I park the car a small way from the station and text message you saying that I'm here. I get out the car and wait for Elliot to emerge into the street lights, almost glad I'm not seeing you right now. I glare at my phone to look at the time. It's a little cold out and I wish Elliot would come on. I look back up to see a figure walking towards me, but it's not tall and muscular like him. That's when I realize it's you.
You walk up to me with a smile on your face but, it immediately drops when you see the expression on mine.
"What's wrong?" you say, reaching for my hand but I quickly pull it away.
I blink and try to push the anger back down.
"Lisa…she came by your apartment while I was there."
"Oh…" you say looking down at my hand reaching for it again, but I snatch it away.
"Oh? That's all you have to say? What the hell is she still coming to your apartment for?" I can feel the emotions rising again and struggle to keep them down.
"She's still a friend, Alex, regardless if she's my ex or not." I can tell you're getting irritated.
"Yeah, a friend that still wants you back."
"What the hell are you talking about? I already told her-"
"She came and barged into your apartment saying that she came in to town to get you back and the fact that you've had a girlfriend for nine damn months isn't going to stop her!"
"That doesn't mean I'm going to let her, Alex!"
"And she said that you've been talking ever since that shit happened two weeks ago, and you didn't even tell me." I can feel the tears welling in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall.
"I was scared you were going to over react. Kind of what you're doing now may I add! She's been needing someone to talk to ok? It's not that big of a deal."
"And giving her a key to your door is what? A token of your friendship?" I'm more than besides myself now and the fact that you see nothing wrong with this doesn't help at all.
"I just kind of gave it to her. I'm sorry but, this is ridiculous. She doesn't even mean that much to me!"
"Oh, yeah? Then why can't you tell her to move on like you already have? Why can't you let her go?"
You don't say anything. You just stare past me and down the street.
"Huh, Olivia?" You finally look me in the eye, but don't say anything.
I make a small, sarcastic laugh. "So that's it, huh? You still have feelings for her?" I back away from you, the realization immediately breaking my heart.
"No, Alex that's not-"
"Then what is it then?" You look at me searching for words, but drop your hands when none come out.
"Fuck you, Liv" I grab your bag and throw it at you and try to get back in the car.
"Alex, please…" you grab my arm, hard, but I quickly snatch it away.
"Don't touch me, Olivia."
"Alex!"
I slam the door and speed off. My heart feels empty; I can't even believe this is happening. All because this bitch wants you back. I stop at the light and put my head to the steering wheel, finally letting my tears fall. I reach for my phone and call the only person who can help me. Who I know will listen.
"Serena? Hi. I know it's late but…I really need someone to talk to…"
When Serena's door comes into view as I walk down the hall, I start to think how this would have been if I didn't have her to talk to. She has helped me out on so many things and is starting to be my sanctuary from everything that troubles me lately. I knock on the door and wait. I can hear cabinets slamming from the other side and her saying "One second" as she get things neat. As I'm waiting, my cell goes off to a very familiar ringtone. It's you. I reach in my purse and press "ignore" then turn the ringer off completely.
I'm startled by the door suddenly opening. "Hi, come on in. I just had to tidy it up a little." she says with a wide smile.
"Tidy it up? I could have sworn you were a neat freak. Tidying up for you is like washing the one plate that's in the sink." I joke, making my way into the apartment which, as I expected, is nothing short of spotless. Besides the couple of files open on the coffee table, I would really consider her to have a problem.
"We can sit in here. I was working on a few cases but, I needed a change of pace," she says as I sit on the couch, taking off my jacket, "Can I get you anything? Coke? Orange juice? Vodka?" she says the last one with a giggle.
"I'm fine actually."
"Good, because I'm out of vodka." she sits down on the couch next to me. Her proximity is close, but not uncomfortable. "So tell me about what's troubling you."
"Her ex came to the apartment while I was there and…told me some things that Oli- that my girlfriend didn't."
"Like?"
"Oli-, my girlfriend, told me that she broke up with her ex because she couldn't take her jobs stress. That's not exactly true." I say with a sigh.
"Well, what is the truth?"
"I don't know, I talked to her earlier but we got into an argument before I could ask. Oli-, I mean…" I sigh, my head falling back to the couch. This is hard to do. I guess I should just spit it out…
"Serena, its Olivia. Olivia Benson."
Her jaw almost hit's the floor. "Wait. Detective Olivia Benson? Your detective?"
"Yes…"
"Wow, all this time…" she trails off.
"Yeah."
"Wow. It's all coming to me now."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The heated arguments, the glaring looks, I thought maybe you two just had a mutual attraction. Now I find she's actually the one you've been dating for the past nine months."
