Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Leonard gave Tracy an ingratiating, awkward smile. "Sorry about Sheldon," he gestured over his shoulder to the hallway his roommate has disappeared down in order to wash off the cooties he'd received from their houseguest's handshake. "He's…" he cast around a moment to find an appropriate adjective, "…Sheldon."

Tracy smiled back, genuinely. "Yeah, Penny warned us."

"Why don't you have a seat," Leonard offered. "Not there!" He cleared his throat. "I mean… um… the chair is more comfortable."

Tracy did her best to cover her fit of laughter with a cough. "Right, don't sit in the left-hand corner of couch. I forgot."

Leonard raised a surprised eyebrow in Penny's direction. She shrugged in return, "I've heard the rant once, thanks. More than enough."

"Good point."

Meanwhile, at the back window of the apartment, Howard was pointing out invisible constellations to Carol who was pretending to see them. Considering the sun had just barely set, it was an Oscar-winning performance on both sides of the conversation.

"And that's Coito Ergo Sum," Howard pointed randomly while staring down Carol's low-cut top.

"It's beautiful," Carol gushed, surreptitiously squeezing her arms together to deepen her cleavage. "Show me another one?" She stroked Howard's thigh while stroking his ego, and he was putty in her hands.

"Oh, I'll show you stars, alright," Howard growled, stroking Carol's thigh in return. Their eyes connected, and they were off and running, passing Sheldon in the hallway as he came back to the assembled group.

Sheldon gave them a slight glance and a shrug, then promptly forgot about them. Making his way over to the seating area, he stopped dead. "Who sat there?" he demanded, pointing an accusatory finger at 'his' seat.

Leonard's eyes widened in a mute plea for his roommate to embrace sanity for once.

Sheldon, quelled, awkwardly placed his hand on his hip and struck an overly-casual pose. "I mean, is anyone sitting there?" he asked in a strangled voice?

Tracy opened her mouth with a devilish look on her face, but Penny stepped in before she could say anything. "Nope, no one at all. We were saving it for you!" she answered brightly.

"While I realize that such an assertion is patently false, I will accept it as true in order to continue the friendly social dynamic which is attempting to be put in place," Sheldon stated matter-of-factly as he sat down.

Penny and Tracy turned to Leonard for translation. "He means 'thanks.'"

"Ohhh."

"So Raj," Ru was saying in the kitchen. "Penny tells me that you can't talk to women." She poured them each a glass of Coke. "Is that really true?"

Raj looked at Penny in horror, but she was talking to the others and didn't see him. He had no choice but to turn back to Ru and nod miserably and looked down at the floor.

"Well…" Ru ran one finger over his hand and then up his arm to his shoulder. "Can you do… other things with them?"

Raj's head sprang up so quickly he hurt his neck, grabbing it in pain but unable to cry out in the presence of a female. With tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, he bit his lip and nodded eagerly.

"Why don't we try that, then?" she smiled.

His beatific smile stretched from ear to ear as he let her take his hand and walk him down the hallway.

Sheldon, the only one who didn't at that moment have his back to the hallway, raised an eyebrow as he watched them walk down it, but shrugged and them promptly dismissed them in order to continue the argument he was engaged in.

"How have you never seen Star Wars?"

"I just never have," Penny shrugged. "I mean, I've heard of it and everything, I just haven't ever sat down and watched it is all."

Leonard piped in at that point. "But it's a cinematic masterpiece!"

"It's not that great," Tracy muttered. The two geeks rounded on her.

"What?" Leonard sputtered. "It is a classic story of good versus evil!"

"And the technologies introduced were incredibly intriguing," Sheldon added.

"Yeah," Tracy scoffed, "And the dialogue was cheesy, the special effects were overused, and the plot kept getting hung out to dry in order to put in a fight scene."

Penny watched as both Leonard and Sheldon seemed to be on the verge of exploding. She was just about to jump in and offer to watch all six movies in a marathon when a resounding slap echoed through the apartment.

"What kind of girl do you think I am, Howard… whatever your name is!" Carol shouted as she thundered back down the hallway into the living room. She was holding her bra and attempting to get her shirt turned the right way round.

"I'm sorry!" he pleaded, running after her while trying to pull his pants up from around his ankles and not fall flat on his face. The others in the living room all gagged and averted their eyes. "I thought you were easy!"

Carol's mouth dropped open and she stared accusingly at Penny. Penny's mouth worked up and down for a few moments before she finally got control, smacking Howard in the back of the head. "I said cheesy, not easy!" she hissed in a totally audible whisper. "As in her sense of humour?"

"No," Howard insisted, not picking up on the fact that Penny was stepping firmly on his foot for a reason. "You said she punished her father by sleeping around… either that or she was two tequila shots away from letting me wear her like a hat, I can't remember."

Everyone's eyes bounced from Penny to Carol to Howard and back again. This was better than the French Open.

"No," Penny replied threw clenched teeth. "That was Cheryl, not Carol."

"Ohhh," Howard bounced on his toes for a moment, smoothing down his shirt and hitching up his Spider Man briefs. He walked up to a still-seething Carol and took her hand, giving it a gentle kiss. "I am terribly sorry to have besmirched your honour, milady," he said with a bow. "I will do my best to mend this rift between us."

Carol blushed and giggled, fanning herself slightly with her free hand. "Well… I guess I might forgive you… if," she leaned over and whispered in Howard's ear.

Howard's face lit up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Centre. "After you, my beautiful, sensitive flower!"

After they scurried back down the hallway, Leonard stood awkwardly for a moment thinking things through. Suddenly, the realization struck. "Not in my room!"