A/N: Not my characters and they may seem to be OOC at times. Takes place after LMT. Don't know how many spoilers there'll be. This fic was inspired by a drama that took place on my husband's side of the family. And well Stace said I needed to write it.

Thanks to Linds for editing

Confessions

Chapter Three

Once Ranger had left the apartment, I knew it was time to leave the land of denial and listen to my voicemail. Nothing about the task was appetizing. I knew my phone would be filled with shocked and angry messages. Questions of why I'd taken off in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure I had the answers. Or maybe I just wasn't prepared to answer the questions. I was positive for sanity purposes the answers would have to be tailored for each person. Need to know basis.

I blew out a sigh, pushed away from the breakfast bar, and went to get my phone from the bathroom. I'd purposely left it there. I figured if somebody called I wouldn't hear it through all the doors. Yes I was a chicken!

As I was walking back through to the living room my phone rang. I hesitantly looked at the display screen. I didn't want to talk to anybody before I'd listened to my voicemail. No way was I walking into a conversation blind.

It was Vinnie. I blinked a few times, trying to process that his name was flashing at me. What the hell did he want?

"Yeah?" I said, answering the call.

"Is it true you're in Miami?" he shouted into my ear.

I was instantly irritated. Who the hell did the greasy little ferret think he was?

"What of it?" I snapped.

"What of it? Are you freaking crazy? What the hell am I supposed to do with all these files? I'm bleeding money. Get your ass back here!" And he hung up.

I pulled the phone from my ear. "You cheap, sleazy, worthless, maggot infested, prick," I screeched, flipped him the bird, and slammed my phone shut.

Throwing myself down on the charcoal gray sectional, I was instantly calmed by the comfort surrounding me. This was the couch above all other couches. I briefly wondered if Ranger approved the furniture before it found its way into the apartment. The man was always in control of his life. I had a hard time believing he wasn't in control of his furniture selection. Then again I doubted if he even cared. This wasn't home after all.

But it still amazed me that his apartments resembled him. The furnishing was masculine and powerful. Each piece felt like it belonged with the next. Nothing about the room was thrown together. Sophisticated!

I shook my head. Okay enough distraction. I needed to deal with my voicemail. If I didn't, get to it soon, the calls were going to start all over again. Then my day would seriously be fucked.

Begrudgingly, I flipped open my cell.

"Steph, Joe just called over here wondering if he could talk to you. I froze up for a second, but then I told him you'd already left. I think he bought it since he didn't sound funny. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm demanding a call back."

I owed Mary Lou big time. It wasn't like it was the first time I'd taken off in the middle of the night, but it was the first time I'd left the state without a word. And I was only skipping phone calls because I tended to avoid anything that meant I might have to have a real conversation. I wasn't good at that type of thing.

"White girl, what the hell is going on? Your hot cop fiancé just called me asking if I'd seen you tonight. Now Lula asks you, why would he be making such a phone call? Why doesn't he know where you are this evening? I of course told him a big fib about being busy and that we were meeting up in an hour for some drinks. So your skinny ass best be calling me to tell me why I needed to lie to officer hottie."

I'd expected him to call Lula. I knew she'd come up with a lie as well, but I still felt bad.

An eye twitch immediately started upon hearing my mother's voice, though. When the eye twitch started I was usually able to forget how bad I was feeling.

"Stephanie, this is your mother. When you called me I thought that you'd told Joe that you were headed out of town. He just called here looking for you. I told him that you stepped out to take your grandmother to the store. And my lie would have worked too if it wasn't for your grandmother coming into the kitchen asking who was on the phone. He wasn't happy, Stephanie. Not happy at all. And I don't blame him, either. What were you thinking sneaking off in the middle of the night without so much as telling him you were leaving? You call me the second you get this message."

And so it begins, I thought. The rest of the messages would be downhill. Morelli knew something was up, and it wouldn't take him long to figure out exactly who I was with. Who would give way to where. It was about to get really ugly.

