A/N: I am so, so, so, so, soooooo terribly sorry I haven't updated recently. I've been in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and I have been ripping my hair out because my last update was July 7th. I have been anxious to get home and update, and I just got home today. Thank you for your patience. :)

Chapter Three:

I grabbed the coat off of Erik and threw it on Stoick, then took off my own and gave it to Leonidas, then took his , folding it into a bundle.

"Hey!" all three shouted.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing." I looked around, then motioned for them all to follow me.

"Why is it so cold here?" Leonidas asked. "What are those towers and walls? What is this place?"

"New York City. It's colder here than it is in Greece because we're farther north. And those 'towers' are skyscrapers. Buildings that people live and work in. Now come on. I need to take you guys back to my place and make you look normal."

"I already look normal," Erik scoffed. "I wore the trousers you gave me."

I stopped them as people went by. "Erik," I hissed, "hide Leonidas so people don't see his butt."

"Why me?" Erik whined.

"Because you look normal. Do it."

It was a long, agonizing ten minutes before we finally made it to my home. I shooed them all inside before locking the door and closing all the curtains.

"Okay," I said, leading Leonidas and Stoick to my room. "Leonidas, put these jeans on and this shirt." I tossed him a pair of faded jeans with holes cut in the knees and a black band T-shirt.

"How do you put these on?" he asked, holding out the jeans.

I groaned. No way was I helping him into a pair of pants. No way, no how.

You said the same thing about being a fanboy and finding Emmy, a little voice in the back of my head whispered. I mentally whacked it with Stoick's club.

That was a completely different story.

I sighed. "You undo the button here, then unzip them, then pull them on. Make sure the button and zipper are in front. Then redo the button and zipper. Ta-da."

He still had trouble, and I groaned. I give up, I thought.

"Here," I knelt in front of him, blushing deep cherry-red as I did so, then helped him pull up the jeans. This was incredibly embarrassing.

I finally stood, and Stoick looked uncomfortable. I groaned.

"What, do you need help pulling on pants, too?" I growled. "Because once is enough for me!"

Erik snickered from the doorway. "You look pissed," he remarked.

"Oh, don't you even start!" I wagged a finger at him accusingly, raising my eyebrows in that fashion that used to intimidate him. Not anymore.

He flopped onto my bed without reserve, picking up a TV remote and switching the screen on.

Leonidas and Stoick were instantly fascinated by it. "What is this device?" the Spartan king asked, walking over to it.

"It's called a television," Erik explained before I could open my mouth. "Using it, people in this world can watch movies and TV shows that involve us and other characters. It sends little pictures of us from our different worlds and projects them on the screen. Look." He paused, pressing a button. The TV guide came up, and he searched for a bit until he found a channel showing 300. "Recognize anybody?"

Leonidas was kneeling before Xerxes in the movie, and he shouted to one of his soldiers. Stelios leapt over Leonidas, plunging his blade deep into a Persian.

"What madness is this?" Stoick said, pointing.

"What in the name of the gods . . ." Leonidas whispered, touching the TV screen with his fingertips. "What sorcery or magic created this instrument?" He whirled, meeting my gaze.

I shrugged. "He seems to know more about it than I do." I pointed to Erik as I spoke. "Surprising, since I'm the one who actually lives here." I glared pointedly at him. "How do you know so much about this kind of thing? When you came here last time, you thought people were trapped inside the box!"

Erik laughed. "I've been here many times since our last adventure. Remember the photograph? That was the tenth time I'd journeyed here. I brought Christine as well, countless other times, for what you here call a 'date'."

My brows furrowed together. "You mean you came here and didn't even bother to drop by? Not even for a fucking 'hello'?" I took the remote out of his hand, clicking the TV off. "You say that when you brought me the photo of you and your family, that was the tenth time you had come here, and you didn't even bother to let me know that you still existed? That you were happy and married to Christine? You didn't come by to make sure I, myself, was still doing okay?"

He looked hurt, sitting up. "I didn't think . . ."

"What didn't you think, Erik?" I tossed the remote into the corner in a fit of rage. "You didn't think I'd care?"

He looked away in shame.

I laughed with anger, not humor. It was dark and soulless, not something I'd ever done before. "You thought I wouldn't give a damn about the person I thought of as my best friend? About the two I considered family?" I snorted, dropping my hands to my sides. "No, Erik. You didn't think."

"I'm sorry." He apologized, and I shook my head.

"Damn it, Erik, sorry isn't enough!" I strode over to him, pulling him into a tight hug, tears spilling from my eyes. "I missed you, you arrogant son of a bitch," I hissed, my arms around his shoulders. "I've been going to Time Square for a year now, every day, waiting for you to come back, and when you do, you don't bother to come visit me? That's cruel."

By this point, we had completely forgotten Stoick and Leonidas existed in our world. We were too busy acting like long-lost brothers (which we sort of were) and making up to remember they were there.

"I'm sorry, Gerry," Erik sobbed. "I missed you so much. I couldn't bear it. I thought you had forgotten the whole ordeal, thought you had written it off as a dream. I thought you had forgotten me."

I pulled away to look into his eyes. "Erik, you son of a bitch, if you say one more time that there is even a possibility of me forgetting about you, I will strangle you with your own Punjab lasso and hang you from the Empire State Building."

He laughed, and it wasn't long before I was laughing with him.

"Yes, this is all very touching and everything, but aren't we forgetting something very important?" Stoick asked, jolting us back into reality.

My eyes widened. "Shit!" I hissed. "Emmy. Dracula still has her."

"Yes, what are we going to do about this Dracula fiend?" Stoick asked. "I'm ready to hit 'him with me club!"

I smiled sympathetically. "Stoick, dear, a club doesn't do much against an indestructible vampire."

An idea came to me, and I felt giddy all of a sudden. "Oh, man!" I hissed, my hands shaking with excitement. "I have to find Jason Scott Lee!"

A/N: Who is Jason Scott Lee, you might ask, if you haven't heard of him (though you probably have if you're a Bruce Lee fan)? Well, see he played Father Ufizzi, a vampire hunter for the Vatican, in the sequel to Dracula 2000. Unfortunately, Dracula: Ascension didn't have His Sexiness—instead, Dracula's legend was altered so that he changed his appearance every time he 'regenerated.' Basically, just a convenient excuse for when you can't get the same actor, non? But anyways, Ufizzi was absolutely boss. Unstoppable. RAWR. :3