Chapter Two: Leaving

"Carol, you look just awful!" Carol's best friend, Melinda exclaimed upon meeting up by her locker, "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, Melinda," Carol sighed as she stuffed a history book into her backpack, "I just didn't get much sleep last night. You know, stress of school and all. But I'll be fine. After this history test that is," Carol attempted a broken smile. She was actually starting to get used to the fake smiles, fake laughs, and fake normal life.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. So, did you hear that Mr. Lawrence is sick today so we have Mr. Spellman as a sub!"

Mr. Spellman was the young graduate student who was working his way through school by substituting at the local high schools. He had blonde hair and blue eyes and the most adorable freckles dotting his nose. He had subbed on-and-off again for the past year and all the girls swooned when they saw him walk past the halls. Even Carol let herself forget her past problems whenever she saw Mr. Spellman.

"Good," Carol smiled, "I need a break from the mediocrity of my life."

"Oh it isn't that bad," Melinda laughed.

Trust me, Carol thought to herself, it is.

"So," Carol cleared her throat, "What did you do last night?"

"Homework – studied for history most of the time. You?"

"Nothing much," Carol shrugged. She didn't dare tell anyone about Mike but it wasn't like they didn't know. She noticed the way her teachers sent her apologetic looks and the way Mike's old friends would say hi to her in the halls or send her broken smiles. They all knew of their cracked lives, broken hearts, and shattered home; it wasn't like Carol had to announce it – she wore the sorrow on her face despite the masqueraded smiles and self-assuring words.

"How is he?" Melinda asked the dreaded question. Carol closed her eyes and shoved her backpack over her shoulder. What was she supposed to say to that? She longed to say that Mike was better, that he had actually come home last night, and how he had finally agreed to quit this live he had been living but she couldn't.

Instead, she answered, "Oh, I don't."

"You don't?"

"I haven't talked to him in a while," Carol answered. It wasn't exactly a lie. After all, she and Mike hadn't really talked for years. As she spoke, a memory flashed through her head of a little girl sitting down at the kitchen table across from her big brother, two cups of milk and a bag of Oreos in between them. It was a ritual, they would both wake up in the middle of the night and come downstairs to talk. Now, Carol couldn't recall what their conversations had been about but it didn't matter. None of that mattered. It was no longer a memory but rather someone else's dream of a once-happy life.

"Oh," Melinda nodded before changing the subject, "So, are you ready for English?"

"English?"

"Yeah. It's the class Mr. Spellman is substituting for."

"Oh, yeah. I'm ready."

The bell interrupted their dull conversation and the two girls began to head to their first period English class. As Carol headed upstairs, someone passed her in a brown jacket and a sunken look. Mike. Carol felt her heart skip a beat with hope. So he had come today after all! Maybe for once he was getting better. Maybe he was turning his life back around.

"Mike!" Carol called but he didn't hear – or if he did, he didn't act like it.

"Carol," Melinda looked apologetically towards her best friend, "Just be glad he's here."

"That's about all I have to be glad about," Carol sighed and followed Melinda to their classroom.

Once inside, they took their assigned seats right next to each other. Mr. Spellman was standing at the board writing down the day's assignment. Carol pushed a stray hair behind her ear as she thought about how Mike had just ignored her as if she was nothing to him, and maybe she was. After all, when was the last time they had ever been as close as they once were? When was the last time he had actually been a brother to her? Now the only brother she had was Ben, not that she regretted that at all, she just missed Mike more than anyone could ever know. He had once been her best friend and now…now he was almost dead to her. The bell tolled, shaking all thoughts of the brother she once had. Her attention was turned to Mr. Spellman. He had stopped writing and was now beginning to address the class.

"Alright everyone, those that don't know me, I'm Mr. Spellman and I am a grad student. I sub to work my way through school. I will be subbing for Mr. Lawrence today. He left you guys an assignment so no free-period. I'm sorry," he smirked, knowing students all too well, "But the assignment is something pretty enjoyable. You have to write a novella about your family. Your novella should be at least ten typed pages and turned in by Friday. You can get started on it right now if you'd like."

Several kids scoffed but Carol pulled out her English notebook and a pen. She might as well get this over with. Quickly, she began to scribble:

My name is Carol Elizabeth Seaver and I have a pretty average family. My mother is a news anchor and my father is a therapist. They have pretty average jobs and live pretty average lives and have a pretty successful, average marriage. I have two siblings – Ben and Mike. Ben is your regular little brother, always up to some trouble yet always able to smile and get out of it. He is really sweet and can always make anyone laugh, no matter how tough our lives can be and I can assure you, they get pretty tough. My life is also pretty normal. I am a junior in high school and want to become an editor for a big-name publishing company. I love to write and it is a release for me and trust me, some days I really need a release. The only un-average thing about our lives is Mike. Michael Christopher Seaver is the only one that differentiates us from other average families. You see, Mike is no longer with us. I was a freshman when it happened.

We were on a family vacation and we were all swimming in the lake. Mike, being his usual self, wanted to see how long he could hold his breath underwater. He lasted a while – too long of a while. He never came up for breath. My dad tried to save him. He did everything he knew how to do but it was too late. Mike had drowned in the dark, murky water. It had consumed him, taken him over, and ripped him out of our lives forever.

Mike used to be one of my best friends. I remember a time where we could share things and talk and be best friends. He was the only one I could count on, the only one I could truly share things with. I could tell him things I didn't dare tell anyone – not my parents and not even my best friends. Mike listened and he vowed to make whatever problem I was having, better. Unfortunately, he can't make this better. He can't suddenly come back from the dead, break through the murky water, free himself from the darkness below. He isn't a savior, nor a Christ – though when I was young, that is what I saw him as. No matter how many candles I blow out on birthday cakes, no matter how many pennies I toss into the fountain, I know my dream can never come true…

"I can't believe you are actually doing this assignment!" Melinda rolled her eyes, clearing disgusted.

"Why not? Might as well get it over with."

"Yeah but still…can I read it?"

"Sure," Carol handed over the paper and watched as Melinda's eyes skimmed the paper.

"But…Mike didn't drown."

"It's a metaphor, Melinda."

"Oh!"

Carol took the paper back and reread it. Now she only needed ten more pages.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on an on until lunch. After getting her tray of food, Carol found Mike sitting alone at a table near the back. She shot a pleading look to Melinda who nodded for her to go over and attempt to talk to him. Silently praying with each step, Carol made her way over to the table.

"Hi there," Carol sat down across from him, "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Not hungry," he mumbled, not meeting her gaze.

"Mike…talk to me."

"Alright. About what?"

"About you. You're scaring me, Mike."

"Carol," Mike sighed, looking down at his hands, "I-I never meant to hurt you."

"Then why are you doing this!"

"I-I don't mean to do this to you, Carol. I'm doing this to me."

"But why?"

"I-I don't want to talk about this with you. But I do want you to know that I never want to hurt you."

"But you are."

"But I don't want to."

"Then stop. You can quit this, you know?"

"Sure, but what if I'd rather it quit me?"

"You don't mean that!"

"Of course I do, Carol. You're the smart one, answer me this, what would you live for if there was nothing worth living for?"

"Mike…what about your family? What about me?"

"Carol…"

"It's like I-I no longer have a brother."

"That's not true!"

"You know it's true, Mike," Carol sighed, knowing she was defeated.

"I do still…love you."

"If you loved me, you'd quit."

"Carol…that's not fair!"

"Neither is what you're putting me through!" Carol shouted before storming off, once again, leaving him behind.