Chapter 3- What Can I Say?
She could hear the look on the other side of the door unlock before it was thrown open to reveal a confused but worried Quinn. Quinn pulled her nightgown around herself tighter, frowning as she took in Brittany's appearance.
"Britt?"
Brittany's resolve broke and she collapsed into sobs; Quinn catching her just in time.
Quinn moved Brittany inside the apartment and guided her over to the couch, hugging her tightly as she tried to comfort her.
"B…" Quinn tried to make eye contact. "Honey, what's wrong?" She paled, pausing. "He didn't find you, did he?"
Brittany shook her head and didn't miss that Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.
"Quinn?"
Quinn turned, her arms still wrapped tightly around Brittany. "Go back to bed, babe." She smiled at Rachel who was looking back at her concerned. "I've got it."
Rachel watched them for a few more moments before reluctantly going back to bed, justifying it to herself that she needed sleep for her show tomorrow.
"Brittany…" Quinn whispered, rubbing Brittany's back. "Sweetie, what happened?"
"She's back." Brittany sobbed, sniffling loudly as she looked up at Quinn. "Santana."
Quinn didn't get a chance to ask before Brittany dissolved into another round of sobs.
Santana knew she should probably be doing work, or at least something productive, but her mind remained clued on Brittany.
"Hello?"
"You have a lot of nerve."
Santana frowned, recognizing the voice but unable to place it. "Who is this?"
"Are you kidding me, Santana? You disappear from her life, all of our lives, then just walk back in like it's all okay!"
Santana paused, frowning again. "Quinn?"
"Of course it's Quinn!" The voice, Quinn, exclaimed. "You're lucky I'm just calling. Rachel convinced me not to come pounding on your door."
"How is the hobbit?" Santana smirked and retreated back to her defensive stance, but to be honest, it was just to hide her emotions.
"Don't you dare talk about my wife. You have no right." Quinn's voice was stern and Santana would be lying if she said it didn't scare her.
Santana sighed, already knowing the answer but needing to ask nonetheless. "Why are you calling me, Quinn?" She frowned. "How did you even get my number?"
"Don't play dumb, Santana. It doesn't suit you." She ignored the second question. "How dare you hurt Brittany like that?"
"Look, I don't know what she told you but she stormed off on me."
Quinn's temper rose again. "Strange, I seem to remember you were the one who left her first."
"What do you want, preggers?"
Santana could basically hear Quinn smirking. "Last I heard, that name goes for you too."
Santana paled. "What did she tell you?"
"That you have a kid." Quinn answered honestly. "And that you were living here in the city now. Nothing else."
"She had no right."
Quinn scoffed. "The hell she didn't! You owe me an explanation almost as much as you owe her one."
Santana didn't say anything leaving Quinn to sigh a few moments later and continue. "Look, Santana… obviously you have your reasons for leaving. I don't know what they are. Frankly, I don't care. I stopped caring when you made no effort to contact us over the last five years. But I do care about Brittany. She's been hurt too much already. I won't stand by and let it happen again."
"I don't want to hurt her again."
Santana's voice was almost a mumble, but Quinn heard it. "Then you have to earn it. You have to earn her trust back. And to start, you might want to try by giving her a real reason for why you left."
"What do I do?"
Quinn had never heard Santana sound so vulnerable, or so sincere. "You talk to her. You apologize. And you tell her why you left."
Santana sighed, rubbing her forehead. "She's never going to agree to meet me again, and it's not like I can do that at the school."
Quinn hesitated but eventually sighed. "Look, do you have a pen?" She asked before giving her Brittany's number. "She's going to kill me when she finds out I gave you her number. But I'm only doing it because once upon a time you used to have her best interests at heart."
"I still do."
"Well then prove it." Quinn didn't miss a beat. "But I swear to god, Santana, if you hurt her again…"
Quinn left the threat open but Santana knew she was serious. "I won't." She answered simply before hanging up the phone.