"Serena, if this gets out…"
"Hey," she says putting her hands to her heart, "Your secret has always been safe with me hasn't it? This is no different." she says, putting her arm on the back of the couch behind my head.
"Thank you." I say with a small smile.
"No problem. So what else happened?"
"Well, she gave her a key…"
"A key? To her apartment?" she says, her eyebrows furrowing.
"You could basically say that. It was the key to the downstairs door. That's one detail that still bothers me. A key I had to fight and earn her trust for. I remember when she gave it to me and how special I felt because I knew we were headed in the right direction, that this wasn't going to be just some fling between me and a co-worker. It was receiving that key that I realized I loved her. I felt like it not only represented the key to her place, but a key to her heart. The fact that she nonchalantly gave one to her ex…hurts." I'm almost on the verge of tears but I will them to stay put.
"I understand how that would hurt. What did she say about it?"
"She said she 'just kind of gave it to her'. No big deal and wouldn't even answer me when asked if she still had feelings for her."
"Hmm…" she bites her bottom lip and thinks. "And how long had they been together?"
"Two and a half years."
"Wow." she says raising her eyebrows.
"Yes. You see where I'm coming from? Olivia has never given me doubt before, but ever since Lisa came it's been all downhill. I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not over reacting and this isn't just my trust issues flaring up like a yeast infection or something."
We both laugh and she puts her hand on my knee. "Alex you're not crazy or anything. I would be a little concerned too if I were in your shoes right now, but you are a very attractive, beautiful woman. Olivia will realize what she's doing and straighten up. She is very stubborn, but she'll come around." She smiles rubbing my knee, a touch that sends a gentle jolt to my core. "You know it's pretty late. You can spend the night here if you like."
"Oh no, I don't want to intrude…"
"Hey, I offered. As far as I know that's not intruding." she says standing up. "It's fine."
"Ok, sure. This is actually comfortable." I say patting the couch softly.
"Don't be silly. My bed is a California king. We can both sleep in there."
"Umm…sure. Ok."
"Come on." she reaches for my hand and helps me up, guiding me to her bedroom. She gives me a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt that looks like its vintage.
"I'm gonna finish up with these cases and be to bed in a little." she says leaving the room as I snuggle in her huge and miraculously comfortable bed. Well this is not how I envisioned my night going. In another woman's bed. I think about you and how it came to be like this. Your soft face and features come into my mind, invading my thoughts. I feel myself drifting with the vision of you…
In my semi-consciousness, I feel a body next to me and I immediately snuggle closer to it, putting my arm around. My day ahead runs through my mind like every morning. Things I have to do, people I have to talk to, interrogations I have to sit in. My hand lifts and I feel soft lips grace the skin. I moan and smile snuggling closer, but then realization hits me. This isn't my bed. This isn't your bed. What the? I crack my eyes open and see blonde hair.
My body immediately jumps away. Shock apparently on my face as Serena laughs.
"Whoa, Cabot. Take it easy." she says reaching for my hands.
"God," my head hit's the pillow. "What time is it?"
"Time for us to get up." she says with a smile.
"How can you be so happy this early in the morning?"
"Look who I'm waking up next to." she says smiling. Our eyes lock and there's a silence but not an awkward quiet. It's like this for several seconds as her eyes drift to my lips and there's a familiar tingle that travels my body. She bites her bottom lip, but suddenly pulls away.
"I guess I better get up now." Standing up, she makes her way to the door. "I'm going to make some coffee. You want a cup?"
"Sure."
"How do you like it?"
I pause, that tingle refusing to go away. "Umm...black. No cream, two sugars."
My eyes follow her body as she leaves the room. Get a grip Alex. I reach for my phone beside the bed and check it. Eight missed calls, seven from you and one from Cragen, with four voicemails.
I sigh, debating if I should even check them. Maybe some time away from you would be good for me. Yeah right, Cabot. I dial the number to my voice message box and listen carefully.
"You have four new messages. First message: 'Alex, it's me, Liv. Could you please call me back I really want to talk to you.' End of message to replay this message-
I press seven, deleting the message and listen to the next. "Next message: 'Alex, please pick up the phone? I'm sorry that this ever even happened…I know I have some explaining to do, I just really want to talk to you. I love you. Bye' End of message. Seven. Next message: 'Alex, I'm outside your apartment, but you don't seem to be home. Are you…with someone else? Please call me back, baby. Please.' End of message.
I sigh at that one. Maybe I should just call you back. Or maybe I should just let this blow over and talk to you later on today. I press seven and listen to the last message.
Next message: 'Alex, this is Cragen. For some reason Olivia is really worried about where you are. I was calling to make sure everything is ok. Have a good night Ms. Cabot.' End of message.
