Cliché #3: Major-Doctor Samantha Carter makes everyone else... obsolete
Season: 7
Pairing: Sam/Jack friendship
Rating: K+
A/N: thanks to Entropic Cascade for being, well, mad (it's not a bad thing, lol). :o) And sorry to everyone about the last chapter. If it wasn't a parody of the powers of St Daniel, Sam would have repeatedly floored him.
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Hammond escorted the recently inaugurated President Hayes around the SGC. As they walked down a corridor, the President appeared stunned when suddenly a yellow and blue blur whizzed past him. He carried on walking but looked at Hammond to see whether the General had noticed. He hadn't.
"As you may have noticed, Mr President, we have managed to cut base spending by forty-two percent. We hope that this..."
As Hayes began to doubt his sanity, the blur whizzed past again, in the opposite direction, disappearing into a lab. Noticing that Hammond still hadn't appeared to notice that anything was wrong – and the President was sure that he would have come across something like this in the reports he got from his place if such an occurrence was commonplace – Hayes stopped, and peered into the lab curiously.
Hammond stopped too and said with a smile as he entered the lab, "This is Major Carter, Mr President, SG-1's scientific expert, and our expert on the Stargate."
Sam got up from her lab table where she appeared to have been working on several projects at once, and she said with a smile as she shook the President's hand, Hayes noticing a screwdriver tucked behind one of her ears, "President Hayes. It's an honour to meet you, Sir."
Hayes replied with a polite smile, "The honour's all mine, believe me, Major." He let go of Sam's hand, and looked at Hammond, "George. What's going on?"
Hammond asked, looking politely puzzled, "What do you mean, Sir?"
"Wasn't she..." He glanced at the Major. "My apologies, Major..." His gaze returned to Hammond. "... Wasn't the Major at the checking point, letting my car in?"
Hammond appeared not to have heard anything as Hayes continued, "And wasn't she serving us at the Commissary? And what about the briefing room where she gave presentations on the science of the Stargate, several Ancient translations, off-world plants, alien weather systems, and the ruins on..."
He glanced at Sam who said with a nod, "P4X-210."
Hayes nodded. "Yes. What's going on?"
Hammond still hadn't appeared to have heard anything as he said, "Mr President, would you like to visit the control room?"
Figuring that he might as well just go along with it for now, Hayes nodded, sighing. "Sure. Let's roll." He turned to say his farewells to the Major, but she had already gone. Funny, he thought, he didn't remember reading about her having an attitude problem. As he and Hammond left the now darkened lab, Hayes asked, noticing not for the first time that there was hardly anyone about,
"Where is everyone, George? If I'm not mistaken, the mountain employs..." He paused as that same blur whizzed past him several times. He cleared his throat, noticing once again that Hammond hadn't appeared to have seen the blur, or was perhaps just ignoring it. He figured that perhaps he should do the same, for now at least. "... the mountain has seven hundred and fifty four people on its payroll, including eighteen SG-teams."
Hammond replied with a proud smile, "That's what I've been trying to explain to you, Mr President. It will all become clearer soon."
Hayes frowned in confusion, even more so as they stopped outside of a room where a man he recognised as Colonel O'Neill stood in the doorway as Major Carter worked hard at a desk. Jack said, exasperated, "Oh come on, Sam, you're always working. The mountain's not gonna stop if you take one day off. Honestly. Come on, watch a game with me."
Sam replied, frowning as her fingers travelled across a clay tablet, "Uh, Jack... of course it will. Haven't you got paperwork to catch up on?"
Hammond cleared his throat and Jack almost jumped out of his skin as he turned around. He then said, offering his hand as Sam straightened up behind her desk inside, "President Hayes."
Hayes nodded. "Colonel O'Neill, I presume."
"As a certain member of my team would say... indeed."
Hayes, curious, asked as Sam resumed working, "Just out of curiosity, where is the rest of your team? I'd like very much to meet Doctor Jackson in particular."
"Indefinite leave, Sir. General Hammond introduced some cost-cutting measures to ensure the base stays within budget every month. I should be on leave too but I was hoping to get Major Carter to take a break."
"Isn't the Major on leave?" Hayes looked at Hammond expectantly.
Hammond replied, "This is part of the plan I was describing, Sir. The way we found to cut costs was to have one person running the entire base, with the aid of one of the Atok armbands that you may have read about."
Hayes frowned. He vaguely recalled reading about armbands influencing the human members of SG-1 to go off-world in a sabotage mission some years previously. He also knew that the team being 'influenced' to do so was also a white lie to save the military members from court martials for disobeying orders. "I thought you had to stop using them because they..."
Jack exchanged a glance with Hammond, who nodded. The Colonel said, "Major Carter did a little tinkering in one of them. She now makes everyone on base obsolete."
Hammond said to Hayes, gesturing to the rest of the corridor, "Sir... if we may..."
The two men continued walking, hearing an argument starting up behind them between the Colonel and the Major. As they turned a corner, Hayes could have sworn that he heard Jack exclaim, "For cryin' out loud, Space Monkey!"
"Jaaack!"
Hayes was about to ask Hammond what sort of an establishment he was running where a commanding officer and his second-in-command could openly take to verbal sparring whilst on duty, when that same yellow and blue blur raced past them, and down the corridor in front of them. Hayes had had enough. "What the hell is that, George?"
Hammond asked, looking at the President curiously, "Sir?" He suddenly looked concerned. "Are you feeling okay?"
Hayes replied, feeling a little overwhelmed as it sank in that a single person was doing everything on base, "Actually... I think I've got a headache coming on."
"Let me escort you to the Infirmary."
"That's okay... I've got some asp..."
"I insist, Sir."
The two men entered a lift, and as the lift doors closed, Hayes once again saw the yellow and blue blur whiz past. He silently hoped that he wasn't losing his marbles. He wasn't even seventy yet.
Minutes later, Hammond escorted him from the lift to the on-base Infirmary, of which Hayes had read a great many good things about. He murmured to himself the names of the medical personnel, hoping that he still remembered them correctly, especially Doctor Janet Frasier, who had done such a lot to further the SGC's understanding of off-world medicine, and different alien physiologies. He was all ready to shake hands as they approached a figure clad in surgical scrubs with her back to them.
Hammond cleared his throat and the figure turned around, lowering her surgical mask – and he noted that Doctor Frasier looked a lot taller than 5ft 1 in real life – revealing none other than the face of Major Carter, once again. What the hell was going on? How could one armband do all this? His last thought before he fell unconscious in shock was that the Infirmary ceiling could do with a fresh coat of pain... seconds before that same yellow and blue blur whizzed across the ceiling, leaving fresh paint in its wake.
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Next up... the big man from Chulak himself... Teal'c!