"Steph, I don't know what's going on, but you need to call me. I'm beginning to think that everybody knows something I don't. You're mom just lied to me about you being over there. Why would she do that? And why is your phone off"

The 'Jaws' tune was now playing in my head.

"Oh girlfriend, you need to call me. I just talked to my man. I know you are on your way to see Ranger. What is going on? Did you leave Morelli? He's gonna be shittin' bricks when he finds out you snuck out on him and flew to Miami. Call me!"

I put my finger to my eye to stop the twitching. Now not only did I sneak off, I was leaving Morelli, too. That would only take minutes to work through the Burg. I now understood the call from Vinnie. He knew I was in Miami because Lula told Connie.

"Stephanie Plum, this is your mother calling. Joseph just left here and I told him the truth. Something you seemed to have forgotten how to do." Well now isn't that the pot calling the kettle black, I thought, rolling my eyes. "He was worried sick when he got here, demanding to know what was going on. I told him you called me from the airport shortly before nine. Now I didn't tell him who you were going to see. That's something you need to tell him. You didn't tell me where you were going, so that much I couldn't tell him. But I'd like to know exactly where you are. You call me the second that plane lands."

I deleted the message and let out a sigh, my head flopping back on the couch. I'd done a lot of impulsive and stupid things in my life, but I'd have to say boarding a plane to Miami in the middle of the night without telling Morelli pretty much took the cake. What did I think I'd accomplish by flying to Ranger? Did I think he'd take one look at me and the rest would be history? That was laughable. Ranger didn't do relationships. Did I think he'd find a way to fix all my issues? Was I actually looking for somebody else to solve them for me since I couldn't seem to decide?

Morelli's angry voice interrupted my thoughts.

"You're on a plane? What the hell is going on? Where are you going and why didn't you tell me? I swear Stephanie if you're going to …"

He hung up before finishing his threat. Or was it a promise? An ultimatum? I'd have to figure that out later. Not that having an ultimatum thrown in my face was going to score him any points. It didn't matter that what I did was completely uncalled for. The second an ultimatum was thrown at me I saw red.

"Steph, this is Tank. Morelli just left. He called earlier. Hal told him I was busy. He was questioning where you were. He was told we were unaware of your current position. He showed up twenty minutes ago at the garage gate. Saw you car, and stood at the gate shouting until I came down. He did a lot of yelling and arm flapping. Tossed out a few threats and tore away from the building. Thought I'd warn you."

Shit, fuck, damn! Tank probably stood there staring at him without saying a single word. The Merry Men could make a person with mountains of patience break. Joe's patience level when dealing with the Merry Men in the best of situations was like a ten year old. And this was not the best of situations.

I already knew who the next caller would be as I deleted the message from Tank.

Heavy breathing. I'd be worried about a stalker, if I didn't know it was Morelli practicing anger management.

"Your car is at RangeMan, Cupcake, and you're on a plane. That tells me who, and I can take a guess at where. What I don't know is why."

No yelling. No ultimatums. Fairly civilized. Hurt. The tone was definitely hurt. I didn't give thought to what getting on that plane was going to do to Morelli emotionally. I never meant to hurt him. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And maybe that was why I was sitting on Ranger's couch in Miami. At the end of the day I didn't want to hurt either man in my life.

I slumped down further on the couch as I listened to Mary Lou again questioning why I hadn't called her back. She also had to ask if I'd really left Morelli for Ranger. Back to the eye twitch.

The next call was from Morelli. He was silent for a moment before he spoke. He sounded hurt and confused.

"Steph I really hope you're prepared to explain all of this to me. I'm not going to just ignore that you snuck out tonight and boarded a plane. Was anything you told me tonight the truth? Did your mom really have an affair? Or was that just an excuse to get out of the house?"

I deleted the call with a sigh and waited for Morelli's voice to come back on the phone from when he called after I got to Miami.

"I guess you landed."

I deleted the message and snapped my phone shut. Today was going to be hell. There was no doubt in my mind. It was going to be one emotional talk after the next. I should've just stayed in bed. I needed to talk to my mom and Morelli, and Ranger was due back any minute. If one of them would just run me over with a steam roller it'd be less painful.