Santana leant back in her chair and pondered over the last few minutes. That was the least she had been expecting. It only took a few seconds, however, for her to grab her bag and leave her office.
"Mama!"
Charlotte exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of her chair and rushing over to the classroom door. Santana smiled widely, scooping the little girl up in her arms.
"Hey, babe."
Charlotte scrunched up her face in confusion, leaning back in Santana's arms. "Why are you here? Do I have to go home?"
Santana laughed gently at Charlotte's disappointment, shaking her head. "No, honey, you can go back and play." She looked up at Brittany, noticing the blonde was trying her best not to look at her. "I actually wanted to talk to Miss Pierce quickly."
"Okay!" Charlotte scrambled down from Santana's arms, rushing over to Brittany. "Miss Pierce, my mama wants to talk to you!"
Brittany smiled at Charlotte, nervously avoiding Santana's gaze. "Well thank you for telling me, Charlie."
Charlotte nodded, proud of herself and both Brittany and Santana watched as she ran back to join her table. Brittany gave instructions to the class before leading Santana out into the hallway, turning to face her defensively. "What are you doing here, Santana?"
Santana didn't miss the annoyance in her voice. "Look," She sighed. "What happened yesterday… That wasn't fair. I'm sorry."
Brittany looked up, slightly shocked at Santana's apology. It had not been what she was expecting.
"But you're right," Santana continued. "I do owe you an explanation."
"You do." Brittany nodded. "But I don't think now is an appropriate time."
Santana sighed, slightly annoyed. "Well when else am I supposed to talk to you? You don't take my calls, you're not listed."
"How did you get my number?" Brittany asked instantly, the color draining from her face.
Santana frowned, slightly confused. "I talked to Quinn. Got my ass handed to me doing it as well."
Brittany couldn't help but smile. "She's pretty protective of me."
"Damn right." Santana mumbled in agreement, catching Brittany's eyes and smiling slightly.
"Santana, I really have to go…" Brittany said, signaling back to the classroom.
Santana reached out instinctively and grasped Brittany's hand, taking note when the blonde flinched. "Can you please just give me a chance to explain?" Her voice was unusually vulnerable.
Brittany sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. "I'll give you an hour."
Santana smiled, pulling out a card from her bag and writing her address down on it. "Here's my address. Um… I should be home by four so whatever time works for you."
Brittany nodded, hesitating before taking the card and tapping it gently against her hand. "I've got to go."
Santana nodded reluctantly, watching as Brittany walked back towards the door. "Brittany!" Brittany turned around at her name. "Thank you."
Brittany nodded, slipping a small smile Santana's way before disappearing back in to the classroom.
Santana opted to take the rest of the day off from work, against her better judgment. A part of her was freaking out about Brittany coming over and it crossed her mind more than once that she maybe should have opted for a more neutral meeting place. Not to mention having a five-year old kind of made it hard to keep the house tidy.
She spent the majority of the day cleaning the house before heading off to the grocery store and stocking up on basically everything. It occurred to her halfway through shopping that half of the things in her cart were Brittany's favorites. At least, they used to be.
Charlotte, of course, was thrilled at the idea of her teacher coming over. She sat at the island in the kitchen, babbling on about the various things she had done in school for that day as Santana cooked, both waiting for Brittany anxiously.
Charlotte was first to the door when the doorbell rang. Santana, however, found herself stuck in the kitchen, trying to stop her heart from racing a mile a minute.
"Miss Pierce!"
Charlotte excitedly swung the door open and grinned widely. Brittany smiled back in response and swatted down so that she was level with the little girl.
"Hi, Charlie." She looked up at Santana smiling down at them. "You know, when were not in school, you can call me Brittany."
Charlotte's mouth gapped open and she nodded quickly before rushing over to Santana and tugging on her arm. Santana bent down, allowing Charlotte to whisper in her ear. "Like the princess!"
