"Hey! Four! Wait up!" I hear a voice call from behind me. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose quickly before stopping and turning around. A head bobs around the corner of the tunnel and out comes Shauna. I give her a small smile and she grins in response. She runs to catch up with me and stops at my side, catching her breath. "Planning on ditching again?" she asks with a smile.
I shake my head and give a tiny laugh. "Nah, just walking back to my room," I lie.
She raises an eyebrow skeptically. "This early?" All I do is shrug. Shauna gives an exaggerated sigh. "Come on, we're going to go shooting in the training room."
I can't say no to Shauna, because all she'll do is bother me for the rest of the night. "Fine," I say after a slight pause, and Shauna claps me on the back.
"Thatta boy. Let's go!" She turns around, grasping my wrist and pulling me along. There's nothing else for me to do but follow her and enjoy myself.
We make our way down the tunnel, side by side. My heartbeat speeds up as I notice how close the walls are. I imagine the top of the tunnel giving way to the land above it and becoming trapped in here forever. It's enough to make me pick up my pace and pass Shauna up.
"Where's the fire?" she jokes from behind me, matching her pace with mine now.
A nervous laugh escapes my lips before I can silence it. "I just want to get back to the group," I say lamely.
"What, am I scary on my own or something?"
I can't tell Shauna why I'm walking so fast. It would only give her reason to either make fun of me more or to feel sorry for me, something I couldn't stand. "Nope," I try to slow my heart rate and relax, like I do in my fear simulations. I focus on my breathing and my footsteps. I slow down until I reach our beginning pace. It's obvious that something's freaking me out, but Shauna doesn't mention it. She only shoots me a curious glance before changing the subject.
"So how are the initiates?" she asks as we swing around another corner.
"I can't really tell, we haven't started anything yet," I shrug.
"Well what about your intuition? You know, like picking out the top ten by sight?" Shauna shows her teeth in a smile and the light hanging from the walls dances off of the shiny surfaces.
"There are two girls that look a little smaller than the rest of the transfers. One's an Erudite and one's a Stiff. It seems impossible that they could lift a knife, let alone a gun," I think aloud. But then I remember Tris being the first jumper, and I know I should revise it. "Then again, I can't judge them before I see them perform."
"The Stiff? Wasn't she the first jumper?" Shauna asks. I nod, and she blows air out in a low whistle. "Pretty impressive."
"Tell me about it." I can see the doors that lead to the training room grow in the distance.
"Hey, Four?" Shauna asks from beside me, stopping in her tracks. I turn my head in her direction in surprise. "This is coming just from me, and no one else," she pauses and looks up at me as if she's almost scared of me.
"What?" she's caught my attention now and I grow more irritated with each second she stalls. She lets out a breath.
"Can you give Lauren a chance?"
The tunnel is silent as I stare at her, wondering what in the world brought this up. I must look confused because she rushes on, her hands flying in animation. "It's just, you two are really good friends, and you know she likes you. I've seen the way you are with her. It's so much different from how you are with me or anyone else."
My eyes shift to Shauna's to see if there's some type of ulterior motive lie beneath them. But all I can see is pure concern. I study her for a moment longer, trying to calculate my response to her question. It's not like I don't like Lauren. I do, to a point. I just don't know what that point is.
"Shauna…" I begin, but her heaving sigh stops me.
"Look, Four, I just want you to be happy, okay? And you are your happiest with her. It's just an observation." With that, Shauna closes the remaining distance to the door and I have no choice but to follow behind her, my mind whirring. She shoves the door open and holds it open until I step into the frame, where she drops it and walks away.
I'm about to call out to her when I hear the familiar sound of a gun ringing out. I glance to the center of the floor to see Zeke standing, blindfolded, in a ring drawn on the ground with some sort of marker. Lauren stands not far away from him, marker in hand, a grin lighting her face.
"Did I make it?" Zeke calls out tentatively. He lifts the blindfold off of one eye and peeks at the target that hangs fifty feet away from him. I check the board quickly and I can't help grinning myself.
There is a hole in the dead center of the target.
The sound of high fives rings through the air and I walk over to where Zeke is standing.
"Went dead center!" Lauren calls after walking over to the target. She pushes the board this way and that to examine it and gives a little nod when she solidifies her response.
Zeke throws his arms in the air and gives a cheer that's surprisingly loud coming from such a small person. "That's seven in a row, a new record!" I glance over at Lauren and she gives me a small nod and a knowing smile. He's not lying, I know it.
That's the thing about our friendship. Lauren and I, we're different. We were both transfers and we bonded instantly when we were in our initiation. We were a ruthless duo, and we still are. Memories of sneaking out of the Pit to do stupid things with the other transfers flood my mind. Lauren and I would stick together in the back of the pack. I would observe what everyone would do and Lauren would execute it. It's how we function. But I didn't mean for it to develop into what Shauna was saying. We were friends.
Something sharp pokes my side, and I spin around instinctively. Lauren smiles up at me and brushes her black hair out of her eyes. "You wanna go?"
"What?" For a second, I think that she's hinting that we go away somewhere together, and my heart freezes. I stammer for words, but then realize that she's pointing to the area behind me. Heat rushes to my face and I try to angle away from her slightly so he can't tell. If she does, she doesn't say anything.
"Sure, why not," I comply, heading over to the center of the room where Zeke was previously standing. "But get me a knife instead," I call behind me to the three.
I pick up the blindfold from the ground. Zeke had thrown it down in the midst of his celebration. I try to stretch it over my head, but Zeke is too small and the band won't break the crown of my head. I sigh as I bend my head and deftly slide my fingers through the knot and begin to retie it.
