Jaune's Bizarre Realities
Re:Zero abridged short - I love…
With the snap of her fingers, Louise quickly switched the "channel" and it brought them to one that she knew would not work out well.
"Pyrrha, do you know how awesome you are?" Jaune Arc looked out into what seemed to be a medieval version of Remnant, behind him was Pyrrha who was dressed in a maid outfit.
For a moment, Pyrrha had felt a warm feeling in her chest, being praised by Jaune was always a treat for her. Although, why was she dressed as a maid? She shrugged her shoulder, "I suppose it doesn't really matter, as long as there is a universe where I can be with Jaune." She thought to herself.
Everyone else felt rather happy for Pyrrha, she was the one who wanted to be with Jaune since the very beginning, as for why, none of them really knew, but hey, love works in mysterious ways.
"Oh please, Jaune darling' you flatter me." she replied with an obvious blush on her face.
"Like, uh, you're amazing… Cute AND amazing!" It was obvious that he was running out of compliments fast.
The smile that was on Yang's face quickly fell after realizing what was going on, she knew far too well as for what was happening. She had dealt with a couple of the same cases herself.
"Uh huh…" She wanted to hear more obviously.
Pyrrha sat, leaning forward as far as she could before falling over, but was quickly chopped on the head by Nora, "Stop fishing for compliments Pyrrha, it makes you look desperate." Nora advised, and she was right, it really made Pyrrha look thirsty for that Arc "bloodline", if you catch my meaning.
"Like, uh… You da man! Ah shit what else…" Jaune muttered to himself as he tried to think up with more compliments for Pyrrha.
"Oh please Jaune, praise me some more. Seriously, I'm like a fucking faucet down there right now!" Pyrrha's eyes became considerably smaller as she exclaimed those words.
Most of the faces in the room cringed at such bold lewdities coming out of Pyrrha's mouth, except for Blake's, she seen scenes like this in her, ahem, adult books.
Ruby then turned to Pyrrha with a quirked brow, "Being complimented does that to you? I don't think that's ever happened to anyone in the history of… well ever!" Ruby yelled out, and most of the room agreed with her.
Pyrrha at least had the decency to look embarrassed, but she was honestly basking in the compliments that the Jaune on screen was giving her, damn, she is thirsty.
"Okay, listen Pyrrha, we need to talk." Jaune was already uncomfortable as it is so he'd rather get this over with as soon as possible.
"Oh, is it about our future together, Jaune darling? I've been thinking about it a lot myself. We would have two children together, one boy, one girl of course! And we'd name them Pyrrha and Jaune Jr. And if it comes out retarded, we can just call it Weiss." She kept listing off things that made Jaune cringe the more he heard, but he steeled himself and managed to get Pyrrha's attention.
"Okay, what the fuck!" Weiss yelled out, only to instantly cover her mouth, she had never sworn in front of polite company or that loudly.
Everyone then turned to Weiss, their reactions varying, Yang, Tai, and Qrow all thought it was hilarious as they were all on the floor laughing.
The teachers along with Raven found it amusing, but didn't show it openly.
But the rest of the students and Winter were all shocked, mostly Ruby was shocked though, "Weiss, swear!" She yelled out, and magically pulled out a glass jar.
All laughing stopped when the jar came out, and the three who found themselves on the floor had their blood drain from their faces, the swear jar… The money drainer had appeared.
Weiss let out a sigh as she threw a lien into the jar, money was of no concern to her. However, for everyone else in the room, including Winter, envied that lack of concern, they all had to work for their cash after all.
Pyrrha let an awkward chuckle as she saw the Xiao-Long-Rose family glare at the jar with pure hatred, "L-let's just move on with the viewing." She said, she was still very interested in what her other self was going to do next.
"Alright, I'm gonna try and let you down easy." Jaune said, unfortunately Pyrrha took it the wrong way.
"Aww, alright then. Just one child will do-"
"I don't love you." He cut off Pyrrha's train of thoughts.
The sound of a glass shattering echoed throughout the room, and a disappointed 'aww' escaped Louise, "And that was my favorite glass." She said as she stared at the glass shards beneath her.
Meanwhile, Pyrrha was having a meltdown, "W-well, I suppose that's fair, I-I mean, why would anyone ever want to be with me?! There would be far too much baggage for anyone to h-handle! I suppose being a celebrity I-Isn't enough for some individuals." She thought to herself, trying to find a reason why Jaune wouldn't like her.
All the other girls in the room felt bad for Pyrrha, after all, she had liked Jaune since very early in the year, it would only make sense that she would experience a breakdown.