Santana smiled bitter-sweetly, nodding at Charlotte in response. Charlotte excitedly ran back and pulled Brittany properly in to the apartment. Brittany obediently followed her around as Charlotte gave her a tour, one that mainly consisted of the five-year old's bedroom and various toys.
"I'm glad you came."
Brittany looked up from her position on the floor with Charlotte to see Santana leaning against the doorframe.
Brittany smiled slightly in response, and nodded that she agreed.
Santana clapped her hands together, coming over to join Charlotte. "Okay, Charlie, go wash up. Dinner's ready."
Charlotte hopped up from the floor and grabbed Brittany's hand in one hand while holding Mr. Waffles' hand in the other. "Come on, Brittany! I'll show you were the restroom is!"
Brittany and Santana both laughed but Brittany followed nonetheless. When they emerged in the kitchen a few minutes later, Santana raised an amused eyebrow. "All clean?"
Charlotte nodded and excitedly hopped up to sit at the table. Santana smiled at how patient the girl was but spoke up nervously. "Actually, Charlie, I was thinking maybe you wanted to eat in the lounge room tonight while Brittany and I eat out here?"
Charlotte's eyes lit up and she nodded excitedly, turning to Brittany. "Momma never lets me eat in the lounge room!"
Brittany smirked. Santana had always had a problem with eating in places other than the kitchen or dining room. Even the time Brittany had made herself into a human sundae. Granted, Santana didn't argue very hard that time.
"Here, babe." Santana handed Charlotte her plate, making sure to load it up with salad to accompany her chicken nuggets. "Don't spill anything."
Charlotte smirked at the warning but nodded nonetheless before making her way into the lounge room.
"Do you want a drink?"
Brittany turned to Santana and nodded, taking a seat at the table. "Uh, yeah, a beer would be great."
"Since when do you drink beer?" Santana raised an eyebrow.
Brittany shrugged. "I've changed a lot over the last few years."
Santana nodded awkwardly, not sure what to say. Instead she wordlessly handed Brittany the beer before grabbing their plates and taking a seat.
"I didn't know what you ate but I figured chicken was pretty safe."
Brittany nodded, smiling politely. "It's great, thanks."
They ate in silence for a few moments before Brittany finally worked up the courage to ask. "So, did you want to talk now or after?"
"Now's fine." Santana replied awkwardly. It was so strange. When they were younger, conversation had flown so freely. It felt so natural. Now… it was just strange.
"So why did you leave me?" Brittany whispered after a few moments, her vulnerability clear.
Santana felt her heart breaking at the question and she couldn't stop herself from reaching over and gently touching Brittany's hand. "I want you to know something. I never left you. I just left."
Brittany pulled her hand away but didn't say anything, obviously still not believing her.
Santana sighed, looking in the direction of the lounge room. "Honestly? I left because of Charlie."
Brittany frowned, obviously confused. "But you didn't have her before you left."
"I left because I got pregnant." Santana clarified, biting her lip. "Do you remember when I told you how I felt about you?"
Brittany nodded, making eye contact with Santana. Santana broke it before continuing. "Well that night, Karofsky and I… Well, you know."
"Karofsky?" Santana asked, folding her arms across her chest. "What are you doing here?"
Karofsky shrugged. "I thought we had a date."
Santana raised an eyebrow before realizing what he was talking about. They had arranged that he would act as a beard for a family dinner with her parents.
"I meant to call you. They're working. So you can go."
Karofsky stopped Santana from closing the door in his face. "Have you been crying?"
Santana scoffed. "Wow. You sounded generally concerned then."
"Give me a break." Karofsky's response was instant. "I just thought we could grab a few beers and you can bitch to me about how much life sucks."
Santana thought for a second before turning around and letting him follow her inside. She grabbed two beers from the fridge before leading the way into the lounge room.
