Well, I was thinking about how much I hate self-insertion (that terminology does not sit well with me) in fanfiction. I came to the conclusion that this was the opposite. This is taking fanfiction and applying it to my life. Oh and what a sad life it is…
Also, some other Naruto characters will be making cameo appearances in this chapter, try and guess who they are!
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Chapter Three: What do I smell like?
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Much to the horror of his fellow stock associates, Naruto dropped the table and rushed to the lazy men's wear employee. "Hey," he whispered in a tone that was nothing short of conspiratorial, "What do I smell like?"
It is unfortunate that one of the effects of smoking happy grass is delayed reaction, otherwise his fellow stoners may have been able (if they had felt inclined) to save Naruto the embarrassment he was about to endure.
"What?" Shikamaru looked very confused.
"What do I smell like?" Naruto persisted.
Before there was a chance for the slow-moving co-worker to respond, a loud voice interrupted the unusual conversation.
"What time are you taking break?"
Naruto nearly jumped out of his skin and he was sure he begun the process of pissing his pants. He spun around and took a deep breath of relief as he spotted Kiba.
"Hmmm…I'll call you when I decide. I'm waiting to hear from Chouji."
"Alright, you know the extension. Hey guys!" Kiba moved on to chat with the somewhat uncomfortable stock team.
Shino and Kakashi nodded in eerie unison. Sasuke ignored him and Naruto dove for him.
"What do I SMELL LIKE?!" he yelled as he half tackled the boy.
"What the he-HEY!" Kiba began, but quickly shot Shino a hurt glare, "Without me? Dude! Is there any left?"
The shade-sporting stock associate shook his head, "but I can get some later. When do you want it? And how much do you need?"
"Just a gram. I only need enough for me and maybe Hinata if she wants to try it."
Now, Hinata had never smoked anythingin her life, but she, Kiba, and Shino had grown up on the same street. Before there Sellers days, Kiba and Shino had even done yard work for her father. She'd known both of them for longer than she could recall and held a deep trust for them. It was this that had made her say maybe when Kiba asked if she'd like to try.
Naruto did not know the story behind the three friends and now drifted off into thoughts and theories that perhaps Hinata was dating Kiba. He would ask Ino, she would know.
Kakashi was chatting with Shikamaru about the new fall men's wear they'd have to be putting out within the week.
Shino was sending a text message to his supplier, an order for Kiba.
Sasuke was watching the madness about him and for whatever reason, he began to giggle. His thoughts were moving too fast for him to remember what had caused the first giggle, but now he was in this state by picturing how ridiculous it must look to everyone else to see him giggling like a crack addicted, school girl.
His peers looked for a moment as though they might question his behaviour, all except for Naruto that is. He was still trying to grasp the relationship between Kiba, Shino, and Hinata. He looked to the fitting rooms and nearly called for Ino, but she'd just get mad.
His need to know finally overtook the little remaining logic he had and he shouted rather loudly, "Are you having a three way?!"
Suddenly, Sasuke's giggling seemed to be nothing of concern. Though, for anyone curious he had now collapsed to the floor in a fit of laughter.
Of course, several minutes had passed since the topic of Hinata's marijuana experimentation had arose and now nobody was sure what Naruto was shouting about. Customes and coworkers alike stood still – except the still laughing Sasuke – and stared as though Naruto had just kicked a newborn baby out of its mother's arms.
A long silence felt as though it had passed before Shino caught the proverbial baby. "Sorry everyone! He has tourettes syndrome and can't control himself," he explained calmly to the crowd.
Kakashi nodded in confirmation and the people looked at Naruto.
"Poor boy," said one man to his wife.
"What a shame," she answered.
"What's a three way?" asked their small son from his seat in the cart.
"Well, when three people really love each other…" the voice of the mother trailed off as she pushed the cart and they all continued their shopping.
"I think that's what Mabel's grandson has," commented an old lady to her shopping chum as they passed.
"Your sister Mabel, or my cousin Mabel?" inquired the other.