With my teeth gritted, I flipped my phone back open. Who to call first? Mom would make my eye twitch more than ever, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for Morelli. Maybe Mary Lou or Lula would be an easier way to start out. And now I just needed feathers to complete my look.

My finger was on the five to speed dial Lula's cell when mine rang. Morelli. I couldn't ignore him any longer.

"Hi," I said, softly.

"Where are you," he asked, his voice low with a hint of anger.

"Miami."

"Ranger?"

"Yes." There was no point in lying. He already knew.

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain."

Was it hard? Or was it that I didn't want to explain? I didn't want Morelli to know about my relationship with Ranger. It was difficult enough for me to try to understand, never mind trying to explain it to Morelli.

"Try." His voice had taken on a hard edge. He wasn't in the mood for excuses. "And I don't want it half-assed either, Stephanie."

I took a deep breath, not particularly caring what he wanted at the moment. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss with him.

"I don't think it really matters. There isn't a way for me to explain it that you'd understand. And I don't expect you to understand. It's my issue," I told him. I just wanted to get off the phone.

"At this point, Steph, I've been up most of the night. Worried sick about if you're where I think you are. If you're okay. So basically I'd like the explanation whether I'll understand or not," he said. "Don't you think you owe me that much?"

He was right. He did deserve it. I just didn't want to give it. It didn't help that what I had to say wasn't going to make him feel better. It was a disaster in the making. There was no way around it, though. It had to be said.

"Fine, you deserve it, but you should know that you're not going to like it."

"I don't like a lot of things right now," he said, harshly. "I'm waiting."

"When I told you I loved you for the first time on the way to the hospital to see Ranger, what I didn't tell you was that I also loved him. Ranger that is. It was something I needed to figure out. Something I'd been trying to figure out. At that moment, the only thing I knew for sure was that I loved you both," I told him.

"You loved him, too," Morelli repeated. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm in love with two very different men."

I heard a sharp intake of air. "Are? As in present tense?" he spat out. "Not were?"

"Yes, Joe, present tense."

"How do you expect me to respond to that? You're telling me that the woman I proposed to three months ago, is in love with another man?"

"I told you that you weren't going to like what I said."

"Damn right I don't like what you said!" he shouted. "How long have you known this?"

"I don't know. A while," I admitted, sinking lower on the couch.

He was waiting me out. Expecting more. I figured I'd given enough.

"How long, Stephanie? Weeks, months, years?"

"After the Slayer incident, I distanced myself from both of you because I knew I needed to get it figured out. I had to choose. I just didn't know how."

How could I tell him that I still didn't know how? How could I tell him that I didn't want to lose Ranger from my life? How was it possible to choose when the risk was hurting a man you loved? But that was what I did anyway. I knew that now. I chose as far as everybody knew, possibly hurting Ranger. But my heart never made a choice. Now it was Morelli hurting.

"If there was really this intense choice problem, didn't you make it the day you accepted my proposal?"

I closed my eyes thinking back to the day. To how I felt. Morelli and I had been on for the longest stretch of our relationship. We still lived separately, but we were together every night our schedules allowed. We were seen as a couple, but I never really felt it. My idea of a couple involved a real commitment. We'd always had problems in that area. He wanted me to do things his way, and I refused to give in. That didn't make for a real couple in my eyes. I was waiting for him to want me just the way I was. And to love me for just the way that I was. And I still didn't know if that day was ever going to come.

"You asked first," I said without really thinking about it.

"I …" Morelli stuttered. "Jesus you can't be serious? I asked first? What the fuck does that mean?"

"I'm sorry. It just came out. I shouldn't have said that. I … you …" I rambled, trying to make up for letting my mouth talk without consulting my brain first.

"This is all great, Cupcake, but that didn't answer why you're in Miami with Ranger," Morelli said, angrily. "Did you figure you could hop a plane, run to him, and fuck him to see if it was all it's cracked up to be? Would that help make your choice for you?"

