UPDATE: Fic Bitch here. It seems I can't leave her alone for two minutes. Not only were there grammatical errors (makes my blood Boil!) but she also managed to post a previous draft of Chapter 3. So, apologies, but you might wanna read this again as there's a few extra juicy tid-bits that weren't here last week. Rest assured, I'll be supervising more closely in future :)

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and these characters. I just manipulate them for my own – and hopefully your – enjoyment.

A little shout out to the Ladies of the Twitarded Castle who regularly make me laugh out loud with their foul mouths and hilarious antics. I have 'borrowed' a phrase from them in this chapter. Hope you don't mind girls! I'm screwed if you do cause it comes back into play a little later...

Thanks to everyone who had read the first two chapters. Big kisses MWAH MWAH to those who added me to their alerts, favourites lists and left me reviews. Reviews are like a drug to me... So hook a sister up.

Big love to my Fic-Bitch, I-heart-Fifty, without whom there would be no speech marks in this story and too many exclamation points. Loves you long time. You can also follow her on Twitter(I_heart_Fifty), please do cause she pimps my story big time and she is fucking hilarious! I don't twitter cause I'm a bit computer illiterate, also posting this chapter all by myself cause Fic-Bitch had a laptop meltdown! [she grovels well, but she needs me, really.]

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BELLA

Once we had all calmed down a bit, finished jumping on the bed, and decided on who was going to sleep where, we all joyfully went to our own bathrooms to shower and get ready.

"We should totally get two more bathrooms at home" Alice screeched from her en suite. I winced slightly as her high voice echoed off the walls of the bathroom.

"This is great, I can do my makeup in peace without you two yelling at me to hurry up" Rose yelled back.

I was just thankful that I wasn't going to have to wade through their piles of stuff to find my meagre beauty products. They both had tubes, bottles and tubs full of beauty paraphernalia at home and our communal bathroom was overflowing with it. It was then I remembered that I had let Alice pack my stuff. I groaned a little at the thought of what she might have put in. With my towel wrapped tightly around me, I unzipped my case, flipped open the top and prepared myself to be surprised. What greeted me was very surprising indeed.

"Alice!" I screeched, "What the hell did you pack in my suitcase?" she and Rose came running at the sound of panic and urgency in my voice.

"Just a few sexy things for you to wear, I had to dig right to the back of your stuff to find them but I remembered what Rose and I made you buy after you broke up with James". She trilled, excitedly. "We also may have been buying you a few necessary things over the last couple of weeks to supplement your meagre wardrobe…" she trailed off.

"Well, Alice, unless you think boxer briefs, t-shirts and a shaving kit are sexy and necessary, I'm pretty sure I have the wrong suitcase. Look for yourselves!" I gestured to the suitcase that had obviously masculine clothes and toiletries spilling out of it.

We all stood there for a minute before Rose took charge. "Bells, did you pick up the right case at the airport?" "Yes Rose" I said meekly. "I checked the label and it definitely had my name on it."

"Well, then" she said all business-like. "The switch must have happened while we had our bags stored at the front desk. "How many small shabby black suitcases can they have had on hold here today? Let's just ring and ask shall we?" she said, picking up the phone.

"Hello, this is Rosalie Hale in Suite 302. We seem to have had a small mix up..."

As Rose explained the situation to the front desk, Alice and I did a bit of snooping. I gingerly picked through the neat clean piles of clothes, trying not to disturb things too much. I noted that the clothes were good quality and seemed to belong to either a young guy or an old guy trying to be young. Alice had no such qualms as she rifled though looking at all the clothes and unzipping the bag full of toiletries. After a few minutes of silent perusing she spoke.

"Well, Bella, your mystery man is tall, bronze haired, and needs glasses for reading. Plus, he has the same taste in books as you – oh, and smells like a dream" she said matter of factly. She paused, looking at me with a mischievous look in her eye "also, he is looking to have sex with at least 24 women - or one woman 24 times, or a few women a couple of times..." she drifted off.

