Chapter Three
Jax entered her room. He looked around and saw three unpacked suitcases, her bed perfectly made, and the place rather clean. If it were any of the boys, the rooms would be disastrous.
He turned to face Kellie, hoping that the words would roll off his tongue. When he saw her his mind drew a blank. She was pressed against the door, hair flowing across her shoulders, dressed in sweats and a tank top, and her glorious eyes were puffy and red.
Kellie had been cry and he hoped he wasn't the reason. He had no idea what to say especially since she had been crying. What do you say in that situation? 'Sorry I made you balling your eyes out?' They still had unresolved business, but was now really the time? Yes, it was.
"Listen Kellie, I'm sorry I was so cruel back at my mom's…," that's all he could form. He was so distracted by her beauty and his own feelings that he had no clue what to say to her.
She nodded and looked down, "I'm sorry for... ," she sniffled clearly upset about the situation, "Hell I'm sorry for everything." She threw her arms up in an exasperated way.
Jax crossed his arms. No way in hell he was falling for this. They had unfinished business to get to before he felt any pity for her. He shoved the sympathy to the back of his head. "Why did you do it?"
"I didn't mean to snap on you, especially in front of your brothers. It was a mistake and I regret it."
Jax shook his head, "That's not what I meant. I snapped too."
She looked at him confused for a minute, trying to figure out what he meant, what he was trying to say. Her confused look stopped when she realized what he meant. "Why did I leave?"
Jax nodded in return to her question. She knew exactly what he meant and he wanted a damn answer. She had no right coming back and not explaining herself. Hell, she should have explain herself five years ago.
She let out a short breath and shook her head. A tear fell and she ran a hand through her hair. She clearly was looking for a way to make him clear of her reasons. "Jax I…"
"No. I don't want bullshit. What did I do? List it. What made you leave all of a sudden?"
"I couldn't stand it anymore."
"Stand what?! God damnit tell me!"
"You! You hurting me. The pain I had waking up to either you gone or you passed out from fucking and drinking the night before. It only got worse and worse. You slowly let me go. Whether you said you loved me or not." She was fully crying now, sobbing her answer to him.
"You hurt me too, Kellie. I didn't want you to leave."
"Well you certainly seemed sure of it when you didn't stop me."
"Is that what you wanted?! Me to stop you and feel sorry for you?!"
She shook her head, "It's more complicated than that!"
He walked over to her and slammed a hand beside her, keeping her enclosed. He was an inch, maybe two from her face. He smelt of cigarettes and cologne; He still smelt like Jax. It made her want to tell him to get out, but at the same time she wanted to kiss him.
"How?" He said in a husky voice.
It made the holding back even more difficult to control. He was so close to her and their lips were so near. She could just reach a tad bit and she would be lost in him. She wanted to run her hand along his scruff on his chin. She wanted to run her hands along his fit chest, back, and arms. She wanted to feel him again, in more ways than one.
"I shouldn't have left," she said softly. She reached up and stroked his cheek. She ran her hand along his growing beard and a finger along his lips. His eyes were closed and he rubbed his cheek against her hand.
Jax savored the feeling of her soft, delicate hand running across his skin. Her hands were warm and the feeling of her was like heaven. It took him back to the days where she would touch him and it would make everything all better. It took him back to when she was all he needed to calm him down. She was like a drug and he was an addict.
He sunk in her scent and she still smelt like her. Nothing had changed. She had only gotten more attractive. It drove him a little crazy inside. It was like he was sober from a drug for five years but he wanted to start again.
That's what made him pull back. He stepped at least three feet away from her. "No," is all he said. He wasn't about to let all the hate for her be taken over by the love. She was a distraction. He had come in her room to sort things out, not have feelings come back.
She stared at him with desperate eyes. He knew it was just as hard for her as it was for him to break the friction.
"Jax-," she started but he cut her off.
He shook his head, "No. Not again. I'm not falling into this shit storm. No fucking way in hell am I breaking my heart all over again."
He started for the door and she moved out of his way. He was about to reconsider and take her right there, but then he noticed she was doing what he did. She was letting him go. She made no effort to stop him even though he could tell she wanted to.
