Okay guys, this is a very important update/author's note, so please read! I'm posting this to all my Fanfictions so every can know what I'm up to and what to expect in the future.
So first off, I just want to apologize for my prolonged absence from updating. I know that I will go breaks from updating every now and then because I get busy with school or work, but this time was longer for others and for a stupid reason.
I'm a writer by profession as well as a hobby, so I'm used to rejection and criticism. I love hearing back from you guys. Mostly I get positive feedback, sometimes I get constructive criticism, and every now and then I reactive hate. This is fine! You don't have to like my stories. They're not for everyone. They're certainly not perfect. It's no skin off my back. But a few months ago I came across a whole blog post dedicated to tearing one of my stories apart. I don't want to point fingers but if you google "Ophelia Pomfrey" (the main character of my HP fic) you'll probably find it. And I don't want any of you to attack this person. They're just an ordinary person running a blog, and to treat them with the rudeness that they treated me would not be productive.
They made a whole blog post accusing my main OC of being a Mary Sue and picking apart my writing, etc. It was really disheartening to see. Some of you might not know, but I started writing Fanfiction when I was 13. But I actually stopped and didn't get back into writing until I was 15 because I came across a mean post someone had written about my Star Wars fanficiton. Of course that was nearly 8 years ago and, as I've mentioned, I'm used to criticism now. I'm an adult. I can usually handle it. But at the time I was just a kid and these people were so mean to me and about something I'd poured my heart into and really tried hard at.
So that sort of ruined Fanfiction for me. Which was really upsetting because Fanfiction has always been something very personal and special to me: the perfect escape. I've always been a writer, but Fanfiction has always offered something to me in the way of just having fun, making connections and friends (I've made so many over the years), exploring myself as a writer in a fun and (mostly) judgement-free and really being a part of a community. I'm sure you all understand and probably feel the same way! It's always been something light and fun for me. So no, my fanfiction isn't an example of my best work. I can do better. But perfection isn't what I'm seeking when it comes to these stories. There is so much more to this experience. So I sort of had a bit of a flashback when I came across this blog post.
I suffer from mental illness problems and sometimes things can really affect me in a way that might not affect others so much. I've been really depressed the last year. I feel so much better and stronger now with the new year. I really don't want you guys to worry about me: I'm okay! I'm more than okay, I'm really happy right now. But at the time when I discovered that blog post, it just added to my depression and self-doubt and brought back all that insecurity about myself as a person and a writer. It did not make me want to keep writing.
So I took a break from writing and really surrounded myself with self-pity. I felt so bad for myself it was stupid. I should have done what I plan to do now and keep writing. Who cares what some random person on the internet thinks? So many of you continue to support me and send me love, respect, and ideas! I appreciate ALL of you! And yes, my writing could use improvement. Some of these chapters were written 4-5 years ago. They need updating, and I plan to do that when I can. But I have tons of cool ideas for future chapters so I don't want to let this disturbance stop me now.
Maybe my characters are Mary Sues...maybe they're simply self-inserts and I'm still just a silly 13 year old girl stuck in the body of a 20 (almost 21) year old woman. Maybe I'm a fool. But this is what makes me happy, and I think it makes you guys happy too. So I'm not stopping.
I promise that when I can, I will work on updating these stories and sharing my visions with you all. I promise that I won't let things like this stop me next time. I owe you all that much.
Looking toward the future: I am going to putting all my stories on Wattpad as well as AO3 so that they are accessible everywhere! I'm also thinking of starting a Tumblr for my Fanfictions so that I can post all your lovely fan art there, my photoshop and video edits, behind the scenes material, ideas, contests, extra drabbles, etc. and have a way to communicate with you all outside of here. What do you think- would you all be into that?
Remember you can always PM me: no matter what about. I'm here for you all in the same way you continue to be here for me!
I love you all, and so do Ophelia, Marina, Sparrow, Nettle, Persephone, Marianne, and Taisie.
-Madeline/Antmuzak
P.S: If you read this stupid write-up the whole way through (or just skimmed through to the end and are reading this sentence), then please leave a review letting me know what you like about my story(s) and maybe what you think I could do to improve! Or just leave me a comment telling me a little bit about yourself :)