"My sister Mabel of course, your cousin Mabel doesn't have any grandkids, remember?"
Naruto's face was red with embarrassment. Still, he wanted an answer. "So? Are you?"
"What are you talking about?" Kiba asked as he flipped open his wallet and checked for money to pay Shino. "All I've got is a five."
"That's fine. I'll let the other half slide."
"Thanks!"
"Are you having a three way?" Naruto demanded feeling very ignored.
"Is who having a three way?" Kakashi asked as he nudged Sasuke – still laughing – with his boot.
"You two and Hinata!" Naruto gestured angrily at the boys in question.
"NO WAY!" Kiba balled up a fist and punched Naruto in the jaw, a shot his drug affected reflexes could not manage to dodge.
Shino looked taken aback, though it was hard to say given his glasses and popped collar hiding a fair amount of his face.
"I was just asking!" Naruto exclaimed as though he were the one who should be offended by the situation. A somewhat shaky tanned hand rose to touch his jaw. It felt swollen, but he wasn't sure if it really was or not. He didn't feel any pain at the touch and so, quite stupidly, he poked the contact site hard. "AHHHHHH!!!" His hands shot up to cup the injured area which was very tender.
"Stock personnel to checkout nine for customer carry out. Stock personnel to checkout nine for customer carry out. Thank you!" Haku's voice announced cheerily.
Kakashi looked at his three employees with a thoughtful examination. Neither Sasuke or Naruto appeared to be in any state to deal with customers. "Shino, you and I can get that. Sasuke, you go with Naruto to jewellery. Hinata should have a kit there to take care of his jaw."
"I want to do a carry out!" Naruto whined. The last time he had, the customer had tipped him and Shino five dollars between them. Just to bring a Christmas tree to their car!
"The next one is yours if the two of you are sober enough to handle it," Kakashi promised, his voice firm.
Sasuke managed to get to his feet. His laughing had died down some to more of a quiet chuckle. Naruto sighed and glared at Kiba before they started the short journey to the jewellery counter.
Somewhere along the way, Sasuke stopped making noise altogether and had settled into a cocky grin. They approached the counter and Hinata looked up at them. She gave a meek wave and blushed at Naruto.
"Hi Hinata," began the blonde, sure that he wasn't talking properly, "Kiba punched me in the face. Kakashi says you have first aid stuff here."
"Oh…I … Uh… Of Course. … … Right .. umm. . Here," she vanished momentarily as she ducked beneath the counter and reappeared with a large red case. She unzipped it and turned it around so he could take what he needed.
"Hehe," Naruto chuckled nervously as he looked in.
"He doesn't know what he's doing," Sasuke informed Hinata.
"Sorry," she whispered, blushing furiously. A moment of nothing and then she found the courage to walk around and open the chain that separated the outside of the counter from the inside. Carefully reconnecting the chain, she slowly advanced towards Naruto. Digging through the aid pack she produced a strange, lumpy blue thing. Squishing it up and wrapping it in a cloth, she handed it to her crush. "Put it where it hurts," she told him timidly.
"Thanks," Naruto said as he accepted the cold pack. He was obviously totally oblivious to Hinata's awkwardness and blatant attraction to him.
Sasuke found this funny. However, he managed not to laugh, but instead broke into a large smile.
Nearby, pushing a cart of women's wear returns, Sakura stood frozen, gaping at the scene before her. There stood Naruto, being tended to by Hinata for some facial injury; she was too far away to say for sure. Beside Hinata was Sasuke, and he was smiling at the jewellery associate. It wasn't even a small smile, but a large genuinely happy smile! She regained her composure and rushed back to women's as quickly as possible. She had to tell Ino. Something must be done.
The blonde girl was leaning on her podium, amplifying the effect of her breasts as she chatted with an older guy. His long black hair in a pony tail and the well put together casual outfit screamed college guy. Normally, Sakura would have asked him if he wanted help. This was no normal situation though.