He walked out the door and he heard a faint, "I'm sorry." Jax turned, but all he saw were her tears running down her face then the door shut. There is was again. That hurt he had felt once before. A door was separating them and one of them had let it close with no fight.
He punched a wall out of frustration, leaving a hole.
"Whoa boy, talk didn't go smoothly?" Chibs said making Jax turn.
"It went fucking fantastic, can't you tell?"
Chibs shook his head as Jax walked past him, "Glad you two are on amazing terms."
Kellie leaned against the door once more. She had let him go. Why didn't she stop him? She was such an idiot! She let an angel of a man escape once more. She felt what he felt, only a smaller portion. Watching someone walk out, and letting them? The most painful thing. Especially when you love them.
She had never really said the words. She had never told Jax she loved him. Maybe it was the lack of love she had gotten that made her scared to love. Or maybe it was the crackhead mother that was lucky her child was self dependent.
Kellie hugged herself, slightly glad Jax had pulled away. Marco, her abusive 'old man', wouldn't be too happy if it gotten around she had done anything with someone in another biker gang. He was hesitant even letting her visit her father. God forbid he find out she's staying in their clubhouse. That would be a hot hot hot day in hell for her.
Marco was loving, sure, but if Kellie said something wrong or pissed him off her face would be bruised. She had gotten beaten so bad one time that she couldn't even roll out of bed. She had cigarette burns on her thighs, three on her arm, and a few on her back. Her body was marked with burns and scars. They were small burns and they didn't hurt physically anymore, but emotionally they crushed her every damn day.
She took her jacket off which had been hiding her arms and she ran her fingers across one of the scars. Tears streamed and she fought to stop them, but she hadn't been able to cry in so long.
She crawled into the cold, empty bed and cried. She gripped the other pillow to her chest to make it seem like she wasn't all alone. Even if there was someone in the bed, she was still alone.
Kellie closed her eyes and prayed it would all go away. What exactly did she want to go away? The pain, the heartbreak, the life she had away from Charming, the life she had in Charming. No, that wasn't right. She wanted a life in Charming, but if she ever left, she would be dead or the Sons would be in danger.
"Where were you?" Clay asked Jax. There was a true party going on, for no reason either. Girls dressed slutty as possibly, booze, weed, and smoke in the air. Yup, it was a SAMCRO party.
Jax grabbed a beer and shook his head, "Nowhere important."
Tig grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little. Tig was close to the edge of passing out, which he was struggling not to cross that line. "Listen, bitches are trouble. Especially when you like 'em. No such thing as love," Tig finished and pointed a finger in Jax's face.
Tig never believed in love. There were either whores or bitches. That's it. Maybe Tig was right for once. If he let this whole love thing go, he wouldn't be in pain.
The boys dropped the subject of Jax, getting bored without any action. They continued on with their night and having fun. Girls were all over them dancing and trying to impress. Of course, the boys made no complaints and just continued to drink away.
Chibs came into the room looking angry. He walked right up to Jax and pushed his shoulder. Jax turned and looked at Chibs. By the look of his face, Jax had some sort of explaining to do.
"Why is my girl cryin'?" Chibs asked angrily. He wasn't going to say anymore until someone gave him a good fucking reason.
Jax sighed and stood up, "Shit." He started to walk away and Chibs grabbed him, "If all you two are gonna do is fight? Don't bother with 'er." He sat down and grabbed a drink.
Jax stood there thinking. Would he stay and hang with the boys and ladies? Or would he go back into a cage that he knew was a trap? It was the club versus Kellie. Plenty of parties came along, but Kellies didn't come by the dozen.
He pushed past crowds of people and jogged down the hall. He would be in there five minutes, tops. He took a deep breath before opening the door. He looked in expecting a crying Kellie, but there was nothing. He checked in her bathroom, and again, nothing.
Maybe she was outside? He tried to think of any place she would go. Her bags were still in the room, so she hadn't left. Where would she go when she was upset? He smiled to himself. He knew exactly where she was.
Kellie had her knees clutched to her chest and she was looking out at the stars. Jax wasn't home so she figured she could get away with going to his roof again. It was their spot, and secretly her calm spot. She went there when she needed to get away.
The stars were shining like they were there for helpless souls like herself. She wanted to be one of those stars. She would kill to sit in the sky and feel beautiful again as she sparkled.