There was no point in telling him I knew what Ranger was like in bed. He didn't need to know that Ranger was magic. I'd only needed one night to know that it was in deed all it was cracked up to be. And sex with Ranger wasn't what I needed to get off my fence sitting. I wasn't in Miami for sex.

"No," I snapped. "That's not what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I just … I knew what I needed and I did what had to be done."

"What you needed? Ranger is what you needed?"

"I needed to talk to him," I said, leaving it at that.

"Why?" he repeated the same question Ranger asked me earlier.

Truthfully I didn't feel like Morelli needed to know all the reasons. I'd told him enough. The rest would only make matters worse. I'd give him one reason and he'd have to deal with it.

"He's the first person I thought of that could help me," I said.

"Help you with what," Morelli demanded. "And please don't tell me it's so you can look up this one night stand."

"Fine I won't. And you clearly didn't hear a word I told you last night," I shouted, standing up. "And you wonder why I chose Ranger? You were more worried about your fucking game and your sloppy ass friends than listening to my huge life altering situation."

"What is so God damn life altering about it? So your mom had an affair. Big fucking deal, Stephanie. It happens ever day. Get over it. He's not your dad, he just donated the sperm to make you," Morelli shouted back. "And if you remember correctly I offered to send the guys home so we could talk. You're the one that refused to talk to me about it.

Okay so he was right. I hadn't wanted to talk to him about it. I knew he wouldn't be open to looking for the guy. The choice was mine, and he should support me in the decision. The fact that he saw the guy as only donating the sperm to make me disgusted me. We didn't know anything about him. He probably didn't even know about me. He was cheated from even knowing I existed. Morelli talked about everything he deserved; well I deserved to have some answers, too.

"I was sitting here feeling really guilty that I hopped a plane in the middle of the night, but you know what, not any more," I said, quietly.

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. My hands were shaking. Hell my entire body was shaking. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat and tried to get my lip to stop quivering. I didn't want him to know how badly he just hurt me.

"Now, I know I was right for thinking you wouldn't support me in my decisions. It's not your choice. Don't you get that? Yes last night you offered to send all the guys home but the damage was already done. I didn't want to come home to that, and you didn't care enough about my feelings to even let me know you were having all the guys over to watch a game. I live there too, Morelli. Can't you see that we still have commitment issues? Getting engaged and moving in together didn't change that. I don't think it's possible." I snapped my phone shut.

I should want to throw it across the room. But, I was numb. I'd felt numb for months. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be, right? I shouldn't feel like that when I was engaged to Joe Morelli. The man everybody thought I was destined for. Why was this numb feeling starting to feel normal? What started it?

"Babe."

I screamed and jumped about a foot before turning to look at Ranger. He was standing two feet behind the couch, fists clenched at his sides. I had a gut feeling that he'd been standing there for a while. I should have realized that getting distracted wasn't a good thing. It messes with my Ranger radar. Normally I sensed him. Damn Morelli and getting me all worked up. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

"I guess I should be more aware of my surroundings," I said.

Ranger hadn't moved. His eyes were dilated black and staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen before.

"For the first time ever, I'm glad you were unaware of your surroundings," he said, eyes unwavering, fists still clenched.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"It's hard to explain."

My eyes widened and my knees felt like they were going to give out on me at any moment. He'd heard everything. Everything!

He closed the gap between us in three steps. We were standing toe to toe, but nothing was touching. Ranger looked like he was trying to control himself. His jaw was twitching and his blank face was slipping. And suddenly I realized when the numbness started. Ranger was why I was numb.

"What's the other reason you're here that you wouldn't tell Morelli?" he asked, his voice rough.

I'd never really heard Ranger sound emotional. Mostly I watched him go deep inside himself. Words were rarely uttered, and never with emotions clearly on his voice. And as shocked as I was to have him barely holding onto his control, I wasn't going to just blurt out all my secrets.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound confused and innocent.

If I thought Ranger's jaw was tight before, I was dead wrong. He was going to break teeth here soon.

"You can't lie to me, Stephanie. I know you. I can hear a lie in your voice. See it in your eyes. So I'm going to ask you again. What wouldn't you tell Morelli?"