Merry Christmas! I'm in the editing mood tonight. I passed my classes and can finally enjoy the pleasure of Fanfiction-ing as a reward. This took a minute to come out, I know, I'm working on it. Meanwhile, read and enjoy!


(Yuri POV)

The words leave my throat raw as I cough out the last of my confession. Embarrassed, but too exhausted to care, I stare hard into his eyes, noting his neutral expression with growing anxiety. Tears still wet my cheeks, I refuse to look away.

It's now or never. He could confirm my fears, walk out of this room and be on the next flight out to Russia, all within the next hour. Alternatively, and definitely foolishly, the impossible could happen, a scenario in which Viktor could miraculously reciprocate such outlandish desires. A long lived fantasy rears its head, where this gorgeous man kisses me passionately (instead of in some sort of misguided comfort) escorts us into his bed for a blessed night's rest, his arms secured around me and Macchan curled at our feet.

Either way, I will finally have my final answer. A way to move on instead of stuck in this purgatory of endless wanting and self-doubt.

He opens his mouth to answer. My insides are rioting. I am either going to puke or cave in within a matter of seconds. His expression remains unreadable.

He closes his mouth.

Dread begins to creep in, the regret instantaneous.

I stammer "Vik-ktor, listen-"

He places his finger to my lips, shushing me, and leans his forehead against mine. We are breathing the same air. His scent fills my head, making me dizzy, a mix of mint shampoo and the frigid remains of the rink. Shutting his eyes in a flurry of silver eyelashes, he murmurs under his breath. Not whispering. Speaking in a personal kind of way, like the room is filled with conversation and he is only speaking directly to me.

I close my eyes, listening.

"I assumed you understood. That was my mistake and I apologize for not being totally transparent." I brace myself for the tidal wave of rejection when I feel his hand cupping my cheek. I flip my eyes open again to find a pair as blue as a clear summer day staring into mine.

"I am not the only one here guilty of being captivated by charm. Yuri, the way you move, on and off the ice, makes me want to follow you everywhere you go, like some lost puppy. When you cry, I fight the urge to lick your tears away and fold you into me, to keep you safe. You have stolen me, Yuri Katsuki, and you don't even know it. I love it. I love you."

My vision blurs and head swirls the walls at an odd angle, signaling a reaction I am sure I need to be hospitalized for. I am panting, my heart rushing faster than skating the end of a three movement piece on the ice. That can't be healthy. I am elated and disbelieving all at once, wanting to scream in victory from the rooftop while also questioning if there is an ulterior motive. I can't deserve this. If it sounds too go to be true…

As anxiety and excitement war inside, the heat of his palm on my cheek sparks a reckless fire in me that burns away everything else.

In this mystery bag of emotions spilling in every direction, pushing my lips to his is the only thing that makes sense to me in the moment.

Viktor kisses me back, blessedly.

This is heaven. My brain shuts down and all I do is feel. His hand glides from my cheek to comb through my hair, until he is gripping the back of my head. His lips are moving on mine, or is mine on his? This feeling... is incredible. Maybe it's the feeling being wanted? Being loved? It's new but also not, casual but earthshattering. I know him, Viktor. My Viktor. Not the one from the poster, with the beaming smile and ethereal eyes. No, this is the Viktor that laughs softly over a pork cutlet bowl and walks languidly home from the rink as we make comfortable conversation.

I have him. Not possessively, more like a gift that he himself gave to me personally.

There is this pressure building in my chest and greedily, I want more. More of him, on me, in me, around me. As if he can hear my thoughts, Viktor's tongue swipes the seam of my lips, in which I gasp in response, granting him entrance. Daringly, he explores, testing my reactions, which are all the same. Breathless and uncontrolled. He tastes like spearmint gum, my whole body tingling as a result.

The kiss is deep and hot and we both can't seem to get enough air. Instinctively, my arms have wrapped themselves around his shoulders, causing the ridges of his body to mold to my softer one.

Soft, round, overweight. That's all it takes for my mind to restart and clear away the fog.

Que meltdown.

Breaking the kiss, my brain turns itself inside out explaining all of my faults. Viktor is only being nice again. Maybe it's been too long since he has had someone to kiss, to touch him, and I am only a convenient fill in.

"Yuri?"

I don't deserve him.

"Yuuuuuuri?"

I will only always be nothing.

"Look at me."

I am no one.

"Yuri!" He is shaking me and shouting by the time I come out of my head. "Talk to me. Communicate. If not, I can think of much more productive things our mouths can do."

Heat flames, well, everywhere and I mumble, eyes cast down "Why me? You could do so much better. Someone not as soft, more successful and attractive…"

I don't have to look up to know he is rolling his eyes in frustration, which twists my heart further, another annoyance to add to the list.

"I told you already." Viktor leans closer until his lips are at my ear, his warm breath sensing shivers down my spine " I guess I will just have to explain it better through action."

His lips are back on mine, but it's different this time, his mouth more demanding. I want to push him away but it feels like he trying to tell me something, and I desperately pay attention.

Viktor's hands are everywhere at once, running through my hair, skimming down my back and squeezing my hips. Senses overloaded, I don't know if I should shrink back and conceal my insecurities or give into his persistence.

He is tugging on the sash of my robe. I have a decision to make, to allow this and come what may, or end it before I have a chance to regret it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm terrified, but overwhelmingly curious. All of this is unfamiliar territory, with obstacles I've built throughout the years and have never been willing to overcome. On the other hand, the freedom of letting go, not constantly overthinking and wondering, was a dizzying guilty pleasure that I've never dared to entertain. Until now.

I've always been envious of those who lacked impulse control.

The robe falls open and cool air hits my bare chest as I throw myself into this new challenge.


This chapter, I really wanted to accent Yuri's internal struggle with his anxiety and self-worth. It's important to his character, I feel. Anyway, sorry for the late release. School and all. hope y'all enjoyed and please review!

~Pepper