Perry stared at Candace.

Candace was asleep. Any minute now, she would wake up.

Perry went as close to her face as he dared.

Candace opened her eyes.

"3… 2… 1…" Perry thought.

"PHINEAS AND FERB! YOUR UGLY SMELLY PLATYPUS IS IN MY ROOM AGAIN!"

Perry chattered innocently.

"You." Candace accused.

"Me." Perry responded.

Phineas and Ferb came into Candace's room. Ferb picked Perry up.

"Guess what, Candace?" Phineas said. "We're going to Mr. Slushie Burger for lunch today!"

"Yippee." Candace grumbled.

"You'll get to see Jeremy."

"Jeremy?" Candace hopped out of bed. "Oh my gosh! I have to get ready!"

"But lunch isn't until noon." Phineas said.

"I have to get ready NOW!" Candace yelled as she ran down the stairs.

"Okay then." Phineas said.

"I will never understand teenage girls." Ferb said.


"I told you not to give them anything that could be sprayed around."

Perry looked up from his book. "Oh, hi Poppy."

"You gave them spray cheese." Poppy said.

"They were hungry. I figured they'd have fun squirting it in their mouths."

"They didn't squirt it in their MOUTHS." Poppy dragged him into the kitchen.

The entire kitchen table was orange. Paisley and Peppily were rubbing their hands in the cheese on the table. Pamela was licking it. Palmer was standing on top of the table, dancing. He made footprints in the cheese mush.

"Hi, mommy!" He said.

"Look on the bright side. At least one of them is eating it." Perry said.

"You all need to clean this up right now." Poppy said firmly.

"Pamela's the one who sprayed it." Palmer said, doing the moonwalk.

"I don't care. You need to clean it up NOW." She turned to Perry. "DON'T EVER give them anything they can use against the furniture."

"That kind of narrows it down to only a couple of objects." Perry said.

"We maded you a pwesent." Paisley said. He handed Poppy a cheese-stained drawing of a horse.

"Do you wuv us again?" Peppily asked.

Poppy sighed. "I've told you two. Even if I have to scold you, I still love you."

She nudged Perry.

"We both do." Perry said. "Just quit vandalizing the house, and we'll love you even more."

Poppy glared at him.

"That was just a joke." Perry said quickly. "But seriously. Stop acting like monkeys."

"SPECIES DISCRIMINATION!" Palmer shouted.

Perry rolled his eyes.

"Never mind the cleanup." Poppy said. "Go and take a bath. I'll take care of it."

"We can play pirates!" Palmer and his siblings ran down the hall, making cheese footprints. "YAY!"

Poppy got out a paper towel and started wiping off the table.

"Need help?" Perry asked.

"No. I've got it. Don't worry." Poppy said.

"Sorry about the cheese."

"Not your fault."

"Not my fault? I should have KNOWN when I gave it to them."

"I'll take care of it. Thanks for coming by again."

"I hope I'll keep being able to."
Poppy stared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I'll see you later."


When Perry entered the groomer's, Sideblow was standing on a chair, trying to hang a photograph of a kangaroo on the wall.

Perry cleared his throat.

Sideblow turned. "Oh, hello, pumpkin. Hand me that tape, please."

Perry handed him the tape. Sideblow used it to stick the photo on the wall. "There we go. That's perfect. Thank you." He got down. "So, are you ready?"

Perry shrugged after a moment.

"It's okay, pumpkin. Don't be shy." Sideblow led him over to a chair. "Just sit down there. I'll get my assistant."

Perry sat down and stared at the floor.

"Gustav?" Sideblow called. "Where'd you disappear to?"

Gustav came into the room. "Yes, yes. Gustav is here. What do you need?"

"Our two-thirty is here."

Gustav eyed Perry. "Oh yes. That. And what is it we are working on again?"

"Anything that needs to be fixed."

Gustav sighed. "I had better call my wife and tell her I am going to be late for dinner, then."

"I'll run the water." Sideblow said. "Would you mind taking a look at him and making a list of what we need to do?"

"It will be a very long list." Gustav warned.

"Don't tease." Sideblow went into another room.

Gustav inspected Perry, writing constantly on a tiny notepad. Every so often he sighed.

"Do you have lung problems?" Perry asked.

"Do not make noise." Gustav chided. "You will interrupt my train of thought."

"Bet that train has a lot of trouble getting to the station." Perry muttered.

"Even though I am a genius professional and perfectionist, I cannot work miracles." Gustav said. "So let's try for ALMOST perfect, shall we?"

"Insult me all you like. I can insult YOU without you knowing it."

Sideblow came back into the room. "Almost done, Gustav?"

"Maybe, maybe… just checking to see if there is anything I have overlooked… All great art begins with attention to details."

"Maybe you should take up painting." Perry advised.

Gustav sniffed Perry and cringed. "And a bath. He smells."

"Well, that is what we usually start with." Sideblow picked Perry up and carried him into the other room. Gustav followed, still frowning.

