again, and I clutched my chest as the hole returned. This time, it was mixed with another pain, one that could only be identified as…guilt.
Done w/ chapter three. Review please!