"Ino. Follow me," she ordered as she stalked down through the row of fitting rooms. Her friend and rival protested momentarily.
"That's alright, I'm done here," said the beautiful man with eerily familiar features. Sakura briefly questioned where she might have seen him before. He nodded to Ino and left the department.
"What is it Sakura!" Ino half screeched.
"Sasuke has a crush on Hinata!"
"WHAT!?!" Ino looked frantically about and then back at her pink-haired informant. "Are you sure?" She asked desperately. There had to be a mistake.
"I saw him smiling at her over in jewellery! Like big, huge, happy, smile!"
"That doesn't mean anything. You've obviously got it wrong."
"No way, I watched with my own eyes!"
"But why her?" Ino asked aloud what they had both been wondering. The two sat on the waiting chairs and silently debated the reasons for Sasuke's crush.
Meanwhile, outside of the store, Kakashi and Shino were shoving a crib box rather roughly into the back of a car that was definitely not large enough for the product.
"Do the seats fold down by chance?" Kakashi asked.
"Nope, sorry," the man said. He himself was probably larger than the entire stock team put in one. Yet, he apparently couldn't help move the box of the car in any way. He'd even parked at the very end of the almost empty lot.
Shino looked frustratedly at Kakashi. Walking around the side of the car and opening the door, he fingered the area under the seat and eventually hit the sweet spot. The seat collapsed forward. Closing the door and repeating the steps on the other side, Kakashi easily slid the box the rest of the way in. He looked at the large man expectantly.
"Thanks," was all the reward they got before the giant stuffed himself into the car and drove off.
"Asshole," Shino mumbled.
"Am I really high, or was his skin a little blue looking?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah, I noticed that too… Maybe he's part smurf."
"Maybe he ate a lot of smurfs."
The laughed and grabbed the buggies from the lot before going back in.
Back at the jewellery counter, Hinata was handing Sasuke and Naruto some band-aids to keep in their pockets, just in case. Naruto tried to take them, but stumbled as he moved forward and knocked the entire kit onto the floor, spilling its contents onto the carpet.
Now, this was the closest that Sakura's observation came to being true, for as Hinata got on all fours to pick up the things, Sasuke took a moment to admire her rear.
Naruto apologized repeatedly as he joined Hinata in her quest to retrieve the lost objects.
Sasuke took a moment to admire his behind too. He came to the conclusion that Naruto had a firm butt, but Hinata had a rounded one that complimented her figure very nicely. They were both lovely asses.
He looked up at the ceiling, not really wanting to help.
"Looks like you're as energetic and helpful at work as you are at home…"
Sasuke flung his head around so quickly, as he sought out the source of the voice, that there was temporary concern he may snap his own neck. He finally spotted the man behind him.
"What do you want?" he managed coldly.
"I can't pick you up tonight. Do you have another way home?"
"I can find one," Sasuke said, thinking he'd just walk it. "Why can't you come?"
"My religion professor wants everyone to go to some seminar about Zoroastrians. It starts at six and I don't know when it ends, but it's on campus, so it's at least an hour's drive back. I just don't think I could make it in time."
"Whatever."
"That's the spirit," said the man with the black pony tail as he reached out and ruffled Sasuke's hair affectionately. "Find a ride, don't walk or I'll steal your eyes," he threatened knowingly. The abstract threat was lost on Sasuke, who had already decided he was just going to walk anyway.
The man than wandered away and likely out of the store.
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Chapter Three: What do I smell like?
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And that be the third chapter. A little weird, but I'm drunk off vodka and therefore, don't care. You may have noticed two other characters from Naruto described. Guess who they are. They are probably a little – or a lot – on the OOC-y side, but again, I don't care.
Next chapter there'll be a new employee joining the ranks of Sellers. How will she affect the plot? (Author's note: I have yet to actually develop a plot, I'm just pulling this out of my ass as I go) Who is she? peaks aheadLe Fuck! Could it be?
Stay tuned for the next chapter, Seven sizes too big!
Naito