"Oh, really?" the atmosphere became cold, very cold and Pyrrha's gaze wasn't helping the blonde either.
"I think you're an awesome person, I really do! I… Just don't feel that way about you." Pyrrha adorned a sweet smile on her face, something that unnerved the Arc greatly.
Everyone in the room flinched at those words, "Yikes, that rough kid." Qrow said as he took a swig from his flask, only to be punched in the back of the head by loving sister.
"You fool, have you no tact, this is not the time for you to be an idiot." Raven said callously as she glared at her younger brother.
Qrow rubbed the back of his head, "Like you're one to talk about not having tact." He grumbled as he rubbed his wound.
"It's absolutely fine. You're free to like anybody you please, Jaune dar- I mean Jaune, It's not like I showered you with affection, made you breakfast every day, and kissed you good night when you were sleeping-"
"Wait, when the hell did you sneak into my room?" Jaune immediately asked.
"An irrelevant question." she quickly shot back.
Tai quirked a brow at that little dodge, "No no, I think this is actually a pretty relevant question. Why would you sneak into his-, sorry, I forgot the version of Pyrrha Nikos we're watching is bat shit insane." Tai had said, he had experience with dealing with crazy women. Granted, they were pregnant at the time, but they were still bat shit insane.
"S-So, who is this lucky girl stealing my precious Jaune away from me?" Pyrrha asked and Jaune tried his best to answer.
"Well…" Before he could answer Pyrrha beat him to it.
"She must be a beautiful maiden with quite a name to herself. Must be from the richest family in Remnant right? Maybe a heiress, white hair? Or maybe not even her! Maybe, it could be one of the Huntresses in training-"
"It's Ren." Her smile went into a face of shock and if you were to focus your hearing, you could hear the sound of death approaching.
For a moment, the room was dead silent, and it seemed that the universe in front of them was frozen.
Well, it was quiet, until Nora started snickering to herself. Everyone had their eyes freakishly wide, they just couldn't believe that Nora found this funny. "What is wrong with you? Have you no empathy?" Asked Winter angrily, she didn't understand what it was like to have that happen to her, but to see someone else find it amusing was really grinding her gears.
Nora waved off Winter's anger as she chuckled, "It's just… I never noticed how girly Ren looks." She said as she laughed to herself.
Ren looked to his childhood friend with eyes wide, "I don't look girly! I am a man dammit!" Ren yelled, ever since he was a child he had been seen as a feminine person, despite the fact that he did masculine things, like fighting for a living.
Yang then chuckled, seeing an opportunity to tease, "I don't know about that Ren, your hair and facial structure sure does make you seem girly. And your symbol doesn't help it." She said teasingly
"What's wrong with my symbol? It's perfectly masculine." Ren said in his defense, a lily pad is a perfectly masculine thing.
To that, Yang deadpanned, "Dude, it's a flower." She said calmly.
For a moment, there was silence. Ren was not having a good time right now, that was safe to say. However, Pyrrha was having an even worse time, hearing that her leader was in love with the only other male on their team!
Pyrrha glared at Ren, "Ren, I want you to know something." Pyrrha said quietly.
He quirked his brow slightly, "Okay, what is it?" He asked.
"When we get back to Beacon, you are going to be more masculine or so help me God I will personally tear out your hair." Pyrrha said, her voice sounding surprisingly calm, but the message she gave off was anything but calm.
The scene quickly transitioned to a forest with the sun setting, Jaune was running for dear life as Pyrrha chased him down.
"COME ON PYRRHA, CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS!? FOR THE LOVE OF-AAAAAAAAAAH!" As a result for trying to calm down Pyrrha, he lost his right leg.
All of the students cringed at the sight of their friend losing their leg, and Pyrrha was on the verge of collapse.
"I-I would never do that, even if Jaune had fallen in love with Ren." She muttered to herself as she brought her knees up to her chest.
Qrow simply brought his flask up to his lips, and took a quick swig, "Damn, that is fucked."
Ruby wanted to crack out the swear jar, but even she knew now wasn't a good time.
"You know, Jaune Darling, I would have been moderately fine if it was any other woman. Weiss, Ruby, Yang. But Ren. I didn't think you had those sort of… desires." Pyrrha said as she threw the knife she used to cut Jaune's right leg off.
"BUT YOU SAID I COULD LOVE ANYONE I WANTED- AAAAAAAH!" Jaune let another blood curdling scream as Pyrrha proceeded to cut of his other leg with her morning star.
"I was under the impression it was another woman, not someone dressed like one." Jaune's blood was all over Pyrrha's face and hair, not that she cared anyway, but it did help her look terrifying, Jaune let out a nervous chuckle as he started talking again.