"Hey," a soft voice says from my left shoulder. I shift my eyes slightly in response to Lauren, letting her know I'm listening. "Keep your knees bent, yeah? You stiffen up too much and it's throwing off your center."
I finish the knot and swiftly slide the blindfold over my head. "Yeah, because you're quite the knife thrower yourself," I joke to Lauren, turning my head blindly in her direction. I laugh slightly as I remember one of the first initiation lessons we received. Lauren couldn't throw a knife to save her life, and it took me a whole training period to finally get her to hit the target.
"Shut up," she mumbles. "I was just trying to help." Her slim fingers wrap around the pointed bone in my wrist and my hand clenches automatically. I grit my teeth and uncurl my fingers, Shauna's words flashing behind my eyes. I have to give her a chance.
The plastic handle of the knife is pushed into my hand and I clasp it for dear life. I slide my fingers up and down the handle and feel the length of the blade with my other hand. I can hear Lauren retreating behind me and I'm finally able to focus.
The knife blade can't be longer than five or six inches, a standard size that I'm used to throwing with. I grip the knife loosely in my right hand and shift my weight to my usual stance. I take a deep breath and pull my arm back, keeping my wrist loose. I'm about to throw the knife when I hear Lauren cough. I roll my eyes and bend my knees slightly. She stops coughing and I try to focus on where I think the target is.
I remember it being around fifty yards away from the center of the circle. I have to give the blade an arc so it can get as close to the center as possible, but I have to throw hard too. I try to keep all of this in mind as I bring my arm behind my body and throw the knife. The second I let go of the knife, I grin. I made it, I had to.
Sure enough, a muffled thump sounds out as the knife hits the board. I yank the blindfold off of my eyes as check the target. Sitting in it, dead center, is my knife.
"Damn," I hear Zeke mutter, awe leaking into his tone. I turn around and give him a small smile. He grins back at me. My eyes roam to Lauren, who's smiling as if she knew I'd hit it in the center all along, and to Shauna, who's staring at me, her mouth slightly open.
I walk over to the target and wrench the knife out. Still, no one has said anything, so I quickly cover the distance back to them and stand in front of Zeke. I raise my eyebrows and hold out the knife and blindfold. He takes them from me and laughs.
"And that's why you were number one," he shakes his head.
"Seriously, why didn't you take leader-in-training? You could've done so much better than Eric," Shauna says in disgust. She makes a face, like even Eric's name was something she would never want to say.
I sigh and glance over at the door, taking a few baby steps towards it. I can feel their eyes on me, so I can't leave. Shauna's question was rhetorical, but I know that they are all desperate to know why I turned it down.
"Sorry to disappoint," is all I say, my shoulders shrugging. Lauren can sense my discomfort and is quick to interrupt the pause that follows.
"Well with a throw like that, the new initiates will be trained to perfection, yeah?" she grins, and then sighs melodramatically. "I wish my initiates were trainable. They think they know everything because they were Dauntless born. But I know a few that will be extremely lucky if they don't make it back in."
"Transfers are naturally more awesome," Shauna adds, flipping her hair. She shoots a taunting smile at Zeke who makes a face at her. She laughs, and he grows more agitated. It's weird, looking at the two of them, both the same body frame. But even though Zeke is small, he's lethal in any fight, quicker than anyone I've ever seen.
"Dauntless-born always have the advantage, and we shouldn't even have to go through the initiation stage," Zeke says, causing Shauna to make an outraged noise.
"How dare you say that!" she shrieks. She begins to harp on Zeke, who stares at her, unblinking, and throws in heated retorts of his own.
My eyes slide to Lauren's and she gives me a small smile. I respond with a tiny nod, thanking her for saving me. I look back at the other two, who are now in a full fledged fight. If I want to escape, now is the time. With one last look over my shoulder at Lauren, who is watching Shauna and Zeke intensely, ready to break them up at any second, I slowly walk towards the door, trying to blend into the background. I almost succeed and reach the doors without an interruption. However, as soon as my fingers reach the handle, my name is being called out behind me.
"Wait," Lauren says. I turn and move back slightly. She stands so close to me, our bodies are almost touching. "I just... I just wanted to ask you something." I raise my eyebrows at her. Lauren's never at a loss of words, especially not around me. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow night? Just, you know, us two?"
I stare into her dark brown eyes, trying to understand what she was trying to do. At first, all I can read is the hard determination that blazed inside of them. But then I catch a flash of something as I stand there, staring at her. Is it fear? Insecurity? Either way, it is something I have never seen in her before. And that's when I know that Shauna is right. Lauren really does want to be with me.
My eyes flit up to the spot where Shauna stands, staring intently at me. When she notices me, she waves me on, as if telling me to respond. Right. I clear my throat and look back at Lauren, who has taking a step back. I smile at her and try to relax.
"That sounds great," I respond, finally. Lauren's face lights up for a fraction of a second before she regains control and sets it back into its normal, stony appearance.
"Cool," she nods, before stepping away from me and turning her back on me. Before I turn back to the door, I can see her giving Shauna a thumbs up. I give a low chuckle and roll my eyes before turning my back on everyone and exiting the training room.
I'm suddenly aware of how wrong this is. I can't go out with Lauren. Not now, not ever. The closer I get to people, the more I'm putting them at risk. If I expose myself in any way, that's it. We're all done for.
I groan and run my hand through my hair. I stop walking and slam my head against the tunnel wall. I've grown so sick of this, the entire charade I've had to pull for two years now. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter who I talk to, I am bound to be figured out soon. I will be executed on the spot, along with anyone who tries to help me.
I am Divergent. I am trapped.