"How do you know all of that from a suitcase?" I asked her in disbelief, had we been looking in the same case? Cos after all that time the only thing I knew was that this guy was neat, clean and liked the colours blue and green. "Easy!" she explained. "His jeans are longer than average in the leg, there is bronze hair in his brush, and his glasses are here next to a copy of that spy thriller you have been reading. Plus he has a bumper box of 24 condoms, she held them up as evidence. Oh, and his aftershave smells yummy" she added as an afterthought holding the bottle out to me to sniff.

I stared at her, my mouth slightly open. This girl was good. I had noticed the tasty smell coming from the case and after leaning in closer to sniff the offered bottle I realised that once again Alice was right. This guy did smell yummy, very yummy.

"Thank you so much" Rose murmured and hung up the phone. She turned to us, "They had multiple bags on hold behind the front desk today, all of which have now been checked in. The very unhelpful afternoon desk bimbo won't call the other rooms to check, but seems to think that the other party will come forward as soon as they realise the mistake".

"I hope they are right" I whined, "I can't go around all holiday wearing your clothes and I can't afford to buy others". I glanced at my two friends, Rose a head taller and Alice a head smaller and sighed dramatically. We all laughed. "You could always wear that stuff", Alice motioned to the open suitcase with a nod of her head, "maybe wear a shirt as a dress with the waist clinched in with one of the belts?" We all laughed again as even Rose would be struggling to fit those clothes.

"Look on the bright side, Bells" Alice said, "at least you have one set of underwear and some sandals, Worst case scenario, if you don't get your case back, you can rinse them out each night." I shuddered at the thought of not getting my stuff back. She continued, "also, with my wicked seamstress skills I can alter a few of our clothes and those guy clothes to make a fairly serviceable wardrobe." "Thanks babe, you're the best" I said giving her a tight hug.

Twenty minutes later, after multiple outfit rejections I was finally dressed. After much arguing I had settled for a top of Rose's that was very low cut as I didn't have enough boobs to fill it, and a skirt of Alice's that was very short considering I was a fair bit taller than her. I was looking in the mirror trying to tug a few more inches out of the skirt as the phone rang. Rose answered it, had a brief conversation then hung up.

"Grab the Bronze God's suitcase Bells, we're heading to reception. They think they have found your case and we're off to do a swap." Rose stated.

"What did you call him?" I asked, laughing. "The Bronze God" Alice interjected. "His hair is bronze and he smells heavenly, the Bronze God. Let's hope his face and personality matches - you could do with a holiday shag" she laughed.

We arrived down in the lobby to be told by the desk bimbo that my bag had yet to arrive. "Would you like to leave the case here? Make yourselves comfortable out at the bar and I'll bring your case over when it arrives." She asked us in all her bleached-hair, big-boobed glory.

"No, thank you" Alice answered sweetly. "We would like to exchange the cases in person to avoid further mix ups". I started to object before Rosalie gave me a swift kick to the shins. I wasn't really sure what it was for, but judging by the death stare that accompanied the kick I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"We'll be at the bar" Alice replied in the same saccharine sweet voice, as she spun on her heel and skipped out the doors to the patio bar.

"Well, at least we can knock another few cocktails off our list while we wait!" Rose laughed.

"Why did you do that?" I hissed as we walked towards the same table we had sat at earlier. They gave each other a look and rolled their eyes.

"So we could see the Bronze God in the flesh, of course!" Alice trilled.

"Oh…" I replied dumbly as we took our seats. Sometimes I was definitely not the brightest crayon in the box. I relaxed back into the comfortable chair and took in the surroundings again. Not much had changed since we had been here a few hours earlier. Some large torches were lit around the perimeter of the bar to keep away the insects and create some ambience, throwing interesting shadows on the large flagstones that covered the patio. I shook my head, I think I was still a little tipsy from the earlier cocktails.

"Christ on a cracker, that boy is hot!" Alice whispered as our water strutted saucily towards us. "So, where are we up to, ladies? Did you finish off with the daiquiri or the cosmo?" He enquired with a smile.

"How did you know?" I stammered, shocked for two reasons, one that he knew what we were drinking and secondly the absolute perfection of this waiter's face and body. "We make it our business to know what the three hottest ladies at the hotel are up to at all times" he replied with a wink.

"We finished with the banana daiquiri last time so cosmopolitans all round, I think" said Rose after glancing at the bar menu. The waiter strutted away to get our drinks.