After a few sips and by the time she had almost peeled the label completely off, she mumbled. "I told Brittany I loved her. She told me she loved Artie." She said bitterly.
Karofsky raised an eyebrow, hesitating before speaking. "I think I have a thing for Kurt."
Santana would have usually smirked or laughed or replied with some bitchy comment. Instead, she just took a long sip of her beer. "Being gay sucks."
They sat in silence for a few moments before Santana moved to straddle Karofsky, catching him off guard. "What the hell are you doing?"
Santana answered him by kissing him forcefully. "Who says we have to be gay?"
They both knew they shouldn't be doing that. They both knew they were gay; that they had no feelings for the other. But a part of them wanted it to be true, so they forced it in hopes of believing it.
"…So when I found out I was pregnant, it kind of made a bad situation even worse. My parents kicked me out and Dave's parents said they weren't going to support us. I could just see my life going to same way as Quinn's did, and I couldn't handle that. I'm not as strong as she is."
Brittany looked at her with sympathy. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Santana shrugged, looking down and playing with her food. "I couldn't watch you be happy with Artie everyday, and I didn't even know if I wanted to keep the baby."
"Obviously you did." Brittany observed, smiling slightly.
"Greatest decision of my life." Santana nodded, smiling proudly. "And, you know, Dave's a great dad, Charlie's amazing, things turned out okay."
Brittany nodded, meeting Santana's eyes and smiling. She looked away before continuing. "Where did you go?"
"Here and there." Santana shrugged. "I moved in with my cousin in Jersey before she was born and she really helped out while I finished high school. I worked my butt off and ended up getting in to Columbia, and Karofsky got in to NYU so it worked out well. We got an apartment together because it was cheaper and easier with Charlie, and we traded off nights and days between looking after Charlie, school and work. It was hard but we managed."
"Wow." Brittany didn't know what else to say. She was genuinely impressed but she really couldn't expect any less when it came to Santana. "You're so strong, San."
Santana smiled at the old nickname, only then taking note that Brittany had taken a hold of her hand. "I should have told you."
"Well… yeah." Brittany smirked before answering honestly. "But I get why you didn't."
They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. After a while, Santana stood up and cleared the table. "It's late. I should get Charlie to bed."
Brittany nodded; bringing the glasses over and helping Santana load the dishwasher. "Do you want some help?"
"Sure." Santana answered surprised, smiling sincerely. "Thanks."
Brittany nodded before heading towards the lounge room. By the time Santana was done in the kitchen, Charlotte had brushed her teeth and washed up, gotten changed into her pajamas and was tucked in to bed as she listened to Brittany read her a story.
"Are you going to come over again?" Charlotte mumbled sleepily after Brittany had finished reading.
Brittany forced a smile. "I'm not sure, Charlie." She answered honestly. "But you'll still see me everyday at school."
Charlotte nodded. "As Miss Pierce." She confirmed.
Brittany nodded and smiled, gently brushing back a loose strand from Charlotte's face. "Good night, sweetheart."
Brittany moved back from the bed, hesitating in the doorway as she watched Santana take her vacant place. "I love you, baby."
Santana kissed Charlotte's forehead lovingly before making sure she was properly tucked in. Brittany couldn't help but smile at how loving she was.
They moved back out in to the kitchen, Brittany picking her bag up. "I should go."
Santana nodded, shoving her hands into her back pockets and shrugging. "I guess I'll see you around?"
"At school, yeah."
Santana bit her lip and scuffed her foot nervously. "How about after?"
"Look, Santana, you hurt me." Santana looked down. "And I don't know how long it's going to take for you to earn back that trust."
"Right…" Santana nodded awkwardly. Now more than ever she hated herself for hurting Brittany.
Brittany hesitated before continuing. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends again. Especially now that I know why you left."
Santana looked up in shock, her mouth gaping slightly. That was not what she had been expecting.
"So… friends?"
Santana smiled, shaking Brittany's hand.
"Friends."