Serena walks in with two coffee cups in tow. Handing me a cup she says, "I'm gonna hop in the shower. Did you want to-"
"I'm just going to go and shower at my place. Better leave now if I want to get to the office in time." I say, rising in the bed. I get up and start to pick up yesterdays clothes and ball them up.
"Ok? Well I'll show you to the door." she walks to me and guides me out with her hand on the small of my back. My shoes are by the couch were I left them last night and I stop to put them on, all the while she watches me. We get to the door and I sigh as she opens it for me leaning on it.
"Thank you, for last night Serena. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. You know you can come to me with anything, Alex."
And there it is. The awkward pause again. We stare at each other not really knowing what to do. I break the silence, slightly rocking back and forth.
"I'm gonna get going."
"Ok sure. Umm… I'll see you later."
I start walking towards the elevator, not really hearing the click of the door closing until I'm half way down the hallway. Not really knowing what to make of the whole situation. I know I was half awake but that was definitely a kiss she gave me on my hand. I step inside the elevator, hoping that it's really all in my mind. Serena has definitely been there for me on more than one occasion. She listens when I need someone and tells me the truth when its best. I bet a girl wouldn't have to worry about how she feels when her ex comes in town.
I push that thought out of my mind and press the button that glows "Lobby", hoping that today will be just a little brighter than the last.
Walking down the hallway in my office building after a quick lunch break, I check my cell phone for the time, also noticing that there are no missed calls and no text messages. Maybe you want to wait it out too? I open my office door to stacks of manila folders on the two chairs that rest in front of my desk. What a nice way to come back to work. Leaving the door ajar, I drop my brief case on the back sofa and start going through them, trying to recognize where they could have come from.
"Knock, knock." I turn to see Liz right outside my door with a snaky smile on her face. "I see you got the folders. These are all from the Davis case. They recovered the actually contract that idiot signed stating that the hit man would follow through on attacking and raping his fiancé. I don't know why, it's not like he could take it to a lawyer if there were a breach of contract. Inside, there are dumped phone calls, credit card transactions-"
"I'm supposed to have time to go through this when?" I swear this woman thinks I'm super ADA.
"Whenever you feel free. Of course if you need the time I can take over the Boward case. You know. Help you out with the load." She's says with a smile I know is not innocent.
"Why do you want that case so badly?" I say crossing my arms.
"Something to do really."
"You can have it. Apparently I have bigger things to tend to." I say gesturing towards the stack of folders which I feel are taunting me from my chairs.
"Thank you Alex, and uh, keep up the good work."
She leaves me with a questioning look on my face, and I turn towards the stacks going through them once more. I thought going through these were what detectives are for. Can't they just highlight the important parts?
"Whoa." I turn to see Serena at my door; a shocked expression plays on her face. "So, who hates you this week?" she walks towards a stack of folders in the second chair, blindly flipping through them.
"Maybe Liz? And for no good reason." I stop searching through them and hear the papers snap back as I let them go. I sigh and turn towards Serena and watch her finger through some papers.
"Why do you have these?"
"I guess Liz's tactic was to bombard me with other work so she can take over the Boward case. I don't know what she finds so interesting about it."
She takes a step towards me, into my personal space and whispers, "You know I hear it has something to do with the Ron Boward guy. Rumor has it that she actually knows him from a previous altercation."
"Why would she even consider- Branch would have a cow if he found out." I say returning the whisper.
"I don't know." she says conclusively and sighs, but does not move from her spot. Her eyes gaze into mine and I watch as hers slowly drift to my lips. My heart is beating faster than normal and it takes everything in me not to gulp visibly.
"Umm…I want to say thank you again…for last night." the sound almost above a whisper. Serena takes a minute to respond and I start to think she didn't hear me.
"It's fine…"
Her lips are mere inches from mine and I can't resist the gravitational pull between us. She comes closer and I can smell the mint of her breath, the subtle notes of her perfume. Her right hand raises and tucks a stray hair behind my ear, her thumb floating down to rest on my cheek. I feel myself going towards her and close my eyes. We kiss. A soft kiss that only lasted for mere seconds, but seems like minutes. Alex, what the hell are you doing?! You have a girlfriend remember? Fight or no fight! Alarms go off in my head, and I try to break myself from her.
"Serena, I can't-"
"Shh, Alex. It's ok." She says as her thumb caresses my skin softly. This is not ok Alex! In no state is it ok! This is not-!
Her next kiss stops my thoughts in their tracks. Deeper than the first and more insistent. I involuntarily moan and lose myself in the softness of her lips, the gentleness in her touch.
And that's when I hear it. The sound of the door opening. We jump from each other as my thoughts try to come back to consciousness. I turn quickly to see who's caught us, hoping it's not Liz.
But it's not…