"He's got water-tight fur, so we'll need the Oceantastic brand shampoo." Sideblow said, placing Perry in a tub full of warm water.

Gustav handed him the bottle. Sideblow squirted a little bit of the shampoo onto his palm and started rubbing it into Perry's fur.

"You may need more than that." Gustav said. "We might also need some heavy-duty dishwashing detergent to get rid of that stink."

"Say one more word, and I pour dish detergent in your nose." Perry chattered.

"You'd be surprised at how well this stuff works." Sideblow said. "You only need to lather and rinse twice to get the dirt off."

"Twice." Gustav sniffed. "Twice is what happens when once doesn't work."


Perry kind of wished Sideblow didn't trust Gustav as much as he did. Sideblow had done a little work on Perry, but the rest he left to Gustav.

Gustav insulted Perry repeatedly as he worked. Perry had stopped trying to think up comebacks and just decided to ignore him.

Gustav was looking at different spray bottles. Sideblow was standing next to Perry's chair. He said he was supervising to make sure Gustav didn't accidentally dye Perry yellow or something. Perry was pretty sure that Sideblow wasn't kidding.

Gustav handed a green bottle and a purple bottle to Sideblow for approval.

Sideblow opened them up and sniffed them. He gave Gustav the green bottle and put the purple one back.

Perry looked at him.

"Perfume." Sideblow explained. "It won't last too long, pumpkin, so don't worry. It will just help keep you smelling fresher."

Perry picked up a clear-colored bottle and looked at it. "Eew da toilet?! They actually named a perfume that?"

"Ah!" Gustav took the bottle from him. "Eau de toilette!"

"No, our bathrooms were just cleaned last week." Sideblow said.

"No. It is the name of the perfume. It would be called Toilet Water in English." He gave Perry a questioning glance. "Try a spritz?"

Perry shook his head quickly.

"Samuel?" Gustav handed it to Sideblow. "Would you like to try it?"

"Um, I'll pass. But thank you." Sideblow put the bottle back.


"I suppose he's all done." Sideblow said, putting away the comb he had used.

"Goodness, did I do that?" Gustav gasped. "I can work miracles, I told you. No, no thanks is needed. I have planned this all along. My genius shines through all of my work." He picked up his bag and left.

"You look fantastic, pumpkin." Sideblow handed Perry a mirror. "Truly amazing."

Perry stared at his reflection, then back at Sideblow.

"You aren't happy, are you?" Sideblow asked.

Perry didn't know what to say. He gave a little shrug and looked at the tile.

"You can tell me."

Perry hesitated, then shook his head.

"It's fine, pumpkin. I understand. You don't feel like it's you. You don't like to see yourself in that way. Usually when I groom animals, I make them look like cleaner versions of themselves. In this case, I had to give everything a small change so that it would all balance out. That's the way beauty competitions are. Human judges like to see everything clean, balanced and, in some ways, cute."

Perry nodded.

"The effect will wear off in a couple of weeks, as you run around and roll in grass." Sideblow said. "Your color will darken to normal, and your fur will grow out. Don't worry." He smiled. "I think you will probably win that contest, pumpkin."

Perry handed him the mirror and gave him a small smile.


Perry tapped Pinky the Chihuahua on the shoulder. "How do I look?"

Pinky didn't look up from the video game he was playing. "Okay."

"Okay? I was in there for three whole hours being scrubbed, plucked, brushed and trimmed, and you think I look OKAY?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry Perry. I wasn't really listening. I'm playing with Devon on the internet. Hang on." Pinky paused the game and looked up. "What were you sayi- WOAH."

Pinky froze.

"It's not that different." Perry muttered. At least, he hoped it wasn't.

"No, it's not, but you're radiant. Holy cow, you look amazing! How did you do that?"

"Sideblow and Gustav."

"I've heard Gustav's a real pill, but WOW. You. Look. Awesome."

"Stop staring at me!"

"Sorry." Pinky blinked. "Did you have a sudden urge to get a new look, or is there some plan to this?"

"You have to promise not to laugh."
"Promise."

"I've entered a beauty competition."

Pinky burst into laughter.

"You'd better be practicing your hyena impressions, because if you're laughing at what I just said when you PROMISED not to-"

Pinky abruptly stopped laughing. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Yeah. The boys needed money, so… it was the only opportunity we had."

"Wow." Pinky said. "You really WILL do anything for them."

Perry nodded. "If being in a contest I have mocked constantly every time I saw it on television and tolerating Gustav for three hours is what I have to do to help those two out, I'll do it."

"Man." Pinky said. "I'M not even that loyal to Isabella. And I'm a dog! You're a sweet platypus, Perry."
Perry sighed. "I feel weird. Like I'm in someone else's body. And I hate looking in the mirror. It doesn't look like me. Just kind of. Sideblow says I'll go back to normal, but... I kind of wish I'd just go back to normal now."

"No offense, but I kind of prefer the scent you have now to the one you used to give off."
Perry scowled. "Just because you say 'No offense', that doesn't guarantee I'm not going to take offense."

"Sorry." Pinky said.