I sighed for what must have been the hundreth time as I glared at the two animal men wrestling on the ground. What the maple do they think they're doing? I am not some prize you can win by fighting! Stupid hosers...
Than get your Canadian ass moving, eh!
Geez, this voice inside my head is going to drive me mad like the rest of these people! Begrudgingly I got up, making sure to adjust my lady underwear. Poor thing was on the verge of ripping. Stupid hands trying to take them off! What am I, free? Cause I'm not!
You got to buy me dinner first, eh!
Shaking my head for talking to myself or rather my 'conscious', I gave out one last yell at the two overgrown children still in the middle of their little war over me.
"Oh, don't mind me! I'll just be on my way! Out into the cold and lonely world where I can get raped!"
As expected they didn't hear me, or maybe they just ignored me? Who cares anymore? I turned my back on them and looked around at the scenery. There was tall grass that I could barely see over on my tip-toes, and pink smoke coming out from somewhere in the middle of it. My curiosity taking hold of me again, I glanced back. They wouldn't be finishing up anytime soon...
Why do you even want their attention? You don't need them, go!
My resolve hardened, I ran into the grass. As I rushed straight ahead, I couldn't help but wonder why the grass was so soft. I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be. Oh well, better for me! In the distance I heard a loud gasp,
"Oi, where did mein Birdie go?!"
"Mon dieu! You stupid overgrown rabbit! You made me lose my prey!"
"Shut up you pussycat! We have to find him before that damn Carpentar does! Hurry!"
I ran faster, adrenaline seeping into my veins. I've never felt so free, yet so close to confinement! I loved it! Soon enough I found myself in another clearing full of what seemed to be mushrooms. There, on the tallest of them all was a dark skinned man wearing a weird get up. Sort of like a skirt thing on his lower body that made his legs merge together. Weird.
"Hey you! Who are you? Let me take a look at you!"
The man with dark, long hair had a booming voice with a weird accent, and out of fear I took a hesitant step back. I didn't know this man very well, but for some reason I didn't like him.
"Well, are you deaf? I said get up here!"
His commanding tone held no room for agruement and so I just began climbing up the mushrooms. By the time I leaped onto the last one, I was a panting wreck. Maple, I need to work out more...
The man blew out pink smoke from a long pipe that connected to large vile filled with a blue chemical. He seemed to be enjoying it very much, I myself wanted to try it, that was until his gaze landed on me. His happy gaze turned into a furious glare and he sat up straight.
"Ack! What do YOU want! Stupid guard dog! Scram before I knock you upside the head! I told you and that prissy little Queen that I'm not giving you a bit of my shrooms!"
He looked about ready to kill me until he tilted his head in confusion. He reached towards me and roughly patted my head, searching for something.
"What the...where are your ears cabron*?"
I had not the slightest clue of what he was talking about. I never had ears, did I? What if by some freak accident I lost my 'dog ears' and was left earless! Panic rose but then I remembered, I have ears. Human ears that were perfect. I just don't get that one word he said at the end, but that's just a personal problem.
When he kept patting my head and his eyes lost that hatred, I calmed down enough to close my eyes. Again big mistake.
"Aye, what about your tail?"
And my dress was up again! Geez, I feel so cheap. But I'll feel pity for myself later, this guys going for my underwear and with those tan muscles, he'd rip it with ease! Finally finding my voice, I reached up and grabbed his hand before it got to close to my garments.
"W-wait! I'm not who you think I am!" I stuttered out. Man, this guy was intimidating! He stared on unconvinced and I wracked my brain trying to think of something to say. The situations I put myself though, seriously!
He sat back and took hold of his smoke pipe again. Blowing out a puff of pink fumes, he peered at me through accusing brown eyes.
"Who are you then?"
"I...uh...I'll have to get back to you on that one."
Rubbing the back of my head sheepishly, I watched as the man took another puff.
"Who are you?" The worm like man puffed out an O, then a R, and finally a U, at me making my choke on the rather strong chemical. Coughing violently, I frantically waved around trying to dissolve the cloud of pink around me.
"I..ugh..don't know!"
No sooner had I said that, the man launched himself on me, pinning me down with his body. His body felt rubbery and I concluded that he was indeed some type of worm. I had no time to ponder further as he began to assault me with a barrage of that strong vapor he was smoking.
"Who. Are. You?!"
Terrified I gave the only answer my panicked mind could think of,
"Birdie! I'm Birdie!"
In an instant, the weight was gone and I was hauled upright, into a warm embrace. As quickly as I was hugged I was let go.
"Birdie! Sorry that I mistook you for that bastard guard dog of the Queen's! It's good to see you, but you gotta take a bath. You stink of that albino Rabbit! Anyways, what brings you to my humble home Socio*?"
Not knowing what a socio was I just nodded dumbly at everything he said, until a familiar loud voice met my -normal- ears. Peeking over the edge of the tall mushroom, I spotted the White Rabbit. He spotted me as well, because he began hopping and shouting up at me.
"Don't worry Birdie, I'll get ya down! Just stay still! I'm on my way!"