"Buddha on a biscuit" she breathed, looking at his ass.

"Good one" I said, giving her a fist bump and she giggled. In our first year of college one of the girls on our floor had this abundance of sayings that were so strange and hilarious we couldn't help but adopt them. Over the years we had added to them and would always try and bring them out whenever possible.

"Isn't it strange how less than two hours ago we were a little drunk, but after the suitcase situation", she raised her fingers to do quotation marks in the air, "I feel completely sober" Alice chirped. I wished that I could say the same, my head was spinning slightly, but I had always been a lightweight.

"I guess that realising a stranger…" I started, "Bronze God" Alice and Rose interrupted simultaneously - I glowered at them before continuing - "…has your Alice-packed luggage filled with God knows what tends to sober you up a little!" I said tersely. I could only imagine what Alice had packed into that suitcase, and to be honest I was a little scared.

"Trust me, Bella you won't be disappointed when you finally get to open that case" she giggled. "I think if the Bronze God got to take a good look inside he will at least ask you to join him for a drink."

"Mary Alice Brandon!" I shrieked. "What did you put in there?" My mind reeled, thinking through what was in the closet and drawers and what she could have possible put in there. Most of my clothes were pretty generic, apart from the things Renee would send me each Christmas and birthday and even some of those Alice didn't even like. Renee had pretty eclectic taste.

She shot Rosalie a knowing look, like the two of them had been in on this from the beginning. I could feel the panic rising up in my chest.

"Well, it was almost all stuff I found in your closet, plus a few extra things Rose and I got for you last week as a holiday surprise".

"Like what?" I asked tetchily, trying to keep my voice low and under control.

"All the nice clothes that we know you only buy when you shop with us because it gets us off your back" she blurted out.

"And what else?" I asked, through clenched teeth.

"All the nice lingerie that I know Renee sends you, and you keep at the back of your drawer with the tags on still." She had me there, Renee did have good taste in underwear, it's just that most of it was not really my style. The bras were all push-up style and made me feel like I had whorehouse cleavage; you know, your boobs pushed right up to under your chin? I turned to glare back at
Alice.

"Anything else?" I threatened, cheeks blazing.

"Just the vibrator, lubricant and condoms that you got at Bree's bachelorette sex toy party" she trailed off, barely above a whisper . I could tell from the look on her face that she realised now that I was really angry, and upset. My hands were starting to shake and I blinked a few times to keep the tears that were welling in my eyes from spilling down my cheeks. I took three deep breaths to try and calm myself, I opened my mouth to speak.

We were interrupted by the waiter placing three pink filled martini glasses on the table and a voice like velvet saying "I think you have something that belongs to me".

We all turned and looked at who I can only assume was the guy we had nicknamed the Bronze God - and boy, was that description spot on. All the anger and frustration that I had felt at Alice moments ago disappeared as I looked up that the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen.

Moses on a muffin, this boy made the waiter look like he had fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. He was taller than average and nicely muscled from what I could see under the massive shirt he was wearing. He had bronze hair that looked like he spent his life running his fingers through it and a panty-melting smirk.

Fuck.

Me.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair while the sexual tension zinged between us like electricity. His emerald green eyes seemed to burn straight through me while he waited for an answer.

Rose, as always was the first to recover. "You must be the guy who swiped Bella's panties" she said with a giggle.

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EDWARD

Emmett stood in the middle of my room; eyebrows raised as we stared in disbelief at the contents of the suitcase that looked like mine, but was definitely not mine. I bent down and picked up an item off the top and on closer inspection realised I held in my hand a small scrap of something lacy and silky.

"Dude, what the fuck have you got in your hand? Earth to Edward!" he yelled as I stood there stupidly with my mouth open. I was staring at the open case and blinking and hoping that when I opened my eyes again I would see my own stuff there instead.

"What's Em yelling about now?" Jasper drawled as he walked into my room. I turned to look at him, the scrap of lace still in my hand.

"Edward has a suitcase full of hot chick panties and stuff" he laughed, pointing to the case full of obviously feminine attire.

