The sound of movement out in the hall is what wakes me up.
About a million of terrible scenarios race through my head and I almost fling myself out of bed to find out who's sabotaged the lair. There has to be something wrong, otherwise this edgy feeling buzzing through me wouldn't be there.
Just as I am about to sit up in bed I hear light footsteps stop outside my door. The rhythme of their beat sounds familiar and I pause in my anxious worries. More than likey it's just one of my brothers passing through the hall to go to bed. I take a deep breath to calm myself.
Confusion hits me though when I hear the sound of my door being swung open, the hinges creaking slightly. Through my slited eyes I see the soft hallway light seep into my room a stark contrast of the dark of the night. In the doorway I see the outline of one of my brothers and I struggle to make out which one it is until I catch a glimpes of the orange mask tails.
Mikey.
He just stands there in the doorway staring at me and I almost open my mouth to ask him what's he doing out of bed at this time of night. That is, until I see his demeanor.
His arms are crossed selfcoinsously in front of his plastron and he's slumped over like a wilted plant. He shuffles slightly and shifts his weight to one side. There's something in his eyes that makes me uneasy. Like his eyes are glass that has been shattered; dangerous and brittle.
He seems hesitant, like he doesn't know if he should come in or not. I see him waver slightly as if he is going to move forward. I can't help thinking something is wrong. The way Mikey seems so unsure of himself screams something is bothering him. He refuses to come in my room though, and I know he doesn't want to wake me up.
'Talk to me Mikey' I want to yell. 'You can always talk to me'
I want to ask him what's wrong but I know the answer.
'I'm fine Leo.' He would say. Then he would give me a smile that would be as shattered as his eyes.
And we'd leave it at that.
Because that's how it's always been between us.
If he asked me what's wrong, I'd be saying the same answer only Mikey wouldn't let me go until I told him what was wrong. He was always like that. He'd listen to you rant about how the world was so cruel to you then when you turn around and ask him if he's okay his answer is "I'm great!", even though you can see the burning of frustration in his eyes.
I can't help replaying that one night over and over again in my head.
That's the closest I've ever gotten him to talk to me, holding him as he cried like I've never seen him before. His tears ran down in warm rivers over my plastron and I just held on tightly, comforting him the best I could. It's kind of hard to comfort someone when you don't know why they're crying. All I could do was be there.
That's the problem.
I'm just there.
I sit on the sidelines, not knowing what to do about him. All I can do is stand there watching as he beats himself up. I sit there and let him fall.
I'm doing what I swore I'd never do.
I'm letting Mikey get hurt.
But I'm so lost in this situation. I need something tangible to confront. It's not like I can take this enemy down with the blade of my katana. This enemy is Mikey himself. This enemy is me.
This enemy is our lack of communication.
I lay here and watch as it takes both of us down. I watch as Mikey takes a shakey step back into the hall and gently grips the door handle as he draws the door back with some more creaking. I watch as the yellow light of the hall fades as the dark of my room takes over again. He won't talk to me. He thinks I'm sleeping and he doesn't want to wake me up.
But why am I still lying here?
Why am I letting my brother do this to himself? What kind of leader, or brother, would let this happen? Mikey needs me and I sit here waiting for things to change. I want to help but I just need a little more time to organize my thoughts. If I could have a few more minutes to think.
If I could have just a little longer.
Just a little longer…