Turning over to the strange man who apparantly knew me, I rushed up to him, kneeled, and grasped the hand that was not busy holding his smoke pipe, pleadingly.
"Please, I have to get away from here! The White Rabbit's just down below! Can you help me?"
A light pink dusted his cheeks and he grinned widely at me, squeezing my hand before letting go. Reaching next to him on the large glass vile where the blue chemical was, he grasped a golden dial and twisted it. A strange hum emitted from the golden encrusted case, and slowly the blue chemical turned into a beautiful violet color.
"Of course, I am the Caterpillar! Here take a whiff of this, mi belleza*!"
His smooth smoke pipe was thrust rudely into my mouth, and I inhaled, thinking on a side note how unsanitary it was to be sharing a pipe. Once the chemical went down my throat though, I promptly spit it out and began coughing violently again, eyes misting over with tears. I didn't think it was that strong!
"Hehe, sorry lindo*! I forget how strong that stuff is for other people since I'm so use to it. Now hurry to the edge of the mushroom!" It seemed as if he stood because he easily towered over me. Though, I didn't get to think much about it, because I was gently pushed to the edge of the mushroom by big hands.
"Okay now, the fume you swallowed will only work for about 20 minutes, got it? You must be on the ground before time runs out understand?" Twisting me around so that I was staring up at him, eyes still teary, he began to unbutton the top of my dress. Sensing my panic, he gently shushed me,
"Shh, it's okay. If I don't do this, then you will not be able to escape okay?" I nodded, as I tried to focus on his silhouette. My head was spinning, and I felt giddy for some reason. My panic subsiding, and my double vision returning to normal, I was able to properly look into the Caterpillar's chocolate eyes and smile whole-heartedly.
"Thank you."
"Oi! You slimy worm! Get your hands off mein Birdie!"
"Go Birdie!"
So much happened in that single moment, it took a moment for my brain to comprehend that I was in the air and falling at a rapid rate to the ground below. The White Rabbit seemed to have finally caught up to me, so the Caterpillar threw me up and over the edge of the mushroom. I wasn't screaming for some strange reason, but I was scared out of my mind!
Looking down, I saw the Chesire Cat, hands up in the air as if to catch me. Raising my hands up to cover my eyes, I let the tinest of shrieks pass from my lips. From the top of the mushroom I heard the White Rabbit yell out in alarm,
"Birdie!"
I waited to either fall and become one with the ground or fall and land on the Chesire Cat, but neither came. Hesitantly, I removed one hand and then the other to find that I was floating in mid-air!
"Maple! I'm floating!"
There was a light flapping sound, and I turned back to see that I had sprouted butterfly wings! Beautiful large wings that were all sorts of different colors. That must have been from the mysterious purple chemical!
"You look beautiful Birdie! Now just head forward and you'll reach the Hatter's Grove. Hurry or else you'll be late and you know the Hatter doesn't like that!"
The Caterpillar shouted out to me, holding the struggling White Rabbit in a headlock. The albino was shouting out curses in a strange language, but the Caterpillar didn't seem to notice the furious expression he wore.
"Um, okay! Thank you very much!"
I waved goodbye to the Caterpillar and went on my way, noticing a certain perverted cat trying to look up my dress. Before I made too far though, I turned around a gave out one last shout,
"Before I go, what were all those strange names you were calling me? The ones in a different language?" I asked. It had been bugging me for a while, so I thought, eh, why not ask him and get it off my mind?
Now you're starting to think like a true Canadain, eh!
"Oh that." He gave me another big grin, eyes closed and shouted out, "I was complimenting your beauty!"
"WHAT?! NEIN, NEIN, NEIN! ONLY ZE AWESOME WHITE RABBIT CAN TALK LIKE THAT TO BIRDIE!"
I blushed and hurriedly flew away once I saw the White Rabbit break free from his captor. His face red with anger and jealousy he began to fight with the Caterpillar. Turning away from the scene, I shook my head in amusement. Seems like everyone is fighting for me today, eh?
The White Rabbit really is cute!
I flew for a while, until I felt myself getting heavier. Taking that as my cue to stop, I flew down to the ground, deciding it wouldn't be too much trouble to walk the rest of the way. No sooner had my feet touched the ground that I heard a POOF! and the wings were gone. Buttoning up my dress properly, I walked through the tall, yet soft grass once more.
"To the Hatter's Grove I go, eh!"
Well, not much to say. I broke my promise to you guys last time, so I have banned myself from making anymore! Long story short, I moved, had to go to the hospital, no internet. So here's the long awaited chapter even though it's shit I finished it! Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!
Mein - Mine
Cabron - Bastard
Socio - Good Friend/My Boy
Mi Belleza - My Beautiful
Lindo - Cutie
Nein - No
Many words in different languages because fancy /shot
Important!:
By the way, it might seem weird that the Hetalia characters don't really match the Wonderland characters and there's a reason. I don't want this story to be like the rest with Spain as Chesire and England as Hatter, I want to mix it up! Dreadfully sorry if you do not like that, but I'm not changing it. The back button is on the top left corner over there if you can't handle it. Okay that's it! Thanks for those of you who read! :D