She felt beautiful and desired with Jax. She wanted that again and the only way she would get it is being a star.
Kellie was so trapped in the sky that she didn't hear the Harley pull up, but she heard someone opening the attic window. She just about fell off, scared to death.
Jax came out of the window and sat next to her, saying nothing. It was a little bit of an awkward situation. Was he about to fight or be nice? Who knew with Jax.
"Have you ever wanted to be a star?" She asked softly.
Jax chuckled, "A star?"
She nodded and smiled. She looked to Jax and then the stars again. "It wouldn't be too bad up there, just being adored by millions. Not a care in the world. Then when you fall, they all wish upon you and you… had a purpose I guess."
"You think you don't have a purpose?"
She shrugged. She wasn't about to spill all her problems on him, but she was done hiding them. "I don't know anymore. I tend to flip flop," she smiled and looked at him. The sight of him in the moonlight was breathtaking.
"Everyone has a purpose. You just haven't found it yet. Mine is to be in the club, to fight off all the bad guys, but still be one."
Kellie laughed, "So you fight these bad guys just to be seen as one too? That doesn't sound too logical Jackson."
"And being a star is?" He joked.
She stuck her tongue out at him childishly. "Yes. I'll just get a really tall ladder or jump out of a plane."
Jax laughed and it was a sound she never realized she missed. "You'd be a falling Kellie, not a falling star."
Kellie stood up and walked to the edge of the house, "It would be worth a shot right?" She was joking but Jax pulled her back and she landed on him laughing.
"No. It wouldn't."
Her head was in his lap. She looked up at him with a pouting face, "Ooo Mr. Boss man! ." She raised her hand and poked his nose.
He chuckled and glanced at her arm. In the light he could see it was a scar. He grabbed her arm and pulled it to him. "What the fuck is that?" He said pointing to a burn.
Kellie sighed, "Way to ruin the fun Jax." She sat up and pulled her arm back to herself. He didn't need to see that or know why it was there.
"Did someone do that to you?" He asked angrily almost sounding protective. In fact, yeah he did sound protective.
She nodded. She wasn't about to lie to him, no more lies. "Yeah."
He looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. He seemed saddened and he ran his thumb across it. He stared at it as if he had done it.
She tilted his head up, which was a bold move for her. "Hey, they don't hurt anymore."
"How old were you?"
"Seventeen. Right after I uh… you know."
"You left because of me. And this happened," he looked back down at her arm.
She tilted his head up again and stared at him, "Jackson Teller don't you dare blame yourself for my mistakes. You didn't burn me. Got it?"
He gave her a half smile, "You're awfully bossy."
She shook her head and started to bring her hand back, but he stopped it. He held her hand back up to his face. "Do what you did earlier."
She looked at him confused for a minute. He wanted her to touch him? Earlier he made it clear it's not what he wanted. What changed? Talking and not fighting?
She moved so she was sitting in front of him, not moving her hand away.
Her soft hand cupped his cheek and made it's way down his chin and across it. He didn't want to walk away earlier, this was a raincheck on that. He knew he wanted her to touch him, why would he stop her?
Her thumb ran under his eye as if wiping his invisible tears. His eyes never left her face, but she was drinking his in. She was smiling to herself. A small, poor excused of a smile, but it was there.
He reached his hand up and touched her cheek, that what made her flinch. She seemed scared of a man touching her. Was she beaten? Was she scarred emotionally?
He pulled his hand back, not wanting to cross a line, but she stopped it, "No, it's okay. You can do it. I'm fine.'' She placed her hand on his chest as he ran his hand down her cheek.
He leaned in closer not knowing what he was doing. Their bodies moved toward each other like they were magnets.
When his lips met hers he felt it again. He felt that spark reconnect. The wires were untangling and connecting again. His Kellie was back. Her lips pressed against his, her head in his hand, and her body now in his lap. It was like a bomb went off in his chest, but it didn't hurt. It was a relief and she didn't fight it.
Thank you so much for the reviews guys! I appreciate all you've done. I promise by Chapter 5 or 6 there will be some spicy moments. Don't worry I'm still going to put some action in this, it's not all cheesy! Mwah!