On closer inspection, we discovered that the suitcase was filled to bursting not only with silky and lacy lingerie but string bikinis, short skirts and low cut tops. Most of which were sparkly, see through, uber-feminine or all three.

"That's some hot babe this stuff belongs to, but she looks pretty high maintenance if you ask me. Look at all that makeup and lotions and shit!" Jasper's voice trailed off as we looked at the mammoth bag of foreign looking female beauty paraphernalia.

Emmett snatched the bag and stared to rifle through, "lip gloss, lipstick, lip stain, lip plumper, lip liner, lip balm, lip treatments..." He read out loud off the labels. "I guess all this shit is what makes kissing them so fantastic, huh guys?" Without pausing for breath he let out a low whistle.

"Looky looky at what we have here!" he sang, holding up a strip of about a dozen condoms. "Looks like she is my kind of girl" he said raising his eyebrows suggestively. At that comment a wave of jealousy hit me, I had never met, let alone seen this girl and I was getting myself worked up over Emmett wanting to get into her pants. Fuck. I needed to get laid.

"No, Emmett" I said trying to snap out of my pseudo jealous funk. "Your kind of girl would have three dozen condoms. But I guess you have more than enough for the both of you" I laughed.

"Well I guess I do, including the bumper 24 box I put into your bag before we checked in" he laughed while simultaneously giving Jasper a fist bump.

"You think that whoever this case belongs to has mine?" I asked, while I mentally tried to catalogue all that I had packed that morning. Much to my relief, apart from Em's parting gift of the condoms everything was pretty generic.

"Let's call the front desk and see if Sexy Mouth has handed in your suitcase yet" Jasper suggested as he started towards the phone.

"What did you just call her?" I asked. "Sexy Mouth" he repeated. "'Cause anyone who has all that lip plumping, lining balm shit must have one hell of a fucking gorgeous mouth I reckon" he picked up the phone. "Yeah, this is Jasper Whitlock in Suite 203. We seem to have a little problem..."

I was pulled away from Jasper's conversation by Emmett's stunned whisper. "Oh. My. Fucking. God. I think I've died and gone to heaven. Look at this, Ed!" he half-breathed.

I looked down and saw that he was holding a box and a tube in his large hand. "What is it, bro?" I asked, moving closer to get a better look at whatever had semi stunned him.

"It's a vibrator and a tube of lubricant" he breathed with an almost proud and awed sound in his voice. "Ed, your Sexy Mouth is one hot chick you are a lucky lucky man. Yes, a lucky lucky man" he repeated as he tried to repack the suitcase as best he could. I pushed him out of the way when I realised that he was just randomly stuffing things back wherever they would fit.

As I refolded clothes and put all the tubes and bottles back into the mammoth bag of beauty, Em was reclining back on my bed reading the back of the vibrator box and smirking.

"Hey stud", I said getting his attention, "hand that back to me so I can stuck it in the bag", I paused, "unless you want me to tell her that you kept it?" He handed it back to me quickly and I tucked it back into small pocket it had come from.

"I wish it was my bag that had been swapped for some hot chick's, then I could have dibs on her" he muttered under his breath.

"Come on guys," Jasper said, hanging up the phone. "Sexy Mouth has just phoned downstairs as well to report the mix up, and they are calling her to take your suitcase down to the desk for a swap as we speak. So let's get going and meet this gorgeous little minx and pray that she has got two friends for us."

I dressed in a pair of Jasper's slightly too-short trousers and one of Emmett's massive shirts and headed down to the lobby to get my stuff back. Emmett turned to look at me once we were in the elevator.

"You know that it's only 'cos of the Bro Code that I'm letting you have this girl, right?", he asked. "Because after a rifle through that case I think she is my perfect woman". He said in all seriousness.

"Anything with a vagina and a pulse is your kind of woman" Jazz laughed as the elevator doors slid open. Emmett didn't even try and argue. We stepped out into the lobby and the blonde at the front desk directed us out to the bar and a table where three girls were sitting.

"Thank you God, there are three of them" Jasper whispered. I could only assume and pray the one with my suitcase sitting beside her chair was Sexy Mouth. We had not been wrong, she was fucking gorgeous.

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A/N Remember, reviews are better than a strutting waiter serving you cosmos.

Chapter four next week. xxx