"Hey now, the hole's the goal, you shouldn't judge people because they're going after a hole that isn't yours, or even the same gender as yours." Taiyang said calmly.
To that, Qrow, along with Ozpin, Glynda and Raven had deadpan expressions on their faces. "Only you would talk about the hole being the goal." Raven said in disgust.
Taiyang quirked a brow in confusion, "Wait what, why are you so mad at me all of a sudden?" He asked heatedly.
Raven simply clicked her teeth, "The only person that you haven't fucked that were on team STRQ, and you talking about the hole being the goal does not make you sound in a positive light." Raven stated.
"I try to look past what's between the legs, it's the inside that counts, am I r-AAAAHHHHHH!' Pyrrha once again attacked the blonde with her morning star as she began screaming at him.
"Alright, now people can like what they want to like, but me? I'm a straight male, thank you very much." Taiyang stated, to which Qrow wiped an imaginary droplet of sweat off of his forehead.
"HE HAS A DICK, JAUNE! I WILL NOT LET MY LOVE BE BEATEN JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO FULFILL YOUR SICK FANTASIES!" Pyrrha screamed at the Arc who was in tears.
"BUT CAT BOYS, PYRRHA! CAT BOOOOOYS!" He cried out.
"Wait a second, Cat boys?" Blake asked calmly, did Jaune have a thing for Cat faunus? Or faunus in general?
Hearing Blake's question, Ren sighed, "Yes Blake, Cat boys." Ren said, slowly losing his faith in all intelligent life.
Nora nudged him with her elbow, "You wanna t-" she was quickly interrupted by Ren raising his hand.
"No Nora, I don't want to talk about how my only male friend wants my alternate self who just so happens to be a cat faunus." Ren said, with heavy emphasis on his issues on the current topic.
To that, Nora shrugged, "Alright Renny, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine." She said calmly, it was almost as if she was acting out of character to keep Ren from losing his sanity. No, that doesn't seem possible.
"But it does not matter, If you want to have your pleasure in… that way, I can help you in that department instead." She raised her weapon as she stared Jaune straight in the eye.
"Bend over." she ordered, and with those words uttered the screen went black as to not show the cruel fate of Jaune Arc.
Everyone in the room either blushed from the thought, or had blood drain from their skin in horror as for what they heard, and Pyrrha's? She felt awful as a human being.
Qrow raised his flask to his lips, only to have it swiped from his hand by Glynda. She took a deep swig from it and handed it back to him. "I'm sorry, but just can't watch this without something to numb it." She said.
Then a strange field began to form around the flask, and flew directly towards Pyrrha's hand. She raised the flask to her lips and began to chug, the only thing in her mind was the wish to forget what she saw.
Qrow just let out a sigh, "I'm not getting that back, am I?" He thought to himself, but he already knew the answer.
"Pyrrha- Pyrrha? Nononono- What are you doing? No! Not there not there not there- I don't- WHYAREN'TYOUEVENLUBINGITUPOHMYGOD- AAAAAHHH!" A horrible squelching noise was heard, what happened to Jaune Arc would remain a mystery for the pure hearted ones and for those who understood, they would have to live with the mental curse...
There was an uneasy air in the room, no one knew what to say about what they just heard and saw. The headmaster amongst them was having a tough time himself, "I had prayed that I would have been able to make sure that none of you would go through something so terrible. I'm afraid that this is simply how awful the world can be." Ozpin had said as he sipped from his mug sadly.
Louise simply let out a sigh, "I'm sorry that you guys had to see your friend go through that, but once the universe starts, we have to go through it 'till the end." She said calmly.
Pyrrha's sat there as she looked at the dark screen, "I… I think I'm going to take a short nap." She said calmly.
Louise nodded her head, "C'mon, I'll show you to the guest room." She said as she got out of her chair and led Pyrrha out of the room.
Qrow eyes widened suddenly, "She's still got my flask!" He yelled as he quickly jumped out of his seat and made chase.
Ozpin simply let out a hollow chuckle as he saw his old friend chase after his flask, "I suppose we wait for them to return." He said as he sipped from his mug, alright, why does he sip from his mug whenever he talks? That's getting kind of annoying.
With that, both students and adults alike sat in silence, waiting for the Dimensional Guardian to return.
AN (DX) : And just like that we traumatized a red head and made everyone else hear what's essentially the reverse r word, next chapter will be a little bit of a special case since Syndrome is basically the one who is uh… I guess leading me for the next chapter, anyway all you have to know is that Syndrome is very acquainted with the series.
So uh, see you all next time!
Syn: They're moving into attack formation! Shields up!
